Timmytwopups
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Old guy I used to work with loudly proclaimed that he was the only climber on site qualified to climb this 140 foot Red Oak that we were hired to remove, because the homeowner was home, female, and hot. He gets a little over halfway up the tree, gets muscle failure in his arms, calls for help, then shit himself.
Everbody makes mistakes, and sometimes you die from them. Saws are big, loud, and sharp as fuck. Even highly experienced guys get mangled from time to time. At least there is always lots of sawdust to clean up blood I guess.
Storms are tough, but pay well. Sometimes it is -20, sometimes it is 105. Such is life.
SanSamis
And he's OK.
arednecksquirel
As a retail employee who has done spar pole climbing, I'm willing to take the plunge to lumberjacking
shinyandchrome
Upvote just for the last comment.
FullPlateHero
I think that last one will be my new motto. 'At least it isn't retail.'
IMakeUpRandomFacts
Wood you do this.....
PigpenFrankenstein
3 years ago I broke my back in a logging accident. Broke it in 10 places plus all my ribs when a log fell on me. I miss the job everyday.
MaybeTheDildoAteYourBaby
I've met a lot of loggers, and all the ones I've met have been awesome people. They all make a lot of "big wood" jokes though.
TheRealFireFrenzy
Yes we are still doing these and have an upboat fine sir... MOAR!
KoolWhhhhhip
As a lineman, I appreciate you clearing trees so I can do my part!
justacap
Where's your lineman stories?
DoaBrago
Closing out with a humorous annotation should be a requirement for these, nicely done.
walkingtallmachinegunman
I think its safe to stop asking if were still doing these. Im pretty sure theyre just part of imgur now.
amglasgow
+1 for the last image.
thatsnotaduckthosearemytrousers
Hey. I actually enjoy working retail.
sozensloth
Most days are good, or just casual. But then there are THOSE days where every stupid person went out to your store at the same time.
gayconstructionworker
Eyyyyy! I used to do this. Chippers be scary as fuck
KogwerksKlokwerk
At least there is always lots of sawdust to clean up blood I guess. - Thank you, I will use this comment to power my cynicism WMD. xD
MattAustin86
At least retail isn't tech support.
Brightandshiny
My ex husband decided to chainsaw a 45 ft pine tree 1afternoon on a drunk bender, the fence and my cars fender got destroyed that day
Keesterbunny
I imagine that may be a contribution to the "ex" part.
munkzilla
+1 for that last one...
ace7405
Goddamnit I hate retail
billiebitkiller
So lumberjacks still exist? That's a good sign for my dating life.
sozensloth
of course! There's even such a thing as lumbersexuals apparently
toounoriginaltothinkofacleverusername
Especially if you're into older guys. Average age for a logger is in the mid 50s
BlueBomber05
Where did you think wood and paper comes from?
billiebitkiller
Machine logging. Like how most food is harvested nowdays.
theunclebob
That last one though.
soundslikealotofHOOPLA
I'm an ironworker. Used to work as an equiptech in a hospital. I'd much rather be climbing shit and lifting then sitting all day.
JesusChristSuperFuckingStar
i can imagine you are a pretty lumberjacked guy
Keesterbunny
Yeah... Just waiting on a selfie here.
Timmytwopups
Most tree guys are.
IDontSeeEnoughDarkTowerOnImgur
Notice this is not a yes.
SeriGravett2
Eyyyyy! I used to do this. Chippers be scary as fuck
NurseAlex
My dad used to be a dangerous snag faller. I'm glad he doesn't do that anymore.
Hasome
Coming from a family of loggers, shits hard work yo.
BrazilianThunderPanda
#3 This happens in our neighborhood A LOT to us in the winter. THANK YOU. When they power comes back on you & the linemen are adored.
SirJimmothy
My dad was a linesman in the UK for 32 years - in the 1987 storm they were out for days at a time, the stories are crazy
peopleperson
We had an ice storm in Toronto a couple winters ago, power out for nearly a week. When it came back on people applauded them on the street.
spiritussancto
i do tech support for that area. that storm was such a pain in the ass!
PteCharlesLamb
Eeh, just call in the army.
Crazy49er
As a retail employee... *Sigh*
Kirchmeister
As another retail employee, you know its sadly true.
SomebodyStoleMyCarRadio
I escaped, so can you!
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
As a fellow retailer, I wouldn't mind the job if people didn't just automatically assume I was stupid and lazy simply for being there.
ArdentSlacker
The lazy guy is asleep where he can't be found. The stupid guy might own the place. You're the honest one.
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
It sucks because people assume you are in retail because you can't make it anywhere else. Treat you like personal punching bags.
therogueduchess
Customer service can be the most important aspect of a company. Never understand why it is so underappreciated.
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
Personally, I work in a place that mostly caters to old, cranky men. They are really sexist and rude to the female workers.
IKilledKennyAndIAmABastard
Ikr. I'm working here to put myself through college.
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
I have a degree. Decided to change direction and I couldn't figure out what to do long term so I'm climbing the retail ladder.
IKilledKennyAndIAmABastard
I'm the youngest assistant manager in my district and sometimes it's nice to be recognized other times its hard to get respect
MycurlyhairsaysIcantgoouttoday
I understand that! I'm 29 but I look like I'm 21 and I'm a low-ranking manager. The older coworkers barely respect me, much less customers.
yak3ftw
How much do you get per hour to deal with this shit?
[deleted]
[deleted]
WoodlandMel
Ugh. Poor team of 3 who quoted me $500 for 3 60ft birch- took about that long. They needs to move to that area. (I don't even haggle!)
Bundacious
Fallers make around $100/hour.
Timmytwopups
I'm the owner, so not much.
iliketokeepitsimplestupid
Lol. Yea right. Forestry guys and owners make bucket loads. It's like money grows on trees.
toounoriginaltothinkofacleverusername
I'm a forester.
Timmytwopups
Shhhh...
HogwartsAlumnus
or dies on trees...
snackmanistan
I think he means he doesn't get paid by the hour since owners usually just take a percentage of the company's overall earnings.
owenmason
He's a lumberjack and he's ok. He sleeps all night and he works all day.
yeahyeahwhatevername
I thought this was something my dad made up! That liar!
guesswhatdayitisnt
https://youtu.be/sZa26_esLBE Monty python sauce!
StarrryNight
He cuts down trees, he stabs his victims, HOLY SHIT IT'S DEXTER.
sarcasticbear
Its just like the ending of Dexter!
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
Ay, us lumberjacks like to sit down when we poo and then stand back up and pissed on our logs until they cut in half
vo0d0ogirl
Omfg I love this place
Whhpssh
This better get comment of the day.
simplydifficult
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!
Altessia
And now this is one of your highest rated comments.
owenmason
Number 5. (No disassemble)
twothousandtimesfourpluseight
*he sleeps four hours a night and he works all day
MagicalAIDSFrog
"You kids can't even fathom comedy this deep" -My dad when talking about this sketch
squip
For all values of all night equal to 4 hours.
Cavalish
"He climbs up trees, he calls for help, he shits his pants..."
Ihaveadjustedwell
Your iambic meter is off but plus one anyway.
Cavalish
How embarrassing, I would hate for my iambic pentameter to be off in front of all these people.
captmafune
On Wednesdays he goes shopping for butter,scones, and tea
NooneCares79
But does he wear high heels?
TheStripedBiologistTaunter
Hey look. OP posted a selfie. http://imgur.com/sjXIftr
CanadianEngineer
No can't be.. that's me
Macat
Good one!
Fredfinks
i always upvote connie booth. the hotnesss
bartman2014
He cuts down trees, wears high heels suspenders and a bra, he wishes he was. Girly just like his dear papa
CountSnarkula
He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatree. . .
InvadingYourSpaces
That must be a the most difficult tree to cut down.
CountSnarkula
You must use . . . a herring!
boredinmathclass
Pretty sure it's lavatory, but was shortened to fit the syllables. Still thought it was your version until ~2 months ago though :)
Thisnamethingisdifficult
It's how it's pronounced by Michael Palin whilst singing the song. One year. How's that for commenting.
BoldAndBrash
Maybe its a pun. Like peeing on trees. One man's theory.
Penetrecia
On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea!
TheLyricGuy
He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wildflowers...
swaptrick
He puts on women's clothing, and hangs around in bars!
SnappyCamper
Upvoting you out of pity.
BoldAndBrash
He puts on women's clothing, and hangs around in bars!
keeniemccormick
Bars?
tgapo
As a network administrator, I agree with the last one. IT'S NOT RETAIL. (but not quite as dangerous)
Legendariel
Recently started my first food service job. Everyone warned me about the customers. It's not retail, and the customers are mostly great.
DontcallmeLen
Having done both, yeah, its not retail.
GoodTofuFriday
I have taken on entire departments just so that there's never a chance that I go back to retail.
Tonberryc
Another network admin here, I will reset your stupid password 127,000,000,001 times before I go back to Home Depot.
theblimpalive
127.0.0.1 is where the heart is.
GoodTofuFriday
Amen
randomitguy
Systems Admin here... *raises mouse - IT's NOT RETAIL
bigfootIRL
Ok I'm currently in school to be a sys admin make a job stories please? I want to know what I'm getting into!
jackpkmn
http://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport
randomitguy
and doesn't pay as well as it did 10 years ago. But it's really all I know now...
randomitguy
I've been in it since 2000 Server, it's just server admin stuff. Dealing with the end users is the "story" part. The work is repetitive, 1
Danimalx23
As an out of work Network Administrator, my wife says no more updates, you need to find a job.
tgapo
You lost a job, but have a wife. I lost a wife but have a job. Sort of balances out, I guess...
Danimalx23
Widowed or divorce? Either way this isn't a contest I want points in. :(
tgapo
Divorced. Caught her cheating 9 months into the marriage and booted her to the curb.
Summersky
At least your life re-booted all right. No crashes since then, eh?
Danimalx23
Well Louis CK would say, Good news!