zee44
123697
2500
137
y tho
Voidjumper
I love the pun in the last one.
pprmach3t3
Started off funny, ended up reading like /r/theredpill
jamberry
#1 can't you just slide it to the side.....?
EricMatthews
Girlfriend told me she once saw a guy clipping his toenails on the subway
REDS1X
the laptop in theater would not be tolerated.
MyDogJake
You thought I could spell? SIKE!
boobcat
Is anyone that stupid they can't see the thinking behind the female taxi company?
FishstickPizza
That isn't the point. They reported the female taxi one in a more positive light. The barber shop had negative remarks about it.
TheHaloFollower
Okay fuck the fake excuse to get out of ticketbullshit. I ran a red light? Seriously? Fuck you.
ISayFuckAllTheTime
SIKE
MozzStk1993baybE
Accurate title. It's instinct to preserve yourself first. So you are always right, and they are always wrong becuz society is the new jungle
Gamemaster64
#7 Jokes on you, I'm not a fan of chocolate anyway.
IPutAHexOnYou4c6f7665206d65
yeah i was thinking that, they'd be doin' me a favour
duc959
As someone who loves vanilla ice cream and hates chocolate.. I see no problem with #7 lol
Tokzki
#10. Tried that shit, it never work for me. ~ Jonathan
Bystandr
I saw someone snatch someones smart phone and huck it down to the concrete in front of the screen from 2/3 of the way to the top. Glorious.
DuckPlanetKing
The soldiers on the last one look like they are actually asking for the D...
JagerSergal
That laptop one pisses me off.
apwillenme
This was least offensive to me, based on the lighting and the fact that both people behind her have their phones out, this was before movie
apwillenme
started. A little weird but not dickish.
JagerSergal
True, and if I really look into it, this could be waiting on the previews etc. as long as he puts it away for the movie I'm fine.
WinchesterTavern
WallysMommy
Same! And also having to share my popcorn....
DynamicSporadic
I used to take my laptop into the cinema, but I also sat on the back row in the corner with the screen on dim so I wouldn't disturb others.
JagerSergal
I've seen this as well, the person had a blanket over their head and screen.
Lucywants
So, what is the point of going to the movies then?
JagerSergal
To them? Have no clue.
LawFiveGuy
#2 sit on her toes. #10 shame on the cops. #11 still in previews? popcorn is barely touched, not the biggest deal. #12 pull in front of her
Ryukaa
#2 is way simpler to solve. Her knees give a wonderful point to grand and pull, Rotational force and gravity will do the rest. YAY Physics!
ImgurAddict1
No matter what I'd still give a ticket to them unless they were going into labour. #10
shelbalitus
The barber shop vs ride sharing for women is a little different- There’s a crazy amount of rape cases with Uber and Lyft
Danblor56
In occasions where people are being dicks, I deploy the tactical "crop dust". For Justice.
ghennypenny
Are we not going to salute the men in uniform for one of the finer pieces of military art? ;-)
XZorbys
Fucking mortars
stresstwig
i'm pretty sure i live 15mins from that gas station....
battlepants
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gizwng_O9fE
GiLIswhatIspend
New amazon purchase, zipties
aselleus
If you buy chloroform and trash bags at the same time they'll put you on a special list!
sveltechristmasman
That doesn't seem like it'd really prevent the paper from being used.
Andreanne
Exactly. It's just super annoying because you have to make something out of the halves.
PileOfWalthers
Especially since I always carry a Leatherman Blast with a tiny pair of scissors, aka ziptie clippers.
ShakeyGraves
That's why I piss directly on the roll and shit on the toilet seat
iHaveATheoreticalDegreeinPhysics
Talmorean
Rig zip-tie to a circuit, and when cut an incendiary phosphorous device burns up the TP.
PileOfWalthers
Seems a bit excessive?
Talmorean
A win's a win.
mizmoose
#9 When guys need male-only spaces to help prevent them from being assaulted, I can agree to them.
thelaaaaaw
I guess they could offer women a decent shave.
jucyblucy
I can't believe you're being downvoted for that. The two aren't even comparable.
mizmoose
But, but, MEN! MEN MIGHT BE RAPED IN CABS! OR in barber shops! MEN!! (also, that they think I'm a man... FFS...)
apwillenme
Men are far more likely to be assaulted....
peachesforme
by other men. you would think they would want more women around
apwillenme
Also no one gives a high handed fuck if you agree to them, emperor dickface.
mizmoose
Yeah, the incidents of men being sexually assaulted in taxi cabs is FAR more common.
apwillenme
Yeah, that was my point. Hey this sarcasm thing is fun.
mizmoose
Not as much fun as ice skating with razor blades. Wait. What?
ThoughtfulSatan
Too be fair all Marines are dicks in one way or another.
Ozymandias73
Pho Sho.
DrunkAnna
Many of these can be solved with a pocket knife.
DanGessnercomedy
Ninjainslippers
Which is why I always carry one on me.
thesplashingblumpkins
pfffft. Why use a pocket knife when you have
KristinaProbably
For kids!
SugarSmack
*All of these can be solved with a pocket knife. (Although some require a home address.)
shankycat
You know who I hate? I hate people who write "SIKE" instead of "PSYCH".
KeyLimeAnxiety
Sike is the accepted slang in this situation though.
shankycat
I understand that it's accepted slang, but I wouldn't go as far as saying it's "the" accepted slang. It's like a fill-in for illiterates.
Thesacrificialpancake
Then the troll would have hit you twice as hard dublasike!
MyDogJake
Illiterate people. You hate Illiterate people.
sunyudai
Oops, intended to link :http://www.dictionary.com/browse/sike
shankycat
"Haha SIKE you thought you found a twenty but instead you have fallen into the small stream of bamboozlement"
Ninjainslippers
#1 is exactly why I always carry a sharp pocket knife. So I can find the person who did that and stab them.
PointsWhore
Office should remake that one episode after showing this to Dwight !!!
tarWHOdis
I like where you went with that.
MayorMcWeed
I was thinking the same thing
blitherypoop
It's toilet paper, one of the easiest things in the world to tear. Work around it.
SmokeTiresNotDrugs
on some zip ties you can actually use the tip of your knife to get under the locking tab in the head of the tie and reuse it without cutting
Ninjainslippers
Yeah that's how my comment started but then I decided to go from practical to outlandish.
SmokeTiresNotDrugs
jokes on you, i'm outlandishly practical.
Sockdotgif
Just slide it off the side...
swatz
Right, but the knife was for stabbing.
amyhadalittlepond
...and act uncouth.
Sereh
He doesn't want a solution, he wants to stab. It is why he carries the knife.
Kmillar99
Even the laptop one...
mustang2733
I carry two!
jridley
Tools are what separates humans from animals. And that pretty much sums up what I think of people who don't carry at least rudimentary tools
nemobla
If i saw anyone lying down like at #2, i would roll them down on the floor, sit down and use the person as a leg rest. Fuck that cunt.
Glumerlink
must not be NYC since anyone doing that would just be sat on
Earlkay
Its London, they would be pushed off the seats if it was busy, which makes me think no one on the train was bothered.
IComeWithWifi
Wasn't she pregnant so people just let her?
Earlkay
Probably
clutch2999
If I pulled out the ripped $20, I'd be more upset that they misspelled "psych" with "sike"
Mexrose75
Nope. Spelled right. Used very often that way in the 80s.
lovemesumfemdom
Oh I thought it was some weird way to say "sick" and didn't get the joke
Cheomesh
I've done that prank with a 10 before. Also, it's "sike".Anyone who sells it psych is a bogan.
ireallycantthinkofanythingoriginal
They may have been referring to a small stream or rill, typically one that flows through marshy ground and is often dry in summer.
EternalSunshineofthePotlessMind
Thank you. That's exactly what I said
needpersonalspace
/a/uCwvO
wicodly
That's how you spell sike, in that context
gauntletw
i didn't realize being a moron was a context
sunyudai
Do stop downvoting this guy, he is correct: https://www.google.com/search?q=sike&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
sunyudai
Oops, intended to link :http://www.dictionary.com/browse/sike
blitherypoop
You intended to link a page that says it's a small stream?
sunyudai
No, was going too fast and grabbed the wrong tab. Triple fail on my part. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sike
blitherypoop
No, no it isn't. You're psyching someone out, so it's "psych".
corybingo
it's slang, they're interchangeable.
confinedinyourmind
Though he was gonna get up votes, SIKE!!
blitherypoop
You thought I was a guy. PSYCH!!
confinedinyourmind
No, no one was confusing you for a guy. We all just assumed you are a fag.
virus64
No, no it is not. It is a bastardization of the word psych, made up by people who don't know how to spell.
blitherypoop
We're getting downvoted, but the link that "proves us wrong" says almost exactly that.
Muttons1337
It's mind boggling how powerful the bandwagon is. The proof that guy linked was a q&a website like Yahoo answers and urban dictionary.
Muttons1337
And then the actual dictionary link proved him otherwise! Like wtf
CrownMyFries
Its like the English language can change and adapt over time
MicrowaveSafe
Wait what?! We aren't using the same language as the first single felled organisms? Huh, learn something new every day.
sunyudai
It's the accepted spelling for that slang, see: https://www.google.com/search?q=sike&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
UnpopularOpinionPuffinPersonified
That doesn't say it's accepted, but that it came to be written that way as a misspelling.
sunyudai
Oops, intended to link :http://www.dictionary.com/browse/sike
blitherypoop
Did you read that page? It's a small stream.
sunyudai
What I get for going too fast, grabbed url form the wrong tab. Triple fail on my part. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sike