daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
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#1
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#4
I once ordered pizza, forgot, and hid when they came to deliver because I thought it was the cops knocking.
#5
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#9
One of my most used responses
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#24
My favorite ride to work in the AM
#25 No ads?
#26
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#33
ingenredes
Saving it for tonight.. First one got me.
sarcasticallyJustified
Should be “shit I say when I’m drunk”
BertrudeVasDiffrens
The Last Supper was on a Thursday.
red411
#25
TheOnlyPtylerdactyl
#4 holy shit, never seen firefighting gear from that angle... No wonder they spend so much time telling kids not to be afraid of them
DigiT00l
I see a depressed panda in there, it looks funny
IHateToTurnUpTheVolumeOfMyTvBecauseMyCatIsSnoring
Not to mention that you sound really weird because of the mask and every breath is very loud because of the regulator
twiddlepipper
Laughed out loud on the tube going home drunk (late, not in the morning cretins) Everyone crowds round to see what I'm laughing at. I'm 56.
areyouhavingastroke
How high were you when the "cops"came knocking? Lol
daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
Yes.
LucidAftermath
Did u ever get the pizza?
daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
Hahaha yea, I shut the lights and peeked through blinds...then had my “omg I’m a fucking idiot moment” and opened the door in tears lol
ApparentlyImaPsychopath
Solid dump +1
Lulabel73
My husbands name is Marco, it’s impossible to call for him in crowds especially around pools.
mikekearn
Gotta come up with a nickname for those situations. Even just Marc or something would be better.
Lulabel73
He doesn’t answer to Marc, I just go with hey you!
Noismute
#31 Tu-Bach
daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
My favorite comment on this post
ShaaeBaae
agreed, completely underrated, that's some clever shit right there
uthminsta
Underrated comment
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daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
U rang?
DigiT00l
The last supper would have been on Thursday if he got crucified on Friday
ThelmaTidwell
Which is why the day before Good Friday is referred to as Maunday Thursday. In many denominations the members wash each other’s feet as 1/2
ThelmaTidwell
Christ washed the feet of his disciples at the Last Supper. It’s a very humbling & moving experience.
iquestionthepinappleeveryday
And Tuesday if it were on a Wednesday. You’re doing a good job learning your days of the week.
AdmJota
By the Jewish calendar, doesn't the new day start at sundown? So wouldn't it technically be Friday already by the time they had supper?
Private4160
#25 that took me a full 12 seconds longer than it should have.
red411
MasterFlippyFloppy
lungbudda
cominginhot
#1 that's a good compliment
LucidAftermath
Where can i get the "hot as balls" weather app?
daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
I believe it’s called the “Is it supposed to fucking rain again” app
Maclacakop
BECAUSE ITS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL
dogmoind
#7 The style is creepily similar to the Professor Layton games...
gurneypusher
I moved to the east coast about 4 years ago. I really miss Fred Meyers.
HD2composer
Solid memes
scriptModel
Can someone please explain #23 ?
scriptModel
Got it, thanks!
rghiibvyjn
Last step is not carpeted but made of wood, matching the floor below. Camouflaged step = fall hazard.
QueenAmy
Oh!
Private4160
it's a step you won't see and won't expect on your way down, the staircase also gets wider at the very end FOR NO GOOD REASON!
Thick44fan
Loved it +1
Hutchy01
#3 I've never got why the insanely rich buy those bloody gin palaces when they could get a decommissioned Aircraft Carrier for less.
ThatTransformersDude
Because they're not about practicality, they're about affording brands that afford them a higher status amongst their own circles.
Hutchy01
Yeah but what affords you higher status than being drunk on the deck of a battleship in a cloak?
ThatTransformersDude
The logo of a very expensive battleship wearing a very expensive designer cloak? I mean I would be happy with a used jet carrier
chiefs86
You have the right of it. Buy a decommissioned naval warship (cruiser, battleship, or aircraft carrier, depending on preference/dick size)
chiefs86
(3) executive chefs to man the upgraded galley, and you can even keep the brig as is for some kinky shit. You deserve to be rich, sir.
chiefs86
(2) and then sail that bitch to the shipyards and trick the fuck out of it. Hot tubs everywhere, luxury interior, stripper poles for days..
onecowboytoo
An aircraft carrier is not luxurious.
Saigon333
I imagine decommissioned warships are neither comfortable, nor affordable to operate. I mean I still want an APC with a bar in it...
z0de
Because Gin Palace
HairyBamBam
#2 difference between rich and wealthy right there
1000AngryBees
So if I start sitting in the fridge I’ll become wealthy? Thank you fortune cookie!
Jaymezians
Well if you're sitting in your fridge, it's probably empty. Which means you broke.
NotLuckyDucky
Not if it means you can afford to eat out for every meal and therefore have no need of perishable groceries
1000AngryBees
I’m wealthy in past due letters!
Yeahfuckyeah
#3?
Acefowl
#1 I bet he ate a lot of pineapple beforehand, too.
uthminsta
I’m having trouble explaining this comment to my friend.
orivalx
Pineaple juice makes pee pee juice not taste like ass.
NotACanadian
Pineapple enhances the flavor of the stuff he's been "saving up".
furriephillips
#4 & #7 both extracted genuine laughter.
daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
The “Show me your vagina if you want to live!!!” is now something I say pretty frequently lol even to my hubs
sendmoney
#9 is wrong on so many levels...
coffeeismyfriend
butwhatifiAMarobot
EWGChaos
You sonofa.... +1
iquestionthepinappleeveryday
That’s some next level dad shit right there
pyroshen
It's like fucking on an elevator
nothingontv
Now I feel kinda dumb I didn't get it... Okay, I just feel dumber.
Lucallia
I fucking hate you. take your filthy +1 you dirty mongrel.
ChiliBeef
God. Dammit.
evergreentt
It’s actually only wrong on a few levels but I get that everyone’s perspective on the matter will be different.
jay20003000
Go to your room
Livlalala
johnwill1480
I need to step up my dad joke game. Well done.
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AdmJota
I'm pretty sure they knew that, and were explaining it for anyone who had missed it.
wa27
Jokes are not meant to be explained.
Lilly64
I had missed it, and thought it was an idiot who didn’t know how a level works saying that they’re giving bad results
daytimedrinkingincoffeecups
God bless lol