kickmyballsrealhard
70337
1187
55
Long story short: lost the love of my life 5 years ago. We were together 10 years, since we were both 18. I took it for granted. Now she’s happy with someone else and still hanging out with all my friends. They all still hang out but I don’t get included anymore. Which I know, means I’m the asshole. I’m seeing a therapist but that only helps so much. It’s hard to love myself when the one thing I loved doesn’t want me in their life anymore.
Since I’ve lost everything; friends and love, there’s nothing for me here anymore. I don’t have any kids so nothing is holding me back. Everything reminds me of the better times.
Now I just want to get away from it all. Start over. Find new friends. Change of scenery. Go somewhere along the coast instead of cold ass Minnesota. This cold has my depression on max.
I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but I feel staying here will kill me. Time to hit the road in search for something else.
TheRealBIG
Do it, don’t waste your time
whowantssome
You should do it because why the fuck not. Just don’t end up homeless
YouWillNeverFindMe
Listen to what the viking part of your hart tells you, sonofabitch, the coast it is!
emelgren
Moving out of the Midwest helped me. It’s not a guaranteed fix but for me a lot of my depression was tied to a place.
boobafette
do it ..make it a gulf coast..its warm and cheaper to live...
nitaroyal
Make a plan and follow your heart. I hope it works out great for you!
NomDeImguerre
Listen, if you really plan to run away, why yh fuck would you even stay in the US?
ballpeenX
If you are depressed in MN, stay away from WA and OR. The lack of sunshine is worse than the cold.
invisibulman
I'm not opposed to slamming that reset button. Just make sure you have a plan. Get a job and housing sorted first. Then Godspeed.
onlyheretoargue
The beauty of reinventing yourself is that YOU get to choose who you are! I say, GO FOR IT!
StressedOut
From one Minnesotan to another, I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. Work with a therapist, and don’t make too many big decisions too soon.
IsolatedAsshole
@op real talk from a similar situation. Distance can help ease the pain, but ultimately your happiness comes down to you, not where you are
IsolatedAsshole
I don't say that to be depressing or discouraging. A new locale can invigorate, but our personal demons come with us. I wish you well
jansenart
@OP Love is mutual. Only mutual. What you're feeling is obsessive, selfish, unrequited lust. Move on and learn this.
DTCarl05
(1/2) Changing location can be a great way to really break one out of a cycle. This could be just what you need! But plan it out. The good
DTCarl05
(2/2) and the bad. Dream of what you want! How will it be different? How to respond to setbacks? Embrace the change! Be flexible
Boatsntoes
Work on your body/health and finances and mental health and happiness should follow.
Boatsntoes
And also another partner may notice and find you
Metallica93
The big focus here, for me, is realizing that you might be the problem enough to seek therapy for it. That takes resolve. Proud of you, O.P.
dart223
This, cause I'm out on the west coast seeing people move here and their problems repeat. Shadow work is a bitch
displacedgothamist
Why do you refer to her as "thing"? Feels like a possession vs a person.
MotionOfTheOcean
I was thinking the same. Never have I referred to a person as a "thing"
FirstInLastOut
Used to live in MN. Too cold for me.
16grapes
For the love of everything holy please pick me up on your way there. PLEASE!
smutfiend
Just remember: wherever you go, you'll still be there.
tailoredefehse1
"Everywhere you go, there you are." I can't remember who said that, but it certainly is true. I learned that the hard way
adamlh642
30 minnesotan myself. Where abouts are you ?
kickmyballsrealhard
Minneapolis
adamlh642
Well if you are in need of a drink I live in the area. Shoot me a dm if you need a friend :)
JustDriftingAboutTheInterWebs
I mean, you could plan it out first to help reduce the uncertainty, and anxiety related to all of the unknowns...
TZO2k15
You should have told 20 yr old me that, and maybe I wouldn't have hitch-hiked across the US, but still, I had a magnificent adventure!
eetsumkaus
a bad experience makes for a good story!
TZO2k15
Oh, there are definitely some bad parts, but not nearly as bad enough to ruin the experience!
SeasonedCitizen
Maybe don't jump into anything too quickly. Perhaps a trip to the area, see how jobs and rents are.
bamcobra
Dude says she left five years ago. I think he’s paid his dues, but I agree a visit first is a good idea.
Pacuta
Agreed. It sounds romantic and all, just up and leave the past behind you, but you don’t want to end up worse off because you didn’t plan.
davidlynchmob
I’ve done this but I planned, for sure. Now I live in a gorgeous town, and have a family’
ventikona
Do it. Why the heck not. You’re going to bring yourself and all your feelings along, but you’ll do it in a place where you get to focus on
ventikona
Building a life instead of recovering from one. When you’re new, you can say “I’m looking for friends here!” and people will love it.
imNotThisCleverIRL
I grew up on the Iron Range. Take it from me, kid, leave. Leave now! Leave while you have the drive to do it!
imNotThisCleverIRL
I recommend SE PA, like Philly, or the PNW, like Seattle. For someone from MN, you'll appreciate those places more.
mumbojumbo29
Grab me on your travels. My ex from years ago dated almost all my friends after we broke up,
bingoboyo
I felt the same way 15+ years ago. Similar situation even. Packed up and moved 2500 miles away. Met a ton of new friends and a 1.
bingoboyo
lovely new lady. Best decision I ever made. Not happy where you are, be somewhere else. Just my 2 cents.
kickmyballsrealhard
Bruhhhh that gives me so much hope!
loma45
Gonna echo him here. I'm a firm believer in "If you aren't happy(enough) then change something". Could be your job, break up with SO, 1/
loma45
move somewhere new, etc. It might not work, but clearly the status quo is DEFINITELY not working. So break it. 2/2
loma45
Addendum: life changes should compliment therapy, not replace it.
mikenco
I've lived on the coast for a very long time. You need to resolve your problems before running. All we have here is scenery, not solutions.
CrazyCatLad
Sounds like this would be lyrics from a Jimmy Eat World song or something.
sleepy12
You dont have therapy on the coast?
spiffylookingnerfherder
Sometimes being yourself isn't an option, and being on the West Coast makes it an option.
Thephedora
But you do have "Not in the location of the problem" as well.
elinveronicap
"Scenery, not solutions." I love it.
MyVoice
Well, my sister's depression got a hell of a lot better moving from IL to GA - cold & snow to sunshine & warmth. Might be good for you! ✌️
greatbam
As a person with mental health problems in IL I approve this message. I hope to get away from IL sometime in the next few years myself.
MyVoice
Good for you! She did vacays in a few places to see what felt best. you have time, you can use it to find s great spot for you..
Dissipo
Sometimes you have to mourn the person you were to appreciate the person you’ll become!
MyVoice
Have an upvote. Loss of an anticipated future is 100% a loss to be mourned. Therapy can help w/ that & the transition to a new life 4 some
mikeatike
Well, being miserable with nice weather doesn't sound bad. I spent most of the last 2 months traveling and seeing places. Day I return to
mikeatike
work BOOM weather turns to shit and it's grey and cold out every day. Probably for the next 4 months.
joyeuxAK
Yes and no. The best thing I did for myself was move 4000 miles from everything I knew. To a place where no one had expectations of me and
joyeuxAK
I was able to figure out who I was and what I wanted rather than being someone else’s idea. You still have to sort your own shit, of course
Drunkfu
That seems a fair balance. I know just leaving isn't gunna fix everything, if you're problem is you you're taking it with you.
mikenco
Welcome to peace.
chapterhawk101
That's not even remotely true. You're not a therapist, so don't dish out therapy when you don't know what you're talking about.
mikenco
You need to stfu and learn the difference between therapy and advice based on a lot of experience.
Thetiredmechanic
Hey now, we have taxes
highinthehills
Super high cost of living.
kickmyballsrealhard
Well I don’t have scenery nor solutions here. If it goes belly up, at least it’s pretty while doing it instead of flat cold land lol
mikenco
I'll get the beers in.
reynoldser
Geography isn't a solution. If the situation is bad (gangs, financial prospects) then maybe but we can't move away from ourselves.
ChaseRedMoon
On the California coast there is a little city called Arcata. It has natural protection from the wild fires and never snows. Come visit
JoanneVanderMuff
Send a message if you’re coming out to North Carolina. Beautiful and cheap!
palmo
Words of wisdom from the new God of War. running away from things solves nothing, if you run, try to run towards something.
LordSithis
Come west, I'll hang out with you in Washington. Just ran from Minnesota myself
4locoshaitan
I live in Florida and it is a pretty cool state tbh. We do have a few oddballs here who always manage to get on the national news though
ScorpionSage
That’s a bit of an understatement.
Chalybos
Dude, you’ve literally got “Florida Man” as a classification/headline/job description. It’s clearly not just a FEW oddballs down there.
Baja2276
Penthesilean
It’s because you guys have “shame laws” that require arrests being made public to news. It makes Florida look crazy, when every other state
Penthesilean
is generally the same, they just don’t require reporting it. Source: social scientist.
temporarilyhuman
Long-term relationships become part of your identity. "I am so-so's person." You need a new identity. Job? Community member? Big hobby? 1/
temporarilyhuman
2/ I lived in Malibu for 20 years. That community definitely became part of my identity: surfing, ranches, celebs. Or
temporarilyhuman
3/ Job? It can be all too easy to go all-in on a job, but at least that'd make it an easy next identity. Or
temporarilyhuman
4/ A big hobby, not one you do weekends, but one that you can introduce yourself as. "I hike the tallest mountains in each state." Identity!
kickmyballsrealhard
Thank you so much for the advice!
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acetothermus
Other than having a plan, what's stopping you? Which coast? East, South, or West?
Skyff
NORTH!
usualnamewasteken
kickmyballsrealhard
West
acetothermus
West coast is the best coast.
AchDuLieber
North coast. Swim in Lake Erie. Cleveland rocks.
jwin503
Oregon here. Come hang out and I'll show you around for you to decide. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
wobblecopterrrr
Oregon is pretty great if you don’t mind the general dampness..
kickmyballsrealhard
I LOVE RAIN! Big pluviophile lol
SportsPhotoGirl
I have cousins that live in Oregon and they love it there. My parents have gone to visit them a couple times and they liked visiting there
wobblecopterrrr
The PNW is great, I prefer west of the coastal range, near the coast, there is real stormy rain, inland, it just drizzles.. all the fukkn…-
wobblecopterrrr
-time…