ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
197608
7238
146
He did not
Sep 22, 2016 5:14 PM
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
197608
7238
146
He did not
tpridz
ColdCast
What is this, fucking grade school?
VultureTX
Hi Dad! I'mPREGNATE
Blastergv9
In all seriousness, did he not know she was pregnant? Was the exchange cordial?
Elconquesodor
The music makes this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Khyzj5toqwA
Shagwrath
Hopefully you were actually talking to your wife or doing something worthwhile. Otherwise you're just a cock.
LavChaos
Do people not bother to call the actual workplace anymore? I mean, "bitch, get him, I'm having a baby right now!" would be an awesome call.
snapplebee
With cell phones as prevalent as they are and likely only your S.O.'s personal number saved in your phone...nah probs not.
mrhobbybob
Brock samson the swedish murder machine
ghostofryuchan
God bless that blonde-haired, butter cream-frosted murder cake!
TheFinalDoctor
pregnant women can get away with literally anything
Luthrid
Except from the bathroom.
manmantanfan
Brock muther fuckin Sampson
aninvisiblemaniac
were you talking to your wife or just playing on it because if it was the latter you shouldn't use your wife that way
OrangeBunny11
I am going to go yell at your boss for trying to take your baby. Just call me Joey.
DeusPraetorian
Brock Fucking Samson
iwishjtmoneywasstillavailableitsmyoldvideogamemoniker
Go team venture!
qwerty4007
At my first job ever at AMC in 2001. Only use 25 minutes for my 30 min lunch. Supervisor (bitchily) reminds me I only have 30 minutes... 1
qwerty4007
She thinks I took longer than I did. Without missing a beat I respond, "No problem, I'll come back 5 minutes later next time." ... 2
qwerty4007
I never came back early again, even if my co-workers were drowning in customers. Supervisor never crossed me again either. Still bitchy tho.
MuhammedLee
I hope your wife isn't this dramatic.
AnimeGrandpa
Good luck in your job search, OP
ILikeTheJiggles
^This. I've been fired for less
Surgas
Plot twist: OP wasn't talking to his wife
OutdoorHuman
That was my thought... regardless of why OP should have is phone on duty, what was he doing with it at the time?
NOTsoOrderlyConduct
I'm a grown ass man.. No button shirt ass hat is gonna take my phone
TheCryingOnTheInsideKind
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't hire Brock Fucking Samson
OmnibusLatinName
Dibs on that cigarette but.
KaptainSigyl
Do*
HalloIamherenow
Excuse you, but if I ever encounter Brock Fucking Samson I would want him on my side, hell I'd pay just to not kill me.
Flyndaran
He has all the "manly" superpowers especially the manly Batman one of everyone pretending he doesn't have powers.
d0o0o0d
I'd hire Brock Fucking Samson in a goddam heartbeat, and if the work got done, I wouldn't give a single fuck when he punched in or out.
BrockfuckingSamson
*stamp of approval*
turdferguson74
One quarter cherokee, one quarter swedish, one half winnebago!!!
meeksmcgee
IThinkBeingInLoveWithPandasIsAlright
Did you calmly inform your executive that your wife may be about to labour?
Flyndaran
That may could easily cover an entire month. If he can't do his job, he shouldn't be at work. Just saying.
FauxFargoth
I don't get this attitude of "Work is more important than raising your kids" that pervades US work culture.
foxvoom
I made a Seinfeld version of this -
v
smjack99999
Why tho
grubstep
This is great
BobRossApproves
lollipopPunch
I mean if Bob Ross approves you know it is good.
Vydrach
Got one with out the Seinfeld but with the better font?
foxvoom
Yes -
v
Vydrach
Danke
GradyG
dope
MunsterZero
But Brock has a licence to kill
OmnibusLatinName
What'll ya have, Hockeyhair?
mrchambers
To which that guy didn't know, which is why Brock told him to take it from him, so it would be a justified kill.
Itouchthefishy
I can hear this gif in his voice.
Ashilino
What isnt this from? Because i am totally familliar with this show n all
SpruceCaboose
Assuming you're doing that phrasing thing, it's Venture Bros. Character is Brock Samson.
Rejukem
I can hear the heavy metal music blasting in the background!
CancelledChoir
SAME
wysmith777
Isn't it also the guy who voices Joe on Family Guy, or am I mistaken
Klnwltrnk
Same guy - http://m.imdb.com/name/nm0911320/?ref_=m_tt_cl_i5
UndyingUsagi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NpsXS8bnHE
UndyingUsagi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NpsXS8bnHE
beatingoffinfrontofapegasus
I hear all things in his voice all the time. its wonderful.
PoopBag
Are you... are you Brock Sampson?
SmirkingSkull
Warburton that is.
Nineteenletterslong
I can hear this comment in your voice.
SensualDonut
I can voice this comment in your hear
YourNeighbourRon
I like the smell of your voice
Sithrak
Here, you like his voice, you like him being awesome? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v9ACXP62A8 You're welcome.
FutureVillain
An old boss tried to take my phone once and I laughed at her. My daughter was in the hospital at the time. Value village is the worst .... .
Flyndaran
Well, if you can't do your job, I don't think you have the right to get upset about it to your boss.
andidancedancedance
Only if that boss tries to take your phone.. But I agree otherwise. I will call off if it's an emergency
Flyndaran
Obviously loved ones come first for you, but why must the Boss's job not matter to them?
drfarren
In the US there is something called FMLA. Fight that and prepare to have many levels of govt up your ass laying eggs in your chest.
FutureVillain
.. place to ever work
howmanytimesdowehavetoteachyouthislessonoldman
You had nine months to learn how to spell pregnant...
nb109
He's probably super sleep deprived from making midnight runs for pickles, ice cream, and hoagie rolls.
BlownByTheMonsignor
Plot twist: OP is an air-traffic controller
thisusernameisdefinitelyirrelevant
Chimpanzee
cocapoda
It brings a tear to my eye...
kernelzklukz
Stripper
easybrz
Mid-wife
XxSirSchmoopyxX
I'm leaving a comment so I cba come back these are all so good
Baltakhand
Same
LookingForWorkInColorado
Colonoscopy reviewer.
hugoimgehn
Teacher
Framperton
Fighter Pilot.
Weentit
Neuro surgeon
RootAccess
amputee arms seller in mozambique
DwightKnight
Amish
GreedyJungle
Ice road trucker
EmoWookie33
Train engineer
Werewolph
Brock Samson
easybrz
Suicide bomber
IngrahamLincoln
Telephone operator
DoctorWh0m
Plot Twist: OP's dad is a cell phone
thisiskissel
A mirror
SandpaperCock
gallowsRenegade
Pawn shop owner.
HypnoChanger
Better than pilot. "This is your captain speaking; we're going to be making a slight detour through the local hospital..."
GeorgeHWBushsGhost
Vocalist for Nickelback
wilhelmsen
Terrorist
ToenailCheeseMan
These are all great!
CorneliusCornwall
Fry cook
MyFavoriteThingtoDoisFlakeOnPlans
What's wrong with having your phone as ATC?
SlothArmy
A goat
SecretlySkeletonHitler
Tom Brady
jaminjimmyjames
Pfft. He can just use one of his burner phones. He'll be alright.
SuitcaseJefferson
Darude Sandstorm
IAmTheBadW01f
Mime
AgolfHiller
Street robber
NotAMeatPopsicle
Douglas Quaid and none of this is real.
DoctorMantisTobogganMD
What is this, high school?
unscot
OP has never had a job.
Cal1te
Low level retail maybe? They are always notoriously shitty towards there staff.
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
Bread baker actually... just a real shitty boss
TheMostGiftedSeraph
My first thought was military
ssjalhazred
Probably retail or fast food.
Belatorius
I work in a factory and I was written up twice for checking the time.
uhhMurdok
Damn, there are better jobs bud. Gotta keep shooting for a job that's going to train you to work a field of any kind.
Belatorius
Its mainly my department's supervisor. Hes very by the book
chrishallett83
I would buy a cheap clock and hang it in a highly visible place.
uhhMurdok
In production they all are, numbers are the only thing that matters. Stay doing production anywhere and that will never change.
uhhMurdok
I work in a Mold Making CNC shop, I go on my phone just to get my podcast app on to playlist on so I can listen while I work.
uhhMurdok
Most decent work places don't care what you do as long as you get done what needs to be done and don't take forever to do it.
uhhMurdok
I've worked in a production shop before, it's terrible. Get out now man. Learn stuff so you're not so throw away they can treat u that way
SomeDetroitGuy
Time to buy a watch?
Cere4l
never conform just because someone else is an asshole.
LittleMsSparkles
Pregnate
hotfezz
ohh bitch. now I can see it too
fatfury
ill pregnate yousguyz
Munashiimaru
Nate, preg. The Pregnator.
spacestationnumberfive
Preggasaraus Rex
shumshumschlippetydop
I upvoted you from 666 to 667, you're welcome
LittleMsSparkles
You da real mvp
Zuphalas
Just assume it's a pun and the kid's name is Nate. Then OP is Witty
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
Yes
fatfury
ill pregnate yousguyz
Yamusa
*brutally* HIM
MunsterZero
Noot noot
IAMLEGENDDDDDD
9 months in and he still hasn't figured it out lol
Bossdogs
*Preglant. FIFY
ProxyPlayerHD
https://i.gyazo.com/5047fded9c3ddb1cd15f4862553358d7.png
ashmenon
@OP got a text saying "impregnate me" and exclaims out loud "I'M PREGNATE?! ME?!"
anitabieror6
yeah. you impregnate someone then theyre pregnate. what's the problem? lol
DemonKiller44
Give him a break the guy is probably sleep deprived because of the anticipation
gameboypocket
Trying to decide which spice girl I wanna impregnate
JacaByte
Rhymes with karate
snakeoilsalesman
She's been impregnanted.
MyHumourProbablyIsntForYou
Impregnated?
Alisterfiend
She's natekdup?
heterocera
I think OP's job is to be in the 8th grade.
TheElusiveEnchilada
Pragnet
Maldraek
Pregnate designate OP2.
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
I am not a smart man
Yesaye94
https://media.giphy.com/media/AKaEfzaLlr0yI/giphy.gif
CommentMalone
MunsterZero
Impregnated the wife, that's good.
Veszy
Hi not a smart man I'm dad
InboxMeYourHDGIFs
DickCheneytheDefilerBanned
Is that how you made a baby?
garliconiondillcheeseplease
Snooj
At least you don't have kids.
FXTPD
Well she's pregnant so we gathered that ;) 0 kids 3 money.
BlackHawk44
Best wishes on future fatherhood and my condolences to your sleep
ImaLumberjackAndImAlrightAlrightAlright
He's the god damn paderfermilius
MemesTittiesandKitties
At least you admit it OP
RogerWoodhouse
But are you Sam?
NoIdidntsayAbeLincolnIsaidHeyBlinkin
OP fail English? That's unpossible!
NiceTimeIsland
Well, atleast you can do the banana splitz.
lafemmenikita
But obviously very caring. You're gonna be a great dad!
frobert
That's why you're wife's pregnate
BoopBoopDEEDoop
Smart enough to make a baby at least
userwithnoname1122
Takes a big man to say he's not smart. +1
freebodydiagram
Takes a bigger man to make fun of that man.
deputoff
-Socrates?
jmoneyawyeah
for you
STGxDante
It takes a wise man to realize he's not smart.
CapnReach
And I am that big man
Stigmagne
You spelled samrt wrong.
trunks613
Lol, hopefully baby takes after mom then!
HxCNative
human8060
Science recently said intelligence comes from mom, so in this case, yay...lol
KireinaKurishii
Oh no.
AlkeneThiol
No it didn't. Show me your source
LassKibble
How about you show him a source that says otherwise? If you want to dispute a claim, that burden is on you.
human8060
https://drkeithwitt.com/males-inherit-more-intelligence-from-mothers-63/
human8060
Try google before you jump to "No it didn't".
human8060
https://www.fatherly.com/kids-health-and-development/kids-intelligence-inherited-mother/
human8060
http://distractify.com/geek/2016/09/14/thanks-mom
human8060
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB835919711841023500
Deoan
How is babby formed. How girl get pregnate.
mynewcharacter
There it is!
accountjustforcommenting
Same exact thought , upvoted, one of the best early internet videos
LiterallyYourMom
I am truely sorry for your lots.
lolcanoguy
They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back?
FisterMantastic
All the yes.
Flyndaran
Dolan's GF?
Neoqueto
First you need to have an organism inside her virginia.
AnythingMuchShorter
What if i have an orgasm in west Virginia, am I in the clear?
ThePickle
Yes, but you have to pay extra for that