Decided to be spontaneously combusting for Halloween. Since I couldn't find pictures for inspiration I decided to upload my own!

Step 1: Be attractive. No, just kidding.

Before I started I wanted to practice on my arm. The best way to get the realistic burnt look is to light your arm on fire. I'd recommend taking a few aspirins first.

Actual step 1: The blank canvas

I started by drawing a line where the neckline of my shirt is. If you've never done this before, it's a pain in the ass, hence the super crooked lines. Oh, and my camera is not a potato, I just shake a lot so taking a decent picture is hard.

P.S. This is not a selfie! If I were taking a selfie I'd have makeup on and I'd be doing a duckface. Just kidding, duckfaces are for bitches. Or ducks.

Step 2: Always black out the eyes

So I had no idea what I was doing. Thankfully in art there are no mistakes, just "happy little accidents". :-) My train of thought was "hmm... maybe this should be yellow and we'll put some black here... yeah...". I'm a "fix it as I go" kind of person.

Also I felt like a strange colored Tard after doing this so I had fun making grumpy faces in the mirror. You don't get to see that part.

Step 3: Use the entire yellow face paint crayon stick thingy (yes, that's the actual name)

I decided I'd make it yellow where I wanted there to be fire. It sounded good so I did it. That's actually my philosophy in life, hence all the trouble I'm always in. But I bet I have more fun than you! If you're following along, do this, it actually helped a lot.

Step 4: Be a Mexican wrestler

Next you want to fill in the areas that will be black with red. Even if you're not following along do it anyways. DO IT! Then have fun making faces in a mirror. You know you want to. And yes, I am aware that it looks like I have floppy penises on my forehead. Thank you for pointing that out.

Step 5: Tarred and feathered

TIL that liquid latex sticks to EVERYTHING! And little bits of toilet paper with liquid latex on it DOES NOT STAY WHERE YOU WANT IT. If you're going to attempt this I recommend having a friend or family member do this for you. Preferably someone you hate. Then you can sit there and laugh maniacally as you watch them struggle. It's really funny to watch someone else try this fuckery, doing it yourself is the most goddamn awful frustrating thing ever. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Step 6: Lots of black paint

No really, I used so much black paint. When you buy it, buy a massive amount. There's no such thing as too much paint. Then slop it on. It doesn't need to be perfect, just make a good base.

Step 7: More black paint

I mixed some red into the black to get that gruesome burnt flesh look. Then bathe in it. Okay, not really but make sure you cover all the white spots. You don't want anyone asking you if you have toilet paper stuck to your face. (Embarrassing!)

Finished!

After the burnt areas are finished you have to make the yellow areas look like fire. Have you ever painted realistic fire? No, you haven't. Know how I know? IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. First I added some red paint, then some yellow, then red and yellow, then more red and a little more yellow. Then I said fuck it, it's good enough. That's the true artistic way in case you were wondering. There's no perfection in art, there's only "I'm tired of this shit".

Also my husband took this picture. You can blame him for the quality of this one.

Nom nom nom

After passing out candy (yes, I did all this just to pass out candy), I was starved. Then, after eating several mouthfuls of paint I realized it was easier just to peel it off around my mouth. Hopefully I get super powers from all the paint I ate. Also, have you had Wendy's pretzel bun chicken sandwiches? They're amazing, go eat one. Go!

My doofus dog, Zoey!

For those of you who stuck around to read the whole thing, thank you! Here's a picture of Zoey to show my gratitude. She's silly. :-) I also have a three legged cat named Roo but that's enough of fishing for karma for one day.

Oh and in case anyone was wondering, it took three hours to complete the spontaneous human combustion look. I also only wore it for two hours but the wide eyed look on the little kids faces was totally worth it!