We broke up soon after as we couldn't look at each other anymore.

Jan 26, 2017 11:08 AM

She got food poisoning and didn't tell me.

We were trying out 69ing for the First time and I was enjoying it to be honest.

Until I felt her stomach rumble. I figured she was was just hungry and we'd go get something to afterwards.

Nope. What happened next was a full blast of liquid shit hitting my face. The smell was terrible. Words can not describe how horrible it feels and smells to have shit go up your nostrils and the taste of brown pudding in your mouth.

I screamed and recoiled, shit got into my mouth, and she (thankfully) took my dick out of her mouth without chopping it in half. I threw up on her side as she was running to the bathroom with a brown flow.

She shat all over the bed, the floot, and the hallway. An inhuman amount of human scat came out of her.

As she was running to the bathroom I was throwing up everywhere. On myself, the bed, the floor, everywhere. It was the single most disgusting smell I'll ever smell.

To top it off, my mother came home during this and found us covered in vomit, shit, and a huge trail of it. She's never let me live it down

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

you forgot the "eat what you want" category on your post

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

dear fucking lord that's a confession bear right there.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Floot.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I got shit on my dick when I was trying anal with my girlfriend because she was on her period. Shit happens OP.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahah you poor little bastard!

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

*shat

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Thanks, although I had to scroll quite a while I was sure that I'm not alone in my dismay. Good story but the meme must get past tents.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

We don't believe you

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Having food poisoning before I dont belive you didn't know she was either sick looking or something was wrong.

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

This sounds like a south park plot line. Cartman finally gets to see a girls Vagina and she has food poisoning... well you know the rest

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 173 Dislikes 3

Daaad, I'm scared BLLLAAAGHHGHGHGGH. Always sticks with me because always feel that way vomiting no matter how old I get.

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Who wants chowdah?

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 250 Dislikes 2

This needs top comment.

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Oh I'm gonna have to save this; that's gold, that is.

9 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

And so usable

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Why does he have a one-brow, I'm dying

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I think it's less hair, and more angry brow furrowing.

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

...

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I have never been so erect in my life. I would buy this book and jerk to it.

9 years ago | Likes 65 Dislikes 13

My kind of comedy

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Gross

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

damn dude

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Even the scratch n sniff version?

9 years ago | Likes 40 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Scratch and sniff porn...

9 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

this is why I come here

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The Aristocrats!!

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I had to scroll for a bit but I found you, reference that I was looking for.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Oh no!!! She shat on the floot?!? "Fuck sake Sharon, i told you not to shit on the floot"

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

*Giggles *heaves *giggles wtf bro why are you still talking about it! You need to repress these memories!

9 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 1

Dear god, so much on imgur doesn't make me laugh but a poop story always cracks me up

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Didn't happen

9 years ago | Likes 208 Dislikes 32

Culprit

9 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

This needs more up votes.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I hope you are right.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 2

Always

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I believe your judgement because of your username

9 years ago | Likes 38 Dislikes 2

I'm the expert

9 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

I'll never doubt you. Never.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yeah, she would have been in a lot of pain before shitting everywhere. No way she'd be in the mood for sex.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I wish. I still instinctively gag when I think of that. Thankfully I didn't have to clean it up.

9 years ago | Likes 78 Dislikes 26

I'm sure you can lick any cleaning task.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Who did??? Please don't say your mom...

9 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 2

She hired a cleaning service. I had to pay her back. But I will never try that position again.

9 years ago | Likes 69 Dislikes 4

Lol 69 ruiner... hey at least you know with out hesitation that poo poo play is not your thing. I for one will never brave up to know. Blehh

9 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

Oh man. Im a domestic cleaner. No...way. nope.

9 years ago | Likes 53 Dislikes 0

I'd do it, but I'd charge oh so much

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Let it sit there till she found someone to come clean it ? Nope, not buying this story

9 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 3

Same op is a fuckin liar

9 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 3

I mean, would you want to clean it?

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Open the blast doors open the blast doors

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

What's so hard to believe?

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 4

Food poisoning fucking hurts! You'd feel it coming.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

That she had no idea she was about to shit everywhere, or did & just decided to let it fly. If he heard the rumbling, she certainly felt it

9 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 3

As someone with intestine issues.. Yes it can creep on you

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

She shat on the floot.

9 years ago | Likes 42 Dislikes 1

At least she didn't floot on that shit.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

It's impossible to get shit out of the floot

9 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

More so a gallon.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Does this guy just make gifs for a living?

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That's a shitty way to end a relationship.

9 years ago | Likes 277 Dislikes 6

Imagine it didn't end. imagine the leverage not even in a bad way, it's pretty hard to be mad at someone who forgave youfor shitting on him.

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Ayo!

9 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

zing!

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

OP never said the relationship ended...

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 6

Yes he did

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Oh ha. Didn't read the title. Oops :p

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Even worse to begin a relationship that way.

9 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

You didn't get the joke.

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 9

I think he did.

9 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Or a great way to discover your fetish

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

*ba dum, tiss

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Ba bum tiss

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

9 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 2

Is that Tina Fey eating a poop man?

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

What the flying f*ck??!!!

9 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

someone somewhere has this fetish

9 years ago | Likes 592 Dislikes 8

Tubgirl

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Germans in Germany.

9 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 1

Myam. If you were in a german schiesse video you'd tell me right?

9 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

We do? Well, at least i don't.

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Suuuuuuuuuuure.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I like weird stuff, but this is crossing a line ;)

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That'd be me. Right here. I need to be by myself for a while though. Alone time.

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

God help them

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

ayyyy that's my fetish too!

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I don't believe you.

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

v

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The existence of 2girls1cup confirms that

9 years ago | Likes 128 Dislikes 0

One girl no cup

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

My curiosity got the better of me and I searched this video.. Good Lord heavens why

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That video is only a trailer for a full lenght movie, btw.

9 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

And it's more than enough

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Hi

9 years ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 2

Username checks out

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Damn straight it does.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Look up sg-video.com. You'll thank me later. Only reputable site I trust.

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

brave man

9 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Your mom sounds cool. Also, you could never say no to any meal she made ever again. "It's not like its the worst thing you've eaten."

9 years ago | Likes 1613 Dislikes 6

Came back JUST to up vote this +1

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I lol'ed

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

"How did you get shit in your mouth??" "Uhh...I fell in it"

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Not after a heaping helping of second harvest!!

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Sure he can. He can say, "Mom, this meal tastes like someone just shit in my mouth. Believe me, I know."

9 years ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 0

"This tastes like shit." "Does it? Does it really?"

9 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

I'm glad my mom doesn't make burns that sick...

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

How is this not top comment?

9 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 8

It is

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Because it doesn't have enough upvotes

9 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

*the worst shit you've eaten

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I don't think that's true. He can honestly say that things taste like shit and know what he's talking about

9 years ago | Likes 99 Dislikes 0

Which brings up the question... What does shit taste like?

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Like shit

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

His ma's food aparently

9 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

My Ma is cool.

9 years ago | Likes 424 Dislikes 5

You Scottish?

9 years ago | Likes 35 Dislikes 1

It's Maw in Scotland not Ma. source: I'm Scottish.

9 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Wouldn't it also be "me maw" not "my maw"? Not Scottish, just going off of the general stereotypes and Scottish Twitter dumps

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Well this is awkward as fuck, am Scottish anaw n a call ma maw maw. A dunno what a was thinking haha

9 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Well I'm from the south coast but I'm a denizen of the internet so my dialect is fucked, I call my mum 'mam'

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

or Southern?

9 years ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 0

Southerner here, there are no cool southern moms.

9 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Or Italian?

9 years ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 0

Or a traveller?

9 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Southern. Georgia boy. The state not the country.

9 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

I always have to clarify when I say I'm from Georgia too that it's the state and not the country. *high five*

9 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1