anlyin
322033
9222
308
pony_irl
AlmostCertainlyNotPickles
The Teletubbies had babies? They wouldn't be able to take care of them because they're inept. Something must be farming Teletubbies.
BloodofHeroes
Hey, I left a mean comment here about 6 years ago and I want to say... you still a dick!
bellaluna
It was a good dump, OP. I laughed a few times, saved a couple to show my dad. Go you. +1
T3ll3
A compliment, plus your share memes with your Dad. I love and support you, kind internet stranger.
CongratsYouAreHereNow
i guarantee you a woman wrote that book. just based on the tone
AdditionNumberOne
+1
Buttersismycatesname6
To the paper jam . I seen a movie in mex. The translated print for the was hitting on me all nite was he was beating me all nite in Spanish
ronnyhugo
The tortoise's secret is that it has negligible senescence, its common in the tree of life to have no aging like that. Sucks to be human.
Shoujo
No, the secret it that someone gave him a name. Instead of tying him down in the ships cargo to "drink" when the water ran out.
ronnyhugo
Give a dog a name and it still won't live 200 years with no change in odds of dying this year.
FacemanPeck
#13 I find myself asking "anything else for ya?" in inappropriate times too.
AfroSamuraiRM
Would you like fries with that?
aTokenOfMyExtreme
Customer service curse... "Is everything okay?"...
mzmzpants
I have had several bosses say I Love You when they meant Thank You
FacemanPeck
I've been close a couple of times to saying that.
sassafraswot
worm
willjongill
#2 That's German for, "The Mart."
DaisukeAramaki
My first thought was Die Arzte actually
jetzzfan
I was going to make the Sideshow Bob reference, but you beat me to it. Well done, sir or madam.
everythingismadeofmincedmeat
No.
LastThoughtsOnWoodyGuthrie
calm down sideshow bob
EdgarAllansHoe
No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
MooseGoneMeh
"This is what happen when we let men write books" Do you mean stupid people or should we live in fear of male authors?
idratherbeoutdoors
Squirrel heads name was Beef... I'm not really sure what they were expecting
DiggerPlease
Have you met his twin sister Queef?
thatonepokenerd
I've seen #53 a lot on here but I have no clue what it means.
MinBlick
The blue is the route you are on, and the fastest one. The grey is an alternative route that takes longer. In this case for ...that.
thatonepokenerd
Ahhhh alright. I thought it was like telling him to slow down or something. I got it now.
FunkyFreshFart
Not to be that person... but I prefer the Bonnie Tyler version of "Holding out for a hero".
zamfall
I Googled Jonathan the tortoise, and it appears that the photo is actually from 1886, not 1902. Still, holy shit.
ratfaceddog
Still?
zamfall
I guess I should've said "even more so". English isn't my first language.
MinBlick
You Googled facts? What are you, a functional human that has its curiosity intact?!
zamfall
I know right!
MinBlick
Isn't there a reserve to avoid extinction for someone like you? (Thank you for real, I am so tired of the mindlessness of the internet).
zamfall
Hah, don't know about that. All I can do is spread my awesome power through being a good example since I'm voluntarily childfree.
Avryn
If you have to wait for minutes to pee then there's something wrong....or you don't really need to pee.
KabukiRapeGang
Man, what the ass is Despacito? I'd never heard of it until yesterday, and now I see these memes about it. What is it?
Poteightos
You come into my house on this, the day of my cat's quinceanera
squirrelfartsy
By tradition, I cannot refuse a request on my cat's quinceanera day. No Mexican ever lets a chance like that go by.
LadyWidebottom
#1 is from Woolies, I've experienced the same heartbreak. Have also had jam drops without any jam from Coles.
peridotstar
How the hell does that even happen? I mean, its not even like the guy forgot, since they went for the illusion of filling
LadyWidebottom
Probably forgot to fill it properly, but didn't want anybody else to realise so he did a dodgy job. A true Australian.
zee14
Just stick to the chocolate mud cake dude, never disappointed there
LadyWidebottom
Dude, I love chocolate mud so much it was my wedding cake. No ragrets. Seriously, none. Everybody loved it.
zee14
What a legend! That's my kind of wedding
LadyWidebottom
Thanks! Was my kind of wedding too! It's a shame they don't do the white mud cake in slabs, is all I can say.
PantheonWests
”white broccoli" lmao
generalobiwancannoli
I didn't know lady's had pee mazes. How can I get one?
HighFive1
It's like a crazy straw for the baby cave
rdrayman
A lady or a pee maze? I'm not sure about either, actually...
foolaloop
It was a pre-order. If you didn't get it before you were born you're out of luck unless you can find a used pee maze on ebay.
VindictiveRidge
I also lack a urinary labyrinth and wish to acquire information
Ruik
Urinary Labyrinth has to be a band's name somewhere.
SalaVader
White broccoli!
ryechard
Buffalo Cauliflower is really good.
everythingismadeofmincedmeat
UsernameCanComeLater
Interestingly, cauliflower actually is the same species as broccoli, along with cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts, collard greens and more.
cantchyaDONTCHYAwhynot
Who the fuck calls their son "beef"?!
omgurimgur
.
thiswasalwaysgoingtobeamistake
A cannibalistic cow.
TheLambSauce
Have you never heard of Beef Testosterone? That guy is a legend.
Asterfix
Cows
moraismeep
It's probably a nickname for Beefaroni.
vodkavi
The cliche 90s bully.
bibliophile
O'doyle rules!
RandAIFlagg
yea but that squirrel tho
GHDUDE17
The Duke of Wellington?
Urndy
Let's not forget Shia "TheBeef"
JeepersMedia
WeHavePi
Shia "TheQueef"
gothaminvader93
what's your beef with Eds naming skills.
ButtholeIceCreamParlor
Enterwittyandfunnyandexpletivedeletednamehere
"It's got what plants need!"
SuperHotIsTheMostInnovativeShooterIvePlayedInYears
Everyone's heard the name Beef Testosterone.
BeefRulez847
Beef is an awesome nick name
StraitjacketClassy
Florida.
ratfaceddog
Ed.
Sithrak
I have a cousin named "Burly".
KapnKershaw
Why didn't I think of this for my daughter?
KittyBiscuits11
One would assume so, "Mullet Mike"
Sithrak
My name isn't actually Mike. Also, I no longer have a mullet. But I do in spirit. Work policy change, girls can have long hair, boys no. :(
EroticZombiePants
The kid does look really beefy.
potthead
I dont know, i dated a guy named "soup" in high school.
ratfaceddog
A Boy Named Soup.
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
Vegetarians
definitelynotaraptorindisguise
it's what's for dinner
skooksies
My name is Brittany Rae. BR > Bee-Far > Beef. It's what my family calls me. I'm an adult.
ashmenon
See, I'd have just gone with Bray.
urafunnyguysully
Uh..wut?
Endro22
Brittany Rae > BR > Bee-Far > Beef Fart. You're welcome.
ratfaceddog
BR>Disco Cantaloupe>Bob Dylan
xuldv8
BR > Nuclear Wedgie > David Bowie
motherofdragons69
Rappers
DaSandwich22
My brother Nick is taking Japanese in college. Supposedly it sounds like the word for meat in Japanese so he has to go by Nicholas.
velociraptorpanda
There's actually a bartender chick named Beef who works at our post work hang out bar. You ask her name and she'll tell you it's Beef.
skaveria
Yeah everyone knows Beef from the busted nut
PoopAndOtherEnjoyableThings
I knew a guy who went by the nickname beef. He was in a.. well he was Harley enthusiast. Him and his fellow Harley enthusiasts took me >
PoopAndOtherEnjoyableThings
to jump off of a bridge and go to a bbq. Beef jumped first and I followed. Afterwards Beef and I had a long summer romance. I'll never >
PoopAndOtherEnjoyableThings
forget my summer with Beef.
ThaxAttack
The guy with the squirrel haircut kid? We saw the same dump yeah?
DiggerPlease
Are you saying he named himself?
HypnoChanger
Could be a nickname
PlightHopper
Feralkyn
That WAS the son though...
hungryhungarian
Meat Loaf
IWantAFunnyUserNameToo
Any family with the surname "Wellington" is required by law to name their firstborn this. It does not apply only to males.
yeahnotbatman
Ah, yes. Ever since decreed by Sir Loin of the Porter's House.
UnderstandsAnimeBetterThanLife
SafetyAdvocate
There's a mailbox where I live with the name Thrower on it...so much potential.
ActuallyJabbaTheHutt
I used to know a guy named Stone Flinger.
Deathengine
The sad thing is that the My Little Pony statue isn't blocked off to keep children off of it. It's to keep men in their thirties off of it..
DiggerPlease
Or out of it.
aTokenOfMyExtreme
Unfortunately, probably true...
ThatNoPicklePeeThatNoPumpARum
Hey if they made it to their thirties without major anxiety from ignoring social norms they should be respected.
WizardRyan
Member that's like 1% of bronies. Pls be nice you guys.
LastThoughtsOnWoodyGuthrie
you think that pathetic barrier could stop a man in his thirties
FlyingButtPliers
Pathetic ones
IllegalDuckling
Nothing can stop him.
IOnlyUseSmallCaps
ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀʀɢᴜᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴩᴇʀᴍᴀɴᴇɴᴛ
ItsKrukie
Adoption
TuboThePanda
Yeah I figured that out pretty quick. But hey, shark meat tastes pretty good.
LongoloidFartExplosion
You ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ fact ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴩᴇʀᴍᴀɴᴇɴᴛ.
IWouldHaveBeenATrainDriverHadINotGoneOffTheRails
Death from Discworld?
Luminade
Username checks out
literallyjesuschrist
:|
Vesane
sʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ
smellyboots
Me and Mr cheese grater over here got ya covered on impermanent tattoo front too.
PizzaWolf
Oh god
talos2
Sthap
khora
18 years at most.
Dontdeprivemeofmydelusion
Maybe last generation. This generation has had to change all that.
IOnlyUseSmallCaps
ɪ ᴡᴀs ʀᴇғᴇʀᴇɴᴄɪɴɢ ᴍᴜʀᴅᴇʀ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴀʟsᴏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs
wherearemytesticles
Touché.
moonshadowkati
At most? Only 29% of millenials are financially independent by 21...
khora
Well, they are not your problem, legally.
moonshadowkati
Legally, sure, but with times being so hard you may need them to help pay rent.
BobbyBobbston
But do you really think these 18 years won't change your life a whole lot more than any tatoo ever could?
Jyrix
Depends on the tattoo and the child. I've seen examples of both that should have never existed
EndersGameofThrones
Damn. So dark and so true.
shitsoupkisses
Following for comments: I'm already debating if and when I want these.
BobbyBobbston
But I think we can both agree that while some tatoos will have little to no impact on your life, having a little person to take care of>
BobbyBobbston
Jyrix
Kids are way easier to get rid of than tattoos. Source: I'm a ex gang affiliated black man (gang doesn't see it that way)
khora
Carving knife and Jack Daniels.
EndersGameofThrones
Its true. You run into an ex-gangmate, he's like, "I'm-a kill you, bitch." You're like, "Yo, I missed you, I had to quit for my moms 1/
EndersGameofThrones
Can't we just catch up and BS like when we was boys." Then, he puts two holes in your ass and walks away. You run into a kid you abandoned2/
EndersGameofThrones
who corners you like, "I found you and I'm gonna kill you Dad." You just have to say that you love him, always regretted leaving, then 3/
extremeblueness
Quoi?
IOnlyUseSmallCaps
ᴡʜᴀᴛ
OoWah
#19 Believe it or not, John Updike. You might know him.
PapiBlanco
What's Updike?
LordSatanHimself
What book is it from
DiggerPlease
Wow, really? Which book?
justhereforfattitties
Honest question, that's not from some true blood novel? I see the name Sukie in the scratched out text
OoWah
The character is Sukie Ridgemont, and the book is The Witches of Eastwick.
EroticZombiePants
You know, I've yet to eat something that wasn't made much better by a good bbq sauce, so I'd be willing to give the bbq cauliflower a try.
theunforgivensinner
It's actually really good. It's breaded, baked/fried, and then tossed in sauce.
sulfuratus
Vegetarian here, damn, I want those.
IvorJBiggun
As an omnivore I can say they look good.
thelonepig
Oh man I did buffalo cauliflower wings and hot damn it was amazing. Like legit worth pigging out on.
fencer1964
Except its cauliflower.
channelranger
Honestly vegetarian fare can be pretty great made well- this coming from a former carnivore.
fencer1964
Said every vegetarian.
Asterfix
I laughed really fucking hard at that Google maps one. Google gave me directions and I could take the highway directly to my location OR 1/
Asterfix
Go the opposite way and turn around for an extra 45 minutes.
Goldcart
What'd you choose?
Asterfix
I turned my phone off and stayed home.