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A Cybertr, erm, WankPanzer has sunk in the harbor in Ventura, Calif. after its driver attempted to load a jet ski into the water. Musk previously claimed the WankPanzer could be used as a boat for a short period of time, allowing the vehicle to cross rivers.
Crazycoke1994
Idiots following what an idiot says to only lose money to said idiot.
SilenceLikeWisdom
"Ok, who's the U-boat captain?"
Doompug
To be faaaaaair, a U-boat is a boat.
idiotsonfire
Go fuck yourself, fascist, you bought the fuckup truck, I'm glad you're out >$100k. Anyone that still owns a Tesla is a fascist enabler.
borocanuck
That's it acts like a submarine after that short period is really pleasing.
PunnyTiger
what's that? Elon made shit up and actually has no clue? Use as a boat? it fucking dissolves in water like toilet paper, which is approprate considering the shitstains that drive them
alwaysupvotethegoat
A pile of shit CAN be a hat. Don’t recommend that either. Fucken magtards.
busterfixxitt
Well, was the driver electrocuted, or eaten by the shark?
Whichever it is, it could be a fluke; we'll need to request the experiment a few hundred more times.
Quessir
I thought Swasticar was perfect, and here you hit us with the WankPanzer.
firlefranz
That´s a perfect analogy for their stock price:
"Tesla has lost over 800 billion dollars in stock market value since December."
Sauce: https://www.forbes.com/sites/shaharziv/2025/03/11/tesla-stock-plummets-50-since-december-heres-how-investors-can-manage-the-volatility/
Mehlbox
5ing
Aw, a simultaneous lithium-battery fire would have been a nice addition. Well, maybe tomorrow
witheredspoon
That happens when they pull it out of the water.
digitalaaron
GrandmasterSpank
Redshirt looks like he will buy another Cybercuck just to "own the libs" or whatever dumbass logic they always use.
B0reas
Obligatory "You can't park there, mate.".
jinbee
PaperinoVB
"Musk previously claimed the WankPanzer could be used as a boat for a short period of time" and some idiot believed that. Probably together all his other lies. Not technically worth of the prize, but... well done, right Dr. Darwin?
StTriniansHeadBoy
It’s definitely a bold claim to make of a vehicle whose warranty is voided if you take it through a car wash
schrodingerscatfood
dwarfinathonginacaskinthewaterwoooo
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Surely it's a Panzer Wank?
Necromartian
I was more inclined towars Wanker Panzer.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
But it's Panzar Tank?
Necromartian
Original German term is Panzerwagen. It was shortened to just Panzer in speech, and would mean a tank. Now I do appreciate Panzer wank, as it is a good play on words and means a Tank wank. I however prefer my Wanker Panzer because it means "wanker tank" and the rhyming ends of Wanker and Panzer makes it more pleasant to say, in my opinion.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Semantics is an important part of insults +1
subparsubpoena
Ha, another Tesler Swastikar bites the dust!
Snarkywisecrack
Trump said "Tesler" yesterday trying to endorse them by buying one.
whitebbwolf
if u misuse German, do properly. They re "Lutscher Laster" cauze Wank is not known in the German language. and I hate Denglish
madjo
butcherfan0301
Can be used as a boat but can't go through a car wash
myloveforyouislikeatruckberserker
He got rich lying about what he’s selling. That’s not even a talent, so frankly I only blame anyone who’s ever bought anything from him. And this weird general insanity in the media which has believed him to be extraordinary in any way other than being devoid of any moral fibre.
Radix865
Or left out in the rain.
SakuraSunsets
turbovespa
boat? it's some sort of submarine. a broken one, that sunk
Johwin
Fuck em
AyatollahBahloni
Bigblackdick69
CouldntCakeLess
olololololol
mumbleape
And if I may: lmfao
ZeldaShotFirst
You may
humblewordsmith
Dare I roflmao?
KingORedLions
It absolutely can be used as a boat for a short period of time, just nobody mentioned quite how short that period of time was.
wisher1977
Technically all automobiles are boats for at least a moment…
SlippeyPetey2000
CyberT: Reaches hydroplane speed.
Me: "Boat mode engaged"
Goldensands
And just the 1 time
marcnoel1052
Planck time.
AtmaDarkwolf
lol the fine print that was never there. :P
DaveSamsonite
It can even become a submarine.
landbaronness42
Guys lucky it didn’t lock him in and kill him like it did Mitch McConnell’s sister in law.
Icantthinkofacleverusernametouse
Everything's a boat the question is how long before it becomes a submarine
p7zjnq9gei9000
Ford Crown Victorias will actually float for a surprisingly long time.
OtterlyMagnificent
A Crown Vic is a better boat than a Wankpanzer
Iryshe
once.
YuckFuMaga
4 seconds. Then it shorts out.
Ha ha to that stupid fuck
iWantedAcoolNameButTheyOnlyHadThisOne
Also, nobody mentioned whether it will still be usable afterward. I mean, also a sheet of paper can be used as a boat for a short period of time.
NorthmanoftheNorth
Once you go float, you can't undo boat.
madeejit
Anything can be a boat once.
kJerAFK
Or whether the boat could float
LastEverUsername
Until the cartoon coyote realises he's fucked up!
cheesedogs
Meanwhile in China https://www.wired.com/story/this-chinese-luxury-hybrid-suv-combines-a-tank-a-bentley-and-a-boat/
Oatmealman1
Every swastikar owner should give it a try! It's great fun for everyone!
Jimbo64
spinballwizardmtg
Maxim 32: Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.
dffksh
I think that one will just go "THOOOOOOM!"
spinballwizardmtg
(I don't think this is coming out of the water.)
BishlamekGurpgork
I mean, maybe with a crane and/or winch.
bildschoen
Something something the Titanic was a boat, too...
derekjohn
It's about the same amount of time you can fly, depending on how high the building was.
IAmTheBadW01f
Its terrible aerodynamics probably gives the wankpanzer a relatively low terminal velocity, extending that time
intashu
Falls roughly equivalent to a brick you say?
CodyWeber
"It's hung in the air in exactly the way a brick doesn't. "
SirBonSama
Falls equivalently to a dumpster full of garbage...
MrNobodyWTB
And the garbage is on fire
jeejeejerrycotton
Considering that both Teslas and jetskis are only owned by the worst people, this is a nice twofer.
IllinoisEnemaBandit2
I have a pony
waheliod
Yea, seriously, ouch, don't lump jet skis with cyber owners. We got our own thing going, bastard.
Davos10
Yeah you should rent jet skis.
NotNateEz
I don't own either, but I think you are the worst.
SirBonSama
They're just preemptively trying to prevent the "Democrat terrorist who are jealous of my brilliant son's success" from setting the swastikar on fire.
shorey66
I bought one long before he turned into Hitler. Now I can't sell it because of low value. It's still a good car but I wish I could sell it.
ShaunB
Do what the dealerships are doing, light that sumbitch on fire and get the insurance money out of it.
shorey66
Rather not risk a criminal record when the Tesla board might expel him any day now
thickythickydumdum
I mean...I would assume the jet ski survived the ordeal.
Valdor99
To shreds you say?
TinyLiehon
Mobius is a nice guy
naught101
He's not real though
QuartzPoker
The Multiverse means everyone is real somewhere and somewhen
youreathing
YOU'RE not real.
DimwitF
Your MOM'S not real!
MechKelly
Tesla yes, jet ski no. They're relatively cheap and a lot of fun.
JPandhismightypotato
Someone calling someone else the worst people is an interesting stance to take.
InvadingYourSpaces
Jetski's can be cheap fun if you buy an old used one. Cheaper than a PC, honestly.
DadjokeDad
Absolutely! I lost my job a few years ago just as I was about to start a vacation. I picked up the rental jet ski before heading to a friends cottage and can 100% confirm it is impossible to be sad while on a jet ski!
IceWeaselX
I felt attacked because I enjoy jetskiing. Then I remembered that I don't own one.
Loophole exploited.
(I'm admittedly a pretty terrible person at times, though)
rulek
Actual terrible people would never admit that.
macgerdo
"I'm admittedly a pretty terrible person at times, though" welcome to the club.
Once you are able to judge yourself, it's even easier to judge others. We are all terrible.
ChiLLeCheeze
Not me. My dog thinks I'm the best person. Are you going to argue with my dog? He'll beat up your dog. Not really because he's a sweet dog.
macgerdo
Only a moron would question what a dog says. Give him a treat for being a goodest boy and another one for not beating me up.
jeejeejerrycotton
Jetskis are for people who value their own entertainment over the well-being of others. (Not to mention local wildlife.) You should try a row-boat.
vanderzee
100% this
waheliod
Row yourself to a good time, on a jet ski.
siddily1
I didn't realize jet skis were so bad for everyone. I don't think a row boat is going to offer the same entertainment though lol.
jeejeejerrycotton
You've seriously never noticed they make a shitload of noise compared to basically any other water-going vessel?
jeejeejerrycotton
Have you tried?
angus02
Former coxswain here, Jetskis are more fun
Gayforbae
This has the same vibe as meat eating is for those who value their own taste over the wellbeing of animals. You should eat mung beans instead.
jeejeejerrycotton
I've never eaten a jetski. And I can't eat legumes.
Gayforbae
You've also never aced the reading comprehension portion of the SAT i see.
ninjarnia
rbudrick
Eastbound and Down is the funniest show ever made, period. Always Sunny is a close runner up, but maybe wins anyway due to 4x more content.
tinydog
Big ass titties!
geraltofriva
Exactly who I thought of when the jet-ski was mentioned.
dragoonwraith
I am unfamiliar with this so I inserted Willem Dafoe’s “There was a FIIIREFIIIIIIGHT!” from Boondock Saints here, and it’s honestly pretty glorious.
ninjarnia
Unfamiliar with Kenny Powers, the All-American hero (from Eastbound and Down)?
Ryebread91
Sauce?
SniffMyPinkies
Eastbound and down
Leethesuperflea
Man what a cross over but kind of makes sense, as a sailboat owner, jet ski owners can be pretty bad sometimes. No offense to those that responsibly jet ski however.
sethb1978
I own a large pontoon boat but often enjoy kayaks and jet skis can be real dicks to kayaks and people fishing
Leethesuperflea
True, I like kayaking but same for kayakers, they seem bad but it's often that they don't know the rules of navigation because they don't need to know.
sethb1978
I agree