BenTheSquid
90860
4081
148
Mar 13, 2016 9:18 AM
BenTheSquid
90860
4081
148
agoodnameforimgur
Am I the only one who gets unconditionally angry about the Stephen King one? It is clearly faked.
DidYouRemembertheCafPow
Kaynewesticle... Favorite part of this.
TroZDoz
I'm austrian and I live near Fucking
PreciousPotato
That post about our attitude towards the Sun sounds like an accurate definition of Stockholm Syndrome...
WhyWasentThisTakenYet
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Midniteoyl
I'd've...
Bopamo
TINY SKY BIRD
pineapplepuppy
Tiny sky *chicken. Easy mistake considering the journey from early middle of this post to now. Lol
TotallyOriginalName
That person has absolutely no idea what "Cyberpunk" is.
BlunderbussVigilante
Fucking has its own beer brand, a pale lager called "Fucking hell".
mecobayo
#teamzombie
supercalifragilisticexpialidociousevenjustthesoundofit
http://youtu.be/elpAKTauZUw <--- cats morphing into croissants
ZombiesTaste
you are the real hero here
Iamthedanis
The Barney Song we used to sing as kids was a little more aggressive than that one.
Misora
I hate you.You hate me.Let's hang Barney from a tree! With a knife in his back and a bullet in his head. Aren't you glad that Barney's dead?
onlyonecookie
ok so...
using your tongue to push food down your throat? have I been eating wrong all this time?
thatonehandedguy
When you swallow, in the back of your throat, your tongue pushes food down. Feel it moving back? That pushes food down your throat.
DominicHayden
When your scrolling through a long list of posts and your phone rotates so you have start from the very top!!!
ConnieGobern63
the one about the giant death orb in the sky, without it we wouldn't exist. it gives us everything we need. there is nothing wrong with us.
BrosephOllie
I can't think of a witty comment and that's frustrating because I'm pretty sure this will get to the front page.
tst5000
kill the people on the iphone post
imwithcayde6andproud
I hate you, you hate me Lets go now and kill Barney, with an RPG and an AR-15, No more purple dinosaur.
imwithcayde6andproud
My version on the song.
Hiddenone
Want more...got to have more of these
lokishadowgirl
Hexofin
I lost it at the heavy metal comment.
LeAwesomo
That "clay" is magic sand and it is magical. It does not deserve disses.
TheGayPenguin
Kinetic sand
Paradysis
Whenever I have company over, I bring them my sand and I brandish a knife all over, excitedly asking them to stab/slice it.
Carpedicks
is.... is no one going to talk about the porn actor funeral one?
JuneOokami
I really wanted to find the OP for that, but I can't. They must have even better stories to tell.
Carpedicks
looks like they've made their blog private. that's disappointing.
Carpedicks
Also, because I care, this dude has some of the best stories about his old roommates. http://skittle-skattle.tumblr.com/tagged/Gutterati
JuneOokami
Thanks, I'm always up for more excuses not to do the college shit I have to do.
Ketheres
For $50k I'd fuck a blender. Kissing a guy for that much? I'll fuck him as extra in hopes of getting a regular customer.
goingcrazy
No one ever says the blender had to be on.
Ketheres
$50k extra and I'll check if my dick blends or not.
AverageSexGod
I feel like tumblr doesn't even know that's Steven Seagal.
mitsteig
Shh
ihavecurlyhaironmyhead
I thought that was him! Why was he with Putin?
Plsdontlook
He's Putin's "cool friend".
Leelaaaaaaa
They are friends
AverageSexGod
I don't know, he's been hanging out in Russia a lot in the last years. He's always been a weird dude.
watskeburt
Fun fact, Putin has proposed seagal to be a honorary consul between Russia and the us.
AverageSexGod
Trump/Seagal 2016
Sb070305
I always remember kids singing "I hate you, you hate me, let's get together and kill barney with a great big knife and a gun to his head 1/2
chaostheory10
I hate you, you hate me. Let's hang Barney from a tree, with a great big 4x4 through is purple head. Oopsie daisy, Barney's dead.
rottenmilkshakesbringzombieboystotheyard
Ours went "I hate you, you hate me, let's team up and kill Barney, put a gun to his head, 1-2-3 he's dead, first he's purple then he's red"
Sb070305
Boom slash boom slash, Barney's dead! " 2/2
Kaysmira
"I hate you, you hate me, Let's get together and kill Barney! With a loaded .44 we hid behind the door, that's howyoukill a purple dinosaur"
Pixlization
I hate you you hate me let's go out and kill Barney with a knife up his butt and a stick through his head aren't we glad that Barney's dead
TheDespot
I always sung it like this : I hate you, you hate me, Lets chase barney up a tree. i get the matches you get the gas. Lets burn barney's 1/2
TheDespot
Little ***... I never rhymed... Everyone said it that way though
TheSpaceBagel
A b c d e f g, Barney is my enemy. Put a shotgun to his head, pull the trigger now he's dead. A b c d e f g, Barney's dead b/c of me.
MyMiddleNameIsLiterallyJoy
I'm very concerned that there are at least four versions of this demented song, because I know the one I always heard involved a toilet
TheGayPenguin
For me that was "Joy to the world, Barney's dead. We Barbecued his head. Don't worry about the body; we flushed it down the potty."
SovereignPhantasmia
Go on plebeian
shakinbones
Cabbage, that bra was cabbage. Had to wait for half an hour to finish and say that.
Sephority
Thank you.
shakinbones
Np 8)
splendor2134
Cabbage-kun
serenityaerin
It's really hard to say "Cabbage fuck" with any sort of sincerity or seduction in your voice.
shakinbones
https://m.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1r8w1l/fuck_you_cabbage/
BlueEyedDominus
I'm not sure I even remembered that was in this post until I read your comment.
shakinbones
I almost forgot what I was gonna say.
Therearetoomanyusernames
THANK YOU! The veins are too big for lettuce. Weird thing is, I actually had to put cabbage IN my bra before. This would have been cool!
collinhead
I've never had to put cabbage in my bra before, being a man, but I've heard women do it do be done breastfeeding. Yeah?
Therearetoomanyusernames
Yup! I was weaning and wanted to reduce milk production. Works amazingly. So does mint tea.
ASmellofWineandCheapPerfume
Witchcraft works too. Just pump a bottle full, and burn it.. worked for my mamaw and my mom. I'm sure it was on a full moon, probably.
ASmellofWineandCheapPerfume
I was wrong - the father of the child is the one to burn / dry up the milk.. in a fire already smouldering. This is why I don't have kids.
gawdeenie
Do they? I know mint dries up milk supply but did not know cabbage
Therearetoomanyusernames
I used both at once. Dried up in 3 days.
Jrasche
But.. but that's 19 trillion people, not billion..
crashmcleroy
Thank you! That was pissing me off
sirl0in
Hello friend if you would take your ignorance down a notch and google billion you would see that it can mean two things.
butterboobs
specifically it's referencing trillion dont be a dick
liliputian7
not in the context of the original image
aspiringgoodenoughist
TIL something new! But not giving credit to the jerk who put you down in order to tell us about it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billion
aspiringgoodenoughist
I've spoken English all my life and did very well in school growing up. Never did I once learn that "billion" has two meanings.
aspiringgoodenoughist
(But also, you're not wrong, it is still 19 trillion, it's just ALSO 19 billion. ...somehow)
Jrasche
Haha thanks, I never knew it could mean two things. Seems confusing to me but oh well!
liliputian7
yeah but there aren't 7,000,000,000,000 people on the planet so clearly he meant the first definition
aspiringgoodenoughist
I agree :) just sharing some new information in general
LoveMeAJuicyCupcake
So was the dad under the bed the whole time?
manwhoclaimstobedoctorbutisnt
I feel like this is the most important question. Because everything is wrong about that post. If he was, wtf? If he wasn't then when?
manwhoclaimstobedoctorbutisnt
This is obviously assuming the story actually happened, which it didn't. But if..
ladylexington
Creepy. And is that a thing now? Sleeping over at your bf/gf's while still living with parents??
itsnotuitsme
Exactly. My daughter is in college and when she comes home her bf doesn't sleep over.
Misora
My friends gf used to stay at his dad's house when visiting. While he stayed in his apartment. Catholics.
TPmyD
Smelborp for president.
TheWayADrillWorks
Hey, he's probably better than the people running now.
diepvries
TIL Trump = problems = Smelborp
IndigoWendigo
So Smelborp il literally the Anti-Trump? LET'S VOTE HIM IMMEDIATELY!
SoreScratchboard
I died laughing. Smelborp for president!