DefinitelyNotTheLochNessMonster
627395
15378
265
Jun 10, 2014 11:03 PM
DefinitelyNotTheLochNessMonster
627395
15378
265
tropicalgoat
What game do you play with a wombat? Wom.
privatedick
took me a second...time well spent.
Duros62
What's green, has for legs and if it falls out of a tree it could kill you? A pool table.
PhuGetThat
four*
Duros62
Autocorrect.
SugarSmack
What's red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender. (Although, I would have accepted super pickle and his cape.)
Cintilleous
No you're a taxi.
SassyVader
*giggles* no, YOU're a taxi !
Wino4Lifo
I know you are but what am I?
MYNAMEISBRETT
You're a towel.
thesecks
Have you ever seen the clown that hides from gay people at Wal-Mart?
thatfrancischick
wut
thesecks
Have you?
Catchyouontheflipside
no punch line
Candymostdandy
I must be a dad at heart because I enjoyed these a dad amount.
californiadiety
Dads around the globe are smiling with pride OP.
xcharx
My wife and kids don't think they are half as funny as I do.
teggykid952
What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
karvald
How Long is a Chinese name?
ILikeTheFunnyNamesOnImgur
Yes, it is.
TheHorseshoeCrab
i don't know. How long is a Chinese name?
privatedick
"Yes."
karvald
The joke is in the question... ;)
RichCorinthian
What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre.
amyrose
Thank you for this.
Degbis
It didnt hit me till i flipped through two pictures I had already seen. came back.
jtsince1980
What goes "Hello? Arghhh!"? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
FailToImpress
My favourite anti-joke is: "knock knock" "who's there" "I" "I who" "I'm a registered sex offender and am going door to door."
SuburbanRobotsThatMonitorReality
Fuuuck... laughedwaytoohardatthat. thanks!
Aaaargh
You rang, my lord?
eloquince
The prom one made me laugh for about 3 minutes but my boyfriend said something like "and then he walked over to the table and the punch bowl
eloquince
was full of disappointment." haha \
identikit
The key to this joke is to make it as long as humanly possible. Describe every little detail and build up the joke. When you get to the 1/3
identikit
end you just leave it on "he got her a glass of punch." When everybody looks confused and asks you what the joke was you can say 2/3
identikit
there was no punchline.
EvilTwinBrian
Beautiful! That's elegant comedy right there.
Mooniverse
What's brown and sticky?
derpcakes98
Shit.
Broken27Arrow
Pudding!
fathersisterberzerker
@AnalQueen
HesAManiac
Anal.
Mooniverse
A stick!
trustmeimalinguist
People used to brush their teeth with ground brick, so...
ThisWasATriumph
Yeah I was about to say, before toothpaste all they had was abrasives so they used crushed up brick.
AndISaidHey
What's worst than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.
RandomErraticPerson
Well done. Thank you.
xthetenth
Three men from different countries walked into a bar. Two acted like reasonable human beings and the third made a mockery of his countrymen.
privatedick
Two men walked into a bar; the third one ducked.
HaydenStevens
I don't think you know what anti-jokes are
soyep
Why is six afraid of seven?
DefliersHD
I just posted a similliar comment before seeing yours +1
soyep
That's the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw it.
icantgotoprisonroytheyllrapetheflipoutofme
What's 'Lisa' short for? She doesn't have any legs.
kickmeintheimgur
Did you hear that new Helen Keller joke? Neither did she.
SugarSmack
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? She screamed her hands off.
kickmeintheimgur
I do this joke all the time, except the punchline is me closing my eyes and waving my arms frantically. Always good for a laugh.
SugarSmack
Yeah, I remember a few more HK jokes from back in middle school, but, just like that, they're all jokes you have to tell in person! hehe
JohnBrom
http://imgur.com/N6GLhMg
jessicacupcake
Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens
Celebrimbor
Have you tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.
Maca0
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was a woman.
CaptainColder
I'd call you sexist, but sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
RedReddington
I bet she didn't see that one coming.
iHopeIwontDreamAboutElectricSheepTonight
Slow down guys, Satan can only fill so many reservations at a time..
mrroflz
What color did Helen Keller paint her house? Stucco.
JuhRenDuan
--because she's dead.
relevenceisinthemindofthebeholder
i assumed 6 was afraid of seven because 7 is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating
ZaphodsFriend
I much prefer your ending
Celebrimbor
Why is Helen Keller bad at basketball? because she's dead. if i can say that and get away with it, we must live in a really dark world...(1)
Celebrimbor
but not as dark as the world Helen Keller grew up in - Jarrod Alonge
ImaRepost
These are the type of jokes you get on those Popsicles
waybackintime
AndISaidHey
What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
IwillEatYourAss
Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.
Lepiment
It took me the longest time to figure out Un deux trois quatre sank and I'M FUCKING FRENCH
Justalobstercowboy
mindset's the key
flamingflamingo
I couldn't figure it out at first, but then I thought of the "seven ate nine" joke and remembered cinco is Spanish for five, latin languages
bibiyade
Haha quand même dude !
Abominor
That was easily the worst one of the lot.
YouMightGetIdeas
J'ai honte de toi.
Lepiment
Maiheuuu
batarnak
Sérieux?
tarosh
Best. Joke. Ever.
notsogoodatusernames
Donc... je ne suis pas le seul francophone ici?!
squidwardscissorhands
I got it immediately with only high school French knowledge
SerialKitten666
Wowwww, I thought it had just died because it was an anti joke but it was a pun >.>
fenrir449
I'm glad you did because I was sitting here trying to say it like an American to see if it was an accent thing.
Twenty3Skidoo
I got it almost immediately because my french teacher taught us to pronounce quatre and cinq by imagining a kitty in a sinking boat.
collinslemongin
Je ne l'ai pas compris non plus la premiere fois
elandriel
yeah, same here. except I'm american and have just been speaking french for 10 years
vipe650r
Oddly enough, that makes complete sense. Very hard to see your own language from the perspective of an English speaker.
Zukka
But that was the best of the lot XD hahaha
VeroniqueB
So did i lol
ifinallyhadtocomment
That's because that joke really needs to be told out loud, not written down.
Tamaska
I've told the joke to French friends and they just stare "what?" English people always get it first
renjenloujulsylgeo
Im fucking a french
Lepiment
Good for you , we're good at that.
habslove
Oh god me too >_____<
IAmSierra
Well, looks like you are the one who pronounces "quatre" the right way. Only if you fuck it up can you understand that joke :D
LearnedCoward
And most anglophones fuck it up.
privatedick
High School French class in U.S.A., the setup was, "A cat and a dog were on a bridge over the Trois river when it collapsed. Dog was OK, but
alicecrypt
HAHAHAHAHAHA
defestriano
Hé hé hé, la même :D
Coolfez
Un deux trois quatre cinq*
[deleted]
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icelandicsealbear
It took me a few goes. Then my face looked like this :-|
zaraztroe
thanks that was killing me too
TheGist
Fucking thank you!
ryukochan
I have a university minor in French. Didn't get it until I read it out loud.
bitchinmona
Comment s'appelle un chien qui vend des medicaments? …un pharmachien!
gallyria
Et un petit fien ? ... un canif !
Lepiment
putainnnn
kereska
C'est aussi ce que je me suis dit
SuperDuperMissile
Qu'est-ce qui est petit, carré et jaune? ... Un petit carré jaune.
shaegen
Cela me fait rire :-)
airen
Mdr
gorgorthebarbarian
ptdr
disinformatique
ptr
Cretule
C'est un Schtroumpf qui tombe et qui se fait un bleu ...
AvsJoe
I groaned then chuckled. That's the worst bad pun I've seen in a while.
privatedick
Your father was a hamster...and your mother smelled of elderberries! Now go, or I shall taunt you a second time!
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[deleted]
Beverlyhillscopisonrightnow
Is Carambar that yellow pink chewing gum?
[deleted]
[deleted]
Beverlyhillscopisonrightnow
Fuck yes, Malabar. That was the shit. Quand il y'en a marre, y'a malabar or something like that
elandriel
why is this so funny?
AvsJoe
It's a French pun. Pharmacien is French for Pharmacist, chien means dog. "What do you call a dog that hands out medication? A Pharma-chien."
elandriel
yeah, I speak french. I meant it's a really stupid joke but I was cracking up at it for about 10 minutes
AvsJoe
Ah. I misunderstood you. My mistake.
thiscannotpossiblygowrong
No need to brag about your sexual activity here.
Lepiment
Well, you know, it's easier to fuck french when you're french yourself! Don't be jalous dear
Wiffleballtony
I still don't get it and I feel my accent isn't terrible
TheNamesTalcJamesTalcSpecialAntiCakedayAgent
I think it has to do with underwater.
stillcleaning
say it out loud
olliewolf
counting to 5 in french is un deux trois quatre (pronounced like cat) cinq (pronounced like sank)
Wiffleballtony
ahhh that makes so much more sense! Thank you!
privatedick
It helps if the joke starts with them crossing the River Trois
LaBotte
Yeah ... took me long too. Mais c'Est une bonne joke quand même...
yesallthegoodnamesweretaken
Hahaha me too, and I've known about this joke for months (honte)
bythetimeyoufinishreadingthisyouwillhaverealizeditsaysnothing
I couldn't figure it out til my boyfriend explained it. I felt dumb. You're not alone.
YouSufferWithCognitiveDissonance
Are you a blonde?
bythetimeyoufinishreadingthisyouwillhaverealizeditsaysnothing
No, but while I'm bilingual the two languages I speak are English and Spanish...not exactly good for understanding the joke!
pulitown
Husband had to explain to me... Bah!
NaturallyHighPenguin
Same here. I just repeated it five fucking times, clueless, and was ready to move on as... ah! Alright. Damned it.
IAmTheQueenOfFrance
Upvote for awareness.
Durzaka
i dont know french and i didnt really get it, so i assumed cat sank was what 4 and 5 sound like in french.
airen
You are correct
Lepiment
that's exactly the joke :)
Flyndaran
A rather fascinating facet of how people process language.
YouSufferWithCognitiveDissonance
I got it once I read it out loud, French is my third language.
jesting
And around here, we wouldn't expect anything less. :)
IOnceOwnedMoonMoonButOnceHeTriedToLickMyBallsAndRanAwayIMissHim
You lucky bastard. I don't think I'll ever get to fuck a French...
soukmania
I'm available and willing.
IOnceOwnedMoonMoonButOnceHeTriedToLickMyBallsAndRanAwayIMissHim
Only if you are a Mademoiselle, Oi? *nudge nudge wink wink*
IOnceOwnedMoonMoonButOnceHeTriedToLickMyBallsAndRanAwayIMissHim
Oh dammit, looks like you are the male counterpart of a Mademoiselle,Oi..... *disappointment disappointment hopelost hopelost*
soukmania
:( Too bad. But hey, if you're attractive enough to make me go gay... why not.
HighrockTendales
hahahaahahahahahahah! thats amazing.
Groose
it took me a while but when i said it out loud i got it...
WaifuRapist
Why did Susan fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.
aristotlewasborninmacedonia
knock knock
AvsJoe
It doesn't seem like anyone's home; no one is answering the door.
WaifuRapist
who's there?
AvsJoe
Not Susan.
IUsuallyExpectTheSpanishInquisition
Knock knock.
AvsJoe
Come in, the door is unlocked.
IUsuallyExpectTheSpanishInquisition
D'oh!
WaifuRapist
Who's there?
AvsJoe
Not Susan.
IUsuallyExpectTheSpanishInquisition
No, It's Cardinal Ximénez with the Spanish Inquisition!
Snarknado4
that's because in your head, you pronounced it 'un deux trois kaht sünk'
pulitown
I read it to SO. He got it right away & had to explain. Me: What am I missing? Is there something really simple I am not getting?!?
shaegen
OHHH thank you. I didn't get it til reading your comment and I facepalmed.
iddril16
My first language is French, and I was trying to read "un deux trois" with an English accent ...
CanadianOneDollarCoin
Un, dooks, tryse
bud467
I read it like the spanish numbers. they are PRETTY similar (Murican here)
TheGayPenguin
I would say the pronunciations are pretty far apart despite having the same root, but reading them phonetically in English you'd be right.
iddril16
I don't know why you're at -4, because you're right. When you don't speak the language they are indeed similar.
kernany
As a Mexican, I agree!
duriangrenade
And how did that go? :P
iddril16
I spent enough time in an English environment to do that the right way, it didn't help me understand the joke though!
duriangrenade
Mon amie, c'est d'accord! (Je parle un peu le francais, mais pas courament :P)
iddril16
C'est très bien! :)
cantoization
ME TOOOOO
cakelovespie
I DIDN'T EVEN GET IT UNTIL I SCROLLED DOWN HERE AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOOD AT FRENCH WITH 3 YEARS OF IT SO FAR WTF IS WRONG WITH ME
Biofreak
So glad I'm not the only one ^^'
mialynneb
I took 8 years of French and it took me way too long to figure it out. This makes me feel better.
Tilden
Explain?
soukmania
4 = quatre, 5 = cinq, cat/quate, sank/cinq. They sound more or less the same.
[deleted]
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Justalobstercowboy
No, it's dumb that in you whole life you never heard anything French that stuck in your head
Deggles
Especially considering it's only numbers 1 through 5 in French.
9thDr
Well, when two people love each other very much....
gutclusters
This is an unfamiliar concept. Are there videos on the Internet about it?
Ifellthroughthefourthwall
un doo twaa = underwater I thought... *underwater cat surfaces like alligator*
Jasonsson
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 = Un deux trois quatre cinq
beaups13
A comedian once said French people wouldn't get the joke. I didn't. Had to Google it. So pissed how right he was
LearnedCoward
Maybe it's only French Canadians? Must be the accent.
tirusr
It's okay. It doesn't work on people who can't count past 3 in french either.
MMCK84
Exterminate!
Justalobstercowboy
this is why the American Educational System sucks
BatMidget
In most schools in America there is a choice of languages to learn. At mine there's Spanish (most common), German, and French I chose German
LearnedCoward
So did I, but I still got the joke
Deggles
Because it fails to educate ignorant fools such as yourself?
Justalobstercowboy
sophomoric at best
TheNamesTalcJamesTalcSpecialAntiCakedayAgent
I think it has something to do with underwater
jamesstjames
Well, according to all the downvotes maybe you shouldn't think. /:
LearnedCoward
If the internet has taught me nothing else, and it hasn't...
jamesstjames
+1 from me though for trying.
sgtgooch
Man you got railed. +1 for the effort
TheNamesTalcJamesTalcSpecialAntiCakedayAgent
Thanks. (>^.^)>
thehobbitsthehobbitsthehobbitsthehobbits
The numbers 4 and 5 in French sound like "cat" and "sank."
PanEdaCat
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
AndyyLandd
4 - quatre (cat) 5 - cinq (sank)
eMruss20
Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Orangemicro
Ahhhhhhhhhh...
Kahneolus
epuis merde alors!
TazGodan
Oh shit! Didn't get it, I'm French too. I'm ashamed.
Foxygen
Didn't realise I had to suck at French pronounciation to get the joke
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
Well, not suck, per se.... I got it because I'm from the States and took French 1. Noticed that they sound vaguely similar.
Listenhereyouwookieesonofabitch
I'm Irish and even I got that....I dont know how since I can't even tell you that in my own language
Momof2needsabreak
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
IDontWantToMakeAUsernameItIsTooHard
Knock knock
UnspokenX
Who's there?
LearnedCoward
DEA! This is a raid!
IDontWantToMakeAUsernameItIsTooHard
Not Sally!
takeoffyourvestyoulooklikealaddin
Laughed quite hard...+1 for you.
DaleATuCuerpoAlegriaMacarena
Alright, who let the dads out
AeroWalrus
There's aren't really anti-jokes. Only a few were. We're looking for "why did the kid drop his ice cream? because he got hit by a bus."
Nondino
I laughed.
DaCopyCat
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
DaCopyCat
Depends on how hard you throw
joepcash
Knock knock.
WarpPig
Whooo's theeerree.....?
joepcash
Not the kid.
WarpPig
:(
benjamines
or "Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms."
ezeebee
Knock knock.
AssRanger
i know this one but..... Who's there?? :D
benjamines
Who's there?
nodisco
Did you hear about the wooden car? Vandals exploited its design by setting fire to it
icantgotoprisonroytheyllrapetheflipoutofme
What do you get if you put a baby in a blender?
icantgotoprisonroytheyllrapetheflipoutofme
An erection.
ThatShiftyMonkey
Woooooooow.
privatedick
Awesome!
bingotown
Holy crap.