Multipass
134087
1972
63
This guy may disagree...
https://youtu.be/4rO9t29EwHA
Women be like
"Dude, we put humankind in orbit, we wear constellations as hats if we want"
https://choice.npr.org/index.html?origin=https://www.npr.org/2016/09/25/495179824/hidden-figures-how-black-women-did-the-math-that-put-men-on-the-moon
Bojovnik84
My favorite story from the Bible is nothing. Because it's all bullshit.
DotcoreJetkill
"These immodest women cause me to sin when I look at them!" "What was that last part?" "...nothing..."
AwesomeName
Damn right it is not her problem but yours, buddy.
fbutt09
Lower thy gaze. OR. Be blind and “look” anywhere.
notamurder
Is this how masturbation causes blindness
ReturnoftheZombiePlagueApocalypse
Insert "I'm doing my part!" gif here
glovelyday
"Naaaaah JC I'm pretty sure you're wrong about this one...." (Jesus in a whisper "Dad, do me a big favor, smite him.")
FallingStar7669
lol, no. JC'd just shrug and start braiding a whip.
Masinx
Why do I just have it stuck in my head of him doing that, with 'shame' as bottom text
darkhalfbreed
Because it's honnestly too appropriate
carlosramolete14
atheist here. This is one of the many arguments I have with some of my “christian” friends. They don’t seem to really know what Jesus said
TheBeatingOfHisHideousHeart
You're right. So many Xtians don't read the Bible, let alone understand it. One of my fave verses is Matthew 6:5-6. The hypocrisy... :-(
MasterMookie
He also thought slaves should treat their masters like god. I agree with the eye plucking but he' s a bit of a douche as well.
Dankking
Jesus was a righteous dude!!
gatewater
I don't think there's a lot of women Popes out there.
Broonstar
gonne give us a break on coveting then
TmbgCheeseCreator
so we're just reposting this every day now?
TheMershedPerderder
We need to memorize this and reference it when people tell someone to dress modestly.
jumbosmooth
The gist of Jesus’ statement wasn’t to mutilate yourself, but to do whatever it takes to avoid sin.
LarvaLamp
Why does the Middle East seem like it has always been run by middle school boys with "No U!" attitudes?
AbsurdIdol
Jesus such an OG
Islapbees
Pretty good idea though. We should pluck out an eye from rapists. They'll have a hard time grabbing people with no depth perception.
ThomasTheWankEngine3
yo...Peter...stop bein a dirtbag
MrMaRzZ
Nothing wrong with being a horn dog. Just learn to control it and not vice versa. Just be respectful ?♂️
erbiumyttriumytterbium
JC is a lesson to us all. Don't do stuff that leads others to make you into a religion. Not only do they get it wrong, everyone blames you.
OrangeFlavours
... How are y'all even fuckin reading this? It's got 5 pixels and is so damn tiny.
PoppinLochNessHopster
If you're using this site on desktop and haven't zoomed to 150% I feel bad for your eyes.
CSlice06
I wouldn’t gouge out my own eyes if Jesus himself rose from the dead (again) and told me to do so himself. I’m just not doing that.
jumbosmooth
That’s a wise move. Jesus wasn’t approving body mutilation, but taking radical steps to avoid sin in one’s life. Do what it takes to be pure
randomdragon
Congratulations, you're smarter than the average biblical literalist.
ToCrushYourEnemiesSeeThemDrivenBeforeYouToHearTheLamentation
klean9
Definition of parable : a usually short fictitious story that illustrates a moral attitude or a religious principle
mormacil
That's basically every chapter of the bible.
headlessness
This guy needs a good gouging.
SybilCrawley
What a douche!
fiddlemyhiddle
These hypocrites make my blood boil.
Citizen7
2k years later & we're not close to understanding Jesus' teachings. He'd offend the religious & allow their reactions to reveal their hearts
jumbosmooth
I think his teachings are well understood, it’s just that so many refuse to study and understand them.
MadDucks
Gotta love the "They messed around, let them now find out" method. Honestly, there's a few very inpsiring gems in there.
FiveShiftOne
The youtube rabbithole of videos of how Christians want people to dress, and the replies to those videos, is... terrifying.
MadDucks
So I actually go to a church where they won't teach that dress code thing. I had a discussion about it and "Pants didn't exist back then" is
MadDucks
/a pretty funny answer. Pastor also said "women wear knee length dresses, why shouldn't guys wear shorts?" in response to someone repeating/
MadDucks
/the old stereotype of men having to wear pants and long sleeves at all times. I'm perfectly happy watching someone spread common sense.
FiveShiftOne
Man after all that I immediately started coming up with ideas for an rpg character who wears a masculine garment that is undeniably a dress.
AsamiS
Cleric tanks my dude.
darkhalfbreed
It's freeing
TheOtherBoleynGirl
He also told women to dress modestly though.
jumbosmooth
Modest doesn’t mean ugly or unfashionable. Beauty is often enhanced by what is covered, rather than letting it all hang out.
Jagshusband
Maybe it means gouging out the sin and not the eyes. Like Jack the Ripper.
JennieBee
Even woman who dress modestly get raped and assaulted. Some men are vile no matter how a woman looks.
fbutt09
Women are the better half. Jordan Peterson talks about young men and them being incarcerated for crimes - his podcasts are interesting
PangolinBan
Rape is rarely about sex or lust. It's about control and feeling like you have power over someone else.
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
Yes, that would indeed be part of the point
SybilCrawley
Children (girls AND boys) get assaulted. So yeah, it's not about clothing.
EnokMolkeHansson
this
ionicseraph
forcibly blinding those vile men will also make it extremely harder for them to rape anyone.
JennieBee
I'd say I was afraid but I'm not. I'd rip the eyes out myself of any man who attempted to hurt me. I don't care if you got a weapon.
JennieBee
You better fucking kill me because I won't let it happen. If you're raping me then your fucking a dead body.
Veraatje01
I hope you'll never have to, but you sound like a boss ass bitch.
fuck em up.
JennieBee
Thanks love! Me either but I do keep a golf club in the hatch of my car just incase!
Veraatje01
Good choice of weapon for someone untrained. Keep em at a distance, whack em hard with little strength needed. I should prob get one.
Splosions
Can confirm, will stare at my wifes ass no matter what she is wearing.
fbutt09
Fair play, bruh
TheyHaveThePlantButWeHaveThePower
You disgusting animal.
DisappointedMonkey
We are all animals
jeffreymcarroll
I too choose this guys wife’s butt
5Toner
Someone always beats me to it!
Gianttesticlemonster
He also called out hypocritical religious leaders every chance he got. I'd be interested to see him rip apart the Joel Osteens of today.
Mewmus
don't forget copeland
Citizen7
He'd offend the Pharisees (on purpose) and allow their (over) reaction to reveal their own hearts. Same as he's doing to Christians today.
RamsesMCMXCI
Unfortunately those Christians that follow them aren't seeing what is so blatant. That's what's so dangerous about religion honestly.
RamsesMCMXCI
And other Christians like the cops aren't holding each other accountable. So it's just a cesspit.
BallsDeepinaDragonscloaca
He would literally be crucified by the Republicunts.
j00baka
He'd show up at the gift shop and start flipping tables and whipping folks.
ahernandez
Probably wouldn’t even touch him. Too many other evangelical pastors hed have to get to first
toogoody
With Jesus, all things are possible!
cainofdreaming
He also whipped it out at a church.
Heisanevilgenius
The good Samaritan story is pretty much that. Two of the most prominent priests ignore a man bleeding on the street. A foreigner saves him.
RunanD
¹Jesus, as recorded, practiced voluntary vagrancy. He depowered himself whenever possible - titles, wealth, property. He could literally
RunanD
²be alive today and we wouldn't know, because the means of communication require power. Related: this is why telling socialists to give up
RunanD
³everything they have or else they're "hypocrites" is a deadend philosophy. Don't depower the people who want to redistribute power to you.
MisterLemons
The stuff a biblically accurate Christ would say today could abolish Christianity. I kid you not.
stayingalive4life
Nah, he’d just call it in to God for an smite down air strike where ol’ Joel stands.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
Jesus was awesome. Christianity sucks.
chefchris357
American evangelicals would crucify him again. American Christians are the least Christ like.
justamanwhoknowshowtofeel
Seriously
railgap
It were easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven.
Cr4zyC4tLady
Yeah honestly it’s sad when those teachings follow closer to an actual anarchist badass that just said “fuck ya’ll, if you can’t stop lookin
Cr4zyC4tLady
You should probably not be able to EVER look again! && “I have the will of god on my side, and I’m PRETTY SURE that last time I checked w/
Cr4zyC4tLady
Old daddio, this man isn’t actually down with him. So fuck his religious BS….. also, don’t worry, I’ll save your soul by sacrificing myself
Cr4zyC4tLady
So I know you’re all animals, but I sacrifice myself so you can continue to be so!”. Seriously. Jesus sounds like a lot of liberals I know.
Northwindlowlander
You know the best thing about being able to die for people's sins then be resurrected? Unlimited suicide bombings.
DooksandPooks
If someone is really attractive and they approach me and start talking to me I just assume I’m on a hidden camera show.
Sage042000
Oh man, just pictured Jesus walking into Kenneth Copeland's church mid sermon and telling him he's about to catch these holy hands.
PelonisBoxFan
He would drive him out with a whip and might burn the goddamned building down.
mypatronusridesinatardis
Yea, I’m not a Christian, but nothing would make me happier than Jesus coming back and rip his followers a new one. o much hypocrisy.
fbutt09
Modern day “preachers” would be running for the hills. Oh wait, they’re shameless, so they’ll just shelter in their mansions.
Ruhig
He'd get charged with assault and vandalism when he trashed the place and whipped them.
geoffreyfourmyle
Sadly, the whip in the scripture was used only against the cattle (to start a stampede), not the fraudsters and loan sharks. Pity, really.
AwesomeName
What many people are not aware of: whipping the money changers is what got him killed in the end.
AninOnin
Shot on sight by police. "He had a gun and drugs!"
Sasurau
"He was too brown! And Yeshua? What the fuck terrorist name is that shit?"
AninOnin
Shit, I'd love to see him turn McConnell in particular inside out.
railgap
Literally though. Burn a miracle.
Bmxtucker
*Jesus patiently braiding a whip just outside the capital building* “MFers gon’ learn today!
RenegadeExiled
what makes that crazy is that braiding a whip isnt a 1day process. that takes time, commitment, and explicit intention to use it
Bmxtucker
“The sheep AND the oxen.” Complicit is just another word for playing along.
DaveRyder
He would just dismiss politics. That’s what he did. Israel was an occupied state that had many yearning for a political Messiah.
KarametraArt
If it's kid/teenage Jesus then that is a literal possibility