Red Beans and Rice

January 6 is Epiphany, which ends Christmas and starts the season of Carnival, which ends on Mardi Gras. Since I'm not in New Orleans, I gotta make my own red beans and rice.

Soak your beans. Dried beans are cheap as hell and keep forever. Some people use red kidney beans, but I like real red beans. Soak a pound of beans in 6 cups of water and 2T salt

After 8-16 hours they're nice and plump and ready to cook.

Heat some lard in a big dutch oven until shimmering, then add a pound of andouille sliced thin, and brown it so nobody on imgur calls you a heathen. Vegetable oil would also be fine, but I say screw it and go whole hog with lard. I order my andouille from Jacob's (cajunsausage.com), but whatever's in your supermarket will taste great too.

Cross yourself and add the Holy Trinity: a large onion, a green bell pepper, and four stalks of celery, all chopped pretty fine. Cajun and Creole cuisine use green bell pepper instead of the carrots you may be familiar with from a French mirepoix. Sweat the vegetables until just starting to dry out and brown a bit.

Stir in about six cloves of minced garlic ("the Pope"), along with ½T cayenne pepper, ½T rubbed sage, and a dozen good coarse grinds of black pepper. Cook for a minute or so until fragrant.

For more flavor we've got tasso and pickle meat. I get tasso from Jacob's too, but if you can't find it you can use a smoked ham hock. I make the pickle meat myself but you can skip it and add red wine vinegar at the end to get that brightness.

Add the other meat, beans, and 6-8c of water, enough to cover the beans by a couple inches. Add some sprigs of fresh thyme and three bay leaves.

Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. I've moved from the cooking burner to the boiling burner because not only am I old enough to have a favorite burner, I have different favorites for different purposes. Cover and cook until the beans are tender.

After an hour and a half, the beans are tender. It might take up to two and a half; taste one and check. Uncover and simmer until the mixture turns thick and creamy. You can also break up the tasso and pickle meat if it's still hanging together at this point.

The texture will get even creamier if you can bear to let it sit overnight in the fridge. I also find it freezes pretty well, so I set some aside for a lazy day.