1. Asking for a snack. "While you're up..." 2. Curiosity. Where ARE they going? 3. Concern for health or emotional state. "Did I piss him off somehow? Is he okay?" 4. Toddler. ("Where are you going? ...What do you have in your mouth? Jeremy?! What is in your mouth?!" Toddler toddles faster)
Big truth. Have wife, she like this. Bring back snack, make happy. Unexpected surprise snacks make double happy! Life and love lessons for the youngins
Every time this gets posted the comments split. Either “this is adorable, golden retriever energy” or “I hate this. I loathe this. I couldn’t live with this person”
It's literally just an inquire about whether the person is okay and/or whether they are going to the kitchen if someone wants snacks and stuff, nothing weird about it
Ok, but the other side of that is, if it was relevant to you, I would mention it. Only a serious asshole is going to go to the kitchen and come back with only snacks for himself without offering first. If there's an issue, there's a pretty solid likelihood that you can't help in any way. You can't take ibuprofen for me, or an antacid, or whatever? Do these men you're living with not ever offer up information or ask for help unless you pry it out of them?
I'd rather die than live with men, and generally there are plenty of things one can do to help, or even just be supportive. You must live a miserable live where you don't even want your partner to know you're sick
Just to prove a point to my wife I occasionally glance out the window while watching TV. She will immediately demand to know what I'm looking at. Every time.
This isn't really weird tbh. If you're spending time with someone even if it's just vibing in the same space, it's kind of rude to get up and not say anything at all. It more or less makes the other person feel like they may have done something wrong or like they're boring to be around
More like you're wife is wondering if you're going to the kitchen and can you grab snacks. Oh! And maybe the charging cable cause her phone's about to die
...I honestly do not get how this is a marriage thing. I used to play D&D with a bunch of extremely unmarried men who, I can assure you, by 25 had had an average of 0.3 partners per capita. And I am including myself in that calculation.
When they got up, they announced their intent. Usually "bathroom," or "drink," or something, usually accompanied by an estimated duration of absence. Applied during, before, or after games. Just polite.
I was talking with another married friend about this recently, exploring the weird freedoms that single people get, like going to the store without having to tell anyone that you're going somewhere. It's not even controlling, it's just courtesy to let people know where you're going. But if you're single, you can just ... do stuff.
I have had roommates and still preferred to know where they were going and when they'd be back - I explained to the last one it's not about control - idgaf where he goes and what he does - it was so if he went missing I would notice sooner and have info that might help find him. Told him yes, I'm a little paranoid, and he didn't HAVE to tell me - but it did help me not worry when he deviated from his norm. In response, he gave me his mom's number and generally let me know his going ons
I had a roommate who went off on me once after I didn't tell her I was staying on campus during a snowstorm. That would have been fine if she hadn't taken the phone off the hook so she wouldn't be bothered with calls. Yes pre texting days were so fun
Yeah, I'm not about to go off - I know I'm asking for something in this case; I'm not entitled to the information. I am polite and gentle about it - yeah, if something happens, it benefits them for me to know where they were supposed to be - but that's not going to come up much, so really it's a favor to me to tell me.
I don't see it as a lack of freedom. I see it as being part of a family. I did it with my parents when I lived there. I even tell my kids where I'm going and that dad's still home if they need anything. It seems so natural to me I would never even think of it in a context of freedom. That's so far away from the purpose of it.
It's not the freedom to do those things, it's the freedom to do them without telling anyone. Sometimes it feels weird to think "I want to go to the store and buy some cereal but I have to let everyone know first."
I understand what people are saying. I'm saying I have never had that thought of it being weird to have to tell everyone first. In fact I don't even think of telling them. I just do it automatically as a matter of course and never even considered that people would spend time thinking about it till I saw this post.
They did say "It's not even controlling, it's just courtesy" From my understanding it is freeing your time and thoughts. You don't feel the need to let people know because there is no one to let know, so you just go. all those little things add up to a lot of time, again not that it's bad, but the 'freedom' is not having to consider anyone but yourself, there is a great reduction in the complexity of operations, like shopping, decorating, cleaning, etc. It's all just on you, no discussion.
I lived alone for a decade. It didn't even occur to me to think of that as a freedom. And I didn't feel it to be any kind of burden once I started living with family again. Just seems normal.
It is normal, it is not a burden. Not having anyone in your life does give you unrestricted use of your time for your purposes, that is the freedom. Freedom is simply a word, not a statement of opinion or judgement. For example, not having any dependents (kids, pets, anything that needs care) gives you the freedom to travel without additional plans or considerations, or not return home for a random night or two. Not saying one is better, simply that you are not restricted by something, freedom.
I understand what they are saying. What I'm saying is it seemed to be such a miniscule change that I didn't even really notice it, let alone consider it a loss of freedom. Like my brain never even went there.
As a wife, I'm just making sure my husband is ok when he gets up without saying anything. Usually it means he's gonna be sick. Pretty sure most wives are asking for similar reasons.
I've been single for a long time, so maybe the rules of a relationship have changed but.. unless you hear me grabbing my car keys is it really important you know where I'm going?
Am wife who asks - I ask because as others said, maybe he's up and I want something like a snack, but also if he's leaving the room for a while, maybe I'll change what's on. Also, I'mnot going to ask for a snack if hes going to the bathroom or to bed. Turnabout is fair play, I ask him if he wants something if I'm headed to the kitchen
gringissimo
My wife anytime I put shoes on.
tuitsroundones
"there and back, to see how far it is "
bethcutshair
Anyone else remember that episode of Coupling? "Where are you going?" "It's up to you"
kiski
Steve's customary meltdown rant is golden in it
PaddyPatrick
People who keep their other on that short of a leash, sheesh.
pleaseacknowledgethecat
Ownershiiiiipp…
awholelotofnothin
1. Asking for a snack. "While you're up..." 2. Curiosity. Where ARE they going? 3. Concern for health or emotional state. "Did I piss him off somehow? Is he okay?" 4. Toddler. ("Where are you going? ...What do you have in your mouth? Jeremy?! What is in your mouth?!" Toddler toddles faster)
Grizabellakat007
The saying in our house is, “Hey, while you’re up…”
JaTheRed
If you say to take a shit she acts offended, like you asked?!
KawaiiInari
I'm almost a wife. Can confirm.
ravenousj
This happens when I put socks on.
SleazyBijou
Unfortunately I have taught my daughter to ask for snacks as I get up…
pomax
"are you getting snacks?"
dootdootiamgroot
Can confirm. Our bathroom is upstairs and im clearly walking upstairs and hear "where are you going?" Before my foot hits the steps
craftytwitchy
She wants to know if you're going to the kitchen and if so, will you bring her a snack. Source: am a wife of over 25 years
jesuisgur
And you wait for him to sit beck down before saying "and the cup of tea ?!?", right. Right ?
rollercroaster
Or a drink
Source: also wife
MyFatBaby
Big truth. Have wife, she like this. Bring back snack, make happy. Unexpected surprise snacks make double happy! Life and love lessons for the youngins
Shawnthegirl
It's kinda Husbeasts thing to bring me things - I wonder if there's any connection to hunter/gatherer stuff?
I try to do him a solid and bring him snacks too
Domestic romance is often subtle
Rockafella83
Is that what’s called the « Scooby Snacks » ? https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlM3U2dnB2anp4eTBqZjA1ejZyMDl2ZXo5NGVjamViZWIyYTB6aDFxbCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/42hWGH3Y7S2CtIEv2L/giphy.mp4
Hypothesist
KiwiGameDev
Every time this gets posted the comments split. Either “this is adorable, golden retriever energy” or “I hate this. I loathe this. I couldn’t live with this person”
reliablydefiant
Team adorable!
KiwiGameDev
I’m glad! I’m on team loathe
lesbeanAda
It's literally just an inquire about whether the person is okay and/or whether they are going to the kitchen if someone wants snacks and stuff, nothing weird about it
cdlong
Ok, but the other side of that is, if it was relevant to you, I would mention it. Only a serious asshole is going to go to the kitchen and come back with only snacks for himself without offering first. If there's an issue, there's a pretty solid likelihood that you can't help in any way. You can't take ibuprofen for me, or an antacid, or whatever? Do these men you're living with not ever offer up information or ask for help unless you pry it out of them?
lesbeanAda
I'd rather die than live with men, and generally there are plenty of things one can do to help, or even just be supportive. You must live a miserable live where you don't even want your partner to know you're sick
TheTojo15
It’s the tone that bothers me. Never been able to shake that it sounds accusatory
CyberWizard252
Just to prove a point to my wife I occasionally glance out the window while watching TV. She will immediately demand to know what I'm looking at. Every time.
azazyel
It's a phase, after 20 years it's just "Can you bring me back...."
DracoSicarius
This isn't really weird tbh. If you're spending time with someone even if it's just vibing in the same space, it's kind of rude to get up and not say anything at all. It more or less makes the other person feel like they may have done something wrong or like they're boring to be around
DracoSicarius
I've seen others comment it can also come from a place of worry that you might be about to get sick
J1m8ob
My wife laughed and confirmed.
pickledpunk021
Yep. Can confirm.
plasticpantherpescatarian
You men that can handle that constant big-brother stuff are better men than me
Tuttutlookslikerain5
Same here.
Penelelop
As a wife (but not legally) I’ve only done this since having a baby cos I like to know how long I’ll need to be watching kiddo on my own
digginlife
I don’t know what it is about being female, but I did this forever. At about 26 years into our marriage, I’ve finally stopped asking. Sheesh.
SeductiveNachos
My husband asks, I do not. I never understood the need to ask unless he puts on his shoes.
FunWithUsernames
I did not know this was a thing outside my own household, but somehow not surprised. My wife never does not ask this. EVER.
Ghlargh
"Nowhere important, no need to bother you with it and no need for you to check what i'm up to!"
BiggRanger
What a relief, I was thinking it was just my wife being suspicious of my activities.
drcookieninja
Your wife is also suspicious of their activities.
CanadianCobraChicken
More like you're wife is wondering if you're going to the kitchen and can you grab snacks. Oh! And maybe the charging cable cause her phone's about to die
bassaro
We're all suspicious of your activities.
BiggRanger
Crap, now everyone is on to me. How can I tend to my shenanigans now?
USSBigBooty
Is there something to be suspicious about? https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1bzUxYmU0Y2UzdGszYjJoaHBxMW82dGpiNG5pcWg5OWZucTNxOGE2cCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/39O0RbmOmvWko/200w.webp
BiggRanger
Always
Calicoastin818
Bring back some cookies from kitchen
VillainAsHero
Answer: To the gas stations for some smokes.
quade
"Nowhere."
LariCheltsy
As a bartender you can always tell the married dudes because they'll tell you they're going to the bathroom before they even get up
Aurentis
...I honestly do not get how this is a marriage thing.
I used to play D&D with a bunch of extremely unmarried men who, I can assure you, by 25 had had an average of 0.3 partners per capita. And I am including myself in that calculation.
When they got up, they announced their intent. Usually "bathroom," or "drink," or something, usually accompanied by an estimated duration of absence. Applied during, before, or after games. Just polite.
2graves
Well that's during a group activity though. Kind of specific scenario.
cheesedogs
Are married men more likely to be drinking solo at the bar? I sure do it more often since I've got wife/kids.
2graves
I would think less but I've no idea
Snooj
I was talking with another married friend about this recently, exploring the weird freedoms that single people get, like going to the store without having to tell anyone that you're going somewhere. It's not even controlling, it's just courtesy to let people know where you're going. But if you're single, you can just ... do stuff.
MrsHowVeryDareYou
It’s kind of wild when my husband is on a business trip and my daughter’s at school. I can just go DO stuff without announcing or coordinating.
Shawnthegirl
I have had roommates and still preferred to know where they were going and when they'd be back - I explained to the last one it's not about control - idgaf where he goes and what he does - it was so if he went missing I would notice sooner and have info that might help find him. Told him yes, I'm a little paranoid, and he didn't HAVE to tell me - but it did help me not worry when he deviated from his norm. In response, he gave me his mom's number and generally let me know his going ons
moomaid1
I had a roommate who went off on me once after I didn't tell her I was staying on campus during a snowstorm. That would have been fine if she hadn't taken the phone off the hook so she wouldn't be bothered with calls. Yes pre texting days were so fun
Shawnthegirl
Yeah, I'm not about to go off - I know I'm asking for something in this case; I'm not entitled to the information. I am polite and gentle about it - yeah, if something happens, it benefits them for me to know where they were supposed to be - but that's not going to come up much, so really it's a favor to me to tell me.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I don't see it as a lack of freedom. I see it as being part of a family. I did it with my parents when I lived there. I even tell my kids where I'm going and that dad's still home if they need anything. It seems so natural to me I would never even think of it in a context of freedom. That's so far away from the purpose of it.
Snooj
It's not the freedom to do those things, it's the freedom to do them without telling anyone. Sometimes it feels weird to think "I want to go to the store and buy some cereal but I have to let everyone know first."
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I understand what people are saying. I'm saying I have never had that thought of it being weird to have to tell everyone first. In fact I don't even think of telling them. I just do it automatically as a matter of course and never even considered that people would spend time thinking about it till I saw this post.
somerandomusernamebecauseididntlikemyoldone
They did say "It's not even controlling, it's just courtesy" From my understanding it is freeing your time and thoughts. You don't feel the need to let people know because there is no one to let know, so you just go. all those little things add up to a lot of time, again not that it's bad, but the 'freedom' is not having to consider anyone but yourself, there is a great reduction in the complexity of operations, like shopping, decorating, cleaning, etc. It's all just on you, no discussion.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I lived alone for a decade. It didn't even occur to me to think of that as a freedom. And I didn't feel it to be any kind of burden once I started living with family again. Just seems normal.
somerandomusernamebecauseididntlikemyoldone
It is normal, it is not a burden. Not having anyone in your life does give you unrestricted use of your time for your purposes, that is the freedom. Freedom is simply a word, not a statement of opinion or judgement. For example, not having any dependents (kids, pets, anything that needs care) gives you the freedom to travel without additional plans or considerations, or not return home for a random night or two. Not saying one is better, simply that you are not restricted by something, freedom.
InkyBlinkyPinkyAndClyde
I understand what they are saying. What I'm saying is it seemed to be such a miniscule change that I didn't even really notice it, let alone consider it a loss of freedom. Like my brain never even went there.
agentmcgee
As a wife, I'm just making sure my husband is ok when he gets up without saying anything. Usually it means he's gonna be sick. Pretty sure most wives are asking for similar reasons.
cdlong
Jesus, how often is your husband sick?
agentmcgee
A grand total of twice in our entire nearly 10 year marriage. He usually just tells me where he's going as I do with him.
Escapist83
I've been single for a long time, so maybe the rules of a relationship have changed but.. unless you hear me grabbing my car keys is it really important you know where I'm going?
PartTimeHobbit
My wife only asks if I'm grabbing the car keys.
lliamov101
No. I've been married for years and this post is very weird for me, I didn't even know that was a thing.
Shawnthegirl
Am wife who asks - I ask because as others said, maybe he's up and I want something like a snack, but also if he's leaving the room for a while, maybe I'll change what's on. Also, I'mnot going to ask for a snack if hes going to the bathroom or to bed. Turnabout is fair play, I ask him if he wants something if I'm headed to the kitchen
Darkspire
Yeah if you're going to the kitchen they might want snacks. Also even if you aren't going to the kitchen
bassaro
Alright, but the snacks in the linen closet are pretty chewy.
Darkspire
I just do what I'm told 🤷♂️
isetprettygirlsonfire
Yes, you might be getting snacks
oldiebutagoodie
cdlong
If they don't automatically offer to get you snacks when they get up, why are you married in the first place?
Ilikekites
Because that's crazy. I don't need a snack every time my husband gets up.
cdlong
Offer, not get. "Hey, do you want a snack?", not just coming back with a brownie.