A Not So Beautiful Mind.

itsajokeitsnotreallymeanttobeserious

I am walking in the mall one day.

About 50 yards ahead of me, I see my someone that I know...it's this guy Joey, a friend of a friend of mine, shopping with his family...

Now a normal brain, I think, would process this information this way.

Hey, that's Joey. Say "Hi Joey" if you happen to pass him.

That would be it.

My brain is a little over-active / broken. This is how my brain worked:

You are going to have to have a social interaction. That's Joey. Okay, calm down. It's just Joey. You haven't seen him for a while. Make sure that you are looking normal when he sees you. He is with his family, don't say anything inappropriate. Talk about how hot the weather is. Say something like, "Great to be in the mall where it's cool, huh?" Smile at his wife, but not too much. What's his kid's name? Shit what is his wife's name.! Can't remember. THAT is going to be awkward if she knows my name and I just say "Hiiiii" in that way I do when I don't know someone's name. I am so obvious. I have those memory apps on my phone but I never use them. I would be so much sharper if I just paid attention. Keep it together.

I almost have to sit down.

Social anxiety was overwhelming. Then I remember that Joey works with my good friend Frank. Frank and I are closer than Joey and I are, but I haven't seen Frank in a long time. This calms me because I have a targeted focus on what our conversation will be about. I can ask Joey about Frank act like it's important to me which would let me kind of ignore the wife and totally ignore the kid.

Now they are right in front of me. But...

Joey is about four inches taller than I remember him being, he's got a really big nose. Like twice as big as I remember it being. Both his wife and daughter look nothing like I remember. Wait a minute...

A normal brain would process this information like this.

That's not Joey. Move on. You've got a broken I Phone and a genius is waiting for you.

My brain broke out into two different Focus Groups. The first one discussed...

Is it possible for a man like Joey to grow four inches when he is in his early 40s? Also, would someone ever have surgery to make their nose look bigger?

The Second Focus group going on in my brain was discussing this gem:

He really looks like Joey. Maybe 70% of this guy is Joey. So we think that if you approach him ... and ask him about Frankie, don't be surprised if he only knows Frankie about 70% as well as the real Joey knows him. Thanks second focus group. Very helpful.

As a result, I end up standing in front of this stranger, as if I am about to say hi.

But I don't say hi. I look at him straight in the eye. I struggle not to call him Joey or ask him about Frank. Smile. Look down. Walk past him and find a seat in the mall and wait for the wave of anxiety to hit me, knowing that it will hit me harder than anything I have experienced in a while.