Richols
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8532
204
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
InTheEndThoughItsJustInnuendo
After reading the first one I didn't want to continue, but I had to see where the train wreck was headed.
imjustaramblinggamblingman
I know, right?!
StTriniansHeadBoy
#9 plot twist - it *was* his granddaughter.
MKnightShyamalan
Needs more twist, son. It was the father dressed as the grandfather. His father in law.
glitterapplesauce
Yuck!!!
SanguineForSam
Does buying a lap dance put you in a private area? Maybe he wanted to just talk to her? Or maybe he is a creep, Idk.
Windbeutel
GRANDDADDY NO
Killertortilla
BULMA YES!!!
JAYAROD
Do male strippers have stories?
UH60Mechanic
One of the girls at my club dated a male stripper, his stories were on par with ours, if not a little worse sometimes.
IPostedWhat
How I imagine #1 looks like from the inside of her belly -
wroughtensteel
People are gross.
RabidDingo
A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'.
Gawky
Well I find it's quite a thrill When she grinds me against her will
lurkymcderp
you, sir....ARE AWESOME!
Lookatmyballs
Whats awesome is requesting that song at strip club
Lookatmyballs
Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart1/2
Lookatmyballs
as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?
RabidDingo
YES!
Lookatmyballs
As far as fucked up songs go thats one of my favorites.
RabidDingo
The whole album was a blast!
iamOzymandiasLookOnMyWorksDumbassAndDespair
I used to make strippers costumes, most girls are pretty nice
imjustaramblinggamblingman
People think they r all whores and they're not.
theycallmeMrGlass
Is anyone else going to say it? Fine, I will! I bet the seizure lap dance was amazing!!!
viennamusik
As an epileptic I find you utterly repulsive. To say your comment is in poor taste is putting it mildly.
theycallmeMrGlass
Apparently someone hasn't spent much time on here
Odaus
I wonder how long it took before they realized it wasn't part of the dance?
fuckurbutthurt
And he got a free half a lapdance!
HarleyJameson
Have you ever seen a real seizure? And someone postictal?
theycallmeMrGlass
I have. It was just a joke based on what the general public thinks happens during a seizure.
NiceLegsDaisyDukesMakesAMAAANOUTOFYOOOUUUU
Survey says: No.
ImAnEvilScotsman
#9
?noredirect
DragonLordG
That last one- you don't know what she's been doing dude. Enjoy your sex free STD.
varsil
Oddly enough, pretty hard to get an STD that way.
DragonLordG
Yes, but it's still much more likely than NOT drinking random stranger's blood.
LetsEatGrandpaCommasSaveLives
As a gay man, I will never understand the point of strip clubs. Pay hundreds to see girls you can't touch. Porn is free you know...
mdm8036
As a straight man, I use this argument meant often.
missing7
You can touch in some of the clubs.
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
because naked girls on my lap top aren't actually gyrating naked on my lap.
KennyBlankenshipsmostpainfuleliminationoftheday
I agree with this Mr fancy man.
varsil
Yeah. It's like paying top dollar to sit in a restaurant and have them show you all the food that they're not going to let you eat.
MalcolmButler
"I'm paying for women to not have sex with me? I can do that for free anywhere!"
ExperimentKraj
Porn is only "free" because people steal porn and post it online in huge quantities. Support your favorite pornstar, guys.
LetsEatGrandpaCommasSaveLives
Amen to that.
AuBoss
Seeing in the flesh is a lot better than seeing on screen and a lot of strip clubs will let you touch and even fuck for the right price.
Gawky
also some contries prostitution is legal
KennyBlankenshipsmostpainfuleliminationoftheday
Personally I prefer massage parlors. Straight to the point.
LetsEatGrandpaCommasSaveLives
xxgatorlaid
As someone the doesn't know much about any of this stuff; are massage parlors popular for sex??
KennyBlankenshipsmostpainfuleliminationoftheday
Ya but I would stay away for penetration stuff since they service a lot of people, you just need to tip extra if she's down
xxgatorlaid
Oh I am not interested in going. I just wondered. I think it is interesting to learn about these subcultures that I have never seen
BookerTheBookkeeperHooker
mate, that's because you need to go to a male strip club xD (joking, dont get offended imgur)
Lookatmyballs
I have heard stories about those places that make these look tame as all hell.
LetsEatGrandpaCommasSaveLives
That would be entertaining. But gay people have much cheaper forms of entertainment. I don't want to deflower your innocence though.
BookerTheBookkeeperHooker
please, deflower.
LetsEatGrandpaCommasSaveLives
Bathhouses, orgies, alley behind a gay bar. All of these are free, and in some countries, accepted as official currency.
BookerTheBookkeeperHooker
oh. i'd expect something worst.
chocolateraptor
As an ex stripper, these are all so true. I had an international regular with an armpit fetish. He would fly in just to stroke my pits.
imjustaramblinggamblingman
Really?! Well I hope he payed u well at least
nahemah
Oh my fucking gods
jwparks87
My ex told me about a regular of hers that had a thing for leg stubble. Not full on growth, just the stubble.
cleaveittocleaver90
Well boy do I have a surprise for him.
UH60Mechanic
The grand-daughter thing is 100% true too, same thing with step-daughter. I danced/served/bartended for 2 years.
mellekorv
My ex had the same fetish. He used to lick my armpits during sex. Said it reminded him of a vagina.
bentwrenches
Why not just lick your vagina?
iPeer
I don't know many men who can lick it while in it.
bentwrenches
That would be problematic.
GotBannedForPostingThatGifAMA
For the record, #1 charged the pregnant woman double.
SpookyWetDream
#7 Best lap dance ever
HighPriestofthefallen
Why do my co-workers seem shocked when I decline invites to the strip clubs -.-;
Flyndaran
I was dragged to one by my GF and her female friend to celebrate the 21st of our male friend. Our bi ladies did the ogling.
BookerTheBookkeeperHooker
cuz all men are desperate for sex, obviously.
EroticZombiePants
I've never been to a strip club. I just don't see any point in getting all worked up and then going home alone.
SpaceKen
You could still hookup with them at the end of their shift, if you charm her right.
Lookatmyballs
Why would you need to charm them when most would do it for a bag of meth?
LosLocosKickYourAss
Strip clubs can be an awesome place to chill. Just dont be creepy, and respect all the girls and its a good time. I always just sit and
LosLocosKickYourAss
talk to the girls. They have pretty interesting stories. Granted most are probably lies, but it's still fun.
TheNextGuy
Waste of money too
missgarzilla
I went to a strip club and received a lapdance of a lovely lady named Kitten. I had a rash on both my arms the next morning.
ItchySweater
Coulda bin an allergy to a skin product she uses on herself. Let's hope.
ThatsMySecretImAlwaysStressed
Well are you surprised? Cat allergies are quite common
drdavessardogs
Yup, Cat Scratch fever along with some Tittie Sprinkles.
LimeMime565
Welp there goes my faith in humanity
Baldylox81
If your faith in humanity lies at a strip club your looking in the wrong place
Threns
"Oh, a place where sex is sorta kinda monetized and turned into a business transaction? Surely this is where Warm Fuzzies come from!"
ErikBilling
#6 is rape
WeenerWinnerChickenDinner
No, it would be classified as sexual assault, not rape.
citoyenne
Depends on the jurisdiction. In Canada, there's no legal distinction b/w rape and sexual assault, just different degrees.
IckyLilBickyJahJahandWill
In the eyes of the law, sure it's "sexual assault," but that's still rape.
pappyon
That depends, in the UK it is only rape if it involves a penis, the above act would count as a rape according to the WHO's definition.
ChocolateWithRaisins
Whose.
sillyblackcat
This is no longer true I believe. When my bf was doing law few years ago he said they were changing it.
UsernameNoImSirName
In the UK there's another charge of "penetration without consent", which this would be. Source: worked jury duty on a case with this charge.
drdavessardogs
Ya, Pinocchio; what pappyon said.
WeenerWinnerChickenDinner
I live in the UK. But I didn't know that a band from the 60's has control over the definition of laws around the world. The more you know...
TristanMrH
I'm guessing you knew this, but just in case you hadn't figured it out. WHO = World Health Orginasation
drdavessardogs
We know. And the director is Pete Townshend right?
WeenerWinnerChickenDinner
But on a serious tip, it's bullshit that only a man can rape someone in the UK.
pappyon
Isn't it just a descriptive term though? I don't know that rape necessarily carries a heavier sentence than sexual assault.
Dumpstermouth
It does. Not only that RAPE is a much more serious thing in the eyes of society than "sexual assault"which could be a hug even, big differen
plazmatyk
Last I checked in Maryland only a woman can be raped. "A person may not engage in vaginal intercourse with another by force"
unbinkable
Today you learned that vaginas are used for giving sex as well as receiving it.
Maie13
Wouldn't that include a woman raping a man too?
captainobvioustits
so it's not rape if it's anal?
ionlyspeakthetruth
the difference in the points between imgur and reddit is like when I went from Borderlands to borderlands 2.
ExperimentKraj
The difference between Imgur and Reddit is...one of them...gives more distinctive character to different gun manufacturers? And also [1]
ExperimentKraj
only one of them has Sir Hammerlock and Mister Torgue, and they're great characters...? *headscratch* [fin]
Orgtigger
wait, which one is borderlands 2?
NotoriousBOB
I'm getting down voted I'll take it because there are many beautiful girls who are exotic dancers that should not be dismissed as people
BookerTheBookkeeperHooker
yes, but im reading is that the ugly ones are not people. it's a joke.
NotoriousBOB
I didn't say anything about anyone being an "ugly one"
BookerTheBookkeeperHooker
'many beautiful girls that should not be dismessed as ppl'. so we can dismiss the ugly ones? again, it's a joke.
NotoriousBOB
In that case, yes we may dismiss the ugly ones
idrinkcheapbeer
m'lady
UH60Mechanic
I found that people who had the most negative views about my job were also the ones who were the most disgusting customers on the downlow.
NotoriousBOB
I believe it. Dealing with the public always brings you in contact with some scumbags. That's what bouncers are for, right?
UH60Mechanic
They can't always get there in time, and sometimes the management can affect that. My bouncers and I were on point, though.
KillerTofu615
I was a bouncer in a strip club, dear god some of the stories.... blech.
tobiassolem
You won't get away with not writing some of them!
KillerTofu615
I did at one point, there was zero interest.
tobiassolem
"killertofu615 has not submitted any images to the gallery."
KillerTofu615
It got like 6 points, I just deleted it.
tobiassolem
Maaan, story that bad? :(
FlappinBurgers
Sorry I puked on the floor in the men's room that one time.
KillerTofu615
You mean vomited on the floor, shat your pants, decided to take your pants and underwear off to clean up the puke and then wrap your 1/2
KillerTofu615
shirt around your waist and walk out of the bathroom like nothing happened?
FlappinBurgers
Greg, is that you?
citoyenne
WHAT. NO. PLEASE NO.
KillerTofu615
Yeah... that's an example of something that happened while I worked there.
theesweez
You're up next. Let's hear yours.
KillerTofu615
I tried doing one at one point, nobody cared.
theesweez
I'D CARE!
CrotchetyBOFH
Because you didn't link it off of a FP story?
chocolateraptor
Heeeeeeyyyy look! Haha
lud1
UTI = urinary tract infection
sillyblackcat
Ohhh! I thought it meant she was charged with assault or something and I got really angry. but this isn't much better :/
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
Ok, that makes a lot more sense
maltbrew
OH MY! That makes it so much worse!! :O
ThatBabyDontLookLikeMe
ah yes the honeymoon killer. Have fun virgins!
MexImgurian
User Test Insertion
oo0ORB0oo
Could not think of what it was. Googled it and made me feel even worse for her.
FuckingHellCarl
Unnecessary terrifying information.
IntheBackofaVolkswagen
Oh so that's not the initials of the offspring?
Surrealle
That was one dirty ass finger, if that's really how it happened. Methinks it was really just a coincidence
Brucecori2
A lot of things can cause UTIs, but more frequently its because the back door is so close to the front entrance. Thongs are a prob too...
Surrealle
At the end of the day it's bacteria, like e. coli, getting into the urethra. How it gets there can vary widely
LvAllen
Dammit, @kylecorn!
duckie523
Pretty unlikely way to get a UTI, especially considering they're an infection of the urethra and its ascending structures and not the vagina
citoyenne
I don't know, I've definitely gotten a UTI from sex before. The urethra and the vag are VERY close together, after all.
Surrealle
Yup.
TheCrimsonight
Its unlikely, but I doubt he had a clear path to where he was going and considering how bold he was, he probably doesn't care for hygiene
TpyoMan
Can confirm have one right now.
cluckythehorse
Thanks
srslydude
I had one a couple years ago. I commiserate. Are you freezing cold on top of everything else?
TpyoMan
Yes oh god I'm shivering in the covers and over heating from the fever this shit is fucked up.
srslydude
My mother figured something was wrong when I was wrapped in a robe and blanket and still shivering in October. In Florida. I'm sorry for you
anchored4life
If you really do, I am so sorry. That has to be one of the most painful infections I've ever experienced.
TpyoMan
Yup pretty shitty hurts all the time, drink lots of water coz you piss like a leaf blower and need to stay hydrated lather rinse repeat.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
I had four last year. Last one I had they couldn't even get me because my urine was just about pureblood. Fuck I hate them.
TpyoMan
Brutal.
TpyoMan
Also really hard for a dude to catch a uti but hey, I've always been luck.
anchored4life
Oh shit that sucks. I was going to recommend AZO Urinary pain relief but I'm not sure if it does the same thing for men. I'm not a doctor.
itsahollyday2
AZO has been my saving grace these past few days
itsahollyday2
I swear I have one but I peed in a cup and my tests came back negative. All I can do is drink water & take cranberry pills :/
TpyoMan
Do you shiver constantly have to pee and have a fever if yes the you have a uti ,if not drink lots of water and you're golden.
itsahollyday2
I've had pain in my sides and bladder area. I've been drinking lots of water so kind of over the constantly having to pee part. But I (1)
itsahollyday2
Am in a lot of pain when ever I get turned on. Like my boyfriend cant even touch me w/o me feeling pain :( But no fever so I guess not (2)
TpyoMan
Way out of my league could be something with your kidneys if your sides hurt but like I said out of my league have you consulted a doctor?
clutchthepearls
Universal Technical Institute
DidYouKnowThatCashewsComeFromAFruit
I almost went to school there
HD2composer
did someone put their finger in you and change your outcome for the worse?
thefucksnotgiven
I titty technical institute, education for the future.
NiftyNips
That one confused me because we don't pee from our vaginas.
jediprincess
um, do we need an imgur anatomy lesson?
pencilv3ster
Looks like it
NiftyNips
No, Im very familiar with my anatomy. I've never had a UTI so I was a little dumbfounded that she got one so easily.
heartinlandslide
I've gotten one just from having rough sex while being dehydrated (we were snowed in and drank nothing but beer all day). Shit happens
NiftyNips
Interesting.
jediprincess
all it takes is dirty bacteria in her pee-hole...and then probably being dehydrated and not peeing for a while, maybe drinking alcohol, too
FastandBiCurious
Yeah, I got a UTI after I lost my virginity.
NiftyNips
Sorry to hear that. :( I guess I've just been fortunate to never have a UTI.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
Bacteria travels, women have very short urethras so things like soap, sex, tampons, etc can easily cause UTIs, whereas men are lucky
MaximumSausage
Yes but the holes are very close. That's why it's a good idea for women to pee after sexy time, to clear out their urethra.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
bastards and rarely get UTIs as their urethras are much longer and the bacteria has a harder time getting to its target.
citoyenne
It's a good thing guys rarely get UTIs, because when they do they can be very serious. That's actually how Casanova died.
khaleesimotherofkittycats
Anyone can die of them. Casanova died when you die of simple shit like a dirty look
citoyenne
True, in the 18th century medicine was pretty shit. UTIs are still more serious for men though.
gyro25
I find it unlikely that a finger in the vagina would cause a UTI, not impossible just unlikely.
ohdeepthought
Depends on the angle he penetrated/whether he had washed his hands/some people are more prone to utis. But it's likely a coincidence
SolarRanger
Last one caused me to dry heave
ionlylooklikeapotato
Are... are you new here? That's like, maybe, MAYBE in the top 100 most disgusting things I've read on the internet.
evoactivity
It didn't even register to me. When you start your internet career on rotten.com and faces of death on p2p you desensitize quickly.
SolarRanger
Rotten.com! I completely forgot about that site. Good times.....
JonesN4
I was a DJ at a club for a few months and I watched a stripper pick up a customers beer and take a drink, stand him up, and "baby bird" 1/2
BenedoodleCumberpoodle
That's how you get HIV and shit. SO gross.
upp3
You would be bad vampire.
bachterman
last one caused me to sweat salty blood-drops.
OhFuckItWasTaken
you are not alone.
Chrishankhah
For some strange reason, I was more upset at the fetus lapdance and the toenail nibbling.
PMmeYourBreastsIMaCreeper
Vampires make me sick too.
notavampire
I concur convincingly.
PMmeYourBreastsIMaCreeper
I am very much not convinced. At all.
OddOod
It's just blood. Shit gets denatured in your stomach anyway
Flyndaran
It's still more likely to result in S.T.I.s than actual vanilla sex.
OddOod
You mean unprotected sex? Because that is absolutely not true. Like herpes isn't even IN the blood.
inspiringandfunnyusernamecoolheh
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4k8npeGQw1rtmraao1_500.gif
thepuppet
^ Found the guy.
OddOod
Nah, I have no interest in that, but I'm just saying it's not that crazy.
LooseyGooseyBrett
But he gained her sexual power by drinking it
NeOxJokeR
http://m.imgur.com/j01e5LW
Yosser
More like he probably gained something sexually transmitted
thedumpsterjedi
The last one got me, that's fucking gross.
KennyBlankenshipsmostpainfuleliminationoftheday
I know a guy that would probably do the same. Such a weirdo.
HaggardBlaz3
#2 kind of seems like it might be a bonus to some people
SSjay
Plot twist: The woman was honey boo boo's mother.
SeriousSeamstress
I don't think she has the arm strength to lift herself onto a table...
IPostedWhat
blackletum
Headcrabs! Grab a crowbar!
castawayisland
BUT HE GOTTA EAT THE BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES
IgnatiusJReilly2601
#7 too.
betterjesus
Get crabs and some more crabs
XthaKung
some people...
MrKarter77
They dont even charge extra for it..
JPRiddles
It's gross if she sits where your food is prepared but hot if she sits on your face? What's the difference!
LavaAxe
I don't eat my face.
JPRiddles
You don't have to, your orifices are right there
MountainDreWw
I wish I could favorite your comment
MrKarter77
The term butt nuggets comes to mind.
FoxySpirit
Yeah, added value item.
nsdev
Strip club owners around the globe are confused by the sudden demand for food.
CardinalPiggles
That's what I was thinking. How many people would happily stick their face up someones ass crack during sex?
pencilv3ster
I would eat my girlfriends asshole after a hike I'm so attracted to her. So I guess me. But that's not "sex" it's much more intimate.
DrKriegersClone
#2 sounds like someone interrupted sexy-time between one of the dancers and the cook.
whiskeytango73
My thought too, but then I thought http://imgur.com/9agNB3u
icyanddicey
As you're talking about that, I'm just gonna say OP generalizes every strip club all over the world based on something he saw once.
icyanddicey
And then we wonder how and why people are racist/xenophobes.
doctorquasar
I was gonna say, unless you're into that
Maschinensohn
Pretty disgusting way to live. Oddly enough, working retail for 10 years yields almost identical stories. Minus the foot fetish stuff.
LazyLexiconographer
. . . and a whole lot less money.
alchemist12345
Also minus the money.
OmfgImNotLurking
Considerably less income.
coolwaterNJ
That was my favorite part of all this. Like mobile users, there's dozens of us!
greatgoatman
I work in a library. Female co-workers no longer wear anything open toed, because a creepy guy used to come in and ask to take pictures.
comingtoaneighbourhoodnearyou
A colleague of mine once had some white pants returned. There was period all over them.
Flyndaran
You accidentally a word there. I assume you meant blood.
aPokal
I assume (delusionally hope) it was this http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/lcqvxk-i.jpg
comingtoaneighbourhoodnearyou
Nope, white silk pants.
spiritussancto
i stopped wearing my hair down as a cashier because customers would try to touch it all the freaking time :( beware of staff, they bite!
shadowise
A woman once came in the store I worked in and one of her kids just pulled his trousers down and peed on the floor and she did nothing.
kansas555
I had a kid put his pb&j in the disk drive of a $2k laptop. The mom refused to pay and the cops were called. She had to buy it on credit.
bilbo
Had a mother of 3 once drop a turd in the aisle in the store I work in
bilbo
Had a mother of 3 once drop a turd in the aisle in the store I work in
Boats4Goats
Not if your a shoe salesman... sigh
iFINALLYmadeAcomment
Did that one summer. I learned what a brannock is, and also that customers expect you to measure their sockless feet for them. Never again.
chaseNC
No Ma'am
ICanSeeForever
I once sold shoe to a man missing one hand and with only 3 fingers on the other. I helped him try shoes on but he smelled so (1/2)
ICanSeeForever
Strongly of alcohol and cigarettes that I vomited out back after. I'll never do retail again. (2/2)
Cayeb
Same goes for working in a psychiatric hospital!
CouncilWomanKnope
When I worked in retail a guy would call customer service constantly and ask what color our nails and toenails were
dryersheets
I had a guy call to ask me about what size my feet were and if I wore stockings under my work pants as my own little secret.
CouncilWomanKnope
The guy who called us called other retail stores around us too and if people stayed on the phone with him he would tell stories about his bf
dryersheets
So weird. As far as I know this guy didn't do anything like that, but we were the only 24-hour location around and he liked to call late.
CouncilWomanKnope
One time he came to the store and stood by customer service for a while and the girl recognized his voice thankfully security was near by
dassala
I can attest to this. Sold jewelry. Guy asked me to try on all the pearl necklaces (I know), wanting to see how they looked against my skin.
Richols
Finger in the vagina??
ToastyKeen
Retail is a sordid affair.
everydaygenericposter
Had a customer try to "hug" me from behind as "thanks" once. Like I didn't see his huge erection. But, true, it's not a finger in the vag.
Maschinensohn
Finger other places.
ancientnorseman
I think we need some more information here.
katethefirst
WHERE?? :O
ApocWarlock
*whispers*... Butt stuff...
TheOneWhoWasLeft
*crowd whisper* kylecorn... kylecorn...
ApocWarlock
*whispers* I didn't happen to meeeeeeeeee...
PalulukanMakto
@Kylecorn
WouldYouLikeSomeBaileysImOldGregg
That's definitely called rape. I've had people stalk me after finding me via my name-tag, but can't claim to have been raped by a customer.
Flyndaran
I agree, but doubt a stripper getting assaulted this way could ever get the claim filed with the police.
Jayhawk92
Why can't you??
WouldYouLikeSomeBaileysImOldGregg
Why can't I claim to have been raped by a customer? Uh, because I've never been raped by a customer?
HuckleofLogantown
She bit my semi-hard dick through my jeans the last time I had a lap dance
[deleted]
[deleted]
dm1989
me too.... so it normal they do that? ... now im dissapointed... brb going to the strip club
Doman3500
I have also had that happened. I thought that I was special
pablo1669
I think this is common, it's happened at all 278 strip clubs I've been to
seaBR600RR
Kevin?
Ragnarsassbrook
fritobugger
Had that happen a few times.
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
I get blown almost every time I go to a strip club.
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
You may or may not have mistaken a brothel for a strip club
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
I have a thing about strip clubs, Ive been in nyc and gotten 3 or 4 lap dances for free. one time I ended up going back to strippers house
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
No its def. a strip club.. you just have to be persuasive and tip well
PhiIIipJFry
what a gross thing to say
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
Coming from someone who fucked their own grandmother..
eggmuffin
No, you're just making that up.
hungrydutchman
Or paying the stripper/hooker
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
No.. I'm really not. Its all about how you talk, and how well you tip. I pretty good at both.
eggmuffin
The girls work there, they sidle up to you and tell you you're interesting because that's their job. You sound like Optimus Creep.
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
I dont fucking talk to them because I'm lonely, i go there to see T&A and sometimes get head. (1)
MrMayberry
You sound jealous...or at the very least naive.
HurryUpIgotNutstoBustButtsTOfuckNDslutsToFuckinUppercut
(2) i pay for them to leave after I'm done.
theShredMonocle
Jeans at a strip club? Pshaw. Everyone knows you wear mustard stained sweatpants
illtakeachinchilla
Yup I've had that happen before. Actually kinda hurt so I pushed her off
Okiegoon
Hah, had this happen as well, was like "WHOA... ok that was awesome"
applesforjuice
This happens a lot. I don't particularly enjoy it
TkMacintosh
...I can't help but think "...Vagina Dentata?"
Crimepartner
''semi hard'' we all know thats not totally true
footlongfeet
@rainofjumpsuit
TheNonInsestuousJaime
Jeans at a strip club? dudeeee not cool...
sworp
Almost had my nipple bitten off by a stripper once.
Mandenfotosdesustetas
Me too! It hurt for a fucking week
Thoraxe123
.... off?
sworp
Tad of an exaggeration, it hurt but felt good at the same time.
sicsided
I've known quite a few who have had their nipples bitten off. They don't sell eye patches for that.
Dominomotion8
Same. I'm a woman.
sirplayerone
Do tell.
sworp
iwonderwhatthemaxusernamecharacterlimitis
nice.
earthbender
So...she got just the tip?
liquidsnakex
I once went to a strip club while too drunk to understand the no-touching rule. The first time I did it, she only told me to stop... ①
liquidsnakex
5mins later, bouncer peeped in to see what was going on. HRW seeing my buddy being v-bagged and me being ass-whipped by my own belt: @_@ ⑦
liquidsnakex
the 2nd time, she physically took my hands off her ass and told me to stop again. Being too drunk to remember 2mins later, I did it again ②
liquidsnakex
this inspired another stripper who was giving my buddy a dance in the far side of the same room, to start doing the same to him... ⑥
liquidsnakex
an even bigger grin came across her face as she said "...you like it don't you, you filthy boooy!" (I was blotto and thought it was funny) ④
liquidsnakex
after giving extra tips, we asked if we could have a copy of the security footage for epic lulz. The owners were like: "JESUS CHRIST NO!" ⑨
Spaceman04
I enjoy story time
liquidsnakex
Moral of the story: this was the most lulzy bullshit ever, but do not attempt such drunken assholery at home, you'll likely end up in jail ⑩
Krindi
I love getting slapped during sexy time.
Zaranthan
The numbering was clever, but maybe just do a reply chain next time so they stay in order.
liquidsnakex
Yeah I see now how it's going all out of order with the different votes, maybe next time I'll do the comment chain or numbers at the start.
ImFunAtGrammarParties
Know that I enjoyed your story and I carefully gave you 7 upvotes and 2 downvotes to try and keep the order. It's almost right now.
liquidsnakex
I would, but I DESPISE the [load more] bullshit. Shit doesn't even have the common decency to drop you off at the chain it abducted you from
bob3rt
and that kids is how I met your mother?
liquidsnakex
I wish! :D
bob3rt
go back and ask her!
liquidsnakex
she slapped me again, which made me giggle like an idiot (lolcohol), but continued the dance, slapping me progressively harder every minute⑤
liquidsnakex
after picking his jaw off the floor, he just 180'd & pretended like he didn't see it. 10mins later, we come out lulzing uncontrollably... ⑧
liquidsnakex
so the 3rd time, she slapped me on the face and was about to kick me out, when she noticed the shit-eating grin on my face... ③
TemporaryUzername
those little numbers were cute. i didn't read your story, but the numbers were a nice touch.
ThatJerkYouKnow
Same thing happened to me except she was humming and I gave her 40 bucks. It was incredible and why is this stuff illegal it's a win/win.
KharnApproves
That's happened to me, and holy shit did it blow the fuck out of my mind.
Drougals
What do you mean she was humming. In Scotland if someone was hummin it means they stink.
eggmuffin
How has "humming" come to mean "bad smell"? What's the link?
Drougals
No idea what the link is. It's Just a British and Irish slang word that has been around for generations. I can't find any origin info.
ditta
Humming like the sound of flies buzzing around FBS.
Secsletariat
they smell so bad you can hear it. or, i dunno, that weird humming sound people sometimes make before being sick? from the smell?
stopstalkingmeplease
Are lapdances illegal? Or do you mean the physical interaction part?
EuphoricAffliction
In Aus you can't do that
lonedutyer
Prostitution's legal in all states tho.
EuphoricAffliction
science
jackbinimbul
He paid someone to blow him. That's pretty illegal.
TheLaughingGod
were? in germany its not :)
darzin
He didn't pay her, he simply gave her a tip as a way of saying thank you for the service. The bj was free.
ThatJerkYouKnow
Thank you. The distinction is important.
rqwertwylker
...if all she has in her mouth is jeans, that's a terrible blowjob.
ThatJerkYouKnow
Whoa whoa whoa I didn't pay anybody to blow me. I gave my new friend some money because she was so nice and asked me for it.
jackbinimbul
In that case; can I have some money? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
There are so many disgusting creeps at strip clubs
NoMoneyManyProblems
Well, why do you think they're at a strip club?
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
Because getting to see naked women is awesome?
NeaterSpree
What does a defenseless 9 year old girl like you do at a strip club? ...On second thought, don't tell me, it's too early for feels.
NeaterSpree
This might, in retrospect, not be the best context for the word "feels".
SoftFur
You do realize those people aren't always at the strip club? They're your neighbors and family members and possibly even you.
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
Yeah, and some of them are fucking creeps
SoftFur
Fair enough.
SteelIsTheAnswer
Depends on the club. Cover charge, tight security, and ya know... lights keeps out 99% of the creeps. There's one near me that basically =>
SteelIsTheAnswer
=> a sports bar with much better scenery.
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
Nah, every strip club I've been to has had a decent amount of creeps. My ex worked at a really nice one and I'd hear so many creepy stories.
Flyndaran
Every mall has just as many, if not more, creeps.
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
No one's asked anyone I've dated if they'd like some of their cum to use as moisturizer when they worked at the mall
maltbrew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq1wzW3zhT0
Faylom
I don't see how you can go to a strip club and not be disgusting.
yoyowowo
I agree
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
Most people at strip clubs are just normal folks
Faylom
Of course, a bad brothel like a meat market is that much worse. Still, I think prostitution is a much more honest trade for some reason
Faylom
I find it seedy/tacky. Look at the lights, the heels, the lack of grace. I'd think a nice brothel would be much less grimy
aDefenseless9yearOldGirl
Hahahaha