SeanChav
181184
6640
141
Nov 10, 2015 10:23 PM
SeanChav
181184
6640
141
Ichigo1117
Instructer: "Beat your face!!" trainee proceeds to beat his face... can confirm that actually happens
yepnope
These goddamn intellectuals and their military.
mrfuzzynuggets
O god, the last one! Brings back so many memories!
JakHawk9OOO
In Marine bootcamp, anytime anyone farted my DI would yell "turn on the vacuum!" and everyone would have to breath in really deep
nicoleeoleeoleeoh
Going through aircrew training in the navy 2 guys had to measure each blade of grass and cut it with scissors for not showing up to muster.
AllItTakesIsOneBadDay
"NOW DO IT AGAIN, BUT LEAVE IT LONGER"
TheHellbilly
Guy in my company lost his rifle twice. After the first time it was tied to his neck but he somehow managed to do it again. Some people...
AllItTakesIsOneBadDay
just.... how?
TheHellbilly
He wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Actually his rifle was also run over by an armored transport vehicle. I shit you not.
TheHellbilly
So Koskinen, if you ever learn to read, this is for you: .I.. You were and still are an embarrassment to our company.
Soteria95
During Marine boot camp my husband wore aviators in formation. He was forced to pretend to be an airplane, request permission for (1/2)
Soteria95
Take-offs and landings, and required to make the accompanying noises as as he across base to the airfield. He was known henceforth as TopGun
garshne
I dunno that's a pretty damn cool nickname.
maliciousGman
Definitely worth it.
emmceedee
Good stuff here. Seriously, basic training is designed so that while challenging, most who begin will complete it.
spacemanspiff1
Got caught singing in boot camp. Whenever the RDC's said my name, regardless what I was doing, I sung "here I am, rock you like a hurricane"
iapologizeinadvanceforthis
My coworker is an ex marine. Whenever I act a fool, he laughs to himself, "The shit I'd make you do if you were in the military."
SerjTankianApatheticallyEatingChineseFood
former*
iapologizeinadvanceforthis
Reading this, I'm glad I never was. Moreso than usual.
SeanChav
No such thing as an ex marine. You always keep that title once you earn it.
UnpinionedPoplars
* The only ex-Marine was Lee Harvey Oswald.
cogs
Did both USAF & USN basic, plus Devil Pups (USMC boot camp for teens). I'm extremely well-adjusted now. *twitch*
aayhan
how was Navy? I'm headed over there in March
Jmoss
Its not bad, just make sure you know your basics and can meet the pfa standards. Message me if you have questions.
iwentdoodie
It's easy as shit but seems hard as fuck while you're in it.
cogs
Considering it was 35 years ago, probably different than it is now. Just keep your eyes & ears open, mouth shut, and do what you're told.
SuccesfulFailure
Why did you only do basic?
cogs
Did both plus 1 year USAF, 19 years USN, 10 years Fleet Reserve, Retired List 7 years and counting.
SuccesfulFailure
Aaaah, I see. Nice one.
thewaxdog
when my brother was in boot camp he grabbed a donut in the food line, an officer saw him and made him eat it while everyone did pushups.
69PrivateJoker
I understand that reference
thewaxdog
It wasn't a reference. when he told me about it he said "remember that scene in Full Metal Jacket? That happened to me."
69PrivateJoker
Oh my bad I thought that was a reference
thewaxdog
It was, I was referring to the time my brother got this donut in boot camp.
69PrivateJoker
Where you laughing your ass off?
SteakNazisMustDie
Met a guy who during Nam heard about there being many undiscovered insect species in the jungle so tried to discover one, by catching every
SteakNazisMustDie
single bug he could and mailing them back to the University of Melbourne. His mates left bugs in his tent for him hoping to get credit too
fulminatrix
How many did he find?! That's actually a neat story.
SteakNazisMustDie
He sent roughly one parcel full of a few dozen in individuals in jars a week, for 4 months. University told him to stop eventually
SteakNazisMustDie
Jars would sometimes break and leak formaldehyde everywhere, specimens sometimes weren't dead enough, every one he found was a known species
BewareTheJabberwockie
That sucks =( woulda been nice if he got to name one.
GodDonut
Im currently going through tests applying for the (Irish) army. I really hope i dont have to do stuff like this.
LivenBigg
This is an American tradition
gad885
Do your best not to do dumb shit and remember there is a such thing as a stupid question
ThatOneGuyPablo
Also remind yourself that it has to end sometime. That always gets me through tough situations
Whitney189r
It's gonna happen and you just have to realize it's only a game and get through it.
AndSoAdInfinitum
From guys I know; there's lots of ladishness, but show your officers and NCOs respect and it'll prolly be okay.
AndSoAdInfinitum
Also, watch the fuck out for Rangers. Those guys are nuts.
HandsomeBastard
This mostly sounds like the American military, but there will be some hazing. Just roll with it. They're trying to teach you lessons.
dwilson0725
All of them summing up to, obey my command.
dwilson0725
All of them summing up to, obey my command.
HandsomeBastard
... or people might die
dwilson0725
Right. But that's the lesson these things are teaching. lol
HandsomeBastard
Exactly!!
TheRepeaterTheRepeater
A buddy fumbled a dummy grenade during UO training. The rest of the day he had to pretend to be a grenade and throw himself through doors
ItsJustRocketScience
I wanna do that.
bud467
My sides hurt from laughing. That's priceless.
TittySprinkle
Fuck me I actually laughed out loud and woke my dad up. Bravo +1
TheDainBramage
Nah, i think he was from charlie company.
FriskyDing0
One...two...FIVE!
GRiMGRiZ
(three, sir)
okthenwellilljustbeoverhere
Three!
AndritosRetardos
A guy in my squad forgot to lock his locker one day, so the DI stole his rifle while he was at lunch. After lunch we were ordered to (1/?)
AndritosRetardos
line up for weapons inspection (of course) And he stood there without his rifle like a doof. When asked where his weapon was, he (2/?)
AndritosRetardos
replied that he didn't know, so the DI gave him a stick that kinda looked like a rifle, told him to name it and he had to do drills (3/?)
AndritosRetardos
and combat training with the stick as a rifle and shout "pew pew!" every time he "fired" his rifle. He had to do it for a week.
Moontiger
Did he ever bounce?
SweetBrotatoePie
Had a guy in my division in Navy boot camp that pissed himself during a Personnel and Bunk inspection. He stood in a pool of his own 1/3
Lastdarkninja
Piss during inspection while the DI was checking his bunk. He was then ordered to ask "permission to tinkle" when he needed to piss,which wa
Lastdarkninja
Was fed back to him while the DI held his peepee
yoginioftruth
That's inhumane
AllItTakesIsOneBadDay
He signed a contract. Wasn't human anymore. Was a sailor.
favouriteforscience
War can get inhumane.
Xeynid
Sometimes I consider joining the military then I read stuff like this and think "... definitely not."
DickDastardly404
really? These are the the things that sound pretty good about the military to me...
CoopDH
Nah, its a cake walk now because of the scared PR stuff. I went through USAF basic in 2013 when there was the big sex assault scare
Tibeardius
I went in just after they got rid of so many TI's they have a bunch of new ones that don't know what they're doing. Probably fixed by now.
PowderHound52
I went through bmt in January of this year. There is definitely a lot of yelling, the first night you get there is still horrifying, shake..
Konoton
We got that in my last month at BMQ. By the end of it, Standards Division was telling instructors not to swear or yell. NOT TO YELL.
Horus175
I went through Navy basic in 05. One recruit complained that the RDCs were calling us "dingleberries". They were ordered to stop.
Konoton
One of my instructors called us Zebras.Because zebras are stupid enough to walk up to a watering hole where there's a crocodile in the water
Konoton
"Psst, Private recruit Bloggins, you just negligent discharged in the bivouac. Maybe you shouldn't do that."
ApolloUndone
"No no no, please don't cry. We've got cookies and milk in the corner to make sure you're happy."
Kaysmira
The navy really really really wanted me for some reason after high school. Kept calling my house. I burst into tears when screamed at.
JamesMoriartyThePsychopath
All recruiters really really really want anyone they can get their grubby little hands on.
Kaysmira
I found out later they get bonus points for recruiting women, so that probably had something to do with it.
AHorticulturistIsJustANerdyGardener
If you were caught not paying attention in class, our DI would put you on "dust bunny watch". For 4 hours you would follow a dust bunny
AHorticulturistIsJustANerdyGardener
2) around the barracks with a ruler and notebook and carefully measure and record all of its movements.
opticsnake
Forgot to pack my running shoes for the return of our first long march. While everyone else marched back in running shoes, (1/2)
opticsnake
I got to run around the formation yelling "I will pack my gear properly!" all the way back to the barracks. All. Six. Miles.
LizawithaZ
When my friend was in basic, she decided to be cute and send a swimsuit photo to her boyfriend on another base. Apparently she was [1/2]
LizawithaZ
a bit too cute, cause his CO saw the picture in his locker and made him take it down because it could be "misconstrued as child pornography"
ScruffnShine
When I went through Navy Boot Camp our RDC (Navy Drill Sergeant) said down up to the tune of the underwater level of Super Mario.
V1V2Rotate
Btw, Happy Birthday Devil Dogs!
wafflesandpuppies
The army has completely taken away my sense of being surprised at hilarious shit.
smakcthat
My friend had a guy in his squad who was assigned a stupid question monitor after asking if he could bring his horse to his duty assignment
amarie911
This requires more of an explanation please!
browniesftw
uhhhhhh, what
LessThanSneakyNinja
What happened to the Tales from Boot Camp, in the vein of Stay Classy Imgur? I remember those being hilarious.
damethelog
my favourite one was the guy who had to carry a plant around to replace the oxygen he misused +1
ATimeTravellingRobotFromTheFuture
I wonder how they think up these things. Drill instructors should go into standup when they're done.
damethelog
yep, that's a good idea. now that i think of it, Lewis Black is that kind of comedian
PowderHound52
God damn try being a female. Some of the girls that made it through bmt I wanted to punch everyday. Tiny little girls that literally cried..
KharnApproves
We had kids like that in Marine boot camp. 120lbs weaklings that cried while getting yelled at. Why the fuck did they join?
UnpinionedPoplars
1) Company commander introduced our DIs, then left. DIs started yelling, "GETUP!GETUP!GETONYOURGODDAMFEET!GETINFRONTOFARACK!MOVEITMOVEIT!!"
UnpinionedPoplars
2) Everyone was on his feet, pushing and shoving, some of them head and shoulders taller than me (and the DIs) looking like panicked cattle!
UnpinionedPoplars
3) I couldn't help but laugh at 'em! (After getting out of the way.) Apparently, the first time some of 'em had been yelled at. Go figure!
KharnApproves
I remember the CO saying 'take charge ...' and then it's just a explosive blur of screaming, foot lockers flying, and recruits crying.
UnpinionedPoplars
I still laugh 'til I cry thinking about it! "Drill Instructors, take charge of these recruits and turn them into Marines." Then total chaos!
bewise54
More please?
hiimmat
Buddy got caught looking around in formation. They made him yell "I like this place. I think I'll buy it!" everywhere he went for days.
DatMormon
I'm too lazy to link the reddit thread these are all from. It was front page reddit yesterday with a shit ton more stories.
LocutusOfBored
USMC Boot: I had bad infection on my knee and was incap, slow, etc. DI's had Squad leaders beat me up at night because I was slowed. fun...
Konoton
I was brain fucked in BMQ. We were marching from the drill hall and someone was sloughing, so the Master Corporal shouts: "Look up!" ①
Konoton
So, being the good little Private Recruit that I was, I looked directly at the sky and tried to march in time all the way back to the Mega.
torpedotor
During rifle drill, DI walks in front of Indoc who is a facing a window. Turning to face the window, DI asks, "Mirror, mirror on the wall /1
torpedotor
"Who's the most jacked up of all?" Silence. "Is it me? ... Or is it MILLS (Indoc's name)?" Silence. Turning to Indoc, "Who's jacked up /2
torpedotor
"Mills? Is it me? Am I jacked up?" "YES, STAFF SERGEANT!" DI goes wide-eyed. "OH, I'M JACKED UP? I'M JACKED UP?" "YES, STAFF SERGEANT!" /3
torpedotor
"Good. PUSH!" Apparently Mills didn't know the difference between "jacked" (i.e., swole) and "jacked up" (i.e., messed up). 4/4
MeridiusGaiusScipio
One recruit in my company kept looking out of the window during chow. Amidst smoking him, one of the DIs asked why. He said: I was (1)
Jshephe6
HE WAS WHAT?!
MeridiusGaiusScipio
Haha Jesus I posted that a year ago. Well, he was "looking at the Seaguls". So every meal for the next 4 weeks, he had to...
Jshephe6
Eat seagulls
MeridiusGaiusScipio
...scream the "greeting of the day" (goodmorning/evening/ect) at every bird he saw out the window during chow while eating.
lazytodd429
Air Force Officer Training School: A guy doesn't know the day's info he's supposed to memorize. Flight Commander yells at him that he (1/?)
lazytodd429
just killed his wingman because he didn't do his job. The guy next to him asks "PERMISSION TO ADJUST". FC allows it with "ADJUST!"
lazytodd429
The guy just falls down "dead". It's the only time I saw the FC laugh or be at all human.
OneMoreRide
This is golden! +1 and Merry Christmas! Any other stories?
[deleted]
[deleted]
GoldMonkeyTMM
..
ForOurNation
Want any of my stories..? I have one or two
Sthweg
~_~
KyoshiroTasya
I assume no one is going to post the deleted post?
PvtMichaelCaboose
.
Squeak74b
Why do you hate babies?
Sthweg
cuz they take too much time to cook
unhappyelfsqirrel
.
mwaterman
1/2 Navy Basic: During a uniform inspection, our instructors got locked in their office (which has windows looking into our compartment
mwaterman
They had a hell of a time getting out. We were trying to contain our laughter/keep our bearing. We got pretty fucked up for that.
Embronyx
As much as I like to laugh at these...all of this seems completely unnecessary and frighteningly stupid.
weliveinaspaceshipdear
It's surprisingly necessary. Builds personal responsibility, camaraderie. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have the experience.
aramil31
I think the idea is to get the stupid out of them where they're only a risk to themselves. That said...
aayhan
It's more to weed out those who aren't mentally strong enough to take this kind of punishment.
ohsillyus
Keeps people like me out as well. Best response to hazing is to take the hazers out and accept ones fate IMHO. Is not good thing.
aayhan
It does also serve to bind the group together since you all know what each other has been through to become a part of the branch you're in
aayhan
(most of you anyway).I almost can't wait to add to those stories. I'll probably end up being one myself...:p
thederpypug
We wouldnt send the smartest into War, yaknkw.
RpblcCmmndo38
You must think we try to lose wars
thederpypug
No. No smart government uses the most intelligent for cannon fodder. Its how we get stories like this.
RpblcCmmndo38
Armies aren't purely cannon fodder, and lets see you handle basic training without making any mistakes.
tbirdistheword
Friend in Marine boot camp got caught scratching his face on the front sight of his rifle in formation. DI made him stand at attention 1/
tbirdistheword
And scratch his face all day till the spot bled. He still has a scar from it.
yoginioftruth
That's horrific
SkypeOfCthulhu
If you are the kind of person to scratch a part of your face with the no-no end of a firearm, you need a big tall glass of learning.
JR2000
Here's my contribution: Marine Bootcamp 2005, I was sick and thus stuck in MRP until I recovered. Everyone was depressed and shit in there
theseventh
This was fucking amazing, beginning to end. *upvotes every part*
JR2000
since you were taken out of training in order to recover. So I decided to fuck around and try to make people laugh. I dressed up as a ninja
JR2000
painted my breather mask black, tied black socks around my knees/elbows, and put my shirt on my face as a ninja mask. I took a broom stick
JR2000
and pretended it was a boa staff. This was all during the night, when I was on firewatch. Everyone who was awake was laughing their asses
JR2000
off. At one point I ran out of the squad bay and up the stairs in the back to the squad bay above us. The firewatch on the back door freaked
JR2000
out and threw his 'recruit knowledge' at me (guide book). He had a legit look of confusion and fear in his eyes. I ran back down and then