The memes are stolen but the dump, that’s mine..Happy Saturday!!!

May 11, 2019 4:35 PM

#1

#2

#3

#4

I once ordered pizza, forgot, and hid when they came to deliver because I thought it was the cops knocking.

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9
One of my most used responses

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

#18

#19

#20

#21

#22

#23

#24
My favorite ride to work in the AM

#25 No ads?

#26

#27

#28

#29

#30

#31

#32

#33

Saving it for tonight.. First one got me.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Should be “shit I say when I’m drunk”

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The Last Supper was on a Thursday.

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

#25

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#4 holy shit, never seen firefighting gear from that angle... No wonder they spend so much time telling kids not to be afraid of them

7 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

I see a depressed panda in there, it looks funny

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Not to mention that you sound really weird because of the mask and every breath is very loud because of the regulator

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Laughed out loud on the tube going home drunk (late, not in the morning cretins) Everyone crowds round to see what I'm laughing at. I'm 56.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

How high were you when the "cops"came knocking? Lol

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Yes.

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Did u ever get the pizza?

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Hahaha yea, I shut the lights and peeked through blinds...then had my “omg I’m a fucking idiot moment” and opened the door in tears lol

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Solid dump +1

7 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 2

My husbands name is Marco, it’s impossible to call for him in crowds especially around pools.

7 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Gotta come up with a nickname for those situations. Even just Marc or something would be better.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

He doesn’t answer to Marc, I just go with hey you!

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

#31 Tu-Bach

7 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

My favorite comment on this post

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

agreed, completely underrated, that's some clever shit right there

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Underrated comment

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

[deleted]

[deleted]

7 years ago (deleted Dec 2, 2019 2:36 AM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

U rang?

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The last supper would have been on Thursday if he got crucified on Friday

7 years ago | Likes 22 Dislikes 0

Which is why the day before Good Friday is referred to as Maunday Thursday. In many denominations the members wash each other’s feet as 1/2

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Christ washed the feet of his disciples at the Last Supper. It’s a very humbling & moving experience.

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And Tuesday if it were on a Wednesday. You’re doing a good job learning your days of the week.

7 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 2

By the Jewish calendar, doesn't the new day start at sundown? So wouldn't it technically be Friday already by the time they had supper?

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

#25 that took me a full 12 seconds longer than it should have.

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

7 years ago | Likes 454 Dislikes 1

7 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

#1 that's a good compliment

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Where can i get the "hot as balls" weather app?

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I believe it’s called the “Is it supposed to fucking rain again” app

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

BECAUSE ITS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

#7 The style is creepily similar to the Professor Layton games...

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I moved to the east coast about 4 years ago. I really miss Fred Meyers.

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Solid memes

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Can someone please explain #23 ?

7 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Got it, thanks!

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Last step is not carpeted but made of wood, matching the floor below. Camouflaged step = fall hazard.

7 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Oh!

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

it's a step you won't see and won't expect on your way down, the staircase also gets wider at the very end FOR NO GOOD REASON!

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Loved it +1

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

#3 I've never got why the insanely rich buy those bloody gin palaces when they could get a decommissioned Aircraft Carrier for less.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Because they're not about practicality, they're about affording brands that afford them a higher status amongst their own circles.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Yeah but what affords you higher status than being drunk on the deck of a battleship in a cloak?

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

The logo of a very expensive battleship wearing a very expensive designer cloak? I mean I would be happy with a used jet carrier

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

You have the right of it. Buy a decommissioned naval warship (cruiser, battleship, or aircraft carrier, depending on preference/dick size)

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

(3) executive chefs to man the upgraded galley, and you can even keep the brig as is for some kinky shit. You deserve to be rich, sir.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

(2) and then sail that bitch to the shipyards and trick the fuck out of it. Hot tubs everywhere, luxury interior, stripper poles for days..

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

An aircraft carrier is not luxurious.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

I imagine decommissioned warships are neither comfortable, nor affordable to operate. I mean I still want an APC with a bar in it...

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Because Gin Palace

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#2 difference between rich and wealthy right there

7 years ago | Likes 91 Dislikes 8

So if I start sitting in the fridge I’ll become wealthy? Thank you fortune cookie!

7 years ago | Likes 37 Dislikes 0

Well if you're sitting in your fridge, it's probably empty. Which means you broke.

7 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Not if it means you can afford to eat out for every meal and therefore have no need of perishable groceries

7 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I’m wealthy in past due letters!

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#3?

7 years ago | Likes 56 Dislikes 0

#1 I bet he ate a lot of pineapple beforehand, too.

7 years ago | Likes 80 Dislikes 2

I’m having trouble explaining this comment to my friend.

7 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Pineaple juice makes pee pee juice not taste like ass.

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Pineapple enhances the flavor of the stuff he's been "saving up".

7 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

#4 & #7 both extracted genuine laughter.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The “Show me your vagina if you want to live!!!” is now something I say pretty frequently lol even to my hubs

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

#9 is wrong on so many levels...

7 years ago | Likes 718 Dislikes 6

7 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

7 years ago | Likes 43 Dislikes 2

You sonofa.... +1

7 years ago | Likes 79 Dislikes 2

That’s some next level dad shit right there

7 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

It's like fucking on an elevator

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Now I feel kinda dumb I didn't get it... Okay, I just feel dumber.

7 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

I fucking hate you. take your filthy +1 you dirty mongrel.

7 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

God. Dammit.

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

It’s actually only wrong on a few levels but I get that everyone’s perspective on the matter will be different.

7 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 13

Go to your room

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I need to step up my dad joke game. Well done.

7 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

[deleted]

[deleted]

7 years ago (deleted May 15, 2019 11:21 PM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

I'm pretty sure they knew that, and were explaining it for anyone who had missed it.

7 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 1

Jokes are not meant to be explained.

7 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 2

I had missed it, and thought it was an idiot who didn’t know how a level works saying that they’re giving bad results

7 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

God bless lol

7 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0