Kink of the Day: Terminology

Terminology

Here is a list of some common BDSM terms that you may run across in my posts or the posts of other kink oriented users;

24/7: A BDSM relationship in which the roles are maintained in daily life. I am my Dom's Brat all the time and she disciplines me (discreetly) in public.

Aftercare: A period of time after intense BDSM activity in which both Dom and sub recover. Typically a Dom will ensure a sub is taken care of first. I am usually unable to move after intense play, I rely on my Dom entirely.

Age Play: A form of role play in which a submissive partner takes on the behavior of an age other than their own, this includes infantilism, littles, and some Brats. In my own relationship, I tend to behave like a disobedient teenager and my Dom punishes me for bad behavior.

BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. BDSM is a general umbrella term we use for most kinky activities as most anything I can think of falls under one of these.

Bondage: The physical restraint of a partner. The most common kink in the world.

Bottom: The receptive partner, the one having things done to her or him.

Brat: A submissive who doesn't obey, talks back, misbehaves and otherwise gives their Dominant a difficult time. Some Doms love the challenge, others prefer to steer clear. I'm a Brat, its my primary sexual identity. I don't obey easily and need to consistently punished.

Collared: A submissive or slave who is owned in a long term relationship with a Dominant or Master.

Consent: Mutual agreement to an intimate action or the continuation of an intimate action. Consent can be retracted at any time.

Consensual Non-consent: Also called rape play, this is roleplay of forced sexual activity. This is a common fetish among submissive women.

Contract: Sometimes also called an agreement, this will be a formal or informal agreement on the structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries in a relationship. Very common among long term partners in D/s relationships.

D/s: Short hand for Dominant and submissive. Example: They are a D/s couple.

DDLG: Daddy Dom Little Girl. Referring to an age play relationship between a Dominant "Daddy" and a submissive little girl. Some vanilla folks feel uncomfortable with this one.

Demonstration: A performance of a BDSM activity for the purposes of education. Typically a sub will be on display for the duration of the demonstration and a Dom will explain technique and any other important information.

Dom or Domme: Dom refers to a male or masculine Dominant, Domme refers to a female or feminine Dominant. My Dom prefers to be called Dom instead of Domme, so there are some variances.

Dominant: The person in control of the submissive, taking on the responsibilities of leading during play and sometimes taking a household leadership role. Dominants are usually male (70%), but each person determines their own role.

Dom Drop: Not frequently talked about, even among BDSM folks, is Dom Drop. Dom Drop occurs at the end of a scene, it is both emotional and physical. May of the acts a Dom performs require intense physical strain and focus. Doms need aftercare too.

Discipline: Structured punishment of a submissive who breaks a rule. Typically humiliation or impact play is utilized as discipline.

Dungeon: A room or area with BDSM equipment and a play space.

Edgeplay: Edgeplay is any form of play that poses a health risk. Breath play, fireplay, knife play, heavy impact play, and bloodplay are all forms of Edgeplay.

Hard Limit: Something you absolutely will not do, non-negotiable. Mine are: scat, watersports, or anything that leaves permanent marks.

Little: A little, short for little girl (or boy), is a submissive who behaves and sometimes dresses in a manner of a child. The exchange of power with their Daddy or Mommy is typically framed within this context as well. While I am not a Little, I adore them, they have a lot of fun in ways that I don't. I even get a somewhat protective of my "little sisters".

Maintenance Spanking: Spankings given routinely, to ensure good behavior on the part of the submissive or for the dominant to relieve frustration.

Masochism: Enjoyment from receiving pain. A masochist is a person who enjoys pain.

Master/slave: An extreme form of Dominance and submission. A slave surrenders control to a Master for their mutual benefit.

Munch: A gathering for kinky people in "Vanilla" space. Typically at a restaurant. This is a good opportunity to meet people with your clothes on.

OTK: Over the knee, short for over the knee spankings, a common position for punishment or other corrective discipline.

Pegging: A woman using a strapon to penetrate a partner's anus.

Play: Kinky activity. Examples: I enjoy impact play. My Dom gave permission for a Top to play with me.

Play Party: A BDSM oriented event with multiple people engaging in activity. It is typically acceptable to watch.

Professional Dom or Dominatrix: Some men and women make money from performing dominant acts. They do not have sex with their clients.

Protocols: The rules. For those of us that are 24/7, these are always in effect. Respectful terms to Dominants is common, "Yes Sir".

Sadism: Sadism is sexual pleasure from causing pain. A sadist is one who gains pleasure from causing pain. Sadists are the other side to my own masochism, but they receive a much more negative reaction from outsiders. Sadists are not interested in violating consent.

SSC, SSSC, RACK: Safe, Sane, Consensual; Safe, Sane, Sober and Consensual; Risk Aware Consensual Kink. These phrases are very common. No one wants to walk away from a Scene with someone upset or feeling that their consent was violated.

Safeword: A pre-chosen word that indicates all play should stop. Example: Sunstone.

Scene: A session of play, from start to finish. If a scene is occurring at a play party, do not interrupt. If you believe there is a problem, alert the party host.

Soft Limits: Things someone don't like or is nervous to do but may be willing to do if negotiated ahead of time. Just because I don't like something doesn't mean I won't do it. For me, needles (I will faint), Breathplay and anything that could leave a scar are soft limits.

Stop Light: Instead of a safeword, some BDSM practitioners like myself use the BDSM Stop Light. Red means stop, yellow means slow down and green means that we are good to go.

Sub Drop: Sub drop happens when coming out of subspace. A sub may have her body temperature drop, may be unable to communicate and may be unable to move. It is a very emotionally vulnerable time and aftercare is critical.

Sub Space: A state of mental elation that subs enter during play, it may result in being disoriented to the point of being unaware of her or his surroundings. Many subs, such as myself, are no longer able to communicate while in subspace.

Submissive: Also called Sub, is a partner who submits physically, sometimes mentally and emotionally as well, to a dominant.

Switch: Someone who enjoys being both a Top and a Bottom.

Top: The person performing the acts on a Bottom.

Vanilla: Someone who is completely unfamiliar with BDSM or chooses not to engage in any form of BDSM. Mainstream culture.

Warm up: Gentle play at the start of a scene to get a submissive (and the Dominant) ready for more intense play.

Terms

There are many terms that I have left out (seriously, the original of this was 46 pages in word). But I hope this can give you an idea of some of the basics. I inevitably left something important out, so feel free to ask about any term you have heard in the comment and I will do my best to define it (in 140 characters...)

TL;DR: There is no TLDR. These are BDSM terms, read them if you want.

As always, feel free to AMA. Send me a message or contact me on Fetlife under AlexiRose.