galangalangalang
137535
2849
151
I can't decide if this is horrible or not that bad
Context: Ever since my sister went through a traumatic experience 8 years ago (she was 20), she has been spiraling further downhill. She wasn't facing any other mental health issues besides depression and PTSD until she tried to kill herself. She overdosed on drugs and went brain dead for a few minutes before they brought her back. We were told she would never be able to speak again. And, after she recovered we started to notice her inability to form proper sentences, and she became delusional. For almost 4 years she honestly believed that I was part of the drug cartel and would not let me eat or travel around our parent's house on my own.
But, my sister is a fighter and she is incredibly smart and amazing and she DID learn to communicate again, and she even went back to school and started dating and taking medicine and she seemed like she was doing so well! She also seemed happy, which was so great to see. So, regardless of struggling with OCD, anxiety, ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, she was pushing through and remaining positive and strong!
But then, 3 years ago the doctor she was seeing said that she was doing so good that she could be taken off the medication. I got really nervous because, like anyone who has or knows someone with a mental illness, finding the right medication type and dosage is a grueling, painful process. But also, she was an adult and we couldn't tell her not to go off the medication, so we all hesitantly watched as she made the decision to remove medication from her life...
Immediately after going off her medicine she became delusional and very aggressive (this is what happened before she got on the medicine). She started beating my mom and saying that my dad raped me and we were dating (???). She was still living with my parents while this was happening and I was finishing my final year of school, so I couldn't be there to support her or them during these changes. I would frequently get calls saying she had called the police on my mom or dad, only for her to get in trouble for lying.
Fast forward to the present–
My sister is now 28. She lives at home with my parents and has been locking herself in her childhood bedroom because she is afraid of my parents (she believes they've assaulted her and are out to get her). She gets food by screaming at my mom through the door. She uses my mom, because my mom is the only one who will respond to the emotional and verbal abuse my sister puts her through. She never leaves the house and has severe OCD. She is paranoid of everything - trash, certain foods, cleaner... She is also bulimic and eats $50 worth of food PER DAY(!!). This has resulted in my mom being broke, and having no savings (she is 65 years old). My sister also works out 6+ hours a day, because she is petrified of being fat. She will come out of her room when everyone is asleep to throw her feces and vomit in the bathroom or kitchen sink. My mom will usually wake up at 5 am to clean the mess before she goes to work. My mom and sister are codependent, and it's scary to witness.
I realized the severity of the situation recently when I was visiting home. I did LOTS of research and found that the only option to get her help (because she won't take action herself) is to get a mental health warrant. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a warrant that allows police to forcibly remove your loved one from the house in order to get him/her treated/evaluated for 48 hours.
To anyone reading this, I feel like it will come off like I am a horrible sister who is just trying to medicate and get someone "under control." However, I was/am very worried about my sister and my senior parents. I was worried if I didn't get help soon, someone was going to get hurt, or die. I still believe this is the case. Especially now, because...
...I didn't get the warrant. The judge I talked to said my situation didn't constitute a warrant. He then proceeded to say that this situation will only get worse as she gets older. It was very unhelpful. The way we deal with mental health in America is disgraceful. There is a lot more to this situation, of course, but to write it all out fully would require paragraphs and paragraphs of explanation.
More context:
I'm 25
My family lives in DFW area of Texas
And finally.... Does anyone have any advice? I feel so lost with this.
To those of you who took the time to read this, thank you so much.
TL;DR My sister has a mental illness that is causing her and my parents to live in unsafe conditions. I got scared and tried to get her forcibly removed from the home.
UPDATE: I wanted to write an update saying THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the support and advice. I did not expect to get so many comments. I have genuinely taken all of your kind thoughts and suggestions into consideration. Another thing I wanted to say that I didn't write in my original post is: you are not alone. Mental illness is a huge part of American society, and many people struggle with things related to mental health (God knows I do!). If you are struggling, know that you are not alone, you are loved and it's okay to ask for help. Thank you again, Imgur community, y'all are great.
#mentalhealth #advicebear? #help #confession #knowvember
LadyPeppercornthethird
My Mom always told me "if you want to live in my house you have to take your medication", she was always true to her word, so I always did.
eagleandy93
Horrible, record EVERYTHING, keep text logs of conversations with your parents and sister, keep trying to get her the help she needs
BoringOldBastard
Get out for your own safety and happiness.
galangalangalang
I've been told this multiple times, so thank you for saying it again. I think I'm slowly realizing there is nothing I can do but this.
furieh
Get her back on meds right now. Please.
chronoivan
The state of mental health care in america is 'someone should do something about this! what's the new stranger things ep like?'
morelikeoregroanian
@op Please read Codependent No More. It changed how my family and I handled each others mental illness and we're finally happy and healthy
morelikeoregroanian
This book has been the most important book to my life, even before the Bible, and that's a statement comin from me
galangalangalang
I think my mom may have this book. I'll search the shelves. Thank you for sharing and glad to hear things are more positive in your life
pineapplepunch
Exact same situation here. My sister is now 43 and still lives with my dad after she drove my mom to a stroke. Get her help now!
galangalangalang
I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope the best for you and your family.
GrundyGoat
I am a police officer in TX. I am very familiar with mental health and policing. If you have questions, I will answer them as best I can.
galangalangalang
This is incredible, thank you so much for offering up your expertise.
johnnydangerous
Second, Third, Fourth of opinions - psychiatry isn't the science we're led to believe. (1/2)
johnnydangerous
The only specialty medicine that doesn't study the actual organ they work with. (2/2)
Dustbina
I lived in a similar situation with my schizo mother, took a long time to convince my grandmother to get her committed. You did right.
Dustbina
It also took multiple home doctors visits (despite her very obviously being a danger to herself/living in squalor and delusion.)
Dustbina
And even then, only when I just outright said I felt she was a threat to my grandmother did they move to do anything.
galangalangalang
This is very similar. I'm sorry it took so long to get help :/ Thank you for sharing your experience.
deadbeat44x
First things first, get yourself a therapist. Sounds like a whack situation you're in
galangalangalang
Yeah, it's pretty whack. I'm going to be doing some research on good therapists and doctors in the area. Thanks for commenting :)
pigwitz
For yourself ... not just your sister. Talking to somebody who can help you stay strong is important
galangalangalang
I'm definitely realizing this more and more. Thank you.
ABirdWalkedOnMyPillow
I’m suspicious of any multiple diagnoses. Have they considered for Borderline Personality Disorder?? It can look like ADD/Bipolar/psychosis.
ABirdWalkedOnMyPillow
Especially when there is trauma involved.
galangalangalang
You know, I'm not sure. It could be that she has just gone to so many different docs who diagnose her with different things because they (1)
galangalangalang
don't know. But maybe it is BPD. Thank you for sharing this, it's opened up many questions.
ABirdWalkedOnMyPillow
It’s worth looking into. Obv I don’t know her at all! But it can be really, really severe like this. But I hope it gets better... <3
galangalangalang
Thank you!
Mocpages
Holy crap OP. I'm so sorry. Internet hugs?
galangalangalang
Thank you. Internet hugs are better than no hugs :)
Jamerperson
galangalangalang
FooSystems
If you can’t get her committed, you should try the other route and contact Adult Protective services to have your mom removed
galangalangalang
Hm. I haven't thought of removing my mom. I did contact APS about my sister, though, which is how I saw a judge. (1)
OfallthestupididioticWTF
72 hour psyc hold she might stay longer just until she gets medicated and stable she is a threat to herself and your mom
galangalangalang
Yeah, it's true. I will keep looking for a way to get her out of the home.
galangalangalang
Maybe Texas is just shit? ha Thank you for the advice :)
Noob3rts
Consult a Psychologist and/or Psychiatrist. There isn't much you can do for something like this since you aren't legally in charge of her
Noob3rts
(3) and is putting herself as well as others in danger. She'll end up in a mental facility, but it should "hopefully" start to help her.
Noob3rts
, but I would suggest taking that step if you love her. If all else fails, hop over to the Police and let them know she is mentally unwell
galangalangalang
Yes, I think consulting a psychologist or psychiatrist is something I should do. It's hard, but I think you're right. Thank you :)
Noob3rts
Best of luck. I know it isn't easy on you or anyone, but just remember that sometimes mental disorders have behaviour that is out of their
galangalangalang
Thank you for the support.
Noob3rts
(2) control. Bipolar is definitely one of those. It can cause serious stress to parents, let alone a family. Just do what is best for her.
wuzzyvear
Perhaps trying to do something about your sister is the wrong approach. Maybe your mother should be confronted. If she would 1/2
wuzzyvear
cooperate with you things would begin to heal. Maybe find some parents of (insert affliction) support groups, and have them convince 3/4
DeathLemons
It is not an easy thing... to see your baby in so much pain.
galangalangalang
I think you're dead on with this. I think focusing on helping her would slowly guide things in the right direction. Thanks for the advice :)
wuzzyvear
Np.
wuzzyvear
your mother she is only enabling your sister's behavior. Also that, the only way your sis will get better is to get her help.
homersimpson181
Sent a message about possible help, no idea if I am using the message thing correctly....
galangalangalang
I think I just sent a response? Hope you received it!
homersimpson181
Ditto
miagron
Hey @op I just went through something similar with bipolar husband. She can have a 4800 commitment if you tell authorities she’s 1/...
miagron
A danger to herself or others. Make sure to document as much evidence as you can and the most recent. They will want a week’s worth of 2/...
miagron
Stuff. Hospital she is taken to will decide if she needs court ordered detention after observing 48-72 hours. Make sure you get your 3/...
miagron
Your mom some help too. A support group for parents of kids with mental illness is a good place to start. You’ll need her on your side.
galangalangalang
Thank you for sharing this :)
CheshirecatOnmyChest
Be the support your parents need. Listen when you can. Document when things go wrong. I hope you can get her the help she needs soon.
galangalangalang
This is very kind, insightful advice. Thank you very much.
Argondey
I can't offer advice about most of it, all I can say is that I have ADHD and I never want to be unmedicated me again.
galangalangalang
I appreciate the comment, and I still consider it a huge help. It brings me hope to hear ppl have found a balance with medication and (1)
galangalangalang
are living their lives. So thank you for sharing.
ArchPigeon
This is horrific, I'm so sorry. I think your doing the right thing trying to get your sister help. She's hurting herself, and her family :(
galangalangalang
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that.
earthbndmissfit
You need to take care of yourself first. I've been where you are. You aren't a bad person if you walk away and live your life.
Peppersheep
This comment should be at the top. ALWAYS take care of yourself first- speaking as someone who has been on both sides.
galangalangalang
I'm slowly getting there, but it always helps to keep hearing. Thank you for telling me again, I appreciate it.
ScienceExperiment
Find a way to get her back on to medication. Lie to her and say it's diet pills if you have to. She'll be thankful once she stabilises.
pigwitz
While I agree that this would be best - her sister is an adult and drugging her without her consent is illegal - it's complicated
dottedglass
It's not like she'd be able to sue or have any credibility of she went crazy about it.
galangalangalang
I've thought of this, too, but I have no idea how to even get medication without getting prescribed some for myself? I agree with you, tho.
wolfpreist
I wouldnt do that... Pretty sure drugging someone like that is illegal...
galangalangalang
Yeah. My head goes there, but I don't think I would ever do it. I'd hate to hurt her, and then get myself or parents in trouble. AH!
wolfpreist
Hearts in the right place, but yeah, that's not a good thing to do. you want her on the meds voluntarily other wise what's the point?
galangalangalang
Yeah. It would definitely be ideal to get her help and prescribed meds. Hopefully soon that will be a reality.
iAmScaredOfTheUnknown
Maybe talk to the Dr that prescribed it in the first place? Idk but best of luck to you OP
shouldbestudying
This may work as long as the doc isn't an incompetent dick. If he/she is, try shopping around for different Psychiatrists.
whatwhatitsaduck
I’m not really sure how prescriptions work in USA but is doctor shopping considered illegal? And would unknowingly slipping her pills /1
whatwhatitsaduck
Be illegal, too? I’m not being mean but I’m just hoping to help OP consider all angles /end
galangalangalang
It's definitely an option I haven't looked into. Thank you :)
cancerriddenlung
If she is as far gone as your post says...she needs to be hospitalized until the medication can at least reach a baseline level. (ie no
cancerriddenlung
missed doses, no missed meals, no missed sleep)
galangalangalang
Yep, I totally agree with you. I think if we could get her there then in a few years she would see we were just trying to help her.
cancerriddenlung
You'll likely only get a week.
mossymossy
Bad idea...
galangalangalang
Yeah, doesn't seem like a smart option. Or even possible.
DemonicLemming
"Your situation doesn't require a warrant. Your situation will only deteriorate with time." This is why mental health "medicine" is fucked
galangalangalang
Yeah, it's incredibly infuriating.
Traja01
I have to agree with the judge. Not sure the legal system is the way to deal with mental health issues. I'm sure it's frustrating though.
Captaindashasy
Ok so if she is being aggressive/threatening/suicidal the family she can still be 5150'd by the police for 24 hours pending a psych eval.
homersimpson181
5150? That's Cali right? It's 10-96 in Texas.....
Captaindashasy
*towards the family. Dm me if you want to know more
galangalangalang
Hm. Okay. She is definitely verbally aggressive. I think getting police involved is the best option, sadly. Thank you!
Captaindashasy
You have a right to feel safe in your home. But definitely wait for an outburst. Cops wont do anything without an outburst.
Rosie2003
You basically have to wait for them to attempt suicide/murder before you can get someone committed. It's bullshit.
galangalangalang
It's the sad truth. That's what we told the judge, too. We said she was going to kill herself and he said,
galangalangalang
"I sure hope that doesn't happen, ma'am." Such shit.
TitaniumDragon
Taking away someone's civil rights is a big deal. The parents could just kick her out.
Rosie2003
Yeah, it's better to let her commit murder and/or suicide so we don't run afoul of the ACLU.
TitaniumDragon
So you think it should be legal to involuntarily commit someone just because you want to?
galangalangalang
I think only if it is for their own safety and well-being, yes. But I think there should be case workers and a process to it. More so (1)
Manateechica
And then she'll just end up at the homeless shelter where caseworkers like me have to deal with them and then ultimately they end up in jail
TitaniumDragon
Hooray! The system works!
galangalangalang
Yep! And most parents and family members don't want their loved ones to be on the streets. So, back to square one.
Crossark
Point of order: This is mental health jurisdiction, not medicine.
wuzzyvear
Good luck OP.
galangalangalang
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
cephalopodrex
My sister has schizophrenia and was warrented twice. It's the only thing that helps psychosis and you need to call 911. PM me if you want.
galangalangalang
I'm sorry to hear that your family has had to deal with that. Thank you for sharing and providing support. It gives me hope to take action
cephalopodrex
It took 6 years for my sister to recover; it was hell but she's herself again. They have been lowering the meds for 3 years now. good luck!
galangalangalang
So happy for your sister, and you. Thank you for sharing, I appreciate the support. :)
willward1978101
Good on you for your effort, sorry i have no advice
galangalangalang
No worries, the kind words are still very appreciated. Thank you :)
willward1978101
I cant donanyrhing about my druggie step siblings either so i know the pain
galangalangalang
I'm very sorry. It's hard to see loved ones struggle and be unable to help them. Best of luck.
willward1978101
Nothing i can do, its up to them thanks though
galangalangalang
Exactly.
igobeder
video record her outbursts and take it to the doctor that took her off the meds, and see if he can help you.
galangalangalang
I haven't thought of this, but I have been recording a lot of her outbursts. Maybe this should be a next potential step. Thank you :)
sarahnvanweeren
You could try accepting that your parents abused her so bad her mind is fried.
Cats2cats
Reapply to the judge submitting the videos.
ShitpostCentralWasTakenNowImSad
Update on the story?
Crossark
Definitely talk to the doctor about the changes that have occurred as a result of stopping medication. If he's stubborn, get a new one.
galangalangalang
Yeah, I think I need to start talking to docs. Thanks for the comment :)
awwwwwwww
All the doctor can do is take it as information. Doctors cannot speak about patients to others w/o signed permission.
galangalangalang
Yeah. It seems like they may say they can't do anything without her asking for help. I'll check. Thank you.
Crossark
If you make it clear to them that their inaction is causing harm to other people, he should get the message to start advising your sis (1/2)
cancerriddenlung
The hardest part is getting a doctor who's worth a crap...and keeping them.
galangalangalang
You said it. I think that's one of the biggest reasons why people are relieved to get off meds in the first place.
cancerriddenlung
For people like your sister...meds are for life. Unless some fancy nanotechnology or gene therapy seen only in comic books comes to pass.
Ivain
Yep. Im not a fan of medication for mental issues, but symptom suppression is better than nothing at all...
galangalangalang
Man, wouldn't that be nice. But, yeah, it's the sad truth.
OhCrapIDidntMeanToPickThisName
Take her to the ER for eating disorder/malnutrition. (1 The ER staff usually have means to streamline this process and leave out legal BS
OhCrapIDidntMeanToPickThisName
(2 ER will probably insist on a mental evaluation. (3 It may help you mother see it. (4 Lack of nutrition may be exasperating the issue!
galangalangalang
I haven't thought of this, it's a great idea. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
OhCrapIDidntMeanToPickThisName
No problem.
onelostcat
Commit her. She us a danger to herself and others. JPS ir Parkland bitg have psych floors, they'll hold her for 72 hours. Transfer her to a
oneoldman
This. Especially if you explain her delusional behavior/aggression/history of attempted suicide, and that she's suicidal she may get 72hrs
onelostcat
Private hospital during this time period. There's a good one in Denton. Don't ask how I know all this. Just do it. She deserves the help.
onelostcat
So does your mom. Good luck. It's hard.
galangalangalang
Yeah, JPS is where they wld've taken her if we'd gotten the warrant. I don't think we can't do anything forcibly becuz she's legaly an (1)
galangalangalang
adult. But I guess there COULD be another way? I'll have to do more searching. This is very helpful, thank you so much.
SexDrugsBirdsandRocknRoll
If you go this route, one thing I've heard is that you have to get solid evidence that she's a danger to herself or others.
onelostcat
No. You can whether she's an adult or not. If she's a danger to herself or your mother. Period.