princesscindycat
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I did these Zeigfeld style pics some years ago after having surgeries when my confidence was so low... I was so lost and scared back then but eventually that young woman found some way to her own little world of freedom with her own car, her own place, and a job with nice people...
I can see the timidness, the fear and uncertainty just from that small glimpse of my half turned face here... but how did I get here now, back to feeling so lost and scared. I was scared and lonely back then, and even worse now. That's one thing that will always tear me apart is that the man I thought was my angel, my safety and salvation, and path to a better life turned out to be the worst thing to ever happen to me and destroy me more than anything or anyonr ever has. And he still can't grasp that. He doesn't think all he's done and lied about is that bad.
I know many are annoyed how much I bitch and complain about my husband, but trauma and grieving fucks you up in such horrific ways no one understand unless they have been through it too. I wish I could be that young lady who was finding her path, had her struggles then too but not like this. I want to glow again. I want to one day be so alone and independant of anyone because no one has ever made me happier than I can make myself.
Anyway, just reflecting on how fast time went by and ranting as usual. I applied for more jobs today. Cross fingers I get responded to.
Quizz25S
Looking BACK. Nice.
heroesblood
Glad to see you're still going. Hope you made it to a better, less abusive place.
Smartbutnotreally
Life is hard, relationships are hard, everything's hard. I wish you happiness and health and success, and good luck on your job search
IUpvoteFuturama
You do what you need to, to get better, and to start living a better, happier life. If some chucklefucks would prefer just being able to look at the pictures and not the sentiment that goes with them, well that sounds like their problem. In summation, you go girl. https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MWkybmlhY2psZ3J3YXJwdjhoNmVnbjF3emFjOHYydTVrbW0xOHB2cCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/jbxQLpOKN2URa/200w.webp
Grimmrog
Vampire, burn her on a stake.
StunttheRunt
Bitch all you want about whatever you want. People post here all the time about having a job, losing a job, showing off pets, griping about politics, and of course funny pictures.
I'm always jealous of the people who can put up their photos here. I'm too self conscious for that so enjoy people who can do what I can't.
Same for those who get to travel. I enjoy those photos of places I'm sure I'll never go.
Also that's a lovely photo. Hope you (and anyone else who needs to) get to heal.
Imustntrunaway
Pain after someone you trust breaks it is very real, and healing is nonlinear.
Until you find other people and other things to eventually fill the gap, those people remain the point in space you measure by. Healing and falling and everything, it's still all done in respect to them. It's exhausting. It's been ten years and I'm still not actually fully free of my ex, and I probably won't be until there's something or someone else to orbit, to measure from.
...Maybe that's a crazy analogy.
baldbear
We have a reputation for listening, at least the majority of us, and we will keep it up. Tell us what hurts you, for talking about it is already healing a little. Please know you are not alone, you are understood and -as far as we can- given a small safe place to let go. And this is a very nice picture you can be proud of.
newwoolmonosta
beautifully elegant
Spiderfrass
The place you’re in feels like a place I have been. Scrolling through pictures of myself over the years I can see myself fade. I would rather be alone than feel the earth slide away from beneath my feet again. I think what I’ve learned is the harm that people cause is usually the result of something broken within themselves. My compulsion to try to be a part of their healing seems to be at the cost of my own wellbeing. I’ve spent a lot of time in solitude, trying to rekindle myself.
Spiderfrass
I’m still a work in progress and probably always will be. Maybe you will be too. I’m finding what feeds me, and figuring out how to give that to myself. I’ve changed how I connect with others and am still trying to find my way. There is still so much to learn, and maybe this is the start of a new phase of discovering yourself too. 🫶
agreedydemon
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1OXFyN2J0djF5dnJ1ZW4zY3plbXlwbHlvczRjbTR0aXpkdHNpbnVmaiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/Ekrt8a4Pc4MwTtTy4c/200w.webp
Icetech3
I love a good back, and I'm glad you're free
azarza
pic is super nice
StormCrowMith
Your improvement is not dependant on his understanding. A liar like that is already a person with no personal shame or accountability, but you are the only one that can help you so his failings are really not yours. Keep at it, sending you virtual hugs!
therabidferrett
Everyone has their own path to healing. Don't listen to those telling you not to walk yours.
RtheWitch
Well then you must heal, if not just for you, spite! And with the first photo, how sure can we be that you are not a few hundred year old vampire? :P
EveryUsernameIsTaken4
The way I handle with the horrors of life is by working. It's the one thing holding back depression at all times. Obsessing over a project. Is it ideal? NO. Every now and then I get tired and have to stop working a bit, or I'm between projects, and it's race between the next thing and mental health.
MasterChristopher
Wonderful! How expensive was it to get done? :(
princesscindycat
Free. He was temporarily unemployed from his real job and did pro photography as a hobby.
MasterChristopher
Oh sweet! I be hearing from other people who've gotten photoshoots that it could cost them THOUSANDS! How fortunate!
LadyStormdance
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1cGh3eHhoNzY4aDk0YXF5Nzh1aGQwODBzanN6eTgxcnBrc25kZnJpZSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/VbawWIGNtKYwOFXF7U/200w.webp
NRC117
Beautiful work of art! <3
EmptyHouseBurglar
Maybe try it again sometime, and see what has changed? I nude modeled for a year to help get over and investigate some stuff. So, ditto, found the experience helpful.
princesscindycat
It was the first and only photoshoot I ever did with a pro photographer. I felt awkward, but happy to try something that made me feel pretty and nice. Sorry for the weird pose. I still like these images though.
giraffytaffy
This is a gorgeous photo! I hope it was empowering for you to do this! I just asked (because it's expensive and requires schedule coordination) my husband if he was okay with me booking a boudoir session with a professional photographer. I've had 4 kids, I'm in my late 30s, and have not had a flattering picture of myself taken in a long time. I've put so much work into reclaiming my body but still struggle with my self image.
CoffeeIsTheAnswer
The images are beautiful as are the weeks, months, and years ahead of you. Your journey has just started.
imzurchian
You're beautiful. Always remember that.
psugab
They are beautiful
pictory
She's bringing sexy back (yeah!)
Rayfire3535
That's really cool. It's still a beautiful piece of art, even if it reminds you of a sad time.
I hate to pull out the Vision quote, "but what is grief, if not love persevering."
Your husband was a horrible deceiving asshole to you. That killed your trust, and your relationship...not the love you had for him, not the hopes and dreams that you thought you would pursue with him. You aren't just grieving the death of the relationship, but the death of the future you thought you were going to have
Rayfire3535
So no. You don't have to worry about complaining about him. Vent. Get it out. It's good for you. Get it out til there's nothing left, til you're tired of complaining about him. Then getting on with your life will be about you being happy, not getting away from him.
princesscindycat
You really nailed it perfectly 😭😭😭 and he still thinks I can get over the hurt and trauma with time. He doesn't get it, it never goes away!!! He doesn't understand how he ruined me and us and all I did to have a life with him and planning our future and he brought his fucking family into it cause he is a coward and baby and turned them against me and thinks I can learn to live with him and them again. He is so fucking STUPID!!!!!! FUCK! Thank you for listening. God I can't wait for my therapy
Rayfire3535
And if you'd brought either of your families into it and they were on your side he'd have been quick to say, "This is our marriage, you shouldn't involve other people."
Weak sauce.
You're welcome. My parents split because of my Dad's infidelity. I was young but I still swore it was the sin I'd never commit. So I have a strong aversion to cheating assholes.
Rayfire3535
Side note; my parents still get along pretty well. My Dad recently apologized and accepted full responsibility 40 years after the fact. More for his own soul than my mom, we think. It was never in question. Your ex seems to be a full blown narcissist though. I'm glad you got away from him.
StellarJay77
You're bringing sexy back.
Nightcaste
Hey, you need to let this husband shit out somewhere or it will keep you all fucked up. Might as well let it out here
LrrrRulerofThePlanetOmicronPerseiVIII
And if some people don’t like it, fuck ‘em. No one’s making them read your posts, @OP. Do what you want and ignore the haters.
zelda633000
I know it is good to have the catharsis of venting your feelings in a safe space, but if you feel like you're getting to the point of becoming an annoyance to the folks who end up on the receiving end, it may be time to get yourself to the point of acting. I had been in a bad headspace regarding my marriage, constantly going back and forth between what would be the better path to be on, but it finally dawned on me that my friends HAD to be sick of hearing me constantly complaining, and that..1/2
zelda633000
..truly helped moved me toward taking action. I just couldn't stand the idea of people cringing when I'd be around, thinking all I ever did was whine or complain. I told myself, as my mom had, "shit or get off the pot!" I am not saying that OP is doing that (I have not seen their previous posts) just pointing out that we all need to find our own red line, and perhaps this nostalgia of the gorgeous photo shoot will help nudge towards a decision. The photo really is lovely!