2ndBestUserName
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So Mrs wanted me to fake tan her before her netball game. No problem. I'm getting really good at it. All over. No streaks. Even. Good excuse for a touch up. Not that an excuse is needed. But. Couldn't find the mitt. Soooooooo. Used a black sock with a rubber glove under it. Anyhow.... looking for socks yesterday. Found a match in the drawer. Went to work. 16hours later. I realise the gravity of my error. One very tan half foot.
Dsharppe
Arguably, it was far more disastrous when I grabbed the fake tan stuff, out of my medicine cabinet in the dark, instead of the lube. Oops.
thatdudethatslonely
Hahahahaha ok wow thanks for sharing this
pudf
Be careful the police don’t shoot it.
Playerplaying
Never go black foot
MegaDiogenes
What Red's foot looks like after he's done giving out swift kicks to the ass.
TheHappyHermit
Mississippi? I said count to five.
Binsto
"i went to that tanning place", was that place THE SUN!?
vuctwaffe
Cereaza
MissDashLisa
OP's reaction
dave234234
Just don’t go to Starbucks.
oneandahalfbastards
Dyesaster
pleaseuseotherdoor
Just in time for sandal season. I wanna know how long it takes to wear off on thick foot skin.
diverflipper
That is hilarious
BootsCatsBeeeeeeez
Yeah, i can't stop laughing at this!
Mouthhug
Honestly... half your foot looks really tasty.
HeCallsMeHisGirl
I’m sorry for being dense, but what is netball?
2ndBestUserName
Like basketball for girls. Sort of.
RonFuckinSwanson
Want to get shot in the foot by police? Because that's how you get shot in the foot by police.
SrDave
What are you trying to say?!? You’re being racist against people that tan? Tan shaming is not cool bruh.
drdreadpirateroberts
It’s horrifying. Mind if I give it a whack with a fire poker Mr. Deeds?
valdimagra
Your foot is racist
FCOAlex
Obviously the tan settings go: Light, Medium, Dark, and then Burnt Toast.
YouSuckBigTime
The fuck is net ball
2ndBestUserName
Like basketball but for girls. I guess.
Thefordmechanic
Mr deeds is that you?
StaticXster70
I see I'm not the only intelligent person to occasionally do dumb things.
thatdudethatslonely
I do dumb things, but I think it might be because I’m genuinely dumb, or my anxiety never lets me do smart and confident things
trigonman3
"intelligent"
SirCasemIII
I've scared myself to not drink because I already do stupid shit sober
TygrF
r/iamverysmart
CupcakeSocial
Annnnnnd I stared at this for about 3 minutes trying to figure out how the shadow was cast on her foot.
ChalknCheese
His foot?
3MsAndaJTL
pls don't feel alone. i am not familiar with fake tanning
trigonman3
And how did her leg hair grow really long in not much time QQQ
CupcakeSocial
Much confuse
AndrewBuggy
How many Mississippi's did you count ?
AndrewBuggy
HevelKemal
fake tan don't wash off in washingmashine? Or you put used socks in drawer?
XB0XYGEN
Give the man a break
GuacamoleMoleMolester
And some socks.
clees66010
2ndBestUserName
It wasn’t used like I wore it all day. And it was a week from fake tan till I wore it. Not sure how it ended up back in the drawer.
degenerator
Fortunately it was not the sock that you use to fap.
afriendofmine
That was the other sock
Summonsays
My sister used to fake tan, we share a bathroom, I'd end up looking like a cheetah occasionally .... made me so angry.
BootsCatsBeeeeeeez
You should tell people that its a frostbite injury...that its your deadfoot.
onecowboytoo
Put.. put your dick in it.
thatdudethatslonely
ah yes, the one dirty article of clothing that somehow wiggles its way in to the cycle of clean stuff, it happens, there is no explanation
TheFeralDog
Sock follow their own god damn rules, they'll go missing forever then when you buy more.... suddenly the "lost" ones reappear
anomalyraven
I just execute them and throw them back to oblivion whenever that happens.
Arbitrarynamehere
Sock companies constantly manipulate our sock drawers. It's the only rational answer.
camelman912
I stopped losing socks when I started doing my own laundry.
DocWino
Drewtendo64
Just tell everyone you stepped on your bedside George Forman grill
FusterCluckCaps
Thought this was iodine, was pleasantly surprised/laughed when I saw it was tanner. Thanks, OP!
AlmostClever
You're an eight!!
Snoshoes
1/4 cup of lemon juice ,a 1/2 cup of salt and a loofah can remove that fake tan.
2ndBestUserName
Thank you. I’ll be trying this tonight.
Ensy
Also add in some baking soda if the lemon juice alone doesn't do enough. Used this successfully for a food coloring disaster on my hands.
StalkerMagnet
Deadpoolio7
Was that place. . . THE SUN
theusernameformerlyknownastildo
Earlier on in the day:
DaxiaoD
Ross was such an idiot
StalkerMagnet
but what kind of shitty tanning place asks you to count Mississippilessly?
BorrowAFeeling
IM AN EIGHT!
LennyFace
BrontTheGoodBoy
You count Mississippilessly!?
Chereazi
Since your foot is half black now, did you dancing skills improve?
PenisShapedPoops
gnovice
No, but his credit rating is now terrible.
geekstergifs
Girl, ya gotta shave your legs!
ZeldaShotFirst
Only about 25%
HungryPumpkn
Bet he runs faster too.
cew006
Free foot powder for reparations.
bbueller
Unfortunately @OP has two left feet
aNishnawbe
You started stealing.
Stinkleberg
Probably got worse, half of one foot has rhythm and the other one and a half feet are white.
Itiswhatitisandaintwhatitaint
Only on that foot ;)
cannedbird67
When your credit score is on the decline
2ndBestUserName
Not as much as I had hoped.
PHUCKO
Can you play bass?
TechnicallyRight
Try taping your toes to the beat.
MerToo
OP can now jump slightly higher?
Badsequence
Did your penis grow bigger?
MansLuaghter
Does it make you jump higher?
MerToo
oh phooey you bet me to it
KLUSTENATOR
Is that because you're actually turning into Uncle Ruckus (no relation) with the reverse Vitiligo?
ZeldaShotFirst
so like...25% about?
BigTex1
3/5
spewrillious
whoneedsanoriginalname
Underrated
TygrF
5/7
ZeldaShotFirst
Upvotes for all commenters on this comment
CmfMttnPpl
Dude I would go and really fuck with some people at the Drs office
2ndBestUserName
I was thinking that. And with almost free healthcare here in New Zealand, it would be worth it for the laughs.
ZeldaShotFirst
MY best kiwi just flew back there and will be in Auckland in a few hours! Please send some Maori love her way, I'm too far...
VirtualNaut
Definitely do it and post an update.
HellFireBeardMan
hopping on one leg must have improved?
alRakoun
Is your foot insisting on deporting Mexican children while being embroiled in an unending parade of scandal?
physicsisabitch
By the same logic, perhaps...you should put the sock on your schlong to gain a couple of inches.
Axelord
If you feel searing pain, that's indication that it works!
physicsisabitch
In fact, if that works, please post very specific instructions...for a friend. Yeah, that’s it, for a friend.
C141Clay
https://imgur.com/JCw0coz (dot)
BigDickLaCroix
just dong use the shitter at starbucks (TM)
BigDickLaCroix
i meant 'dont'. but i stand behind dong.
PinPointSnarkuracy
Bad dong.... https://giphy.com/gifs/big-fat-quiz-bad-dong-pYO4rsTirfIQ0
physicsisabitch
Hahahahaha
stewpedasole
Sounds like you would rather stand in front of it.
VirtualNaut
Or maybe on top of it