One Does Not Simply... Let Go.

This was one of my best friends, Abu. We got him when he was 8 weeks old.

We raised him up all good like to stop being an asshole.

We all became very close.

He was a very happy puppy.

And smart.

And playful.

And most importantly, he cuddled. He was my puppy baby.

He loved me so much.

He loved everybody.

He was weird.

And curious.

And never grew up.

I reiterate - weird and curious.

But I couldn't help him.. Abu got sick... Real sick. At just over 2 years old, his kidneys quit working.

It started with vomiting. Then he wouldn't eat. It was like he had food poisoning, which we assumed it must have been, as there was no difference in his daily routine.

2 days of vomiting and we got him to the vet. We were told that his kidneys had halted and there wasn't a real hope. If they had been able to "jump start" them that he'd never be the same again. After a failed attempt to flush his kidneys, he was just in so much pain.. He was so scared. I didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry Abu, I did the only thing that I thought would help..

Goodnight, sweet puppy... You were always a good boy. You have nothing to more to be afraid of and nothing else to hurt you. Momma and I love you. Always.

I've never lost anyone or anything before. I don't know how to function. I just feel hollow, like this never happened. Then I look down, only to be reminded that in this moment, my nightmare has become reality. What do I do? Seriously, what do I do? I don't want your money, I don't give a damn about the fake internet points, I'm just trying to reach out to find somebody to give me advice. How am I supposed to handle this? And my fiance is in worse shape than I am. I don't know how to support her.. I can't even help myself.