Mar 17, 2022 9:38 PM
pigbenisman
159153
1962
79
OlderWiser
You know when I think about it, I never saw a bible in my school. I went in a very conservative area also.
WiiShaker
Religious hypocrites. Can we just ban this rag already?
pflyers8710
This clip ends too early
LongoloidFartExplosion
It must be the most owned but unread book ever.
YourmomusesTinder
"Ya well that's just like your opinion man..." No that's literally in the stupid book you all cherry pick what to believe...
lostharbinger42
FYI, this is from The Good Liars, their twitter is full of this kind of depressing stuff https://twitter.com/TheGoodLiars
Somegone
This is the reason i got kicked out of sunday school.. i read and asked about it
Zeddicuszull
Asking conservatives real basic questions is the best thing.
fitsu
I love the instant denial. “Nope not my bible - walks away”
rbudrick
Not even close to the worst story in it.
narcoleptiKnickers
She lusted after their lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of stallions. Ezekiel 23:20
NCSOValkeif
DescribingWhatYoureWatching
asking for a friend, where can i find these types of lovers?
GreaseMonkeyOfLove
I’d offer, but I’m more of a goat than a donkey.
AngeloSchilling
*horrific screaming intensifies*
ezekiel 23:19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
ezekiel 23:9 Therefore I delivered her into the hands of her lovers, the Assyrians, for whom she lusted.
Ryanator50
I don't know about the emissions, but check out the west side of Toronto.
bullshirtdetectorinspector
They know the Bible so well. Even approaching a Trump level of expertise. Hypocritical toadies.
Rupertc1
Zealots pick and choose what they want to adhere to
SoNi2409
My favorite is the one about the old dude who conjures a bear to fucking maul a couple of punks who made fun of his bald patch.
januarylover
I like when Jesus was so pissed off that it wasn't fig season that he put a curse on a damn fig tree.
hashtagnobud
Explains why so many bible loving conservatives love trump.
ivymantled69
They love him a LOT
semperknight
Oligarchs have used religion to control the weak-minded since dawn of history. Trump is a puppet being used by them.
rainbowsandunicorns575
These people have probably never read the bible in it’s entirety. They should. They might learn something.
coronakilla
Literally none of these idiots have read the bible they kill people for
zygorff
Who is killing whom?
Wasnbo
One hand: Cherry picking is never great. Other hand: The Bible is way too fucking full of these, this is valid.
True the Bible contains stories about corruptible Man, but also how God works through them. That's a key component most people disregard.
NotWelcomehere
Seriously stop, you aren't going to gain anything from this.
like you are?
ASeriesofUnfortunateGingerness
You're forgetting about all the people God just straight up murdered, sometimes just out of curiosity and for no good reason(book of Job)
Which verses were those? I recall the devil afflicting Job, Job questioning God, then God responding. Seems like we both need another read
icommentwithsteveharvey
lioneye2400
Mark Normand. Genius!
Excuse me but who is this champ?
1nonlyS
I asked the same question , someone told me but I forgot sorry :(
THATS EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO FIND OUT ON WEDNESDAYS SUUUUUUPER SLAM WITH JOHN CENA BWA BENE BWA
HisBubbliness
What you did there...I saw it.
tupacshomie
Who is the guy interviewing them? I see him a lot…
enotrevo
Justin Trudeau
buffyannesummers29
Jordan Klepper.
BosunMark
Bet those heretics are wearing blended fabric, eat pork and shellfish..
Jesus invalidated all of those old Laws of Moses. He beefed with the Pharisees over the old laws in Matthew Chp 7,
TheWarHymn
So which parts of the new laws say gays are bad?
CheskoSebulbaChaPookaUmanGeesaMatisaRaticoPonipaChopChowa
Jesus never says it. But Paul who wrote most of the New Testament condemns sexual immorality in which most Christians include homosexuality
Mostly Paul who was never a follower of Jesus
youcancallmesusanifitmakesyouhappy
Not a Christian but new testament teaches that with Jesus’ death etc., the old law (all those religious rules from the old testament)/
/are all done away with. i fucking hate religion in general, but just thought i’d let u know that ur weird argument makes no sense.
nibler35
TIL, thanks ! Do you happen to know of it did also abolish their excuse to be homophobic (the Leviticus thing) ?
No, im rusty but pretty sure it comes up again in one of paul’s letters in the NT. People forget he was never an actual follower of Jesus/
/so they don’t take into consideration that he had a lot of teachings twisted. Before his “miraculous epiphany/conversion” hewas a pharisee/
Randazzo
They don't bother mentioning that part, because if you aren't terrified of punishment you're harder to control.
mksu
Except the argument works perfectly because they cite the Old Testament to justify their bigotry all the time.
As a Pagan, I know this. Also know that Most Christians follow some of the Old Testament as well... Hypocrites
ThatBobbyG
Read the Bible, become an atheist, it’s that simple!
Read the Bible. Got a degree in it. Read atheist books to challenge my beliefs. Still a Christian. It’s not that simple.
Read the Bible, discover The Word, The Way, Truth and the Life.
Read it with an open mind and heart. There is something in the New Testament in the words of Jesus that speak to everyone.
Read Plato the same way.
Absolutely, Plato has some good works. I particularly enjoy his views on Platonic Solids and the theory of forms. Everything should be read
with an open heart and mind.
Yeah, namely, don't be a dick. But modern Christians follow Paul's teachings not Jesus's. They are part of a death cult.
What death cult is this? That is sad that people are lead away from Christ and his worlds. Its a crazy world out there.
You should look into this, modern day Christianity is modeled more after a Roman Death cult than it is upon the teachings of Christ.
johnvilnis
I love how they are all 'No, no, no' until they hear it is the bible and then deny that the bible can be that bad.
kwyjiboner
"Christians" only believe in certain parts of the Bible.
HandiCaptain
American Evangelicals don't even believe in the actual bible. They believe in a warped concept of the bible that justifies their bigotry.
GuitarBobMonterey
Such as: Do unto others, then scram!
KitTriforce
We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
The 8th Article of Faith from my Christian religion.
KoalaOnTheJuice
A lot of the craziest shit is right there in Genesis. They don't even read chapter one.
GatDangHippies
They only care about the parts that have "Jayzus" or condemning people they don't like.
Xyle1977
The book of Judges is pretty rated-R.
AsAHistorian
I was gonna say; a prostitute raped to death and then her body gets cut up into pieces and mailed all over, that is fucked up.
Not Prostitute: Concubine (typically a second wife, such as a wife whose child isn't heir to the estate or when a widower remarries)
evbrew
I liked the part where god came down to wrestle a dude
YoungHeathen
Or when god and satan ruined a dude’s life because they were betting about how much misery it would take to break him? Yeah good times.
ran76
The Bible is supposed to be 100% true and accurate yet there are two different orders of creation in Genesis...
isucpregrad
Yeah, what’s interesting is that a couple of the major denominations that have been around the longest treat the first part of genesis as
Hebrew poetry. The two creation stories are written in such a way to go from cosmic scope to personal. Generally the two groups of people
I see putting such stiff restrictions on biblical understanding as you mention, are fundamentalists and atheists. Catholicism is one of the
Denominations I mentioned. The great adventure Bible is a pretty good view into their theology FYI
HurrDurrImABurr
Can you blame them after 2 pages of then came this guy, then this one, and this one...?
OldFriendForDinner
That’d be Matthew. New Testament.
JesaraB
Nah they have two different lists of genealogies in the old testament as well.
For Jesus? Try again.
This didn't refer to Jesus, just "2 pages of then came this guy, then this one, and this one...?"
ChernoGamma
Nobody said it was about Jesus. Try again.
BigKangDangaLangSlanga
That's the new testament. When we need to tell you exactly how Jesus is descended from Adam. Genesis is way more epic, but still pretty dry
thegregorious
I’m partial to Leviticus for all it’s crazy rules but Genesis is a wild ride for sure
Mderms
The Old Testament was a wild time
speakeasiez
The New Testament was a wild time. But the Old Testament was a wild time.
JackieTreehornProductions
new testament was a great sequel
quietwalker
I'm pretty sure the definition of a christian is someone who's never read the bible.
A Christian is a follower of Christ. Simple as that.
It's a generalization but about 98% of the christians in the world either have never read their own holy book, actively disobey it, or both.
waddyaknowjoe
That's the thing about MAGA Qrackheads. You can rub their faces in their own shit and they'll never admit they were wrong.
minipancho94
thats why you let them realize by the consequences of their actions. have them sign a petition and see if they bother (can) read it first.
InsouciantSausage
This applies to most religious people in general.
they can read tweets, but not the bible.
walnutbreath
They'll happily eat a giant plate full of shit if you tell them a liberal will have to smell their breath afterward.
dualplains
They'll eat shit if they can breathe on a liberal.
AlmostScientist
Brings back these old mememeries
DakotaWolf
So what your saying is, when dumb people have money they look for ways to feel superior? "I DONATED THE MOST, I BOUGHT THE MOST BIBLES"
xj4low
Church I went to in the past had someone flip off a parking assistant. Pastor found out and said on stage "if that was you, don't come back"
And followed it up with, "if you don't learn what we are teaching and just showing up to be social, then this isn't the place for you."
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Sadly, way too few churches, let alone the much higher ups, of the church willing to do that because money.
DocWino
Seems actually the opposite. The ones there were already”saved”. Parking lot person should have been your priority. Seems hypocritical.
It was a large church here in Texas. Had clique. One of the reasons we quit going. Was too difficult to get involved.
Howdidjadewdat
They'll actually tell you the shit smells really good.
Redshadow09
Good than lets give them more shit to eat and hopefully blood poisoning kicks in.
IpostSources
Yes....ban the bible, and any religious book from school. 100% for that
No, teach all books but in a secular historical manner. Doing that will demystify them.
I think that should be a college thing. Trying to teach religion in a nonbiased way might be hard for some.
Especially if biased on one religion or another
MyUsernameAlwaysChecksOut
A religious nut tried to tell me there was no polygamy in the bible. I pointed him to King Solomon.
whiterabbit99
I was yelled at for implying the gospels weren't written by Matthew Mark etc and no one knew who wrote them by a church worker.
learntotakejoke
To be fair he probably didn't even know what polygamy meant lol
[deleted]
But also some ghost sperm, so whatevs.
BitchButcher
There's a biiiig gap between polygamy and incest, tho.
Not when you're royalty. Or just a piece of shit.
daromander
Jacob would work as well
No man was Perfect except for Christ. God still worked through corruptible people in the Old testament. Jesus paved the way to live in light
tracereading
You wanna preach go out somewhere and not where you can't be punched.
Rips4w
Stop it.
dontrike
Weird way to tell us you believe in fan fiction
TorilTheBlacksmithsApprentice
Hold up, let's count how many people God murdered first. Gotta be at least a million when he flooded the Earth. Doesn't seem perfect.
SeawardSkies
But God is perfect, therefore everything he does is perfect. Checkmate, Atheists. /s
MechaNinja
Shit David had 8 wives named and supposedly "many".
Yeah, but they were all beards. David's one true love was Saul's son, Jonathan.
Infinias
Concubines aren't "wives". Loophole...
I'm way too lazy to look it up, but I'm almost certain it says "many wives" at one point.
apostlepk
He was considered "wise"
Maevoline
He was actually considered a man "after God's own heart" as well so ya know, there's that
PennyLava
he must have been with so many chicks around him
JacaByte
Can you imagine having 8 spouses? Keeping them happy would be a full time job, and we're expected to believe this guy had time to be king
Maulbert
Lot and his daughters, for those curious.
yoursoulreaper
https://youtu.be/p6DnujiVCwo
NorthmanoftheNorth
For those not curious enough to research it, lot's daughters get their dad wasted drunk and repeatedly rape him until they're both pregnant.
komododave
Thanks a lot.
OwlMoon79
Thanks I had no idea
Spacebandit
Numbers 31.17 kill every Male. Little ones. Women. But spare the little girls for your pleasure. Ezekiel 23.20 big penis size is better.
"Her sister Oholibah saw this, and she became more corrupt than her sister..." Ezekiel 23:11a The rebuke continues through v20.
"They warred against Midian, as the LORD commanded Moses, and killed every male." Numbers 31:17
And the LORD said to me, 'Do not harass Moab or contend with them in battle, for I will not give you any of their land for a possession, ...
because I have given Ar to the people of Lot for a possession.' (Deuteronomy 2:9) I personally would not use a word as strong as "enemy."
Treblaine
doublejubean
And that is far from the worst thing they could’ve picked. A show of the events of the Bible would get an X rating at minimum.
Klnwltrnk
If you ever come across people protesting same sex marriage, join in by chanting, "It's Lot and his daughters, not Lot and his sons!"
upthebumnobaby
Looool
PenguinPlans
I got to be honest. It's hard to speak in full sentences while I come across anyone.
penut61
Didn’t Abraham do that to his daughters? Like he didn’t want to see his line end and he totally did that. OldTest part for sure but…
I should have scolded down. I should not have said that I SHOULD NOT HAVE SED DAT
mikasaur
https://youtu.be/bar3GOzDNzg
n0rs
Genesis 19--total insanity.
KevinGrzyb
That's funny. How did I not know this guy until now
Try Wizard People https://youtu.be/u981JhkK46o
moecurlylarry
I thought I saw this on porn hub but I must be mistaken. Maybe it was on Davey and Goliath
kingkongkeom
Nah, that was a whole other Lot that had sex with their daughters
ActionJohnnie
*step daughters
JefftheIntern
His wife was pretty salty about it…
t4d3jkVillain
AlomX
???
ChockRock
?church kid comment.
harpti
Genesis 19:30-38 “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 1/2
32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
TwoFacedSonOfAJackal
DrJohnZoidbergMD
see if they haven't go and do that...I wouldn't have to pay taxes...
tzahtman
*Alabama intensifies*
LieutenantCorporalFakename
If your family tree doesn't branch...
grlwithnoname
I hear Kentucky is pretty bad too
jamsplodge
It's insane how many people that claim to be Christians have never actually read the bloody thing
butthurtnevergetsbetter
They outsourced understanding the religion to other people, who conveniently tell them what to do.
Chicero
13 years of religious education. you’d be surprised how little was required reading. didn’t even make it through two gospels.
Someshithead241
Most just have it selectively read to them by a sweaty, preachy person
BatsArentBugs
As a kid I was like “I’m going to be the BEST Christian!” I read a bunch if it and I was like…….. you all don’t know what’s in here, do you?
AdamGenesis
That's because they think just attending church is enough to be saved. They will bend any scripture to their agenda.
UziBunny
I have, there's a lot of passages you'll never hear about in church. Still, it needs to be read in full without sugarcoating.
TsubakiTragic
ty for pre-empting my comment.
ChiGamer
My mom is Christian but didn't know how the story of Abraham and Isaac ended. That's a bare minimum knowledge of the Bible story. Weird
Is that the one where go he's about to kill his son and at the last moment god is like "lol just kidding"?
Yep
spatulafrenzy
Just wait until you meet the people that can quote it verbatim and can manage to justify it. #apologetics
manamongstyou
That's because being a Christian in america (for most) has nothing to with the Bible. It's about being in an exclusive club.
Frogchildren
And exclusive club of like… half the country
That and being promised life eternal and a free pass from responsibility of your actions by just saying "I believe"
ifteguy2
I always thought that that was one of the absolute worst things proposed in the Bible... just get to the end of your terrible existence ===>
and be like "Oops, my bad, I believe now" and all is forgiven.
For some, yes, but not for all. Every religion, demographic, club, organization, and business has its honorable and dishonorable members.
My mum (in England) has been a devout Christian her entire life. Had no idea about this story, or Job, beyond the names of the stories.
aerodynamit3
That's how the religious leaders wanted it. You don't read, you let the priests interpret for you. It's by design. Not God's, but the Church
Not really, that's because once you actually read it, you don't claim to be Christian anymore.
Leblee
Bold claim there. Not true. I’ve read it twice from beginning to end and I am a Christian. So are many other folks I know that have.
Well I suppose good for you being able to continue to believe despite having read the absolute nonsense in that book. Why though?
Thanks! We have a different definition of nonsense :) Hard to explain in Imgur, but check Mere Christianity by CS Lewis if ur interested.
robotmorp
I loved Bible study. Actually reading the Bible and discussing it. I guess I identify as Christian because I know I'm not atheist. ?♀️
That’s great. There’s nothing like trying to understand something through study, particularly as complex and rich as the Bible.
Weird flex but congrats on your ability to overcome cognitive dissonance, glad your cult helped you through it.
Reading a book is not much of a flex :) I’m not a member of a cult. I actually was an Atheist and converted so no help needed.
Luke 14:26
What about the verse do you want to highlight in relationship to this thread?
OlderWiser
You know when I think about it, I never saw a bible in my school. I went in a very conservative area also.
WiiShaker
Religious hypocrites. Can we just ban this rag already?
pflyers8710
This clip ends too early
LongoloidFartExplosion
It must be the most owned but unread book ever.
YourmomusesTinder
"Ya well that's just like your opinion man..." No that's literally in the stupid book you all cherry pick what to believe...
lostharbinger42
FYI, this is from The Good Liars, their twitter is full of this kind of depressing stuff https://twitter.com/TheGoodLiars
Somegone
This is the reason i got kicked out of sunday school.. i read and asked about it
Zeddicuszull
Asking conservatives real basic questions is the best thing.
fitsu
I love the instant denial. “Nope not my bible - walks away”
rbudrick
Not even close to the worst story in it.
narcoleptiKnickers
She lusted after their lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of stallions. Ezekiel 23:20
NCSOValkeif
DescribingWhatYoureWatching
asking for a friend, where can i find these types of lovers?
GreaseMonkeyOfLove
I’d offer, but I’m more of a goat than a donkey.
AngeloSchilling
*horrific screaming intensifies*
narcoleptiKnickers
ezekiel 23:19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
narcoleptiKnickers
ezekiel 23:9 Therefore I delivered her into the hands of her lovers, the Assyrians, for whom she lusted.
Ryanator50
I don't know about the emissions, but check out the west side of Toronto.
bullshirtdetectorinspector
They know the Bible so well. Even approaching a Trump level of expertise. Hypocritical toadies.
Rupertc1
Zealots pick and choose what they want to adhere to
SoNi2409
My favorite is the one about the old dude who conjures a bear to fucking maul a couple of punks who made fun of his bald patch.
januarylover
I like when Jesus was so pissed off that it wasn't fig season that he put a curse on a damn fig tree.
hashtagnobud
Explains why so many bible loving conservatives love trump.
ivymantled69
They love him a LOT
semperknight
Oligarchs have used religion to control the weak-minded since dawn of history. Trump is a puppet being used by them.
rainbowsandunicorns575
These people have probably never read the bible in it’s entirety. They should. They might learn something.
coronakilla
Literally none of these idiots have read the bible they kill people for
zygorff
Who is killing whom?
Wasnbo
One hand: Cherry picking is never great. Other hand: The Bible is way too fucking full of these, this is valid.
zygorff
True the Bible contains stories about corruptible Man, but also how God works through them. That's a key component most people disregard.
NotWelcomehere
Seriously stop, you aren't going to gain anything from this.
zygorff
like you are?
ASeriesofUnfortunateGingerness
You're forgetting about all the people God just straight up murdered, sometimes just out of curiosity and for no good reason(book of Job)
zygorff
Which verses were those? I recall the devil afflicting Job, Job questioning God, then God responding. Seems like we both need another read
icommentwithsteveharvey
lioneye2400
Mark Normand. Genius!
januarylover
Excuse me but who is this champ?
1nonlyS
I asked the same question , someone told me but I forgot sorry :(
icommentwithsteveharvey
THATS EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO FIND OUT ON WEDNESDAYS SUUUUUUPER SLAM WITH JOHN CENA BWA BENE BWA
HisBubbliness
What you did there...I saw it.
tupacshomie
Who is the guy interviewing them? I see him a lot…
enotrevo
Justin Trudeau
buffyannesummers29
Jordan Klepper.
BosunMark
Bet those heretics are wearing blended fabric, eat pork and shellfish..
zygorff
Jesus invalidated all of those old Laws of Moses. He beefed with the Pharisees over the old laws in Matthew Chp 7,
TheWarHymn
So which parts of the new laws say gays are bad?
CheskoSebulbaChaPookaUmanGeesaMatisaRaticoPonipaChopChowa
Jesus never says it. But Paul who wrote most of the New Testament condemns sexual immorality in which most Christians include homosexuality
NotWelcomehere
Mostly Paul who was never a follower of Jesus
youcancallmesusanifitmakesyouhappy
Not a Christian but new testament teaches that with Jesus’ death etc., the old law (all those religious rules from the old testament)/
youcancallmesusanifitmakesyouhappy
/are all done away with. i fucking hate religion in general, but just thought i’d let u know that ur weird argument makes no sense.
nibler35
TIL, thanks ! Do you happen to know of it did also abolish their excuse to be homophobic (the Leviticus thing) ?
youcancallmesusanifitmakesyouhappy
No, im rusty but pretty sure it comes up again in one of paul’s letters in the NT. People forget he was never an actual follower of Jesus/
youcancallmesusanifitmakesyouhappy
/so they don’t take into consideration that he had a lot of teachings twisted. Before his “miraculous epiphany/conversion” hewas a pharisee/
Randazzo
They don't bother mentioning that part, because if you aren't terrified of punishment you're harder to control.
mksu
Except the argument works perfectly because they cite the Old Testament to justify their bigotry all the time.
BosunMark
As a Pagan, I know this. Also know that Most Christians follow some of the Old Testament as well... Hypocrites
ThatBobbyG
Read the Bible, become an atheist, it’s that simple!
CheskoSebulbaChaPookaUmanGeesaMatisaRaticoPonipaChopChowa
Read the Bible. Got a degree in it. Read atheist books to challenge my beliefs. Still a Christian. It’s not that simple.
zygorff
Read the Bible, discover The Word, The Way, Truth and the Life.
zygorff
Read it with an open mind and heart. There is something in the New Testament in the words of Jesus that speak to everyone.
ThatBobbyG
Read Plato the same way.
zygorff
Absolutely, Plato has some good works. I particularly enjoy his views on Platonic Solids and the theory of forms. Everything should be read
zygorff
with an open heart and mind.
NotWelcomehere
Yeah, namely, don't be a dick. But modern Christians follow Paul's teachings not Jesus's. They are part of a death cult.
zygorff
What death cult is this? That is sad that people are lead away from Christ and his worlds. Its a crazy world out there.
NotWelcomehere
You should look into this, modern day Christianity is modeled more after a Roman Death cult than it is upon the teachings of Christ.
johnvilnis
I love how they are all 'No, no, no' until they hear it is the bible and then deny that the bible can be that bad.
kwyjiboner
"Christians" only believe in certain parts of the Bible.
HandiCaptain
American Evangelicals don't even believe in the actual bible. They believe in a warped concept of the bible that justifies their bigotry.
GuitarBobMonterey
Such as: Do unto others, then scram!
KitTriforce
We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
KitTriforce
The 8th Article of Faith from my Christian religion.
KoalaOnTheJuice
A lot of the craziest shit is right there in Genesis. They don't even read chapter one.
GatDangHippies
They only care about the parts that have "Jayzus" or condemning people they don't like.
Xyle1977
The book of Judges is pretty rated-R.
AsAHistorian
I was gonna say; a prostitute raped to death and then her body gets cut up into pieces and mailed all over, that is fucked up.
Xyle1977
Not Prostitute: Concubine (typically a second wife, such as a wife whose child isn't heir to the estate or when a widower remarries)
evbrew
I liked the part where god came down to wrestle a dude
YoungHeathen
Or when god and satan ruined a dude’s life because they were betting about how much misery it would take to break him? Yeah good times.
ran76
The Bible is supposed to be 100% true and accurate yet there are two different orders of creation in Genesis...
isucpregrad
Yeah, what’s interesting is that a couple of the major denominations that have been around the longest treat the first part of genesis as
isucpregrad
Hebrew poetry. The two creation stories are written in such a way to go from cosmic scope to personal. Generally the two groups of people
isucpregrad
I see putting such stiff restrictions on biblical understanding as you mention, are fundamentalists and atheists. Catholicism is one of the
isucpregrad
Denominations I mentioned. The great adventure Bible is a pretty good view into their theology FYI
HurrDurrImABurr
Can you blame them after 2 pages of then came this guy, then this one, and this one...?
OldFriendForDinner
That’d be Matthew. New Testament.
JesaraB
Nah they have two different lists of genealogies in the old testament as well.
OldFriendForDinner
For Jesus? Try again.
JesaraB
This didn't refer to Jesus, just "2 pages of then came this guy, then this one, and this one...?"
ChernoGamma
Nobody said it was about Jesus. Try again.
BigKangDangaLangSlanga
That's the new testament. When we need to tell you exactly how Jesus is descended from Adam. Genesis is way more epic, but still pretty dry
JesaraB
Nah they have two different lists of genealogies in the old testament as well.
thegregorious
I’m partial to Leviticus for all it’s crazy rules but Genesis is a wild ride for sure
Mderms
The Old Testament was a wild time
speakeasiez
The New Testament was a wild time. But the Old Testament was a wild time.
JackieTreehornProductions
new testament was a great sequel
quietwalker
I'm pretty sure the definition of a christian is someone who's never read the bible.
zygorff
A Christian is a follower of Christ. Simple as that.
quietwalker
It's a generalization but about 98% of the christians in the world either have never read their own holy book, actively disobey it, or both.
waddyaknowjoe
That's the thing about MAGA Qrackheads. You can rub their faces in their own shit and they'll never admit they were wrong.
minipancho94
thats why you let them realize by the consequences of their actions. have them sign a petition and see if they bother (can) read it first.
InsouciantSausage
This applies to most religious people in general.
Ryanator50
they can read tweets, but not the bible.
walnutbreath
They'll happily eat a giant plate full of shit if you tell them a liberal will have to smell their breath afterward.
dualplains
They'll eat shit if they can breathe on a liberal.
AlmostScientist
Brings back these old mememeries
DakotaWolf
So what your saying is, when dumb people have money they look for ways to feel superior? "I DONATED THE MOST, I BOUGHT THE MOST BIBLES"
xj4low
Church I went to in the past had someone flip off a parking assistant. Pastor found out and said on stage "if that was you, don't come back"
xj4low
And followed it up with, "if you don't learn what we are teaching and just showing up to be social, then this isn't the place for you."
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Sadly, way too few churches, let alone the much higher ups, of the church willing to do that because money.
DocWino
Seems actually the opposite. The ones there were already”saved”. Parking lot person should have been your priority. Seems hypocritical.
xj4low
It was a large church here in Texas. Had clique. One of the reasons we quit going. Was too difficult to get involved.
Howdidjadewdat
They'll actually tell you the shit smells really good.
Redshadow09
Good than lets give them more shit to eat and hopefully blood poisoning kicks in.
IpostSources
Yes....ban the bible, and any religious book from school. 100% for that
Zeddicuszull
No, teach all books but in a secular historical manner. Doing that will demystify them.
IpostSources
I think that should be a college thing. Trying to teach religion in a nonbiased way might be hard for some.
IpostSources
Especially if biased on one religion or another
MyUsernameAlwaysChecksOut
A religious nut tried to tell me there was no polygamy in the bible. I pointed him to King Solomon.
whiterabbit99
I was yelled at for implying the gospels weren't written by Matthew Mark etc and no one knew who wrote them by a church worker.
learntotakejoke
To be fair he probably didn't even know what polygamy meant lol
[deleted]
[deleted]
rbudrick
But also some ghost sperm, so whatevs.
BitchButcher
There's a biiiig gap between polygamy and incest, tho.
rbudrick
Not when you're royalty. Or just a piece of shit.
daromander
Jacob would work as well
zygorff
No man was Perfect except for Christ. God still worked through corruptible people in the Old testament. Jesus paved the way to live in light
tracereading
You wanna preach go out somewhere and not where you can't be punched.
Rips4w
Stop it.
dontrike
Weird way to tell us you believe in fan fiction
TorilTheBlacksmithsApprentice
Hold up, let's count how many people God murdered first. Gotta be at least a million when he flooded the Earth. Doesn't seem perfect.
SeawardSkies
But God is perfect, therefore everything he does is perfect. Checkmate, Atheists. /s
MechaNinja
Shit David had 8 wives named and supposedly "many".
walnutbreath
Yeah, but they were all beards. David's one true love was Saul's son, Jonathan.
Infinias
Concubines aren't "wives". Loophole...
MechaNinja
I'm way too lazy to look it up, but I'm almost certain it says "many wives" at one point.
apostlepk
He was considered "wise"
Maevoline
He was actually considered a man "after God's own heart" as well so ya know, there's that
PennyLava
he must have been with so many chicks around him
JacaByte
Can you imagine having 8 spouses? Keeping them happy would be a full time job, and we're expected to believe this guy had time to be king
Maulbert
Lot and his daughters, for those curious.
yoursoulreaper
https://youtu.be/p6DnujiVCwo
NorthmanoftheNorth
For those not curious enough to research it, lot's daughters get their dad wasted drunk and repeatedly rape him until they're both pregnant.
komododave
Thanks a lot.
OwlMoon79
Thanks I had no idea
Spacebandit
Numbers 31.17 kill every Male. Little ones. Women. But spare the little girls for your pleasure. Ezekiel 23.20 big penis size is better.
Xyle1977
"Her sister Oholibah saw this, and she became more corrupt than her sister..." Ezekiel 23:11a The rebuke continues through v20.
Xyle1977
"They warred against Midian, as the LORD commanded Moses, and killed every male." Numbers 31:17
[deleted]
[deleted]
Xyle1977
And the LORD said to me, 'Do not harass Moab or contend with them in battle, for I will not give you any of their land for a possession, ...
Xyle1977
because I have given Ar to the people of Lot for a possession.' (Deuteronomy 2:9) I personally would not use a word as strong as "enemy."
Treblaine
doublejubean
And that is far from the worst thing they could’ve picked. A show of the events of the Bible would get an X rating at minimum.
Klnwltrnk
If you ever come across people protesting same sex marriage, join in by chanting, "It's Lot and his daughters, not Lot and his sons!"
upthebumnobaby
Looool
PenguinPlans
I got to be honest. It's hard to speak in full sentences while I come across anyone.
penut61
Didn’t Abraham do that to his daughters? Like he didn’t want to see his line end and he totally did that. OldTest part for sure but…
penut61
I should have scolded down. I should not have said that I SHOULD NOT HAVE SED DAT
mikasaur
https://youtu.be/bar3GOzDNzg
n0rs
Genesis 19--total insanity.
KevinGrzyb
That's funny. How did I not know this guy until now
mikasaur
Try Wizard People https://youtu.be/u981JhkK46o
moecurlylarry
I thought I saw this on porn hub but I must be mistaken. Maybe it was on Davey and Goliath
kingkongkeom
Nah, that was a whole other Lot that had sex with their daughters
ActionJohnnie
*step daughters
JefftheIntern
His wife was pretty salty about it…
t4d3jkVillain
AlomX
???
ChockRock
?church kid comment.
harpti
Genesis 19:30-38 “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 1/2
harpti
32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
TwoFacedSonOfAJackal
DrJohnZoidbergMD
see if they haven't go and do that...I wouldn't have to pay taxes...
tzahtman
*Alabama intensifies*
LieutenantCorporalFakename
If your family tree doesn't branch...
grlwithnoname
I hear Kentucky is pretty bad too
jamsplodge
It's insane how many people that claim to be Christians have never actually read the bloody thing
butthurtnevergetsbetter
They outsourced understanding the religion to other people, who conveniently tell them what to do.
Chicero
13 years of religious education. you’d be surprised how little was required reading. didn’t even make it through two gospels.
Someshithead241
Most just have it selectively read to them by a sweaty, preachy person
BatsArentBugs
As a kid I was like “I’m going to be the BEST Christian!” I read a bunch if it and I was like…….. you all don’t know what’s in here, do you?
AdamGenesis
That's because they think just attending church is enough to be saved. They will bend any scripture to their agenda.
UziBunny
I have, there's a lot of passages you'll never hear about in church. Still, it needs to be read in full without sugarcoating.
TsubakiTragic
ty for pre-empting my comment.
ChiGamer
My mom is Christian but didn't know how the story of Abraham and Isaac ended. That's a bare minimum knowledge of the Bible story. Weird
jamsplodge
Is that the one where go he's about to kill his son and at the last moment god is like "lol just kidding"?
ChiGamer
Yep
spatulafrenzy
Just wait until you meet the people that can quote it verbatim and can manage to justify it. #apologetics
manamongstyou
That's because being a Christian in america (for most) has nothing to with the Bible. It's about being in an exclusive club.
Frogchildren
And exclusive club of like… half the country
icommentwithsteveharvey
That and being promised life eternal and a free pass from responsibility of your actions by just saying "I believe"
ifteguy2
I always thought that that was one of the absolute worst things proposed in the Bible... just get to the end of your terrible existence ===>
ifteguy2
and be like "Oops, my bad, I believe now" and all is forgiven.
UziBunny
For some, yes, but not for all. Every religion, demographic, club, organization, and business has its honorable and dishonorable members.
jamsplodge
My mum (in England) has been a devout Christian her entire life. Had no idea about this story, or Job, beyond the names of the stories.
aerodynamit3
That's how the religious leaders wanted it. You don't read, you let the priests interpret for you. It's by design. Not God's, but the Church
lostharbinger42
Not really, that's because once you actually read it, you don't claim to be Christian anymore.
Leblee
Bold claim there. Not true. I’ve read it twice from beginning to end and I am a Christian. So are many other folks I know that have.
jamsplodge
Well I suppose good for you being able to continue to believe despite having read the absolute nonsense in that book. Why though?
Leblee
Thanks! We have a different definition of nonsense :) Hard to explain in Imgur, but check Mere Christianity by CS Lewis if ur interested.
robotmorp
I loved Bible study. Actually reading the Bible and discussing it. I guess I identify as Christian because I know I'm not atheist. ?♀️
Leblee
That’s great. There’s nothing like trying to understand something through study, particularly as complex and rich as the Bible.
lostharbinger42
Weird flex but congrats on your ability to overcome cognitive dissonance, glad your cult helped you through it.
Leblee
Reading a book is not much of a flex :) I’m not a member of a cult. I actually was an Atheist and converted so no help needed.
Xyle1977
Luke 14:26
Leblee
What about the verse do you want to highlight in relationship to this thread?