FortuitousFenian
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erdholden
Fresh dump.+1
whatevsies
#5 Is incorrect. A bee queen has sex only once in her life, although with a lot of males. She then saves the sperm in her body for later use
istealonlywhaticantaffordthatseverything
MY CABBAGES
SadJoker
YES PENRITH
ShawnWinchesterson
And that ruins Tarzan for me
justbelowme
Bowling ball grip? My wife loves that one.
fuck123456789
yeah sure, legalize cocaine why not?
AlternativeJay
#8. I'd be upset with the retraction
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
TurdsOfWisdom
George Brownridge couldn't have wished for better advertisement.
p0pabear
Plot twist - first story was accurate but the paper had to post the retraction to avoid the PR shit-storm from any of the husbands.
oilyanaldischarge
The last one is the best. +1
grizzlypear
#1
morithum
I think they call #1 a "Brock"
Rob661
I left a bar once with a drunk chick, I was drunk too. We got in my car and she puked all over, I puked too. Worst drive ever.
morithum
Reminds me of Steve Carrell in 40 year old virgin.
dicklashanks
I mean who hasn't pulled an 18??
Lostariel93
Ah the good old yer maw jokes, never gets old
mcradd
#18 - yes, I have been in this situation before
MogseyInnit
The number of people who are gonna understand the immersion joke.....
LittleMissPiggyCas
I'm assuming its not common in other countries?
corneliusgansevoort
Yeah, what?
Vagneon
IM FROM FUCKING PENRITH!
SadJoker
YAY FELLOW CUMBRIAN!! May we never meet.
Vagneon
What area though? Ain't gonna dig no deeper
SadJoker
north west, only really know penrith as a train station. Went to the doctors there once too!
Vagneon
Amazing. I hope you live long and dont succumb to the awfulness that Cumbria has to offer.
SadJoker
Live long and prosper my friend! I do love the lakes, but I'm glad to be finding a life away from them: means its fun to come back to 1/2
DemmyDemon
That last one... I do that with my dog all the time. I talk to her like she's a person. A retarded and very small person.
Arconyte
Sounds like a child :P
LemonFanta
I say this to my dog and he understands. Unlike the class of Kindergartners I taught today.
beatingoffinfrontofapegasus
mine gets really excited when new people come over. After they leave, I make sure to tell her what an embarrassment she is.
DoctorNerdyPants
I tell my cat his behavior is inappropriate & unacceptable. Sometimes he listens.
HesADandyGuy1nSpace
Plot twist someone saw you at the dog park and now your technically internet famous
EverydayPaul
I do that with this one all the time
mattbl
I say please and thank you to my dogs.
Pheanyxe
Science says that dogs DO understand the words we say, regardless of tone. So, even when you call them stupid in a baby voice, they know it.
DemmyDemon
I usually say things like "I'm so glad I don't love you for your intellect!"
KadynMaestri
My dog wishes! My husband tells her, "jump on the table and take anything you want!" when we are eating.
MaybeTheDildoAteYourBaby
Accurate. My dog is a very small person who refuses to poop unless she's standing IN a bush, and likes to eat bees
Pheanyxe
She's just trying to get the honey from the source. And she's modest.
BlumpkinDangle
Lucky, mine just pisses bees off and then has me deal with it.
KthreeVO
I threw a tennis ball into the yard. My dog chased it, stopped it, then picked up a dried up piece of poo and brought it back to my feet.
MaybeTheDildoAteYourBaby
Close enough
ILikeYourGlasses
Mine is afraid of tennis balls. She runs in terror and hides on the bed by the pillows whenever there's one in the house.
bubup
Recreational cocaine. I love it
thomcruzemissile
Nice try, Coca Cola.
SilverSwearsalot
Haha as opposed to commercial cocaine, which you know... would be bad? Haha
hellotheregovenah
That one spoke for itself haha
kickbabies
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
bubup
Was waiting for this! Chappelle!
POOinyourface
We all dooo
BrotherhoodOfTheTaco
laughingsohardifelloffmydinosaur
TheseArentMyGlasses
That gif is fantastic. Thank you.
TheseArentMyGlasses
I suppose it's technically a jpg. Still...
laughingsohardifelloffmydinosaur
It is a gif if you look closely
TheseArentMyGlasses
And a jpg if you look at the filename.