maximilianfragglebottom
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Aug 20, 2019 1:42 PM
maximilianfragglebottom
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PeteTusk
Sauce: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us
TimeAndMemeLordOfGallifrey
Saudis, Chinese & Russians: Buying America? Get in line.
Eleshar24
More like "Saudis, Chinese & Russians: Buying America? But we're not sellin' "
JasonMomoaMakesMeMoanMore
Det er nok at have dem som turister om sommeren...
BebbybbeB
It's obviously a joke, but I wish it wasn't.
WorthEveryPenny
Pls
LSUguy
DangerDaveHiggins
One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the Danish will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new Scandinavian overlords.
ProfessorPoopyButthole
As a citizen of the US, I'd be happy to live in Denmark.
GreedyJungle
I think we’d all be happier honestly.
szepasszony
me too
FuzzyX
Yeah they do have an average higher wage, more tolerant happy society, prisoner reform, free healthcare & education. Best place in Europe.
thatssnotmyname
You'd be welcome! First thing to learn: Pretend none of the people you see in public exist
shyriath
Already done, my friend, already done.
SpinningButholeattack
thats only in copenhagen
AzgarOgly
I've being on that street, it is beautiful.
Pepout
Hope you enjoyed the beers too....?
AzgarOgly
Too bad, I had to drive back to Dragør fort.
ErynGalen
Okay, okay, we'll buy you, but you have to learn Danish then. Say after me: "rødgrød med fløde"
Harveyq
I'll learn denmarkian asap!
qwerty0xf
Oh crap! Another data migration project then. I need a real project !!!
OctaviusClausewitz
That.. would actually improve many parts of US.. hmmm
doctorbocker
Enh. Country's still full of Americans.
DerKonig
You know, except for the massive 150% tax on gas. Americans use on avg 4.5 liters a day while people in Denmark is 1.
ztygs
Think of all the money you'd save on education and healthcare tho. No more life crippling debt for either of them.
GnomeDeGuerre
Stuff would need to be calibrated for another set of realities.
TorquemadaJones
Because Denmark has a decent public transit system, and we keep taking money away from public transit
EADimgur
Ya but Demark is smaller then several states and is much more urbanized overall. Rural America simply is to remote for public transport
RadicalLeftist
What makes you think they'd implement that with no concern for citizens, they have proven through social services they car about wellbeing.
DerKonig
Meaning, it would cost be about 4 times as much per week to fill up just to get to work. Which would be about $120 a week.
Navrodel
In what world does an added 150% equal 4 times as much? It's 2.5x at most. You use some fuzzy math, sir.
ICarpeYourDiems
2.5x would be 250%
Navrodel
If it was 2.5x "more", yes. 2.5x "as much" adds the original amount to the 150% tax - 250% in total.
OctaviusClausewitz
They'll invade Venezuela, dressed as Vikings! Problem solved.
DerKonig
To Valhalla!
OctaviusClausewitz
If they have oil, them too, yes!
CannotFindUserName
*No refunds*
DissidenceTSB
Isn't Denmark the happiest place on Earth? I for one would like to welcome our new Denmark overlords.
Schaade
That's not Denmark, that's Disney.
ATravellinOwl
I thought so too, but actually Canada has had number 1 for the last three years. Denmark is still number 2 though, so that's not too bad.
RubberChickenGoD
My body is ready!!!
yomommakenastun
We're not much but please buy Malaysia too. We need all the help we can get
TheOfficeAssistant
As a Dane, I'll do what I can to persuade the government to buy Malaysia.
Endlogic
We have oil and sun, Denmark please. <3
Schaade
The US has oil and sun, on the same beach. Wait your turn.
TakoYani
Yo I fucks with being a Dane
Mcknizzle
Fine but we get red light districts in every city and you have to enjoy chick fil a. That’s the only way this is gonna work
DukePhelan
I love how most of this post is my fellow Americans crying ' Please save us!' since we can't save ourselves it seems.
Navor
Is this because trump asked to buy greenland?
PeteTusk
Yes it was a reply.
PeteTusk
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us
2good4hisowngood
I wonder if he realizes how small Greenland actually is...
dreshi
Wait what
Exousa
Or if he realizes that iceland and greenland are opposites
ScottaHemi
for it's size Greenland has a lot of resources though like rare earth metals, a key component in electric cars!
ScottaHemi
also off shore oils, the northwest passage potential. a good place to set up anti russian missile defense systems.
manamanamdududududu
NO! Maybe...
causality
Much as I hate the cheeto, he didn't ask to buy Greenland. He asked one of his aides if it would be possible to buy Greenland.
Datsinginguy
I don’t see how that’s much different.
glaug
I miss when we had a President smarter and more tuned into world affairs than me
kellyxx
Today he cancelled next weeks trip to Denmark, he said since Denmark will not sell Greenland there is no reason to go. /2
kellyxx
https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/20/politics/trump-cancels-copenhagen/index.html
GnomeDeGuerre
The long joke includes the sale of the US Virgin Islands in 1917.
FistingWithJalapenoDoritoFingers
People! people!
MisterD90
Well yeah....
poultryprince
IndyAndyJones
But how do we make it real?
westsidewizard
But for one fleeting moment, us Americans, we felt hope.
doopiedonger
NO SHIT
oddoregano
AlkeneThiol
I used to like this but now I hate it because I hate ignorance.
alwaysupvotedogstuff
BatBruce
*saved to favorites*
IsntThatAaronic
That is a great feature. Not many satire sites do this and trick boomers and dumb folk into thinking thay are the real news.
orangeyougladitsnotbanana
Wait so there is actual fake news...Trump was right all along!
Schaade
"Trick" sort of suggests some effort was required...
cousteau
Oh, I wouldn't have realized otherwise!
Elroydb
I would have thought the name "Andy Borowitz" would have let you know you shouldn't take it seriously
Oxymuncher
Pretty obvious, since Trump was talking about the possibility of buying Greenland... And that wasn't satire. He's going mental
OrgasPandaCat
The protocol should already be in place from when Reagan went senile in his second term.
Zcarsnarl
Actually purchasing land is a pretty good option. It's how America and some others were created in part. It's also better than other ways.
ZombieJonSnow
Hes like the 8th president to try and buy Greenland. We like to buy stuff.
greenlandic
We'd rather stay with Denmark, unless our stupid politicians decide otherwise
Oxymuncher
Yeah I saw both responses from denmark and on greeenland being more or less offended and saying it was completely out of the question
3Davideo
I figure if it was going to be anything other than Danish dependency or full independence, give it to either Canada or Iceland.
Schaade
How about exclusive lease for basing and mineral rights--you good with that?
greenlandic
We've actually tried to get that deal for some time but as part of the deal, we wanted USA to pay for cleanup up in the Thule airbase
Schaade
This President is at least interested; throw in fishing rights and keep trying (we should lease those back on a non-transferable basis). 1/
ellyllon
"going"
cousteau
I think they meant, like, MORE mental.
TheGhostofLionelHutz
going.... gone.
Oxymuncher
Still holding onto a shred of hope
MizuNoMark
Hahahaha hes been senile since before his presidency
DooksandPooks
I think Trump was mulling over purchasing strategical areas of Greenland. US has bases all over the world, so not that strange to expand
MizuNoMark
You think he was that smart
ZombieJonSnow
You think it was HIS idea?
sakm
Andy Borowitz is a comedic genius who's been writing for the New Yorker for a very long time.
Efreeti
We gotta get over! Before we go under!
AttackOfTheSpaceBat
/a/BDA2Fzy
tReasonoustRump
shesaspacecadet
God damn it
blackrasputin
They’ll turn the US around just like they did with Africa.
PeteTusk
Confusing Denmark with Holland?
blackrasputin
Yeah Denmark was never in Africa or involved in the slave trade right?
PeteTusk
It was, but not to the extent of the Dutch.
blackrasputin
I don’t see how that’s relevant.
PeteTusk
It's just a matter of degree, but you have a point. I should better have asked you how the past was relevant compared to the present.
TheOfficeAssistant
Well, Denmark abolished slavery 17 years before the US. Suggesting Denmark treats people worse than the US is wrong by modern perspectives.
SchizophrenicMC
I for one welcome our new Danish overlords.
LordDenmark
Im not allowing this. We already gave you Scarlett.
Daerred
...and the wonderful Niels Pedersen
coop61gt
Booooo
mikeatike
Fever?
FuzzyX
Fever... https://youtu.be/EYxoAJ3Boyc
HogWashDiddler
As an american, i would be ok with this
manicmalki
I refuse to be owned by the Dutch.
magicrhombus
If that's what it takes to get a functional education system and national health care, okay.
CaffeineManic
Maybe we could just hire them as managers?
bazookasoup
As a Dane, I dont see us wanting to pay to get all those problems..
Mustakraken
To bad, no refunds, we're your problem now health care daddy!
OpossumJesusHasRisen
I'd be in.
JLaP01001
Seconded
Dontwatchmespotme
Then you good Sir/Ma'am are no American
DerKonig
To be owned by a strictly liberal country that prohibits people from eating raw bacon under a full moon.
BradleyJon
Lol some people need tip have out written down not to do dumb shit
unkiereamus
I never thought I'd be eager for Trump to auction off the country.
CaffeineManic
It'll happen if he can profit.
zapbranagan
Emigrate, you have the freedom.
zapbranagan
It’s going to really hurt your feelings when you realize they have a much tougher, merit based, immigration policy. Much tougher than the US
wrenchhead
Now we just gotta wait to see if China accepts the offer.
AgentWienerDog
Nah Moscow Mitch already sold it.
vildgut
Everyothernamewastaken
I would be OK wit this but with a GDP of 325 mil gonna be tough to get much. The US GPD is 19.4 tril so 325,000,000 v 19,400,000,000,000
geraint616
It’s like you don’t understand what a joke is
GnomeDeGuerre
The offer is to unfuck the major systems while getting a grib on the runaway dept. Payment would be symbolic.
RonniRambo
Not really.. US debt almost 144% of it's GDP / DK debt are around 20% of it's GDP.. and if we buy you, we get the money back.
Taxicat
I, for one, welcome our new Danish overlords.
Zavash
Now we celebrate with leverpostej and frikadeller with remoulade. And for desert rød grød med fløde.
Streiquer
This comment really should be higher.
McFancyPants
KnightWhoSaidNi
Selv tak. Men vi gider ikke have ham den orange narrøv
Taxicat
And I obviously need to add Danish to my Duolingo curriculum...
KnightWhoSaidNi
Held og lykke med det! Dansk er noget lort at lære
ProcrastinateAndThenSome
itmightbeamemorableday
But China already bought it...
alwaysupvoteprincessbride
goflyblind
IAmNotTheImgurianWhomYouSeek
The real puppet master
barf1189
wait really? i know they bought poland more or less
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
You mean Russia
Mrgetdown
Here it is.
dogsarebetterthanhuman
Just because as a country, its morally bankrupt, doesnt mean China has put it up for sale
FixedsysLabs
Actually, it’s been rented out to Russia
tReasonoustRump
And Russia
tReasonoustRump
https://www.politico.com/story/2019/07/31/mcconnell-staffers-lobbied-russian-backed-kentucky-project-1442550
secretoaster
And japan
cepacolusmaximus
Well co-bought it, really. China owns the land and Russia owns the political system.
cheeseguy3412
Debt? The rich care not for this... when its their own.
JCentauri
omnipotentpasta
Yoink
ScooterBoii
*y’all
daguq
Perfect gif.
madrush
I love that movie
justtruth
I think in typical American fashion we've settled on the "come try and take it" approach.
thekawalopy
In all honesty, yeah pretty much
justtruth
It's more hilarious how many people got offended by this post.
brownribbon
China owns less of our debt than Japan.
yourbowelmovement
MeltingFaceGuyFromRaiders
Owned by China. Managed by Denmark. Works for me.
pianoNoodleTraveler
If this is referring to debt, currently Japan holds the most US debt by a foreign entity.
borocanuck
And Israel have the photographs.
thetruthisoutthere86
See if we charge Japan for security than we wont owe them anytning
LeBigBadBill
Hmmm
AccidentalPhallacy
And all together foreign debt holders account for less than 30% of the total.
DobbyLivesHere
...so we really do owe it to ourselves.
DukeDarkwood
Which is still not a spot on what we owe ourselves. I believe Social Security is still the single largest holder of our debt?
oldguyexlurker
$2.2 trillion the last I looked. Made me mad to hear people saying it was bankrupt. That's a llot of years of funding.
Elroydb
It's paying out more than it takes in and will continue to get worse. That $2.2 trillion won't last long
oldguyexlurker
It depends on several factors. The 1st year of deficit was only $78mil. Demographics, rate of increase in deficit annually, policy changes
GriffinMann41
Don't the most recent estimates say that SS will run out of funding in like 2050 or something?
pianoNoodleTraveler
Sooner at current rates.
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
Buy the UK! There's an opening and we need help too
Xanatos86
Username checks out
Datsinginguy
The EU can wait for Scotland, Wales and Ireland to secede from the UK, then buy the UK for super cheap and reunite them again.
ViciousOtter
UK is trying to freelance but is only paid in "exposure" https://imgur.com/SKAY3xP
daguq
I think the UK has passed its sell by date.
LasciviousHedgehog
As frugal parents would tell me, cut off the bottom bit and the rest is fine
daguq
And cook it really well.
ChloeRed
Definitely now past the best before date.
Aardvarksneedlove
Wait until November it’ll be a lot cheaper
OctaviusClausewitz
So you can have a second brexit after that ? You've still haven't ended this one !
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
The EU are being dicks, but Denmark? Denmark has always been cool
MorkyT
I'm British, and if I were the EU I'd be a dick too
JamJarre
They're being so much less dickish than if the roles were reversed
ThereWillBeDownvotes
Every similar situation I can think of historically would have had the EU declaring war and making you pay for it after.
ThereWillBeDownvotes
Their not he dicks in this situation.
LordDenmark
Plus we have won more European Championships than England.
chocoooouuuuh
Uuuuuhhhhhhh
MetaSomma
Another username checks out
shorey66
The EU are not being dicks. They're betting very patient with us. We deserve worse for all the crap we're pulling right now
Northerntwit1
The EU is well within their right to be dicks given the shit show going on with british politics!
DownvoteSpearToTheChest
Dude, we literally attacked you on a monthly basis and forced ourself on your women in the Viking age.
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
Yeah.. but... well... yeah
JamJarre
All the brave, handsome Danes invaded and settled in England. You're just what was left
DownvoteSpearToTheChest
No they laid their seed so you were only half as ugly.
OctaviusClausewitz
.... For the... It's like saying "England is a shitty cunt, but Londoners always been cool, So I want to be part of London BUT NOT ENGLAND!"
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
EXACTLY
OctaviusClausewitz
https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/697/828/3e9.jpg
davebeastly
London is actually the part filled with shitty cunts.
OctaviusClausewitz
So the Liverpool is deserted now ?
JamJarre
Live in London. Can confirm
mwoodman
I don't think he knows about second brexits, Pip.
MrJimmyC
It doesn't seem like it's ever gonna end.
ILikedTheirOldStuffBetter
Alright, you can buy the U.S. if, in exchange, you agree to make Volbeat start rocking hard again. Not into this soft, mainstream sound.
TrumpRapesChildren
Huzzah! A man of culture! I was just jamming to Volbeat on my YouTube playlist!
MildlyConcernedTV
Volbeat=chainsmokers of rock ever since their last day under the sun crap. The same 3 cords with the same 5 words
OldGreyBeast
So right. I was real disappointed in the latest album. I miss the "strength/sounds/songs" sound.
hisholybeardness
Ahh. I see you're a man of culture too. Let's engage in polite symphonic bashing of Volbeat's albums of late.
SmeesNotVeryGoodTwin
Username checks out.
samtherat6
Huh, I’ve only ever known it as a Pokémon. Til.
hetnkik999
Legit was confused because I thought this was a Pokemon comment.
IAmACyberneticOrganismLivingTissueOverEndoskeleton
Haha they've never been hard stop confusing your pop music with metal.
ILikedTheirOldStuffBetter
Come on, at one time they rocked hard enough for Napalm Death to record that badass live version of Evelyn together. That's something.
manamanamdududududu
I will make it happen
Maultasche
Mezmerizedbybiguns
They never did
HetIsBob
Username somehow checks out
THEBOUNCEHOUSE
I'm still counting all the assholes in the room.
ILikedTheirOldStuffBetter
I'm definitely not alone...
soundhound86
ZAA!!
barbarian818
not alo-oh-hone.
ApparentlyImaPsychopath
Krellebabz
Hey, watch out. They are our national treasure!... They are up there with queen.
LiteralVampirePotBellyGoblins
Neil Fallon from Clutch just posted that he did a guest vocal on one of their new songs, so they can't be that bad at all.
Ryebread91
Is Volbeat from Denmark?
thetof91
They even sing in danish.
FuzzyX
Volbeat are a Danish rock band formed in Copenhagen in 2001. They play a fusion of rock and roll, heavy metal and rockabilly.
CrippledCrab
There a pretty cool Canadian band that has a rockabilly sound called July Talk. Make and female singers with a wildly cool contrast in 1/2
CrippledCrab
Their voices, check out a song called 'Guns + Ammunition' if you feel like it, hope you enjoy
iamteaya
I loooove July talk! My only regret is I have but one upvote to give you.
Snugglywumps
Also headsick is a really good one to hear the contrast