InAMellowTone
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BeeziBee90
@ElephantDildo
Positivefeedback
Lol 12s name cre master. Cremaster is the muscle that draws your balls up when it's cold.
MagmaShake
WHY WITH THE PILLOWS... WHY???
cargo305
I say let the gays get married. Why should they be happy?
jhennauchan
omg literally actually every single one is my and my husband help I'm surrounded by L O V E
jhennauchan
SO MUCH LOVE I CAN'T EVEN TYPE
OnlyTheLonelyImgurians
#8 - I have that. I LOVE pickles, but he doesn't. I gets all the pickles. Also, I hate onions and he loves them. But we both hate mushrooms.
DavidBowiesBulgeInLabyrinth
Nothing makes me happier than when the man falls asleep on the couch and me and the kittehs get the bed to ourselves. Sooooo much roooom.
yyrutrippinn
Omg ur username !! I used to wake him up to come to bed, but not anymore hehe all my pillows and bed
DavidBowiesBulgeInLabyrinth
Same :) now I sneak away from the couch lol. And glad you got a chuckle out of my username.
yyrutrippinn
I have gotten more than a chuckle over the years muahaha
MissAamie
More of these please!
squirrelfartsy
#1 separate bedrooms are AWESOME
babydinosaur314
#9, my bf and I assembled 8 IKEA armoires. My bfs mom was like “you are meant for each other, my ex and I couldn’t even go to the store”.
DonRudolf
#3 always, i am an omnivore and like everything so why not make the wife happy
worldsokayestspeler
In reference to #16, why do women need 4 billion pillows on the bed? Ive only ever needed one.
CenturianImgurian
The world may never know.
ValleytotheSea
Life goal: Implement decorative pillow investigation. Phase 1: Get off imgur and find a date.
WhatShouldIUseForMyUsername
I have a strange mix of "being incredibly lonely" and "never wanting to be in a relationship". Odd mixture, can't recommend, 1/10 at best
skittlefartsandjigglytits
Finally someone that can describe my life!!
TeamRocketHR
It sounds like you either distrust other people or don't value yourself. Change is possible if you want it.
CenturianImgurian
Same here. Platonic cuddling is nice, though.
BatmanRidingANarwhal
#2 every single morning
DadJokesaretheBest
Me too. But, I also spend the entire morning being extra nice to my dog to prepare him for my eventual departure.
ConvokeMyropolist
all the time, my wife gives me all the cheese from her sandwich. i eat the cheese. now i'm obese.
dekket
#16 fuck you, ex wife.
theSungamer
Thought it said "furry marrige tweets" at first
InAMellowTone
pachyderm
#10 is real
AwkwardKeming
#3 Pro tip: if you're ordering for both, get two different things that you'd be okay eating. Then trade, but act like it's a sacrifice.
Totallyscrewedinaustin
#9 my husband just lets me do it
SilverNoseHair
she has iphones, i have androids... problem solved
MouseTheFooDog
My gf insists on starting without directions, then makes me take over and gets mad as I go
AestheraValkyrie
My husband just does it for me and I tell him where its supposed to go
InAMellowTone
The real test is painting a room together
hks003
I'm with putting stuff together. Hold this while I put the screw in. What the heck, why'd you drop it? I got a text! Drives me crazy...
Totallyscrewedinaustin
Never done that. Still in the renting stage. Only been 13 years....
InAMellowTone
It's okay! My parents didn't buy a house until last year and they've been married for 26 years!
hismotherwasamudder
Renovations in general.....from layout, to color and floor choices...... yeah that 6 month basement Reno was fuuuuunnnnnnn
mrCheese7
I've once been in the dog house for 2 days because of No.10
nowtherearetwo
#10
nowtherearetwo
I just wanted to be able to click on it so I didn’t have to scroll to get the reference.
mrCheese7
Cheers I always forget how to do that
hismotherwasamudder
I once woke up so mad I couldn't look at him or I would've thrown something at his face..I was pregnant though, so hormones made it bad
GraveSituationNation
Some of those cut too close to home. Good post.
StandAgainstTyranny
Yup, #5 for us. Not technically married yet but been together 5->6 years, engaged for 2->3. Been through hell, going thru hell currently.
GraveSituationNation
Sorry to hear that. If she's the one keep fighting for her.
probationaryperiod
I'm literally just lying down alone in bed, all excited to have it to myself so I can enjoy cuddling with my dog sans husband who 1
probationaryperiod
Fell asleep on the couch. Just now. Thrilled.
mrCheese7
Like no.9.... Fml
GraveSituationNation
Ikea furniture...try building a house. Almost cost me my marriage. I'm still on the fence 4 years after moving in.
DoctorWh0m
You probably should have finished the house before the fence
GraveSituationNation
Should have done a lot of things...little never built the house and just bought one
Jocke
Why tho? Why are people having such a damn hard time with Ikea furniture? It's simple!
mrCheese7
It's simple if left to build it on my own
tooomanystevesgotbanned
Love it! I'm going to send some of these to my mum.
CallMeRobt
The decorative pillow thing honestly started to piss me off...and I’ve been divorced for over 6 years. #triggered
SurrealGorilla
Lucky!
limenode
I love ‘em, but maybe my couch is just shit and the pillows help mitigate the pain / discomfort?
TheDukeofCinnamonBuns
Then they are functional pillows, not decorative.
limenode
Can't be both, huh?
Systeria
Owning a few is necessary evil. Usually for hugging/propping arms/snuggling and as a plate holder when sitting cross legged and netflixing!
Motormand
I never got the point. *But they look nice* Yeah, until I them on the floor because - like Sheldon would say - they're in my spot.
CaffeineManic
Every time I sit on the couch, I move (toss) 12 pillows into the corner where wife sits. Somehow doesn't faze her.
Gayforbae
I can think of better ways to spend that money...
shmekie
Literally anything else?
justthoughtyousholdknow
It adds to the cuddles and snuggness
littlemissmeow
My fiancée gets so stoked when I bring home new pillows. Our house is a pillow kingdom!
BamboozleInsurance
ADOPT ME PLEASE CAN WE MAKE A PILLOW BLANKET FORT
IWishAussieAnimalsWereMoreCuddly
I know! Though the only person in my life who does it is my mother. Still, when I go over for tea and we all end up watching a film it's 1/2
IWishAussieAnimalsWereMoreCuddly
Always an edge-of-your-seat thriller 'cause that's the only place I can sit haha 2/2
chardlz
Are you a dad? That's the daddest dad joke I've heard in a while
IWishAussieAnimalsWereMoreCuddly
Haha no, not a dad. I am an uncle though.
AzaellexTytalus
I can’t collect them because my dog eats them. Never thought maybe my husband was training her to do that...
CaffeineManic
Thanks, that's a good tip!
SlydFox
Quiet! Let him think he won. Then, when his guard is down, add decorative TOWELS!!!
dgg7
NOT THE TOWELS!!!
SlydFox
Now I gotta wash them!
sexualcamel
I dry off with all the towels so they are all just slightly wet and I don’t shake off my toothbrush so it leaves a puddle when my hubby
Equinox13
Couples don't have separate sets of towels? That settles it. I'm never getting married.
JustAddButter
I make my bf a sandwich and lick the bread before I make it. It’s the little things
sexualcamel
Annoys me...
InFin0819
I never saw a legitimate domestic violence defense before now.
InAMellowTone
Evil. Pure Evil.
djbigley
Savage
DetectiveGaff
nerdstrap
MONSTER!!!
MartianWeasel
I've never seen such evil. I bet you put ketchup on eggs too, don't you?!
sexualcamel
I did when I was a kid -not anymore though I’m more sophisticated now!
CthulhusGreasyBallsack
I built an IKEA dresser by myself, good to know that I don't need anybody else.
serepta
Bless your heart, poor thing....
Tinkerbell360
Sounds like you're perfect for yourself!
OmeletteDooFromage
Mawage.
ILiekToCookAndBake
Mawage, is the weason we a gathered here today
TempAgency
InAMellowTone
We are gwathered hwere twoday in howy matwomowy
PastryLife
probationaryperiod
Wove, twew wove. ..
toxcrusadr
Mawage, that dweem wifin a dweem
DeepTrollin
Dat bwessed awangement
Merrylegs
Hav yu da wing?
MyFrontPorchInMississippi
#3. JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD.
jrb1165
that wasn’t actually your food. it was always hers.
PickledDundersnoot
Hotdoggydog
You eat both and she orders again. This is basic stuff.
ResinThirteen
Chronomechanist
That one made me irrationally angry. What she wants is a marriage where she's got a whipped husband.
Supernerdtastic
Sounds like. Talk to the waiter or learn the lesson. Unless the husband wants what I've got, no switch.
Gayforbae
IReadEverythingInMickeysVoice
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is a prerequisite for your own."
IReadEverythingInMickeysVoice
I don't know if I actually believe that, but it's a good baseline to work from.
MyLittleVenus
Yes, but this is a classic example of "happy wife, happy life". Do you want a nice meal together, or listen to someone moan while you eat?
Chronomechanist
I want to eat what I ordered!
Gayforbae
I'd want a bitch who deals with the results of her decisions like an adult, not a whiny toddler. Or you know, a just a man.
MyLittleVenus
I can totally see the appeal of having a man as a partner. Right up until the sex.
Gayforbae
Oh that's the best part... Think about it, anal all the time.
MyLittleVenus
Touché!
Ilikepinkfloyd
So many people on here have such happy marriages, it almost gives me hope.
ILoveDestruction
Almost
Ilikepinkfloyd
Almost.
featsofclay
Marriage can be amazing! It's worth the work to build and maintain a good relationship.
Idkimadeanaccountjustforthis
My biggest advice is find someone you don't have to manage. You should find a mate not a project. Someone to work with you not hold you down
noptic
Yup I am borderline strange, poor and sick and still found someone ... or rather she found me.
ADisturbinglyAttractiveCactus
What if we have a good marriage but a shitty life?
Ilikepinkfloyd
You can't consider your life shitty if your marriage is good.
DonkeyOD
I am literally choosing imgur over my wife right now
Tinkerbell360
If you're choosing imgur over her, who is she giving hee attention to? Make sure you give her, or she will bite at the first person who doea
Tinkerbell360
Does*
DonkeyOD
Thank you. I will make changes.
bethski
I agree with @samshumanmaid have hope. Takes time, but finding someone who makes you laugh as much as you make them laugh is worth each seco
bethski
nd.
SmallHandsBigPenis
You should! There’re great ppl, trust your instincts, if they seem off or kind of rude, they’re probably worse when not trying to impress.
Ilikepinkfloyd
Well, I often come off as quite rude.
SmallHandsBigPenis
Then your rude-dar will just be set to go off a little higher than normal ;)
Samshumanmaid
Have hope. Took me quite a while. He gives me his pickles and I love having the bed to myself (for a night only) and he makes me laugh!
thepurpletwitch
I bet he gives you his pickles -wink- but yeah that sounds adorable. Having the bed to yourself is awesome, especially when he’s a cover hog
Ilikepinkfloyd
You sound so happy. I feel like the grinch now.
pedanticandpetty
Mine eats my pickles and gets up early for work so that the dog can come share the WHOLE bed with me. And he buys me wine and cooks.
Ilikepinkfloyd
Where have you found these people?
PhillipJFrey
Ilikepinkfloyd
Yeah, my reaction exactly. Some of the stories here, ah!
merelyadequategooglymoogly
11 years in and I still occasionally stop to marvel at how lucky I am that the most awesome person I've ever met was willing to marry me.
Ilikepinkfloyd
Your wife/husband is a very lucky person.
irkjellis
32 years here and he makes me tea when I come home, I’m the only one who has cut his hair since our wedding day. My heart still skips.
Ilikepinkfloyd
This is so adorable. I hope nothing comes between ya'll.
irkjellis
4 kids, 1 grandson. Some days I could scream but then he has them too. We’ve worked at it and I won’t have changed a thing. We like PF x
Ilikepinkfloyd
This relationship is the sweetest thing ever. And PF? Ah! I am so jealous.