AlexSilvermane
564128
10652
174
Nov 14, 2014 1:36 PM
AlexSilvermane
564128
10652
174
LegalBeagal
This GOLD Larry, GOLD!
PepeSilviaPepeSilvia
Limerick_Larry rhymes with a British accent
WeaponizedGuitar
English Major? English Major.
zing000
#Limerick_larry
mercurialphoenix
Satisfaction of being the 1000th upvote.
MikePretz
Who the fuck looks at the comments on PornHub?
LegalBeagal
This is GOLD Jerry, GOLD!
HowMuchWoodWouldAChocoboChokeIfAChocoboCouldChokeWood
It's Larry now.
SuperAwesomeFunTimeName
I'm from a place called Limerick ... May I have a friend ?!?
gotreference
Me trying to write a limerick: http://imgur.com/HXIVtay
figsbar
You can hear the accent when he rhymes class, arse and bars
GannJ
Goddammit, because of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me, I can't help but read these in Carl Kassel's voice.
eronth
class arse bars. Interesting.
SN3S
*Slow Clap*
shanonnilion
I'm from Limerick, Ireland and I was very confused for a second
thatsnotright
Limerick Larry must be British or Australian with that accent....
tooomanysteves
Not to mention correctly using "arse" (=bottom) instead of ass (=donkey).
bennythemink
Judging by the slang I would say Irish or English.
tictaclala
or hes from limerick
Efreeti
Judging by the 4th last one I'd say Irish.
imamermaidgangleader
I would like to publish a book of his poetry to read to my children at bedtime.
SheTurnedMeIntoANewtButIGotBetter
Like this ? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E--R1n3O_m4
fonimodo
the literal sequel to Go The Fuck To Sleep
rankdank69
I really really hope you have kids
irrationallime
Sauce: www.pornhub.com
Torenso
Children's first nursery rhymes...
Guest02384
"It's ok honey, I only go on PornHub for the poetry"
BANANAFLAKE
I was thinking something similar when reading this.
Zokalwe
That's not even a lame excuse, that's a perfectly valid reason.
AlexSilvermane
My newest excuse.
onepinksheep
It wasn't as effective as I thought it would be. :(
importvita
Is your right hand still mad at you?
LegalBeagal
I want to browse pornhub now just in the hopes of finding his art.
icypants
You mean people browse pornhub for other things?
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
I always read the comments on porn, I've found some serious gold.
Galahir950
Isn't there a tumblr for that?
BSlick269
Glad I'm not the only one
Jennebriated
If I could find a man to write me a classy limerick such as these after our sexventures, I might actually reconsider marriage.
Empurpled
Oh, good username, you.
Jennebriated
Well thank you!! Why are you turning purple? Are you asphyxiating? Blink 3 times and wink once if I should send help.
Empurpled
I dunno. Tumescence. Embarrassment. Bottled up sarcasm. Flowery writing. Take your pick. One day my username will be relevant. One day...
Jennebriated
You use words good. Brain good. Big word. Smart. We can all dream of username relevance. I won't hold my breath though.
Solkanarmy
A limerick fan from Australia, believed that his rhymes were a failure. They all went just fine, until the fourth line... FUCK.
keyblader1985
Yes
randomtechguy142857
There was a young man of Peru, whose limericks stopped at line two.
randomtechguy142857
There was a young man of Verdun.
Rauxon
Glorious
namelesscynic
An Imgurian with an erection, Was thumbing through Pornhub’s selection.
namelesscynic
But he never did fap, When he wandered off track, And began browsing through the comments section.
Ovunn
A brilliant pervert or a perverted genius?
AlexSilvermane
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgk-lA12FBk
SergiousMaximus
Wait wait wait... there's a Pornhub app????
doctorninja
There once was a fapper named larry...
TragosAmargos
Whose palms were blistered and hairy
doctorninja
He watched lots of porn
doctorninja
To his girlfriend's scorn
doctorninja
And now, they'll never be married.
TammySilverwolf
Which is fine for him; at least his computer could be carried!
OhCasandra
Pure unadulterated poetry!
Civikjm
*pure adult-rated poetry
Howtointernet1
This is like a third of your points. Good start bro
MisterWho
Might be some adultery in there if you read further.
Randomlynn
There's 69 comments on this post right now. Lolol
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
TallCanOChips
I so badly want to believe you're saying this because of the save in the Stars vs. Kings game..
OhCasandra
Aww sorry but I was saying it because of a scene in Always Sunny in Philadelphia!
theczar90
Someone went through quite the fap journey while finding all of these and eventually putting it together.
YoureAGodDamnDirtyLiar
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/557/347/19f.gif
Candymostdandy
We should have a good ol' fashioned Limerick contest. Winner gets one night with Candymostdandy. (No murdering or butt stuff allowed)
tuxedobob
I reply with a hearty Hello"/As I am a reasonable fellow/And fearing my life/I shared this with my wife/ who looked at me and said O HELL NO
NarcTM
I... I love this.
IronicJeremyIrons
Candymostdandy is sweetah/than any imgurian you'll meet-a/Just call me Mr.Irons/I'll set you on fire/and be the Humbert to your Lolita
SonOfTheShire
I've often been told that candy / was, more than most things, quite dandy / but liquor is quicker/ (and good for your ticker) / 1/2
SonOfTheShire
...so use that if it's all you have handy. 2/2
[deleted]
[deleted]
Candymostdandy
Awwww shucks, this is totes romantic.
TheAccursedOne
I know I'm late to the contest/But please, let me stay as your guest./I'm not here for the win/I just want to join in/
TheAccursedOne
Just please consider me, I behest.
Candymostdandy
I will consider you purely for your use of behest.
TheAccursedOne
Thank you.
TrijezniMujo
Can we dump a body together?
Candymostdandy
Only after I'm done with it.
magichal
If you share my kinky desire / no pleasure of mine could be higher / than to be tied up / for an old-fashioned fuck /
magichal
with this contest's audacious deviser.
matthewsaurusrex
Butt stuff? Not even a curious pinky? What's wrong with you?
JOE2312
THUMB. OF. DESTINY
thedealcornmeal
My coworker has a nice ass, if only I had courage to make a pass, her bosom divine, and hips are so fine, she's really a sexy young lass.
Thundrv
In this state of fervor i'd take the limerics further, but then she ruined the fun for me and my gun when she ruled out buttstuff and murder
Candymostdandy
You have to draw the line somewhere.
politicalhack
I hope Candymostdandy is a gurl / If not, my toes they would curl/ But with some lube and a bucket / and an attitude of "fuck it" /
politicalhack
I'll give the Imgurian a whirl.
Candymostdandy
Short listed.
politicalhack
Ah thank you.
MarquiseDeSade
I couldn't care less of your gender/As long as you fully surrender/A lash of my whip/Duct tape on your lip/To me are such wonderful splendor
SomeDutchGuy
Selling your body on a site full of nerds, is a really good way to get hurt, they won't know what to do, when they get someone like you,
SomeDutchGuy
and will strangle you trying to take of your shirt.
Imgurprettymuchsucks
You won't be able to see out of your eyes / once you've seen my clear dyes / they'll come after a while / of pumping like the Nile /
Imgurprettymuchsucks
I'll leave you with more than sad sighs / Sorry about the creep factor... Best I could do.
Candymostdandy
I like creeps.
Imgurprettymuchsucks
OddlyCantEven
Dandy's wit gets me fappin';If bod matches brain, it's time for tappin';We all enjoy some skin;And because I won't win;Pics or didn't happen
Candymostdandy
Congrats, you are on the short list.
OddlyCantEven
Sweet! I'll do some warm up exercises by licking Tootsie Pops all the way to their center...
Candymostdandy
Make sure to count how many licks it takes.
shaftinferno
Like no butt stuff to you or to us? I'd try to write a poem to hit on you, but I'm not a smart man.
thedealcornmeal
If Eminem can do it, so can you. And write a poem.
TheyCallMeCaptainAmerica
What do you have against murdering?
hideakikarate
It's a leading cause of death around young, healthy mob boys and gangsters.
SevenAngryTortoises
And butt stuff?
MyOtherCarisAUnicycle
Commenting because this is awesome and I need to find it later.
beardface5
I'm pretty sure you started the greatest comment thread ever. This isn't a limerick but I'd like to film it. For science!
Candymostdandy
You want to film the thread? Or the dirty sex?
beardface5
The dirty sex. I have the thread already. HAHAHA... sorry. I'll leave now.
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
There isn't much to be seen / In our great town of Aberdeen / Except for one man / Who calls himself Dan / And walks with a big honking peen
PepeSilviaPepeSilvia
Fuck you man.
PepeSilviaPepeSilvia
*Dan
Candymostdandy
Dan has a huge cock? Maybe I don't hate him as much as I thought...
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
Certainly. One might even say he's a "swell" guy.
WorldsFirstAnalrapist
No butt stuff makes this a bum deal.
Candymostdandy
I'd let you do butt stuff, just don't tell the others.
politicalhack
Butt, butt, butt why??? I wanna do it toooooo!
Candymostdandy
Fine, you can do it too as long as you promise not to tell.
politicalhack
Don't tease me!
WorldsFirstAnalrapist
Candymostdandy
I'll be off work in like 45 minutes.
WorldsFirstAnalrapist
Sadly, my limerick skills don't match my skills between the sheets, else I'd take advantage of this situation (and you).
TheBOULDER
The BOULDER once had a large debt, He entered a tournament to collect,
Reks227
my hero returns
whyexactly
I want to see where this goes
TheBOULDER
His opponents toppled and fell, 'Till he faced a blind girl,
TheBOULDER
For weeks upon end, he so wept.
TheBOULDER
When can The BOULDER come over?
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
When your limerick beats my limerick, so never.
Candymostdandy
I'm so sorry, The BOULDER, you should have rhymed lines 3 and 4, I'm afraid I have to disqualify you this time :(
ThePastor0fMuppets
Limericks are really tough/ but I heard you like it rough/ I hope you haven't been chaste/ or mind a salty taste/
ThePastor0fMuppets
because I'm going to destroy that muff
Candymostdandy
Nice. Very nice.
ThePastor0fMuppets
Did I win? :D
Candymostdandy
The results are still being tabulated.
AKUUUUUUUUUUUU
This road of life he walked alone While all his friends were getting stoned He drank his booze Saw her caboose But got AIDS after theyboned
oneofakindusername2
I am GROOT I am GROOT I am GROOT.
oneofakindusername2
I am GROOT I am GROOT I am GROOT
oneofakindusername2
I am GROOT I am GROOT.
oneofakindusername2
I am GROOT I am GROOT.
oneofakindusername2
I am GROOT I am GROOT We are GROOT. - Groot.
YOLNT
A chance like this you don't get often / To swoon her and make her heart soften / With eloquent rhyme and words so benign / (1/2)
YOLNT
"lemme smash pls" is as far as I've gotten. (2/2)
do2g
Somebody give this guy the internet. He has won.
Candymostdandy
I applaud your effort and would totally let you tongue kiss me.
NarcTM
This is so perfect.
azurepenguin
I found this moment really awkward and weird, then I noticed that it was posted by yourself talking in the third person.... :P
badasszilla
Balls
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
One user makes me so randy, I only wish to be given a handy, I'll do what I can, simply hope you're no man, That user is @candymostdandy
calway
That was well played and I enjoy your username.
DarkyAlan
Bra-fucking-vo
DarkyAlan
Bra-fucking-vo
HeavenIsABetterPlaceIHopeYouAllDie
Bruh-Fudging-bow
iNeedaDent64
Candymostdandy better deviler
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
MRW they don't
DownWithTheJehovahsSickness
I was expecting http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/617/851/56d.gif
Candymostdandy
I like this enough to double fist that handy.
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
And I think if were gonna get into double fisting then I should probably start out buying you a nice dinner.
Candymostdandy
You're the one who will be getting double fisted, so technically I should be the one taking you to dinner.
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
Steakhouses are good, but I suppose you can decide where to take me.
MeatWadGetsTheHoneysG
My body is ready
KroniK907
The cadence of the second line is terrible. Should be: I only wish for a handy.
importvita
ElbowDeepinaTinyOctopus
No murder or butt stuff? There once was a man from Belgrave who found a dead whore in cave. Oh what a tragedy, must've died from a malady.
ElbowDeepinaTinyOctopus
But think of the money he'll save!
ElbowDeepinaTinyOctopus
Note... not totally OC, though the "must've died from a malady" replaced "what a terrible tragedy", which was a bullshit rhyme.
Relsus
There once was an old man from Chile, whose manner was simple and silly. He'd sit on the stairs, eating apples and pears, 1/2
Relsus
Shooting seeds from the tip of his willy.
Candymostdandy
I like how this took an unexpected turn.
atownmanx
This made my day
SuperrSanta
I wish I weren't so lonely, & candy would play with my peperroni, she must be a girl, if not I might hurl, if mine weren't the only balogna.
Candymostdandy
It's funny how bologna rhymes with pepperoni.
ChiisuChanOffModel
She's willing to have sex with a stranger, Despite all the obvious danger. Well, Fuck it I'm randy, so CandyMostDandy, will you dress as
ChiisuChanOffModel
Hermione Granger?
Candymostdandy
Yes, yes I will.
ChiisuChanOffModel
I didn't think you would reply, I just thought I'd give it a try, but if you take a glance, at the lump in my pants
ChiisuChanOffModel
I'll give you a Boston Cream Pie
hetnkik
There go my plans to murder that butthole.
johnnysockpuppet
I get the aversion to murder, but for butt stuff you know I won't hurt her, so with hope and a prayer and a clutch derrière,
johnnysockpuppet
we'll see if our Candy's a squirter.
TheLastBattlestar
TheLastBattlestar Began, when the cylons attacked again, try as he might, could not stay and fight, Earth is where he ran.
SugarSmack
Ok! I want in on this! Candy, I think of you fondly. And, a night with I am pondering. It would drive me plum crazy, If you would obey me...
SugarSmack
And do all my dishes and laundry!
Candymostdandy
I like to obey. You're definitely a front runner.
SugarSmack
<3
dammitcaboose
This post has points o'er 420,
dammitcaboose
and single Imagurians aplenty
dammitcaboose
Some want a wank
dammitcaboose
or fancy a spank
dammitcaboose
But I am sure not among thee
DownWithTheJehovahsSickness
I am Groot/I am Groot/I am Groot/I am Groot/I am Groot
bigdonkey
Candy wanted a date, with a poetic imgur mate, but when it came time, to pound her behind, she told him instead "masturbate"
SonOfTheShire
Candy is surely a catch / and this is an opportunity anyone would snatch / but the question that's biting / while you lot are writing / 1/2
SonOfTheShire
is "who's even judging this match?!" 2/2
peachtobbler
I dont know where you are from/ all i know is you dont take it up the bum/ i know i am late/ you have sealed your fate (1/2)
peachtobbler
/your inbox probably is overwhelmed with other men's cum
IAMFROOPLAPA
A night with @candymostdandy, I'd like this most certainly, help me take off my pants, we can do a "dance", and we'll end it with a handy
Candymostdandy
I wish my username rhymed with "blowjob" instead of handy.
IAMFROOPLAPA
So do I ;)
corneliusgansevoort
The call went out upon Imgur / from presumably a neckbearded ginger: / "send your limericks to me/ and I'll verily bang thee/ just dont...
corneliusgansevoort
... sodomize or fatally injure."
Candymostdandy
How poetic, you must be an English Major.
Drinkingabeer
butt stuff not allowed, how about we it put it between your tits, it'll feel like fucking a cloud, while being pampered at the ritzs
Drinkingabeer
oh come on a down vote? I tried......
Candymostdandy
A downvote fairy came blazing through, apparently the downvote fairy really wants to spend the night with me. I thought you did a good job.
Drinkingabeer
Well thank you! So....who's the winner?
Candymostdandy
I couldn't decide so everyone is getting 15 minutes...use it wisely.
MysticAdolescent
Users with comments are hurryin/to prove with a rhyme that they'll surely win 1/2
MysticAdolescent
But the coffins to nail/ I'll bring my own scale/ to hook up with this one imgurian
guyswhatshouldmyusernamebe
there once was a limerick contest, to win one night with the best, no butt stuff allowed, with guys well-endowed... (1/2)
guyswhatshouldmyusernamebe
I am going to jizz on her chest
Candymostdandy
I'll allow it.
JeanLucPicard
I'm a little bit late to the party // But mostdandy gave me a hardie // if I were ever to meet 'er // I'd cum a full litre // ...
JeanLucPicard
...As long as I wasn't too tardy.
idrinkfromacup
I'll be winnin' it, ill see you in the sack, screw a limerick, I'm writing a full rap, way too innocent, can't hit it from the back,
idrinkfromacup
Problem is I don't know if your a man see, What if your a man, Candi?
idrinkfromacup
With the face of a banshee and old as Henry Ford, Mustache like Randy dressed up as Lorde, but hey...
idrinkfromacup
Fuck it, I'm bored........Dickbutt for lyfe. RIP TUPAC. This is for you mom.
hetnkik
You started a contest most heinous/Off'ring up sex for free if it's painless/But you'll cry and you'll scream/While I'm living the dream/
hetnkik
Of killing your tight little anus
sux4bux
What once was a curiosity/ has now become my philosophy. / when she sux4bux/ it piques my lust/ and now I can't grow a hardy.
sorrycannotbraintoday
i once met a girl in o'hare / we decided to bang on the stair / on the 58th stroke / the bannister broke / but i finished her off in the air
magichal
rofl, not original
sux4bux
What once started as a curiosity. Has now evolved into my philosophy. y
thedealcornmeal
So..... who won?
MarvLevyForPresident
I'm from Buffalo, so I know I ain't got a shot at this one!!!
GaffyMcBint
Candymostdandy
Nice, the graphic was a good touch, you're short listed, my friend.
cornedbeefhash
But line 1 doesn't rhyme with 2 and 5 :(
GaffyMcBint
long list*
harte
Some say I can be cruel, One girl said Im a tool, But when we were in bed, I would always give her head, And for that she thought I was cool
JOE2312
I hope Candy shaved off her pubes, and stocks an assortment of lubes, I hope she can jiggle them well, upon sight my penis will swell,
JOE2312
and after some fun cum all over her boobs
Candymostdandy
This all sounds good aside from the shaved pubes, it gets a bit too prickly when shaved completely.
hetnkik
I'm thinking this contest is rigged/Making you all dance a jig/'Cause I know this girl/She's the light of my world/
hetnkik
And she's already riding my dick
IBrokeYourGString
A net hook-up, I'll surely admit, would interest me quite a bit. So, here, I'll make my pass: I won't play with your ass,
IBrokeYourGString
But I'll certainly make you submit.
Candymostdandy
Short listed!
bendetta227
I am but a poor mobile user, I cannot afford a computer. Its hard to express, in 140 characters or less all the
bendetta227
Things that make me such a loser