Garouken
86643
1203
49
So shitty start to the day. Woke up and someone had drive by smoothied my car and then when I got to work my breakfast had been taken to the other side... RIP old friend
May 26, 2017 9:15 AM
Garouken
86643
1203
49
So shitty start to the day. Woke up and someone had drive by smoothied my car and then when I got to work my breakfast had been taken to the other side... RIP old friend
GJLewisX
Eat or die. Make your choice.
ILike2TouchButts
Sugar... Free... Gummy... Bears
scottjaeger
he's bringing the yog-Hurt
twitchymatchi
Oh Bosch! I've got an interview there coming up, put a good word in for me OP. "Twitchymatchi", yep.
mburicao
I would play..
Somanyquestions
Yogurt is immortal. I forgot some 3 days in a hot car and it was still perfectly edible.
Garouken
Hmm so maybe I microwave it?
NapAllDayPartyNever
for 4 days, apparently 3 days in heat isn't enough.
RonaldFckingSwanson
Congratulations, you have found a solution for scaring of food thieves!
porcupinebuttsniffer
They say a better display of poor grammar has never been found.
WhatIsThisImgurIHearAbout
I down voted you then re read it. Really reread it. Yeah I'd be embarrassed to post something like that in public. Have a +1 for being right
Garouken
Fair enough I didn't read it when I was printing. I was pissed at the time so it was not my first thought.
weilong
https://img0.etsystatic.com/001/0/7251824/il_fullxfull.371109712_a98h.jpg
Splosions
That 3rd zipper is going the wrong way, it too could have been locked.
Garouken
BlowOnItAndStickItIn
My saaaaaaaaandwiiiiich!!!!!!!!
myweaknessisstrong
MMMMMYYYYYYYYYY SSSAAAAAANDWIIIIIIIIIICH?!?!?!?!
JDRingo
This implies that you don't realize youre actually horrible. Ross was a basket case douche nozzle.
BeneGesseritConspiracyTheorist
Not the moist -maker!
Trumps6no6populist6
Being good dosen't shield you from the bad, or everyone would be good.
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
"What is good?" I was lost at the site of the city as plumes of smoke climbed from the skeletons of architecture. "Where has it gone?"
ProfDrDrSpiderpig
Because you lied when you were 17.
Garouken
Nooooooooooooooo I knew all those alcohol awareness videos my teachers made us watch were right that fake id finally came back to bite me
VerdantApollo
Too soft; load the yogurt with poppy seeds & cannabidiol, and laugh as the food thief gets fired during a drug test you instigated.
GaryDang3r
Calm down satan..
Leegionnaire
Or lace their cigarette with crack! That'll teach em!
TheBraveLittleStoner
I don't think either would work for a drug test
IHateApostrophes
Poppy seeds can, but it's pretty rare and you'd need a lot of them. The thief would definitely notice a yogurt full to the brim with poppy.
VerdantApollo
Enough ground seed powder can be mixed in w/o affecting taste or texture of the yogurt.
IHateApostrophes
At that point you could just put a lil heroin in. Might be easier.
VerdantApollo
Now that I think about it, just scrap the opiate idea entirely and go with something that sticks longer in urine, like ketamine or meth.
FetchMeACuppa
Poppy seeds can cause drug tests to flag positive for opiates if you eat a handfull or 2.
rainybee
There is a seinfeld episode for everything
Thetwitchy1
Hell, a poppy seed bagel is enough if you eat it at the wrong time (1 -3 hours before the test)
goirish86
you guys are not correct -us army upl
FetchMeACuppa
https://teens.drugabuse.gov/blog/post/drug-testing-poppy-seeds
[deleted]
[deleted]
thebadgoblin
Lace it with laxatives. Put your name on it. Put a label saying 'do not eat'. Let them learn a painful lesson.
realskramz
Get home drunk. Eat your food that is full with laxative. Suffering. Regret.
CaptainDameron
Step 2: forget you put laxatives in it, eat it yourself...
370zSteve
butterbunns
Thinking of doing this to a kid at school that keeps stealing other kids and staff food
NotHardly
Perfectly evil, although, a cautionary note, should you later be identified as having done such, in some localities you would be charged...
NotHardly
with a criminal offense (noxious substance issue).
eatyourmeat
Add laxatives and sleeping pills. They will have poopTSD for the rest of their life
WarmGlowingWarmingGlow
Doug Stanhope has a hilarious bit about this very thing.
eatyourmeat
I've seen him live. Maybe I got some from that and some from my friend who is scared of pooping while sleeping
wiillii
Maybe add a little bit of coke to make them addict? IS IT EVIL ENOUGH FOR YOUR TASTE SATAN IN DISGUISE?
Brightandshiny
Damn, who hurt you?
MrSebu
Don't you need loads of laxatives to work? Yoi'd tatse it for sure. So I'd say why doesnt OP drop in 500ug Lsd? This will shut em up
TomBrokaw
Jesus christ. At that point you might as well just shoot them.
Thetwitchy1
A high-but-plausible dose of muscle relaxants would be hilarious too.
MrSebu
Let the shitpocalypse begin!
Garouken
That was my first impulse but I'm sure I've read somewhere that can land me in legal trouble
Ulthirm
While it's you food, yes it can. Classified as poisoning, if you added a warning it's harder but you know then there's no point
stormegedendarklordofall
Say you were having trouble shitting. Or make hotter then hot hot wings
TheFlyingSheep
Nah you were constipated and needed the laxatives. Not your fault someone stole your medication and suffered
justarandombloke
Just dip ya dick in it and bask in the knowlegde thay don't know they're eating dick.
LiterallyWorseThanHitler
Alternatively, put in a good shot of the spiciest hot sauce you can find
HappyJello
I feel like as long as you can give a reason why you would eat the laxatives, your in the clear
Staggard
Nope it was your food. They stole it. It's not your responsibility to ensure everyone knows the contents of YOUR food. (1/2)
Outdoortoast
When somebody gets hurt on my property while vandalizing/stealing/other illegal activity on it, I'm at fault for not making my property safe
Thornaxe
Not necessarily. You're generally only liable if you have stuff there to intentionally harm. Ex: A bear trap hidden in your property
Outdoortoast
We had a trampoline given to us by neighbors who moved. We were liable for people using it without our knowledge (e.g. other neighbor 1/
Staggard
Ensure you have plausible deniability so don't overload the food with lax. 1 dose + "Easiest way to take my medication"
Staggard
It would be illegal to slip laxatives into something you know they would eat/their food (3/2)
kevinlo1
It is your food and clearly marked so
thebadgoblin
Almost impossible to prove. Plus if you put a warning on it, it's their own fault. All you claim is that you were constipated. Done.
BadLawyer
Do not listen to this person
fitnessjen1992
Smooth, smart, efficient 5/7
Garouken
I suppose
valleserj6200
jjjpœ
Hellstorm99
Go with your gut on this one. It is poisoning someone. A judge won't give a shit about your yogurt. (Most puns I could fit into 140chars)
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
It's considered poisoning. You can only do this with food items, such as horrific amounts of capsaicin.
valleserj6200
shit
synjed
Or write this has has laxatives in it and don't put laxatives in it.
thebadgoblin
Who have to put some in at some point for the threat to work.
ArchQuantum
Put laxatives in the first few Incase they are crazy enough to call your bluff