KatsDontDance
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There's just nothing. I'm disappointed in myself. This is so gross. I'm gross. I was doing so good. It wasn't accidental, it was a whole choice I made because my coping mechanisms aren't good enough.
The last few months at work have been hard as hell. It's not an excuse. It's just awful. I'm awful.
Guess I gotta start over. Can't do this again. It was only 3 drinks, but I cant do this. I'm in a new relationship with someone who doesn't drink, (they're not an alcoholic, they just dont drink. They don't think I'm an alcoholic either, but I disagree)
Can't risk it. Any advice?
*edit*
The outpouring of imgurian kindness is unmatched. To answer a few questions in the comments - yes, it was only 3. No, I won't give up on sobriety. No, I do not attend AA because I believe God is a farce. I've done this without "meetings" and will continue to do so. I will do my best to be kinder to myself.
Thank you all. You're the kindest, most motivational community.
MRDOne
It's ok Kats. Why do we fall down? So we can get back up. Don't give up and don't be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself, try again.
1morebanforafreeshake
You gotta understand that some shit just isn’t an instant win. You did it. And for a long time. And when you’re ready you can go again.
Melonfish
You ever heard of a recovered alcoholic? Stop beating yourself, up it happens, judge yourself on todays actions not yesterdays
JurgenWindcallerz
You didn’t waste 18M - you wasted however long it took you to do 3 drinks. The 18M were well invested into, and I’d continue my streak
VirtualHugger
Zega000
Careful not to get addicted to self loathing and depreciation. That'll keep you down.
AnIrishLegendaryPhotographer
Like I tell my clients when they relapse- you're still here, and now that you know what caused your relapse, you can avoid that trigger.
AnIrishLegendaryPhotographer
You'll get back to where you were. Use the relapse as motivation to not relapse again, not to beat yourself up over. You can do it!
hesbeginningtobelieve
Agreed. Every go at sobriety and every relapse has taught me a bit more about how to/how not to go about it. This time I’m feeling great.
FnNuke
Progress, not perfection. Toddlers fall down, but they get back up and try again. Eventually they walk and you’d never know they fell.
Whatdoyousaytoanicecupoftea
Mate, 3 drinks. Tinyest of tiny slip ups, just resaddle and don't let it become a fuck up.
kingminglingling
This. As long a 3 drinks doesn’t turn into 3 drinks or more every night for the next week you’re good. Focus on your body goals/health etc
trhopkins
It's not wasted, this is a process. You have a year and ah half of practice now! Start over again ! WE believe in you @OP !
thesummerbus
Did you put that pun in there on purpose?
trhopkins
Only when they are good!
oldguyexlurker
No waste. Learning. See, because you experienced the 18 mos sober, you recognize that returning to alcohol would be destructive. Growth.
Delerium1973
Your are not awful. Being am alcoholic means you'll have slips. Double up on spiritual matters right away. You can dm me.
tarnok
Abstinence only mindset is destined to fail. My organization uses scientific based therapy that focuses on the progress and successes you've
tarnok
Achieved. Which you have achieved so much positive in spades. One lapse does not a failure make, any more than accidentally drawing outside
tarnok
The lines. Just learn and continue on. Get back on the "wagon"
CSephiroth
You tripped, but you will step up. Your previous record of 18 months will soon be broken. Keep up the good work.
KnifeKnut
KatsDontDance
Thats a cute ass duck
KnifeKnut
It would supplied by imgur in a moment of need so I pass it on to others that may also need it.
PurpleSquare713
It happens to anyone. Just stand up, dust yourself off, get back on the wagon, and keep going.
thisiskissel
It’s like trying to lose weight, you’re doing so well, and then crave a donut and eat one, or two. So? Learn from it and get back at it!
EhtDeFu
Is it an excuse to say fuk it, or a mistep on your path to sobriety? "That was fukt, lets not do it again?"
swattyKnotts
It's ok to relapse. You just gotta quit again, and again, and again. Pobody's Nerfect!
CaptnRobAnybody
you made it one year, you can do it again
KatsDontDance
I hope so
CaptnRobAnybody
you got this no worries
rabensaga
You also realised that you were falling back to bad habits and try to counteract upon it, which undeniably is progress as well :)
bmouse127001
I know you can do it! Know how I know? You've already done it! Talking with your SO might help. Keeps things open and honest too.
Howdidjadewdat
My sponsor used to always tell me, "play that "movie" all the way to the end when you stumble" The important part isn't the stumble (1/2)
Howdidjadewdat
The important part is remembering where the original problem got you. If you keep that in mind, the "stumble" won't define you, (2/3)
Howdidjadewdat
your work toward being your best self will define you. You got this!
imNotThisCleverIRL
My first advice is to take another look at that year and a half. How did it feel to wake up not feeling the drain that alcohol puts on you?
imNotThisCleverIRL
Not a waste, imo.
KatsDontDance
Thats a good way of thinking. I have a lot of reflecting to do
imNotThisCleverIRL
I spent 15 years of my life in bars. Now, I average a couple drinks a month. I don't miss it - I don't miss feeling like shit.
imNotThisCleverIRL
But I acknowledge that I am lucky to be able to control it. I do not envy those who struggle with it.
AmandaCANZED
Out of 548 days, you’ve had alcohol once. That’s not shit. You’re not gross. Being too hard on yourself only adds more pressure.
MyVerySmarterUserName
At this rate that’s 3 drinks 0.2% of the time.. yeah. There is no issue other than the sumbolism of ending a ‘perfect streak’…
MyVerySmarterUserName
y*. So basically look at things realistically: keep doing what you were doing.. and that 0.2% is just gonna get lower with each passing day.
JeffGodofBiscuits
Wagon's still there, you just fell off it. Get off the ground and hop back on. It was a year and half sober, not a year and a half wasted
SteveMcCroskey
It's all just practice for eventually living your best life. Practice is repetitive, so don't berate yourself over it. Nice run.
ImmortalChild
You're not gross or awful, you just need to try again and take it easy on yourself about things. Progress isn't linear, @op.
KatsDontDance
Thank you.. really.
ImmortalChild
You deserve love, regardless of where you are in relation to the wagon.
GrimHerald
Don’t play the “I’ve been sober for a year and a half” to the “I’ve been sober for 14 days” reset. It’s not a complete loss of progress. 1/
GrimHerald
And it’s an unfair reflection of your progress. “In the past year and seven months, I’ve had 3 drinks.” Don’t discourage yourself. 2/2
dk1701
Yes! Progross is progress and should be celebrated! Im sorry you had a relapse, lets do another 18 months! ✊
TossedSaladsandScrambledEggs
This.
Gnauck
Over my 5 years of sobriety I've had to remind myself of this often about a wedding a got alittle too loose at. Human mistakes
GenshiV
I had a shit day, I struggled, I didn't drink but I wasn't the guy I wanted to be. On of the last things I heard today was "progress, not
GenshiV
perfection," & that's why I'm going to bed sober & feeling loved & like trying again tomorrow is enough. I don't need perfect anymore, I'll
GenshiV
never achieve it and that's the part I struggle with. And like sobriety, sometimes you don't ever get perfection. The process is worth it.
dancemontec
This was a big gripe I had with AA, they made me feel like I lost all my progress with a relapse
NikkiHuskyMum87
Credit to AA for the people they do help, but I personally feel like their approach is dogshit. Especially the religious element of it all
pgdave
AA barely helps anybody, their stats are atrocious and there are a lot of issues with them.
dancemontec
Yea no shade on AA. I even tell newly sober folks to earnestly go and try it. Not once or twice but go for a few weeks or more and see. But-
dancemontec
They say it's not religious, but it absolutely is. Also at a certain point i found talking about drinking all the time triggering. -
ChanceVLuck
I've heard good things about this book. Allen Carr's Quit Drinking Without Willpower: Be a happy nondrinker. I't on Amazon with reviews.
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
Hello OP. Im trying to quit smoking and failing pretty hard. All i managed to do was make myself grumpy. Even simulated smoke isnt good
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
enough. I realized today i could be sober on sheer willpower and STILL need a smoke after a traumatic event. (I see &hear things &smoking
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
helps me escape the feeling like im gonna die. Ive been smoking 10 years, my whole adult life. Feel like ill be losing what keeps me grounde
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
d, even though i know id be much happier if i didnt do it. Know its hard but you shouldnt get mad or disappointed in yourself for it. The
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
overwhelming desire to give in to your demons needs is not your fault, but genetics. Tell yourself 'this is how my body feels, why do i
BythepowerofchristIamtheLaderlappen
Crave thus feeling, why am i hard on myself when ive been doing so good, you know what that three months felt like without, were things
GenshiV
You're not awful, you're not gross, you're human like the rest of us. You didn't waste 18 months, you did a damn good thing for 18 months &
Vacationdad
This right here, this is the way. Mistakes and missteps happen, the biggest thing is getting back on track
FiendishDoctorWuTangClan
SkittishLittleToaster
Correct. @op, listen to this one. You've got this.
GenshiV
you'll do it again after this. It's always a day at a time. I'm not an AA person but that's just a fact. You know what you did, you know why
GenshiV
you chose to do it & you can make the choice not to tomorrow. Only advice I have is this, don't go it alone. You don't have to.
KatsDontDance
It'd hard to think that way, Positivity isn't inherent for me. Thank you for your kind motivation, ill try my best
dogedogegiraffedoge
Try neutrality! “It was” “I did” “it happened” are easier to leave behind when you don’t assign emotion to it. Good luck
PutItInNeutral
Your addiction has the same access to your brain as your will power. This is not a failure of character.
SmilinBobsFamilyStyleMortuaryAndCrematorium
I believe in you.
Rawrgunnaeatyou
My mom was an addict, took having another kid and 3 stints in rehab before she was "recovering". She's good now :). It's a journey and ...
Rawrgunnaeatyou
You're doing awesome! 18 months?! Let's stretch it out longer this time! Thank you for not giving up!
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
It's also an effect of how our culture treats addiction. The very fact that relapsing is presented as failure and going back to zero instead
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
of an expected and normal part of changing habits is part of the problem. If someone was learning to walk again, and had a day where they
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
couldn't handle the PT, you wouldn't say that they had wasted all the days that went before. Same with addiction. You had a bad day, but
IDontKnowWhatToDoAnymoreAndImTired
that doesn't mean that you're in the same place as you were before.
spookyu
Abstinence is a tool, not a virtue. Sometimes you drop tools, you break them, you lose them, it happens. You'll pick it up, fix it, find 1/
spookyu
it again. Lots of programs (like AA) teach that 100% abstinence without relapse is the only success, and they are wrong. Pick it back up and
spookyu
keep going, you are as human as the rest of us, that means you make mistakes AND you fix them.
jonhamsandwich11
You succeeded for ~500 days and are judging yourself only for the 1 day you didn’t. If it were a test, you scored 99.8%.
wileypdf
Your recognition and respect for the hazards of drinking is huge. Be proud that you have that, and the next challenge is self discipline……..
wileypdf
I feel you on that and it’s tough, getting better at it is an exercise. The more discipline you perform, the easier it gets……………………
wileypdf
The urge to use unhealthy ways to cope is there in all of us. And building the strength to say no is what we need.
Imwritingthis
It's hard to be positive when you think about it as being positive hehehe. The fact remains a year and a half is damn good(1/2)
Imwritingthis
And you're not gross. Life happens, a few years from now this will be a minor bump in the road. Sometimes positivity is just perspective.
kendrickmeadows1
Maintaining equilibrium is more important. Only the 12 step teaches abstinence. Scientifically backed methods back balance.
Hairarse
I can’t agree more, ensure moderation
KuroFluff
Some people do better with complete abstinence from a behavior, others with moderation. I'm definitely a moderation guy.
turomar
AA's published success rate: 5% success rate without AA: Also 5%
PastureofMuppets
They are diiferent sets of people though----some want that kind of support, some dont Success rate is what it is cause difficult.
turomar
support is great anywhere you can get it. My beef with AA is that a court can sentence people to attend it.
imissmaplesyrup
More info on that?
tarnok
In Canada and Europe the 12 step program is shunned because it's failure rate is like 70% and it causes additional undue pressure
tarnok
Instead of focusing on achievements and progress you get people like OP devastated the "failed"
JustAnotherRandomCommenter
hell, the fact that it leads to situations like this one. where someone is seriously considering going full destructive alcoholic again,
JustAnotherRandomCommenter
just because they had 3 drinks after 18 months - because they're repeatedly told that that means they've failed completely...
tarnok
Exactly, should just go "Exhibit A: OPs post" but for millions of Americans
monkeybasketball
Whoaaa, scientifically backed studies also show that an alcoholic’s brain is different. I cannot balance Any drinks healthily. This is 1/
monkeybasketball
2/ Dangerous information to spread to people who are truly alcoholics. Abstinence with the support of a program (any program) Is is a proven
monkeybasketball
3/ treatment for the disease of alcoholism.
Froggie243
But also it's pretty toxic thinking to make any previous progress worthless and require self flogging psychologically.
monkeybasketball
One has nothing to do with the other.
hesbeginningtobelieve
Unrelated. Bud AA says “progress, not perfection”
hesbeginningtobelieve
What does this comment mean? Are you suggesting alcoholics aim for moderation, and not sobriety?
allihearisnoise
If anything misuse of substances is often a response to trauma and/or lack of emotional balancing. You can aim for sobriety, just be kind...
allihearisnoise
to urself as well cus there's a reason to how and why substances feel like a reasonable response to life. Balance and compassion is needed
allihearisnoise
in all areas of life, including when we are overwhelmed and hit the fuck it button.
tarnok
Sobriety is an amazing goal, but focusing on only the sobriety and not the progress will ultimately lead to "failure" in an abstinence only
tarnok
Mindset, which in itself causes undue stress and resentment. Much like OPs post. In science backed therapy they didn't fail, there made 18
tarnok
Months of amazing discovery and learning. They didn't fail, they've only had 3 drinks in 18 months and can continue to be better
PeakExponent
You can drink and stay sober. Moderation explicitly means control. For some that means 1 drink a week, for some less, but many may have more
hesbeginningtobelieve
You cannot drink and stay sober. And that is downright dangerous to tell an alcoholic
ADDGirl
Some people cannot, and aiming for abstinence isn't a bad thing.
tarnok
Nobody is saying that it is bad! And is a fantastic goal to achieve, however things like the 12step program create a problem where people>
tarnok
Like the OP believe there are only two outcomes. Abstinence or failure. And that undue stress has literally caused OP to want to destroy
mezzz
As an alcoholic... I can assure you there is no moderation for me...if I start drinking I'll drink till I pass out or die... 4 years sober,
hesbeginningtobelieve
Same here. I was asking because that comment is vague.. and vague advice is dangerous for alcoholics. 314 days :)
mezzz
Good job, you're coming up on a year pretty quick... congrats!! Moderation is not for everyone, for some of us it's just not possible
tarnok
If abstinence is required that is absolutely okay and a viable goal. But "abstinence only mindset" only allows two outcomes, failure or zero
tarnok
Which can heavily undermine all the progress and success you've achieved over 4 years! If you relapsed today proper therapy wouldn't look >
tarnok
At that as a failure or you as a failure, but a road bump/learning experience in your journey to a happy and healthy living.
GeorgeLucas
Science based methods are the best. AA is just snake oil, as they refuse to report their stats. Real rehab methods report their results...
kendrickmeadows1
Like Portugal or most countries Scandinavia. Drugs and alcohol are ok, treatment is the default. Abstinence isn't advised. Control is best.
FormerlySable
There are those, however, who cannot use control & must go 100% sober. Nearly all the alcoholics in my extended family are this type.
Inmate45
But if OP is someone who can just have 3 drinks, they aren't likely to be this type.
FormerlySable
True.
StudioDerpster
Not arguing about the value of stats, but taking stats is not part of AA. To my knowedge, it's not a "refusal" as such.
blarkk
You can track recidivism anonymously, it's a refusal.
StudioDerpster
Are you refering to treatment programs that use AA, or the individual meetings? The affiliation is quite loose, and there's no protocol for
StudioDerpster
tracking in meetings.