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Give me some drink, i am very very tried :)
Watching my girlfriend's tortoise while she's on vacation. She told me to keep him out of trouble.
me irl
May 28, 2015 2:10 AM
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EbolaSandwich
After those lines:
v
honeybadger314
He's really coming out of his shell.
Spune
I hope not, seeing as his spine is attached to it.
shock6906
That tortoise is pyramiding. Better start correcting that now. Google it.
MokTurtl
Pyramiding in sulcatas is pretty normal and common. They have a genetic tendency to pyramid even on a perfect diet, but good looking out :)
Mewmus
Budweiser frogs and now the Coors Tortoise
RookBytes
We were on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive..."
SomebodyStoleMyCarRadio
This is how you turtlesit
YesMoreCoffeePlease
this is how you turtle
Spune
*tortoisesit
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm *Turtle works
TakeAHolidayInSpain
I am up voting every comment with "turtle" in it and every one of your corrections
SomebodyStoleMyCarRadio
Ah snap, I done goofed
RaccoonEggs
This needs more than just 3 pictures.
daletvak
"Keep him out of trouble." What kind of request is that? What kind of shenanigans could a turtle possibly get up to?
srsfaceI8C
@Spune is the hero we need. It's a tortoise, you cocks.
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm all torts are turts but not all turts are torts you cock
Cheezeshoes
My sulcata doesn't do these things. I raised him right.
angrywithoutcheese
He's living a pretty fast lifestyle.
HalloIamherenow
Is that grated parmesan cheese?
wheresthebaby
It's drugs
BitchButcher
I'm not sure that's not really drugs.
HummingbirdHippie
My guess is corn flour
SomeoneAnonymous
Plot twist: legit cocaine
Geophile
That coke looks too real.
Shirtless
was about to comment the same thing. At least there arent any shiny pieces in it seems decent enought O.o
biotiq
First thing I thought too. Looks legit, possibly what inspired this post, lol.
Helminit
That coke is definitely real
obsyddian
Looks more like speed to me, yellowy tinge. Coke should be pure white.
Baltharus
TURTLE POWER
Spune
*tortoise power
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm *Turtle works
BKLounge13
regardless he still in a half shell
Yosser
This annoys me more than it should, one upvote for every correction.
01111001
fuck you
tstokes
Clean your keyboard..
nolemretaw
pentameter
Hope no one sees your google search history for tortoise porn
heyianthomas
I like turtles
LorttoLokki
I kinda did the same thing to my parents dog last summer! I had to babysit him for a week. /a/ztKJw
Ifartlikeaballoonanimalaskingaquestion
He's leading a more interesting life than me.
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
He leads the same exact life of me and lemme tell you it's nothing to feel good about , parties, drugs and loose women are cool when u young
Imgonnatipyouwell
It's a tortoise people, for fucks sake. It's right in the title.
onecolouredcalm
http://www.american-buddha.com/ablade2.34k.jpg
danceswithkittons
I bet you're fun at parties.
Imgonnatipyouwell
Well I don't like to brag but I'm pretty good at charades.
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm all tortoise's are turtles but not all turts are torts
franhound
Tortoises are just land turtles. They have hands and feet uncovered with webs or flippers. You can say the TMNT are tortoises.
mymomthinksimspecial
seeing as they were bought in a pet shop by little Chester Manley, it's most likely they were common red eared sliders aka not tortoises
cafewombat
Turtle is used in American English to refer to the whole order, including both what (here in the UK at least) we call turtles and tortoises.
meatmissile
The worst part is you're making that poor animal drink Coors Light
UndeadIchi
Its cos he is driving. The heavy stuff is when u get there
bronsonlug
Should be drinking "Terrapin " beer
HowYouMean
We found the beer snob
meatmissile
I drink bud light actually. Just hate Coors
dardo
Hey it's the worlds most refreshing can
SuperKamiNico
I don't get it; is there something wrong with drinking water while you drive?
tonto5150
someone grab the aloe!!
WhiskeyTangoFedora
Or you could just pour Coors Light on it as it is a relatively light burn.
ThatMomentWhenImgurJokesAreOnlyFunnyToImgurians
*bitter water
Quesly
*watered down pee
SeriousHat
*like if a nickel urinated
ThatMomentWhenImgurJokesAreOnlyFunnyToImgurians
pretty much same thing lol
sheezyOG
You mean Corona?
OnBelay
Get the Banquet
tonto5150
i have switched from Kokanee to Banquet...as a Canadian i feel dirty and shameful...
meatmissile
It finally came up to Canada about a year ago! Love that stuff. Best part of making trips to the states was the Coors Original
chumslum
It's amazing how good it is considering it's bastard younger brother.
LONELOBO
Yellow Bellies!!!
youcanthandlemykamehameha
that's not a very neat linee
pacey5714
Naw. It's not broken up. The tortoise made a sloppy line. Probably wouldn't even be able to snort the rock
nemetsk
This guy goes hard in MS paint what do you want ?
wamccarthy
The little dude has nubs for fingers, what do you want him to do?
blowlinesfuckdimes
This almost never happens but, my username is relevant.
yoginioftruth
I'm conflicted about +1 ing this but here you go bc......reasons
WoahShocksMyBrain
Your username is always relevant in my life. Except maybe possibly a nickel gets thrown in there. Whoops. No pennies.
Zhouse301
no way he can get up those clumps either :/
stanleyspadowskisfirehose
Yeah he's got some boulders in there.
Sprinkleton
He probably used a credit card instead of a razor. It's not terrible, but there's a lot of waste and those clumps are a serious issue
HuevosConCarnage
TIL Imgur has more drug users than previously anticipated.
mileycyrusesdad
When it's heroin it doesn't matter as much as coke.
Sprinkleton
If you're cooking, yeah - but if you're doing rails of anything and clumps get into your lungs or blood stream it can cause serious issues
flowseeker
Those clumps dissolve immediately
MAG101
You're just a silly bastard, talking nonsense
comingdown
Yes. Because clumps of coke can definitely make it into your blood stream when you rail them. Ok.
mileycyrusesdad
I wish.
longoriaisaiah
He's got no thumbs, dick!
Somnophobe
He was probably in a hurry.
LettuceKebab
He is a turtle, turtles doesnt have thumbs, how do you expect him to make a very neat line???
Cuntortionist
A waste is what that is. AMATEURS
lisp
That's not that much cheese
GiftedAnimator
Oh? Do you have experience in this subject? Totally not a cop btw...
PandaBearSoup
A picture of my stash: http://imgur.com/uWwPod1
NickkciN
Was hoping for http://imgur.com/r/Moustache/PAJkhae
PandaBearSoup
Would have been too easy.
prairiedoggin
He is not in love with de coco.
iSatan
Imposterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
GiftedAnimator
You shut your whore mouth! I was here before you!
NakedAssassin
"Yes, officer? This person on the internet said they did drugs."
youcanthandlemykamehameha
well in that case let me tell you all about my operation
ownowbrowncow
Go on..
JPDennis
I'm a drug dealer that sells meth from my rv in a desert
PoppinLochNessHopster
cant imagine the desert has a good many customers
LordOfErebus
Found Trevor Phillips.
drbrooks2s
I'm pretty sure that "line" is parmesan cheese.
Iamactuallyarianne
Is that powdered milk?
brianwantslolz
Let's get turtle hookers
ScreamingAphid
Painted turtles.
thunderjolt
And tortoise blackjack and start our own species
SlurmsMcKenzie
I heard the new Space Pope is more down to earth.
DaniaAudax
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyhu6f7Ui11r31q91o1_500.gif
Spune
*tortoise
dubbelu
YOLO
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm *Turtle works
Sexlexic
Turtles>Tortoise, terrapin, box turtles, sea turtles..so on. Same as Fish>Minnows, sharks so on.
brianwantslolz
No, turtles because they do the freaky stuff
CookiesNCraem
how bout we mix them to get a tortle
RubberduckyGod
The gear it up for war! It could have a cool name like war-tortle!
TVDinner6969
Three weeks later....
GiftedAnimator
That turtle needs Turtle Jesus...
CollinBear27
This comment is extremely underrated!
whatisusernameprecious
Hail Satan!
RobertSullivan93
I'm just waiting til someone makes a tortoise Jesus picture.. Come onnnnn. You know how much fake internet points you will get?
Seanalanmorris
http://donkeyshines.com/assets/Donkey%20Product%20Images/Jesusturtle450.gif
RobertSullivan93
I was hoping for long hair and a robe with a beard.. I'm disappointed
Spune
*tortoise Jesus
Rapps
Jesus taught us?
TrueMenDontKillCoyotes
Jesoise*
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm *Turtle works
Baltharus
You are doing Tortoise God's work.
lordofthetorts
Not mine, for I know that all tortoises are also turtles.
GoAwayGetaway
This is good. +1
LokiOnTheCouch
http://donkeyshines.com/assets/Donkey%20Product%20Images/Jesusturtle450.gif
DaniaAudax
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqcm6dNhKg1qdf5lco8_250.gif
snurx
http://imgur.com/zgclUob
afred170
i loled
LordofGoats
This coming from AllHailSatan makes it all the more meaningful.
KingKelloggTheWaffleHaggler
This made me laugh harder than it should have, thank you XD
Histrionical
Am I not "Turtley" enough for the Turtle Jesus?
Seanalanmorris
Tuuuuuuuuurtle.
huckleberryjoejoe
Pretty sure OP railed that line himself and took these pictures thinking it was hilarious while high as balls +1 for turtles
Spune
*+1 for tortoises
huckleberryjoejoe
Plot twist ; I just railed a line thought my comment would be hilarious mistook the tortoise as a turtle
mymomthinksimspecial
i admire your dedication
PeterSR
Goddammit, Spine, will you never give up?
Spune
*Spune
JohnWickdidnothingwrong
I don't know why, but I'm extremely happy you got to do that.
Phreaddy
I remember by using the s and and l in the words. L is for not on land, and S is for not in the Sea. EAsy right?
Dsharppe
Looks like a rather realistic rail.
andyonetime
Not off a wooden cutting board....it would get all stuck to it and mashed into the wood. Gotta use smooth laminated surfaces people.
m4rci4no
Judging for the skid marks. I would say it is. Hope he didn't forget to feed the tortoise once he switched to human porn
SatchelCharge
Just because he knows how to get a (sloppy) line ready doesn't mean those are real drugs.
Khonsu100
Indeed. it kinda looks like real drugs
purpledawnn
It definitely is. It's either a p10 or a kpin. That's the only shot that's yellow.
SalsaOreos
Also that would be an awfully big line for molly so...
Bugofbelgium
Molly comes in powdered form over the pond? It's crystals here.
purpledawnn
Molly definitely don't look like that!
SalsaOreos
People don't tend to think past their first impressions. That's okay.
violetpolkadots
I honestly dunno how cocaine looks IRL but I thought it was Parmesan cheese.
girlonimgur
I scrolled down to see if ppl were gonna talk about this. I was wondering the same, lol
SalsaOreos
Looks like sand to me unless he has real molly which I doubt
Bugofbelgium
Molly comes in powdered form over the pond? It's crystals here.
SalsaOreos
No but you can grind the crystals up if you really wanna. Not the best idea, but it can be done.
purpledawnn
Yeah it should be clear is crystals and if it's really good it'll have some kinda browny ones
Bugofbelgium
The brown colour is only if it's synthesized from actual sasafras oil iirc.
purpledawnn
There were clearly other lines there. Only question is if it's a perc 10 or a kpin.
feelsean
That looks more like coke or heroin
purpledawnn
No way it's yellow powder. I shall crush up a pten and take a picture to compare when I get paid.
feelsean
i got u with a comparison too lol
LonelyOneironaut
My guess is 5mg valium. Maybe a norco but that would be especially dumb to snort but some people do I suppose.
mugforkstaple
Could also be base i.e. amphetamine sulphate? Or is that more of a euro thing? Is a white/yellow clumpy powder.
ProjectBadass
You are going to have "hot steamy turtle sex" in your search history now.
Ahrnoc
IT'S A GODDAMN TORTOISE
turtlebuttdestroyer
Nothing wrong with that
Erruss
who says it wasnt already lol
itsGood4you
OR... "Hot steamy turtle soup."
BubberFantasyonline
Morsealworth
Requesting support! Jim Carrey leaving rhino costume gif from Ace Ventura required.
FishingForConversation
God damnit I love this site.
askaglassofwater
I concur with NurseKatie.
ThisNameDoesntMatter
Did you already have this saved? I'm both amused and concerned.
HeartRN
What the fuck
thiswasthebesticouldcomeupwith
Found my new fetish.
marver
Classy
ProjectBadass
This is..... not what I expected or wanted.
hrondleman
Waste not, want not.
ShiroeTheStrategist
Expect nothing.
ThiccOrTreat
JelleGaming
Oh god why
TheWorldMayNeverKnow
You don't?
notme222
Plot twist: was already there, photos staged for plausible deniability.
Spune
*tortoise
koyfish0118
You corrected all of these... You're amazing :')
StarrryNight
I salute your endeavours on this post. +many
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm *Turtle works
mymomthinksimspecial
no way turtles are lazy
existanceneverends
Hey you don't know what kinky shit he's into...
blitherypoop
Yeah, maybe he likes them wet.
thatarrogantchild
You know a guy is a dedicated if he does this for every comment that says turtle instead of tortoise .
Cisforstupidthatsgoodenoughforme
I once got downvoted to shit for making a tortoise correction.
thatarrogantchild
Haters gonna hate
Vesarret
You're the hero we needed, to be willing to correct all these people saying turtle.
Stuebydoo
Why does everyone call them Turtle? Is it an American thing?
Vesarret
Because to us Muricans, all things with a shell are turtles. EVERYTHING!
Stuebydoo
helovesmiso
mostly I am just thinking of his google ads
Catumi
https://youtu.be/7rE_FG2xauA?t=14s
Kiwi31415
Yeah, like it wasn't already saved as a favourite.
Cassiraa
*again
NotFatJustCultivatingMass
I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with your comment, but based on your username, I love you.
LicensedMemer
My name is Franklin and I see nothing wrong with this
TheN0whereMan
NO! STOP IT RIGHT THERE! NO!
Makinan
I love you so much right now
TVDinner6969
I get it!
jaremelz
Growing a little, every day. Especially with those search results.
Wakborder517
Franklin is hitting those wild years
MissSpelledTattoo
"Here comes Franklinnnnnn"
AnUpvoteWizard
Cumming out to play
Gatejejf
cums*
fullbellydragon
Gott damnit imgur! Now I can't unsee the mental image of this from my mind!
TheSaltiestPretzel
Heeey, it's Franklin!
ballsohard2202
Well there goes my childhood.
Domillia
Naw, your childhood just grew up with you! Nope doesn't make it better does it?
troublecliff
Franklin Turtle could unbutton buttons if ya know what I'm sayin ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
iliketrains67331337
(-___-)
CranialEctomy
Damnit, man, that's my Childhood you're messin' with!
LicensedMemer
but my name is actually Franklin...
IReadEverythingInMickeysVoice
No one cares. You have an unspoken obligation to preserve choldhood memories.
IReadEverythingInMickeysVoice
Or at least pervert them in SUPER hilarious ways. I'm kinda drunk, so I don't know.
aceandduce
I don't get it
JelleGaming
Replying in hopes of ever seeing someone explain it
aceandduce
We can only hope
ClearenceClarence
Kids cartoon about a turtle named Franklin.
Quizz25S
Try explaining that one to the FBI.
DaniaAudax
therage
The turtle sex didn't have to be hot or steamy but you know Jonah and his demands..
PhdPepper
At least now I have an excuse
pmaguire13
Plot twist he used bing
NotAPervert
Cowabunga ;)
pjkix
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N2Rh-5XCEc
quietrage
That seemed..specific.
joemoedee
That's based upon the assumption he didn't BEFORE he started to turtle-sit. I mean, why do you think he agreed to do so in the first place?
Orion117
hahahahahahahaha +1
damnitdan
Incidentally, a tortoise orgasm sound is one of the most disturbing things I've heard in my entire life.
DVSBSTrD
Worth it.
apex2112
As if he didn't already ~_^
Elliojsph
what if turtles ran the internet and we had to type in "Human Porn" to avoid seeing turtle boinking all the time?
imgurnagetyasonyboyo
are you implying that you find this title sex hot steamy?
BloodBlight
Google never forgets!
StandardDeviant
Warm scaly memories
AshHol
I hope OP used GF's computer to look up turtle porn.
tooshbaboosh
Ctrl+shift+N son
StaalTheNotQuiteSoUndefeatedAnymoreButNevermind
That is the least weird thing in my search history.
IHaveTheGifInMyFavourites
wat
ThatSniperKille
Agreed*
ThatSniperKille
Agreef
ThatSniperKille
Aheeed*
PPhead
I have had this on my search history for YEARS. my dad also left years ago.. I wonder why.
whiskyinajar
Not if you run Firefox in Docker and in incognito
somethingdark
Incognito mode.
demonic
Ya that doesn't hide your history like people think it dose.
Cheomesh
Oh?
Challengedimgurian
Uh oh
olegh
Your ISP will still know, that's it.
SeriousHat
I'm going to need some explanation here, for a friend of course...
demonic
https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/private-browsing-use-firefox-without-history
drewmatic305
Real men don't use incognito. ..
gardenguard
Ftw
ProjectBadass
Google never forgets.
QuadrilateralEnix
and Google never forgives.
dave51285
Pepperidge Farm remembers....
BuckBoost
Bing
kennypowersMFCEO
always forgets
dave51285
Pepperidge Farm remembers....
WotsTatersPrecious
Or, you know, just tortoise sex would do the trick
Lowdras
You searched turtle sex on google... You're probably on some sort of list at this point.
thatclimbingguy
I'm at least on twenty of those.
slipbreen
is it just turtle sex that gets you on a list.. or all kinds of animal sex... im asking for a friend
IsmellTHEFINGERPRINTSOFSCUM
If searching turtle sex puts you on some list, then the fed are probably watching my every move
CatsandDnD
Fuck the tortoise, Alex. https://31.media.tumblr.com/1a2bb967ce324bff05af10c4166a1d40/tumblr_mwbbkdcDa91qkkpi9o1_400.gif
edinburgers
Aww man, I miss this show
daegon789
What show?
edinburgers
Misfits, Its what the jif is from
onecuntwolfpack
*gif
LordSlothington
Ahh damn it. For the last time.. Its not a list, its a register!!
SusBoi
It's okay he used an incognito tab
blueskies85
Plot twist: this post was created to mask OPs turtle sex fetish.
Bulk101
Some damn holy list.
MagnustheJust
aren't we all though?
soleilange
That's why there's incognito
DaniaAudax
HuevosConCarnage
Enjoy, preferably not in the company of a lot of people: https://youtu.be/XmQ9hdvpO4g (NSFW)
DaniaAudax
Omg!
HuevosConCarnage
I know, right? Shit's hilarious.
LegoBlubber
Michelangelo was my first crush so I guess I am guilty of turtle loving
DaniaAudax
Ok. You be you.
FeetYouSay
Pork Rind?
DaniaAudax
Pork rind!
rovietsussia
Ctrl+N though...
GetOffMyLawnYa
If he thought to do this as a "joke"..... He was already on the list.
rectalprolapse
Like cat facts, but more twisted.
PommedeTerreur
I SAW IT IN REAL LIFE AT THE SAN DIEGO ZOO!!! It's super awkward. Also I regrettably have some on my phone because my friends are weird.
GQlumberjack
I wonder what would happen if you just started searching for all the word things you can think of..
DillEyo
The NSA keeps a list of "weird fuckers"
Wakborder517
1. The 4Chan 2. OP
HuevosConCarnage
In all fairness, at this point I think it would be easier to keep a list of "Not Weird Fuckers."
MaybeADoctor
All fucking is weird if you really think about it.
kokorobrokoro
Oh come on, aren't we all?
Anil666
Being an imgurian probably puts us on a list
mymomthinksimspecial
i know i am
TotallyNotTheNSAGuys
Of course not!
Pieala
I'd say we all absolutely are. When I write about all my illegal thoughts and feelings I always say hi to the NSA.
TotallyNotTheNSAGuys
Hi!
Spune
*tortoise sex
Therearetoomanyusernames
You really wanna make sure people use tortoise instead of turtle, huh? Haha
bsmack44
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-a-turtle-and-a-tortoise.htm *turtle works
eggmuffin
Does your name rhyme with "dune" or "spoon"?
bananatoast
*land turtle sex.
cafewombat
I think in some places turtle is used to refer to the whole order, including both turtles and tortoises.
norill
the place is called "everywhere"
eggmuffin
Yes. Those are the places where parents never taught their kids the difference, and normal people have stopped correcting them.
cafewombat
It's just common names from different places. If that idea upsets you so much why don't you refer to them by their Latin names?
eggmuffin
No, it's not common names. "Tortoise" is a word that has a specific meaning, and "turtle" is a different word with a different meaning.
chewdup
Yes, but the images in the result are clearly all tortoises, which you wouldn't get if you just searched turtle sex.
cafewombat
I literally just googled turtle sex and found virtually exclusively pictures of what I would call a tortoise. What is your point?
chewdup
Roughly half aren't tortoises. I wasn't disagreeing with your point, just pointing out that it doesn't invalidate Spune's correction.
Tiggr
That's just not true.
cafewombat
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/turtle
Yosser
Still just turtles, tortoises live exclusively on land, they don't even float
idonthaveanyideawhatthehelliamtalkingabout
here in iceland it is the same word for both of them, Skjaldbaka
lordofthetorts
"Shield back"? In several European languages it's literally "shield toad", also same word for both turtle and tortoise.
Zwonky
Oni chan hanishigamas desunikunu senpai Skjald-baka!
mightykingfisher
Actually it is true. Tortoises belong to the Order Testudines, which is commonly referred to as Turtles. Tortoises are turtles.