TheSadGiraffe
114991
3184
82
Mar 14, 2017 9:55 AM
TheSadGiraffe
114991
3184
82
strelkov16
Had a d&d character win a wish in a tournament and is now the emperor of all the lands within the plane that houses the tournament. ...
vinnyk
She britta'd it
DeadHamster
It's like asking a genie for world peace. Genies are notoriously cheeky little cunts and would make all humans disappear or some shit.
SexualConsent
Yeah, storage wars is the shit
exponant
My wife prayed that I would forgive and forget.... yep...Alzheimer disease. ; )
pballjay
Meme wars...
ImgurianWorldWarHistorian
You know, the last time some people wanted to end all wars we got a bigger and worse war than all before it.
Winnerrules
Watching morons acting like scavengers will be missed.
GapingAnalCavity
Yup!
rhodevus
what show is this?
B0nerFarts
Lmao p
Bartholomeo
Didnt someone on reddit formulate a wish that had no negative effect?
Sneemaster
What about the Franchise Wars that resulted in all restaurants being Taco Bell?
BlackMoth13
You want to give that kind of power to someone who pronounces the word "bagel" as "bagel"? Are you crazy?
therealVexed
wat is wrong with your dumb ass
DanFranzen
If you don't pronounce "bagel" as "bagel," then how do you pronounce "bagel"? Like "muffin"?
MyWeeLadGimli
Pronounce it "bay-gull", not "bag-gull" like Britta.
BlackMoth13
No. You pronounce it as "bay-gil" (soft G)
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
have you heard of our lord and savior, International Phonetic Alphabet?
DanFranzen
No, is he on Imgur?
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
Indeed, he is. Feast your eyes upon this: /ˈbeɪɡəl/
DanFranzen
"gil" as in "gills of a fish"? or "gil" as in "Jill"?
BlackMoth13
Definitely as in gills of a fish.
dracomageat
Bajel is just stupid.
SendPicsOfYourBits
howdoyoucollege
Is this where the Donald fans are?
cmdrcat
Someone once wished for an endless pie.
MerpMaDerp
DougDeNasty
See! Another irrational request!
dEdGrimley
Dammit, Britta...
6seasonsandamovie
She's the AT&T of people
NevermindThatShitHereComesMongo
She's the worst
DaveTheMurderingHippo
She Britta'd it. Classic Britta.
TheNearlySilentUpvoterAndOccasionalDownvoter
It was a Brittastrophe. Yeah. Just coined that.
whenlifegivesyoulemonshavealemonparty
She's a GDB
trillashaw91
Hey there. Hi. How you doin.
TheNearlySilentUpvoterAndOccasionalDownvoter
Vaughn you've got such tiny nipples.
AtlasUnbound
No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars, AND CERTAINLY NO COLD WARS!
GuardsmanMiku
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWeEZuiUtFA
AtlasUnbound
Blue balled for 40 years...
BobsAvatar
A real war! A German war! We want world war 3!!
AtlasUnbound
Var* Ve* Vant* Vorld Vor 3*
Qumefox
No class wars = result is one side eradicating the other. No race wars would probably result in the same thing. Mass genocide.
AtlasUnbound
Joke . . . . You
Qumefox
Aren't jokes supposed to be funny though?
AtlasUnbound
You've never seen hellsing abridged have you?
sasaroo
If you wished to end world hunger, everyone would starve since no one had any appetite. What are other ironic twists?
cvnord
In Lathe of Heaven. Characters opt for world peace so an intergalactic war ensues. That sums part of it up in the character limit for Imgur
IMadeThisAccountForButts
I want The Zone to disappear. And then I would be made blind.
Ravenuser
Can't be hungry if you are dead.
KittyLeader
Peace on earth, everyone just ends up stoned and gets the munchies and then there's no food so we all starve to death.
SmittyTitties
Or like the xfiles when everyone just disapeared
michoacaneno
I feel that the Doritos factory workers would cease production after this and then world stores of Doritos would decline precipitously
wardsandcourierplz
reminds me of "The Euphio Question" by Vonnegut
FutureHylian
I feel like most of these involve mass starvation.
KittyLeader
Well, could also go the literal route and just put everything into space. There'll be peace on Earth, if there's nothing ON the Earth.
etagete
"I wish i was the smartest person alive!" Suddenly millions of people get dumber instead of you getting smarter.
Honorius77
If memory serves, In the X Files Mulder once wished for world peace and everybody but him and the djinn disappeared (till he fixed it).
SlowboatToShortbus
"It's the Pax. The G23 Paxilion Hydrochlorate that WE put in the air compressors. It was supposed to calm the population... Well, it works
RudiHayward
The Reaver's!!!
krazyphox
They were just trying to promote happiness :)
ichangedmynamejustnow
No more pollution, kill off polluters. That'd be everyone in the world in some way or another
ichangedmynamejustnow
Enough clean water for everyone, turns the oceans to fresh water and kills all sea life, melts ice caps to give more water.
cheshirecat00
How about wishing for humans to have an extra organ in their stomach allowing us to drink saltwater like regular Gatorade? Where's thetwist?
InternationalPhoneticAlphabet
alternative: does nothing, fresh water shortage is just a distribution problem.
NumNutts
Fun fact: There is an extremely large reservoir of fresh water hidden beneath earth's crust that is equal in volume to the Atlantic ocean
Darksider7190
You just gonna sit there and not give me a link damnit?
NumNutts
You're right. http://www.livescience.com/1312-huge-ocean-discovered-earth.html
Pharya
This is the best one so far. The consequences of losing all ocean life so suddenly would basically ruin every other species planet-wide too
ichangedmynamejustnow
So much fishing would be gone, would crash so many businesses, people would go poor and hungry from lack of business and product
Pharya
I believe we'd suffer billions of casualties as a result, at the least
relicen
The biggest thing would be the death of most algae. They are responisble for most of the CO2 -> O conversion.
Pharya
RIP Ozone
jinxhahayoumissed
I pronounced it "hun-jer"... this site has ruined me.
DickDastardly404
Wish for a dick that reaches the floor and the genie cuts off your legs.
LoookMaNoHands
The butterfly effect would set something else into motion if you wish for someone to still be alive or for something not to have happened
ichangedmynamejustnow
Cure everyone with cancer, transfer said cancer to others. Now all the people who had cancer are cured, bit others die now
SupaCabra
being "hung like a black guy" could go one of two ways
TeeMee123
can't take down evil dictators
Dhollis02
What if I wished for the human race to be so technologically advanced that we could space travel, like in Mass effect?
sasaroo
Then we'd meet the same end as in Mass Effect
katseiko
End all struggle. Great, nobody will struggle anymore to stay alive.
ichangedmynamejustnow
"I wish I had the ability to control time with exact precision" What'd be a twist for that?
SumNim
Precision not accuracy is the catch.
javer80
You can control it... exactly to zero. Aka the point of freezing it and yourself for eternity. Trust me, I've played Drakengard.
AlexDuos
You can only movie it forward one second at a time with a cool down of one second.
Drennen
the second you move or breathe while time is slowed/stopped, the friction generated makes you or your lungs burst into flames.
ZebraCockSandwich
You would become a being that is not and cannot be human, likely destroying all the reasons you had to alter time.
SirShutthefuckup
You could move time but not your awareness or experience of it: go a day back and you just become yourself one day ago, who would just do+
SirShutthefuckup
...the same thing tomorrow starting a neverending loop no one ever even recognizes
TEDwisdom
Since the wish is delivered verbally, the genie grants you precise control over the evergreen herb of the same name.
ichangedmynamejustnow
Ha, that's fucked. Nice one
Onja
You'll control time but not space so you can only move so much without being stuck in a wall/sofa etc because earth rotation?
zombob
Check out the long earth by terry prattchet. Spelling could be an issue there
pokepoketopa
Well I mean ur "stationary" and the earth is "moving", but it's all relative. U proposed relative to the sun, but that's arbitrary.
TEDwisdom
Now that's more like it. If you move any direction in time you remain stationary in space and end up off Earth somewhere in its orbital path
Grant0
That's why I have trouble believing in ghosts. They would have to be affected by gravity or left in our wake through space...
YourAdultImaginaryFriend
Objects in motion stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force. Why wouldn't ghosts be affected by gravity? They ain't time travelers
ichangedmynamejustnow
That's a good twist
BYERE
You can move the hands on clocks without touching them, but that's it.
TEDwisdom
That... doesn't have anything to do with controlling time though.
BYERE
A genie twists your words to screw you out of your wishes. Thus "controlling time" could be meant as "adjusting clocks"
TEDwisdom
Clocks aren't time, they're a representation. That would be like asking for a Porsche 911 and getting a picture of one. It's not a Porsche.
NeverSplitTheParty
As soon as you try, you are confronted with the infinite choices your wish provides, and die before doing any of them. "EXACT PRECISION"
ichangedmynamejustnow
Ohh that's good.
BYERE
Plus side? Jareth cosplay: http://i661.photobucket.com/albums/uu333/madhatterspunkalice/tumblr_inline_mfren7jQD41rwrskz_zps37ddc977.gif
ichangedmynamejustnow
Ha, you could earn money on bets and fuck with people too at least.
Butane9000
"I wish that whenever anyone needs to eat or drink they always have the means available to them" done.
RedKing85
Wish granted! Nothing changes though, since people have always had the option of autocannibalism. ;)
Butane9000
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RagingOyster
Did you read his comment?
ichangedmynamejustnow
Well it seems I did not, my mistake b.
ichangedmynamejustnow
I missed that last word. Sorry
MothsHaveFeelingsToo
"I wish that every wish I make will have no negative consequences." Boom, problem solved.
sasaroo
Then no wishes :)
RedKing85
Wish granted! The bad stuff still happens, but people are now brainwashed into seeing the negative consequences as positives.
MothsHaveFeelingsToo
Well, then is it really such a bad thing then? If it improves lives, even artificially, then that seems like a success in my book. :P
RedKing85
Everything is relative!
BYERE
Genies, by lore, try to twist the summoner's words to screw them out of what they really want. Gotta word things like a lawyer!
Qumefox
Or take the easy way out. Make your first wish be that all future wishes must result in the outcome the wisher intends
BYERE
I think that comes under the "Ungrantable Wishes" clause, like wishing for unlimited wishes, or unlimited genies...
TheNax
Same with Gaunter O'dimm. Bastard
smegheadenergy
So wishing for a room full of boobies....will get me a room full of birds?
BYERE
Probably. Same if you asked for a room full of tits (you'd just get a different type of bird)
smegheadenergy
Good to know I shouldn't wish for a room full of cocks
BYERE
That's probably a good idea lol