Immagonefishing
412022
14602
283
Jul 7, 2015 2:20 AM
Immagonefishing
412022
14602
283
reallyolddispatcher
Does the name Quasimoto ring a bell?
daveypavey
These aren't really puns
jetflight
"All property is theft" is Proudhon, not Karl Marx, you uneducated Greek hamburger!
dogenuggets
"All property is theft" - Me just now
fillchiam
Came here to say this. Also, it's "Property is theft!", no "All" and with an exclamation mark. ;)
fartharder
Is he Greek or is he a Hamburger?
NateintheNorth
Is he skiing or in a gay porn?
Poopypandapantaloons
Some might even call it.......
Poopypandapantaloons
a compundium
GiggleWiggleJiggle
According to Freud, what comes between fear and sex? - Fünf.
fartharder
bingotown
A toothless termite walks into a bar and says, "Where's the bartender?"
Ch0irb0y
I read "toothless female", soooo... (RIF)
dogenuggets
Haha! This deserves more points +1
MadMart
Bar [space] tender
NateintheNorth
Yeah thanks I'm feeling a little thick.
fartharder
GeorgeWashingtonCarver
Early Grey Tea is better than Late Grey Tea.
HeywoodGinobili
I really think it was suppose to say, "Earl Gray Tea"
fartharder
AndritosRetardos
Oh shit!! It's you!!! You're still here! I'm a bit starstruck now!
fartharder
DirtyBirdofQuestionableGeometry
"How to get yourself killed" A guide.
LiKeys
Aaaaaarh the kerning of this.... It hurts.
CatasaurusRox
Glad I'm not the only one bothered by this.
NateintheNorth
The keming?!
JadeNB1729
dasklaus
Most fonts are not kerned for all caps. But I guess this one is exceptionally shit at it. That's why you use small caps when possible.
LiKeys
(2) S/A is very common. Small caps are often a bad decision as they are digitally compressed uppercase letters in many fonts, so even worse.
dasklaus
Not on good fonts they aren't - they're smaller caps with the same stroke width, so not the same as just smaller caps.
LiKeys
Haha, so we agree: Free fonts are fine if you keep an eye on kerning and lost of other details, small caps are fine if they real glyphs. :p
LiKeys
Aaah wrong, sorry. Most good / real fonts ARE kerned for all Uppercase kerning pairs (at lest the large group of most common ones where (1)
dasklaus
Most good fonts, yes, but I was under the impression we're looking at free fonts here, where the majority is crap.
DeepSpaceNiners
ButtholeIceCreamParlor
Are these the new Laffy Taffy jokes?
Snikch
For anyone wondering, absolute zero is 0 degrees Kelvin - 0K
BrandizzleFoShizzle
Kelvin is not measured in degrees. It's just 0 Kelvin.
Snikch
High school science was a log time ago :D
BrandizzleFoShizzle
I got a refresher from the Good Job Brain podcast a few days ago :-)
BrandizzleFoShizzle
I got a refresher from the Good Job Brain podcast a few days ago :-)
bingotown
Which is why that joke only works when read, not when said aloud.
JadeNB1729
*Oh*, so that explains why people get confused when I say "don't worry about me, I'm zer-OK!"
plazmatyk
#5 is my favorite joke in the whole wide world
porath
kerning plz
LiKeys
YES. THANK YOU. Free fonts can be a bitch.
NateintheNorth
Fking keming
IenjoysAWKWARD
As I've aged I've found that both people and jokes became more pretentious and less funny.
relicen
Or perhaps you just lost your sense of humor with age.
IenjoysAWKWARD
Nope. I can guarantee you that I have not. Just an honest observation that you'll find too one day. Perhaps.
relicen
So you're saying that jokes are always becoming worse and worse? When did this start? Has this been going on since the beginning of human 1/
IenjoysAWKWARD
I'm saying what I said. Not what you said. Can't comment from start of time. Not that old. Perhaps, you will see it that way one day. Or not
relicen
I feel really bad for my future children and grandchildren. They will have to grow up in a world devoid of comedy...
relicen
civilization? The jokes back then must have been funny enough to murder people with... I guess that might explain the low life expectancy. 2
IenjoysAWKWARD
Perhaps, you should be a little older to be having this conversation. Were you and your jokes always this pretentious or more so since age?
relicen
I guess they started to be, when I approached 30.
archerdude
But... 1023MB = 1.023GB??? Is there a science side of Imgur i can consult?
archerdude
Ah thank you for the clarification. updoots for you all
LuckyTrouble
The accepted standard of memory measurement sets 1GB at 1024MB. There's other bullshit stuff out there, but it's unimportant.
Sean1708
Nope, IEC defines a gigabyte (GB) as 1000 megabytes (MB). You're thinking of a gibibyte (GiB), defined as 1024 mebibytes (MiB).
fartharder
Only for hard drive manufacturers. They lie.
GenStrike
1000 is not a power of 2, so mostly a nonsensical number in computer terminology. 1024.
Missmoo
1024mb is the first increment after the gigabyte threshold. Since memory is binary you can't easily get 1000mb exactly: 256 -> 512 -> 1024
gashstormniner
The fact that you didn't call this a "compundium" annoys me
wheeple
you are a true wordsmith.
Immagonefishing
I am kicking myself! I should have called it a compundium.
dpressedninja
about half of these are just jokes and are not puns. http://cdn.head-fi.org/b/b3/900x900px-LL-b31690bd_Nofunallowedrobot.jpeg
toboldlygowherenomanhasgonebefore
and you're fun at parties :-P
eetsumkaus
but are they pun at parties?
ISarabi
"He doesn't react" is a new one to me. I love that one in particular.
AREYOUHAVINGPUNYET
MY USERNAME IS RELEVANT.
panzersharkcat
Some bacteria come into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, you're not allowed in here!" The bacteria say, "Nah, it's cool. We're staph."
AGiggleOfGeese
Sick joke
MadScientistInTraining
*Slow clap*
cbjfan
This pun is going viral
MrStarkLord
*shakes head* *+1*
maxthyme
I'm pretty sure these are hilarious. No, you know what, I recently lost an electron, so I'm positive they are.
delicmateshalyn
Read this as "erection". Was very confused.
MissSpelledTattoo
What a (static) shock that must have been.
TheJerrySmith
unless that just made you neutral
[deleted]
[deleted]
maxthyme
If you concentrate on it long enough I'm sure a solution will emerge.
[deleted]
[deleted]
maxthyme
I'm not sure how I should react to that joke.
TachyonCode
Litmus not be your forte, then.
Nahxela
You didn't lose it. I took it in the hopes that we could bond. It's ionic how things work out.
terriblelizard
Mr. Hydrogen I presume.
DarkUranium
No, it's Mister Handy.
maxthyme
Don't gotta sound so negative unless you recently found my electron.
BelfryBats
IamJimedontrussleme
MadoraM
Kleptomaniacs...take things...LITERALLY. I'm dying! (Figuratively.)
HyrulianJedi
I told this joke to my buddy at work, he walked out. I laughed my ass off for a few minutes. Good times.
Fuckweasel
Would it bother you to know that the definition of "literally" has been officially amended to include the figurative meaning? True story.
MadoraM
Yes... Yes it does. I wonder when alot will become a word? *shudder*
nedioj
Did you know that anybody can publish a dictionary with whatever definitions they want? True story.
Fuckweasel
Don't be obtuse. I'm not talking about someone's personal dictionary. I'm talking about Merriam-Wesbter, Cambridge, Google, etc.
nedioj
Merriam-Webster? Yes, it does. Cambridge? No, it doesn't. Also, Collins doesn't, Random House doesn't...it's not a consensus.
Fuckweasel
Yes, Cambridge did but reverted. You can read comments on it on various articles. Oxford has it now too. Point was the same, either way.
NakedByTheComputer
"you're incomparable, like a ...." - Bo Burnham
slagath0r
i love him so much
kjoch08
Like the pope's toilet loves holy craps?
slagath0r
like dora loves maps
slagath0r
"Me, with my strange choice in adjectives, you, with your muscular teeth and clockwise vagina"- Bo Burnham
YouWannaGoToWarBuhlakay
"GAH! AHH! AGHHG!" - Bo Burnham, "A World On Fire"
slagath0r
"Hitler was there and so were all the Jews, yeah, so it got a little awkward" Christian Hell
Nalrus
Let's rob an asian kitchen, or stroll down the block. either way girl, we're taking a walk.
AtemShane
That joke doesn't work as well in the written form:( but +1 anyway!
MWVaughn
"I saw a rainbow/The day my grandmother died/Fucking lesbian" -Bo Burnham
StTemporalGrace
"How do you trace a scatter plot? You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox." -Bo Burnham
nonojuice
Love is...all about whistles
akawai
Brilliant.
themotherflippin
I love how his torso has an arm on either side.
LetsGetThisOverWith
"We were meant for each other. Me, with my weird adjectives, and you, with your vertical face and clockwise vagina"
LetsGetThisOverWith
I may have paraphrased that a bit, but the clockwise vagina thing is accurate.
LetsGetThisOverWith
Muscular teeth. Not vertical face.
snopcat
Like what?
Misora
I love him like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans.
BorneAloftOnWingsOfFire
I need like New Orleans needs a drought, like Hitler ' s father needed to learn to pull out. <3
Misora
And I want you like lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof!
Badrainbow
As a gay biotechnician I will be using this thank you for your time.
Misora
That's actually a line from his song Love Is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb0Y3FNrVJk ;)
SmokeyQuartz
"SLUTS!" - Bo Burnham
Shplintt
I fuck sluts!
myusernameismyrealname
sluts get fucked when i fuck sluts
SmokeyQuartz
Sluts get fucked when I fuck sluts!
BorneAloftOnWingsOfFire
No if, ands, and/or buts,I fuck sluts.I fuck sluts.Nice girls are nice but no good for nut sucking they'll need a serene night to greenlight
yourrighthand
A butt-fucking. But that'll be easy with sleazy ol' slut-fucking. Boo to the nice girls! Praise be to slut-fucking!
znexx
*Earl* gray tea, not "Early grey"
HeywoodGinobili
Agreed!
iDrawStuff
The best puns are not pulled from a can. The best puns are pulled from the top of one's wit and takes advantage of the situation at hand.
ThatGuyWithAnEye
^^^
PUBspotter
Many a family dinner has been ruined/improved by a constant stream of puns.
AGiggleOfGeese
A can-do attitude?
pmmeyourtitsforpuns
Seems more like can-don't, or at least candid.
spinnytea
Now you're thinking with portals
jitspoe
For more clever puns, you can contact [email protected]!
JPBStory
Couldn't agree more but these are some particularly special ones for making us laugh without context, wouldn't you say?
iDrawStuff
Canned puns are like canned spam - best used sparingly.
SergiousMaximus
I like you. Now show me some of the stuff that you draw.
amras0000
check out their profile.
iDrawStuff
:) You can check my profile, or you can go directly to my website: http://www.oreganoproductions.com
SergiousMaximus
Thank you, I have. You are incredibly talented! I like you even more now :D
TachyonCode
The second hand, rather than the minute hand, of course - most prefer a borrowed pun over a diminutive one.
ohmegatron
I see what you did there.
AwesomeDude1
Second hand is preferable because timing is key
andaction
I've seen pumkcans but not puncans.
Remne
I picked up a rock and said it would be my pet. My friend asked what I was going to call it, and I replied "Mick Jagged, (1/2)
Remne
member of the Rolling Stones and King of Rock music." She is not my friend anymore. (2/2)
pmmeyourtitsforpuns
Brick Jagger would also have been acceptable if it was bricky.
goddamngenius
...and that's the main reason I'm very poor at holding conversation: I just react to other peoples sayings.
Flyndaran
My favorite family pun shock involved interjecting quickly into my uncle's comment mid-sentence.
amras0000
One exception: egg puns. I don't care how appropriate, egg puns are never good. I will kill anyone who says "eggception" in replies.
AwesomeDude1
None are good? Sounds a bit like an eggxadderation
roflwaffle92
I'm trying to think of a good egg pun here but my brains are completely scrambled.
Remne
Dude, did you not hear him? He does not like egg yolks.
roflwaffle92
Pssh. I shouldn't have to worry about what other's don't like when it comes to puns. I refuse to walk on eggshells
iDrawStuff
That qualifies as a "canned pun" and is there fowl when opened.
iDrawStuff
*therefore. Ugh. Coffee, wherefore art thou?
Elroydb
Right right with humor timing is everything. It doesn't hurt to have source material
ImHereSoIWontGetFined
I still don't understand the crows and attempted murder one and at this point I'm too afraid to ask
TheAlmightyImgurSpellingNazi
a group of crows is called a murder, like how a group of geese is called a gaggle. It's wordplay, not a pun, like about 85% of these
ImHereSoIWontGetFined
Ohhhh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ImHereSoIWontGetFined
Are you also the almighty imgur pun nazi
TheAlmightyImgurSpellingNazi
Yes.
JackalopeRider
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
SupaCabra
Wanna hear a great knock Knock joke? OK, but you gotta start it
wellaparentlymyotheusernamewastaken
I'm just commenting to document this comment
Crittathelion
Omg until this point I read that joke like a flying banana. Not fruit flies. Like the insects. Oh. My. God. My life has changed.
SpringRiverBlack
This has been my favorite pun ever for years now. When I tell it to people they usually don't get it for a few minutes though.
ozjuggler
"It's hard to wreck a nice beach." Big ups to AI researchers out there.
Arginotz
I once wrote a theatre performance about puns. It was a play on words.
AGiggleOfGeese
Unless you line it up, then fruit can also fly in a-row
randombrain
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read." —another Groucho line
tomyironmane
Time fly? I seen a horse fly.... I seen a dragon fly. I even seen a house fly.
ShadowedNexus
Zilean?
HungryPumpkn
No, it's Chronos.
TheDoctorAzAJ
No its a groucho marx quote
ShadowedNexus
I know, I was just making a joke of how a video game character references the quote.
megashadowbeast
Don't worry, I understood your reference.
TheDoctorAzAJ
I didn't but I'm glad someone did, and enjoyed it.