Spent 6 months travelling the world on a luxury cruise

It all started with flying to Argentina. In a Blizzard.

A small blizzard though. My flight wasn't even delayed! I have to say though, my company went about the sketchiest way of hiring me ever. We had a skype interview, but I didn't get video. They were in an "unprofessional environment" so all I had to go on was audio. Then they sent me this huge packet full of paper work and medical stuff where they tested and x-rayed and inoculated me for more things than can be imagined. When I told my military sister what I had to do she asked me if I had accidentally joined the Navy. So with all of that done, I jumped on a plane to Buenos Aries, hoping that this wasn't some sort of elaborate scam and that someone would be at the airport to pick me up and definitely not murder me. And then I spent 6 months working as the Pastry Trainee, doing pastry stuff and learning way more about the Filipino culture than I frankly ever wanted to know.

Ushuaia, Argentina

AKA the End of the World, AKA the southern most city. The Filipinos were all freaking out about how cold it was and when I got off the gangway, I gave them all shit for complaining about jeans and light jacket weather. Then they promptly gave me shit for not eating fish heads.

The straits of Magellan were super neat to sail through

But oh my god, the rough sea. At one point I (the new trainee) was the only person left in the pastry section of the galley. I can proudly say that I never once "tossed my cookies"

One thing I learned was that you need to make friends fast because going out alone is not only super boring, but also mildly dangerous, depending on where you are in the world.

You also need friends to help you get back to the ship and to help you act sober around security after drinking waaay too much on overnights.

If you find yourself in Barcelona, may I suggest the Polaroid Bar and Chupitos. Chupitos does 4 flaming shots per person for only 2.50 Euro! Literally the best.

Going out with friends also means you have someone to take lame touristy pictures for you to send back to mom to assure her that no, you have NOT been abducted by gypsies. (If there are any gypsies reading this, I mean no disrespect, those are my mother's words, not mine)

Basically, in the Caribbean the crew left the ship in droves and ran to the beaches so we could drink and get tan.

The Caribbean was great for me because I love rum and the rum is SO cheap and SO good down there. If you ever find yourself in Antigua, Cavalier is my favorite.

My ship is relatively small, only 560 guests, compared with Carnival and Royal Caribbean, it looks like a toy ship.

When I finally made it to Key West, I promptly called my bank to let them know I was travelling (Pro Tip: Do that part BEFORE YOU LEAVE) and then got super drunk (as people do in the Keys). Then I went back to work for the dinner service. It was GREAT.

Our dessert buffets were fierce some to behold

Look at that glorious bastard.

Another tip, if you order sugar free/gluten free/lactose free, and do not have any reason to order as such ( Celiac's, diabetes, or lactose intolerance) the kitchen staff will hate you. At the beginning of every cruise, we got a list of all the guests' dietary restrictions, and if there wasn't a diabetic on the list, but we still got orders for sugar free, a large amount of bitching on both sides of the pass ensued. Also, don't get me started on "non celiac gluten free." Just don't.

During one cruise, the guests requested that all 410 of them be fed at the same time, in one hour. We prepped 420 plates of dessert, just in case. We sent about 150 because the guests had a wee bit too much wine with the first 3 courses.

When we would have special events, though, we wouldn't really get breaks.

But the shit we pushed out was amazing.

This was my favorite piece of artwork, spotted in Valencia, Spain.

Some days, I would go out in the port and see an incredible view with my ship

I went all around South America, the Caribbean and the Mediterranean and the only place I felt uncomfortable was in Alexandria, Egypt. The main reason was because 4 girls (three of whom were so very obviously white) went out by ourselves. I wanted to go back almost as soon as we left the port, but the other ladies kept on until we saw a man beating a woman.

I DID get to see some amazing things, though. Like fighter jets playing over the Colosseum.

I've been to Monte Carlo during the Grand Prix

Where rich pricks land helicopters on their yachts.

And the tower of Pisa

Which doesn't lean quiiiiite as much as I was lead to believe

The acropolis

And the Palazzo di Venezia

And speaking of Venice...

Working on the ship I learned pretty fast not to trust the crew mess, and that I can only sneak so much food from the hot line. So what does that leave? Eating every time we ported. Which I don't understand why more guests didn't do that. We are in GREECE. GO OUT AND EAT SOME GYROS.

Gyros are the best, incidentally. There's a snack bar in Santorini that served me the best god damned gyro. It was called McDaniel's and they served them with a Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce. GREAT for hangovers!

I've had gyros in Greece, pasta in Italy, paella and churros in Spain. I cannot emphasize how important it is for you to eat local if you go on a cruise. First of all, the galley and your waiters will LOVE you (because they'll actually get breaks!) and you can not know how good the cuisine is until you eat it! All kebabs are not equal!

I also learned how to be an insufferable smart ass. Our head chef told us he didn't want a cake on his birthday, and that he would much rather have a birthday burger. So we made him one that was 50#

Some days I would have an incredible view from my porthole. ( I was also incredibly lucky to have a cabin with a porthole)

Some days I would have a real shit view.

Holidays on the ship always required something special, and not just for our guests. Holidays on the ship suck some major dick.

After working 12 hour days for six straight months, I did get to see some amazing places...

And take some neat pictures...

Of people..

And of scenery, and I'm excited to sign another contract (after a nice vacation where I can sleep and eat and drink as much as I damn well please). Next stop, Singapore!

When I flew home, I had a layover in Canada, so of course I had to have some Poutine. It was ok. A bit salty...
Anyway, if you have questions about ship life, I would love to answer them! Or at least try to, I pretty much only know how it goes down in the galley.