ANunWithGuns
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Petting guidelines for 14 of imgur's favorite critters
...maybe
Cyclophile
I've heard if you rub the unicorn's horn in just the right way it will give a tasty magical mayonnaise!
EggoAtLarge
Had me at "snikt!"
justsomestuff504
At first I thought this was a chart about parts of animals you can eat and was v confused by the cat one
HythlodaeusRex
BUT HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH WOLVERINE'S LEFT FOOT?
NeedNotApply
"Maybe" for dog butt.. i think not.
JewishMonk
I have never met a dog that didn't like getting its ass scratched.
Workingishighlyoverrated
TIL Unicorn farts are vital for love potions.
FearfulLeopard99
Horses have this hard spot on the bottom of their stomach, and if you scratch it they freak out. They love that shit.
kgburden
Wolverine's left foot is not ticklish.
DoctorTeeth
Good thing that's his right foot, then.
HarryTheCaveman
So it seems my cat has different petting guidelines to yours
senatuspopulusqueromani
I honestly thought these were meat cut diagrams at first.
FredLaGoldue
you had me at 'cats' already
judassong
A serious opportunity was missed by not having "neigh" on the no parts of horse and unicorn.
voydkastor
My first thought when looking at the horse.
kobrakaimf
Chinchillas are mean as hell and their bites hurt. Fuck those things.
chinchillajaw
They are soft.
scooterbrother
It's a shame they hate being handled because they're soft as fuck
TheNextGuy
that is why because only the worthy may enjoy a pet without fear of reprisal
kwongdzu
I'm tired of there never being one for birds so I threw this together in Paint. Please to enjoy: http://imgur.com/Nicwkla
LemonG34R
I hate parrots, they keep mocking me.
MemeWeaver
parrots are asses
kwongdzu
Yes, but I still love them.
intris
My friend has an African Gray that will let me pet him on his head and back of his neck. I ask him permission first and let him approach me.
kwongdzu
That's so sweet! My ringneck lets me pet her head & would like me to pet her back, but I'm not ready to take our relationship to that level.
intris
My friends African Gray will let me feed him. He will show affection by making kissing noises and gently grab my fingers and lick me with 1
intris
his tongue. He also will dance when he's happy to see people. He's very affectionate for a gray, but not as talkative as expected. 2/2
Naberhawk
Incorrect for horse butts. I always drag my hand across it when walking behind them. Let's them know you're there, so they aren't spooked.
SilentScreamsX
My kitties love belly rubs. They will lay there for hours.
SarcasticSincerity
For mine, it's a 50/50 chance of "Aww yiss" or "DIE BY MY CLAWS"
Goronhead
One of mine loves belly rubs. The other will destroy your hand if you attempt it most of the time.
Syng420
Yeah, I've had cats that loved belly rubs. Some cats just trust their owners enough to let them pet their belly.
danceyoucandanceeverybodylookatyourpants
Exactly. Cats usually only expose their stomachs to those they're comfortable with. My cat loves a good belly rub before bedtime. ^-^
shorr
In my experience, it's fine if you move to it gradually, instead of attacking the second they reveal it.
IWouldRatherBeInScotland
Lovingly strokes unicorns tail.. "I am no Man!"
SuperNintendoChalrmers
You found them... online?
ANunWithGuns
They were stuck in the interwebs. I rescued them.
HowTheHellDoYouSayImgur
I have a pet snake. You kinda just stroke its back.
HatsAreEssential
What dog says "maybe" to having their back just above the tail scratched? Mine act like they're in a euphoric trance when I do it.
LoTRFanatic42
When I scratch my dog there he wags his tounge and runs in circles. He loves it so much he can't even.
MagnorCriol
Yeah the dog one should really be all "Yes" or better. Even leg pets still count as pets for my poor, poor, attention-starved dogs.
BordDeLac
Scrolled down to say this exact thing. Dogs LOVE butt scritches.
bobbynixon
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr05/2013/5/10/10/anigif_enhanced-buzz-19265-1368197793-11.gif my dog does this.
thundercactus
Dogs LOVE butt scritches.
visgurian
Bitches LOVE butt scritches. Had to be said.
arimotaru
Yep, I was going to say this too. My dog will turn his rear towards you to ask for butt scratches.
SlickAsGaston
Mine does this frequently, with a force that can almost knock people over.
Vanderhugen
Butt and the outside of their back legs causes them to try to take your legs out with the full force of their weight
Cremationistheonlywaymybodywillbehot
Every dog I know likes there butt rubbed. It also feels good on their hips
BladeRIP
True. Mine like it a little too much.
PieisKing
Mine turns around with a big stupid look on his face and just stares at me like 'durrr my hooman scratching me ah ha durr'
JoshyFreddy
My dog turns herself around even when I'm trying to pet her face or tummy. She does a little dance while you scratch her but.
s4zippyzoo
Mine also likes his paws played with he's basically a giant ball of "pet me"
bobbynixon
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr05/2013/5/10/10/anigif_enhanced-buzz-19265-1368197793-11.gif my dog does this.
Greeneyeddevil
Uhm, snakes are fucking adorable.
Nepeta33
this had 2 different horses. not a single neigh/nay pun? such an opportunity missed...
DennisVassel
...maybe (if your gene grey)
kizul
I think you mean, "JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANNNNNNN!!!" ( http://swfchan.com/8/39518/?X-Men-+Phoenix+Season.swf )
sirbartonslady
Actually, touching the horse's hip is a good way to NOT get kicked, because they know where you are even when they can't see you.
DigglyGickMcGee
Our 17 month old colt loves butt and tail scritches.
sirbartonslady
I was taught that when walking behind a horse, you basically hug the butt -- then they can't and won't kick you cuz they know where you are
sirbartonslady
And yeah, most horses I've pet, have liked a good butt-scratching. I think it's cuz they can't reach it themselves XD
Beruthiel10
Scrolled down for this! And the legs shouldn't be off limits, otherwise grooming would be very difficult.
ilovebees
Came down to say this. Glad someone else was on it. Just do it from the side, not from directly behind...
sirbartonslady
Yeah, they have to see you do it; don't surprise them. The contact is so they're aware at all times of where you are. Then they don't kick.
sirbartonslady
Unless of course they're asshole horses or have been abused. But generally, that's not a fear kick.
HolyFaackItsASamsquanch
I thought it was one of those cuts of meat charts.
Yosuko
I want to pet real wolverine's maybe-area.
lmgursLibertarian
Do one for a giraffe about how you cant reach its head, and how its ALWAYS OVERCAPACITY.
radioFREEmadras
Savagiraffe...
Magpiebones
Oh but you can reach it, because it's always down.
pixarpizza
I legit woke up the dog laughing.
retgarr
Do you think we might almost be a little sad if they had enough capacity to avoid any down time, if we couldn't make these jokes?
shiann121
Actually all my horses are different, but both geldings are like "ALL THE YES" while my mare's more like "you touch me you die."
LUCILLED
my mare does the same.. I learnt it the hard way when she turned around to bite me the first time I ever tried to pet her chin(she hates it)
kriositivity
Horses are like equine dogs. With equine jobs and homes.
DigglyGickMcGee
My two, both a gelding and an arab/welsh pony mare, are total attention whores and good for any attention, any time.
Cinnie420
Yup. Depends on the horse. Got one who loves ear scritches, while the other has a fit if you try for anywhere on her head.
EmzeexD
All my horses go nuts at getn their booties scratched. Like my mare will shove her butt in your face and follow you round till you scratch.
Beruthiel10
I've never met a horse who wasn't okay with having its butt touched. And I spent like 15 minutes today brushing a horse's legs. Not a nope.
SininenHetki
We had this mare that, when she ovulated, would not let you touch her anywhere. If you tried = ears back, teeth bared.
flamingflamingo
Horse owners are weird.
SininenHetki
I'm unsure as to how that made me weird. We had a grumpy horse. It happens.
flamingflamingo
"When she ovulated" made my eyebrows rise. I'm sure it's accurate information but it's unusually uh, candid.
SininenHetki
Our vet's idea was that whenever she let loose an egg, it put her in immense pain and she became a total jerk for three days.
Joonbug
Yeah...I always just refer to it as the mare being in heat. No different than an in tact dog or cat.
SininenHetki
I see. Well, if you aren't in tune to your horse's health, you're a shit owner. You have to know stuff like this in order to avoid/treat it.
tapthattaco
My mare pulls away when you pet her, but nudges you when you ignore her. Can't win. Our other mare loves behind the ear scratches.
Knottywitch
...maybe
5NoteHalf
snikt!
Trumptrolll
Sweet. I bumped it to 2000.
Fatassmonkey
Teehee tickles.
Doubley0
I knew this would be top comment. I knew it.
Konfigg
Of course not, of course.........but maaaaybeee.
Hammerhead777
"Of course slavery was the worst thing that ever happened... But maaaaybeeee
MrAmiSuzuki
Jean Grey only. Also insert pre-Vampire Jubilee, when he was really bored.
ASDFFDSAASDFASDF
insert *jubilee*? how familiar are you with the mechanics of heterosexual sex?
bickdutt96
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
NOTENOUGHCATS
Challenge accepted!
dougsfriendskeeter
Oink!
doomdoctorrobot
Touch me in my maybe spot
mrfirebass
You like that?
SheWhoRunsIntoTrees
Maybe.
mrfirebass
Well maybe I'll keep maybing your maybe
CypherVirus
Congrats on the sex
[deleted]
[deleted]
Knottywitch
Everything is a repost of a repost. Apparently we think alike
RolfTheSonOfaShepard
Congratulations
ANunWithGuns
Drat! Looked around quite a bit and thought for sure these hadn't made the rounds on here before. Ah well.
ExtraExtraUpvote
No sweat, I mean it was 2 years ago. Who can blame you?
731N
4132st!!!
feryooday
Why thank you sir!
TheCrabOfTheTree
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2015/10/30/635817739928004963-30439869_firmlygraspit.jpg
Cuntmuncher3000
Made me giggle
ANunWithGuns
the trick is to pet him with confidence. don't show any fear.
kittytrap69
I rub my cat's belly. She is very friendly with people.
MisterNoName
It's important to maintain eye contact in a dominant fashion.
justTed
stare him in the eyes.
skachuck
Assert dominance.
aceandduce
Grasp penis.
Horus175
I'm calling bullshit on the "maybe" section for dogs. Dogs love scratchies just above their tails.
DeusCaritasEst
Yeah, it's recommended that you really grab hold of the situation, you know. Get a handle on it, a good grip.
WitcherOfTheFoxSchool
Firmly grasp it, you could say.
Thingamajiggly
Drink a bunch of monster energy drinks and mash it
DeusCaritasEst
Right. I mean, you don't want to be a jerk about it. You just want to make sure you've got everything in good hands.
Willis1magillis2
But when they time is right, jerk your grip violently
puddlejumper
Not TOO firmly.
baconbabyjesus
You don't want to startle him with the snikts
ThatsmysecretImalwaysrelevant
FIRMLY GRASP IT.
DiarRheaPerlman
Don't shove the handle through my cast, bruh.
chickNlittle
Um, my snake lives pets. Even the top of his head and chin.
atombongsmoker
Mine too. That part is kind of upsetting. They may not be fluffy, but they want love, scritches and you sharing your body heat.
ThisIsPelicanECHO419isAnybodyReadinMe
Is there a difference between scritches and scratches?
retgarr
Scritches are for cute and cuddly things, scratches are for balls.
atombongsmoker
Technically, probably not, but in my head it's a lot lighter that a scratch. You definitely don't want to dig your nails in, but I can-->
atombongsmoker
Tell that mine gets a little itchy when he's about to shead his skin. And I think he enjoys brushing up against my clothes and nails as-->
atombongsmoker
Yes gliding along, or light little pets back and forth on his head especially.
MistyMermaid
Same with all 4 of mine. Snakes love pets and cuddles.
flamingflamingo
Snakes are not demons from hell. They are adorable.
DarkerTheVoidmage
Most things from hell are adorable <3 don't let them fool you. Hell's a great place :Ü™
docsage
Adorable tails with a face.
DigglyGickMcGee
All of mine as well! My western hognoses let me boop their snouts. :D
Magpiebones
Mine hisses at me when I try to pet him, but he likes to use me as a warm-blooded tree. :3
Kynious123
She likes pets, she just doesn't like the tip of her tail touched (one of my 3 snakes):
?
Pikamuffin
She's adorable!
Kynious123
She's extremely photogenic
ImgrrrrBrowser5by7
Umm snakes have chins?
chickNlittle
Well, under his mouth. Chin-area.
tashiwa
I wish I still lived in a country that allows snakes, I was really good friends with an olive python as a kid.
atombongsmoker
Your country doesn't allow pet snakes of any kind, not even a king or corn snake? What country and why?
chickNlittle
Srsly.
tashiwa
NZ, because we have none here at all and introducing them could be detrimental to the native species