CosmicTerrorist
413554
8445
157
Dec 5, 2014 4:31 PM
CosmicTerrorist
413554
8445
157
Hipwiththelingo
I love military humor. And military wisdom. They tell it like it is because they don't have the luxury of living in denial.
epsiloncrow
"The reason the American military does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the Americans practices it on a daily basis"
FlyingDebris
Airplanes fly because they are sleek, aerodynamic works of art. Helicopters fly because they are so ugly, the ground pushes them away.
shadowex3
Watch their hands. Hands kill. In god we trust, everyone else keep your hands where I can see them.
copingcabana
A rare look inside an actual can of whoopass:
tsumikiri
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do" reminds me of my dad; he was in the US Navy
Zokalwe
We're surrounded? Good. Now we can shoot in any direction!
theclamhammer
As a Marine helicopter mechanic and flyer I can say with the utmost confidence that they are always broken, even when flying well
LienKire
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives test first, the lesson afterwards." - Game Over screen from Operation Flashpoint.
LienKire
Or Vernon Sanders Law.
CobraDBlade
My fav quote comes from a friend's dad who was a Huey door gunner in Vietnam: "A helicopter doesn't fly, it beats the air into submission".
Cyberwere
The Blackbird was such an awe inspiring machine. Never got tired of seeing them take off
eggmuffin
All good advice, and I read them all. When do I get my pilot's license?
NoWonderImStillAwake
After about 50 hours of flying time and about $10,000
NerdN1
After land a plane so that the plane can be reused.
binicorn
As a helicopter pilot: Runways are for beauty queens
grimol
As a former helo pilot currently fixed wing, I'm jealous. Used to fly R-22's with Silver Sate. Shut down before I got all my certifications.
binicorn
sorry, that was a shitty deal for a lot of folks
DrClaww
Lt Dan, Ice creeeeeeam.
NoWonderImStillAwake
There are two types of people
myweaknessisstrong
Goddamit Gump, why did you reassemble that weapon so quickly?!
DrClaww
Because you told me so, drill sergeant!
Thornaxe
God dammit gump, you must have a god damn IQ of god damn hundred and fifty!!!
myweaknessisstrong
I would recommend you for OCS if it weren't such a waste of a good infantryman!!
borgeano
Anyone who hasn't seen it before should google "c130 jato takeoff". It's a beautiful thing.
twfeline
This is how you haul a big aircraft into the air in just 100 feet of runway.
Mitchz95
Is this it?
borgeano
That'd be it. That vertical climb makes me feel...things.
hardtochoose
i think a-10 thunderbolt is epic and good looking plane, i dont see why people call it ugly warthog
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
Because at that time it has to compete with F16 and F14 in the beauty contest.
AStainlessSteelRat
It's also been referred to as the only Air Force plane subject to bird strikes from any direction.
panda0100
It's essentially an airplane built to make a big ass gun fly, which it does, just barely.
AStainlessSteelRat
Heh. Given too long a burst, the aircraft WILL stall, so just barely is markedly apt here. :D
noblespaceplatypus
once the pin is pulled Mr Grenade is no longer your friend
lecomtay
"If it's stupid but it works, then it isn't stupid." YOU HEAR THAT MOM AND DAD?!
revolvermouthwash
Every takeoff is optional; every landing is mandatory.
theblairbear
How can you tell if an officer is a pilot? You don't have to, they'll tell you.
myrrlyn
My dad was a pilot. Can fucking confirm
EnderXVI
Easiest way to find out who's the officer in your area. You'll get told "don't let him touch anything"
NylonSheep
Underrated post
StrikeEagleDriver
You could also look at the wings on their chest, since they're in uniform in this case. Or, they're just an ass-hat in civvies 2x over...
Henchman2ton21
How can you tell if a marine is from Texas? He'll fucking tell you
namesarenotalwayswhattheyseem
Just look at his truck
looseasamoose
Helicopters - 3 tons of Metal fatigue rotating around an oil leak
ilovescreamers
This.
nicetomeetyouimdad
ROTFLCOPTER
SlotegeAllDay
As an airframe mechanic for helicopters, this is painfully true.
DMorison
This is even better than "so ugly they repel the earth" and "3 million rivets in an unstable formation" !!!
pobody
This. This is perfect!
P51VoxelTanker
Helicopters weren't meant to fly. They're so ugly the ground repels them.
thelittlerascal
German Army saying: If you're doing shitty, do it with momentum. "Wenn Scheiße, dann Scheiße mit Schwung!"
LadyJaneFace
"We're gonna crash, we'll crash through." - Pappagallo, from Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
ChillaAquila
When shit, then shit with swing!
VladThePoker
Finnish army saying: Don't piss in your mates mess kit. "Älä kuse kaverin pakkiin"
AverageSizedDudeButSmallBoots
"If you're gonna fuck up. Stay commited to your fuck up."
thelittlerascal
way better translated, thx! ... im bad at speaking english.^^
TheGIJoel
Growing up playing football, my favorite saying was always, "if you mess up, mess up full speed."
TwokN
Never run when you can walk, never walk when you can stand still, never stand still when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, (1/2)
DavidHause
And if you can lie down, you can probably take a nap.
TwokN
Yep.
TwokN
And never lie down when you can sleep.
TheAdequatePhotoshopGuy
I would have sworn my sarge would have said it the other way around.
AIComments
#4 is not a plane going transonic, its just vapor on the wings due to pressure drop over the surface during a hard turn.
tooomanysteves
+1. I noticed that looked wrong too.
griduser
Thank you. I see this all the time & surprised nobody ever cries bullshit. I saw an F-22 do this at an airshow & he was only doing ~250kts.
twfeline
You got it. High humidity plus a turn.
P51VoxelTanker
When they approach the sound barrier, it creates a cone of vapor. It wouldn't just be flat like in that picture. Depends on conditions tho.
stackallision
"In god we trust. All others we monitor" - Unofficial US Naval Intelligence motto
EnderXVI
Military intelligence of any sort is an oxymoron.
holomanga
I never knew you were military.
EnderXVI
Ex-navy. I guess nobody else appreciated the humor.
whateversomethingdifferentiguessfkit
"Trust, but verify."
DeckhandAdmiral
Interesting. That quote from Reagan came up at a dinner party I was at.
kilroywazzire
"In god we trust, everyone else must sign" - Posted on a supply cage (US Army)
RustlinYourJimmies
As a person in the military, I have heard almost all of these before, and can vouch that they are accurate
arsenalstan
Military pilot here, and I can back up Mr Jimmies.
ToastyMozart
Hardly "Secrets" though
bax498
What were you expecting? the maximum engagement range of AMRAAM missiles? or just the most recent vehical passes required to enter the base?
ToastyMozart
I wasn't expecting anything, It just seems like clickbait. Either that or clever quips/advice that would have broken opsec until now.
ThisIsntWhoItWouldBeIfItWasntWhoItIs
Former Ammo troop here. The saying is "If you see me running, haul ass." That saying is terribly inaccurate and G rated.
Spiceman
If you think the C-130 is a perfectly good airplane, you've never been in one.
TheAdequatePhotoshopGuy
its a bit noisy i give you that and not much windows and the seating isn't very comfortable but other than that its seamed to work great
mistatorso
This. I felt like I was sitting in a giant hollow vibrator.
YesIChangedMyNameAgain
The Osprey is the only time in my life I literally prayed to not die. They aren't supposed to be in the air and they know it.
lunaisbestprincess
My ex used to do maintenance on them, he was always complaining about how they would break so often.
sadwastedmexican
I grew up in Jacksonville nc those are abominations and a testiment to Man's arrogance
peecs
Yeah, but the fact they fly at all is freaking amazing.
ilikefoodmorethanpeople
yeah, but did you die?
unordinarypunk
Worse than the Chinook??
YesIChangedMyNameAgain
2/2 I was literally holding my seat with one hand and my equipment with the other so neither of us would fall out the back of the plane.
sweetmesquite
I'm pretty sure I would have pissed myself.
YesIChangedMyNameAgain
I was fine with riding in ShitHooks all day. The Osprey they left the door open and had no seatbelt. And did some crazy maneuvers.
IwasproductiveasshituntilIdiscoveredImgur
First time in one my doc got sick, the gunner must have told the pilot because as soon as he started puking we start doing whirling birds.
thefirstcloudmaker
what are whirling birds?
IwasproductiveasshituntilIdiscoveredImgur
whirly*
spookyu
Aww man....never mess with doc.....
cleverlydisguised
every single time i get on one of those damned things i think "this is it, its all over for me" and when we land i think that it just 1/2
cleverlydisguised
increased my chances of not making it next time 2/2
Morladim
Are you still alive?
cleverlydisguised
I am, but I also haven't been in an osprey for a while
TheSlothOfPassion
They look so cool though!
lunaisbestprincess
The base I work at has them. And yes they are freaking awesome :D
PaintedSlate
They're also very useful: VTOL, decent carrying capacity, and much-faster-than-helicopter speeds.
JustSomeComments
I was thinking the same..
EnderXVI
So was someone else. That's how they got there in the first place.
GirlChainedUpInMyBasementMakingBabiesToKill
Lol I'm an airborne ranger and not a good one. I pray to not die every jump. I hate it.
noblespaceplatypus
which squadron? I was with the 20th
YesIChangedMyNameAgain
I was downrange and traveling from FOB to FOB with AFN. Basically, I was a deployed cable guy.
ImJustALittleDrunk
at cannon?
noblespaceplatypus
yes
ImJustALittleDrunk
Fuck Cannon
ilovescreamers
They aren't THAT bad
zeroismynumber
if it doesn't kill you this time it will do later.
maximinusthrax1
I watch them daily...I still haven't wrapped my mind around it.
TheOneTruePocketMorty
Osprey has killed more Marines then terrorists,they're gettin better though.
Caveman1734
The osprey or the terrorists?
Some0neSetUpUsTheBomb
Yes
ToBeABelgian
the Marines
WiskeyEcho
As a Canadian; fucking A-10's
theclamhammer
They suck, its a bummer they're replacing the PHROGS in the marine airwing
renegade0782
As a former controller on New River, I can't tell you how hilarious it was to watch a 22 sit in a mattress cause hung nose gear.
Inchpunch
You probably cant considering even that was practically elvish to me
IrrelevantButPlausibleConspiracyTheories
It's like a pair of Chinooks got drunk and had a baby.
baneofthewalrus
it's more like two sibling chinooks had a baby. I'd say they're the Hodor of the sky but that's giving them too much credit
RobbyBobson
Helicopters are nothing more than three million pieces of metal flying in an unstable formation.
thebarnet
Also " An Avro Shackleton is 3 million Rivets flying in close formation"
IsThereAirYouDontKnow
That about sums up every Michael Bay Transformer.
oddthought
Entropy entropy entropy
kerms
Modern video games are slowly teaching people this.
InterruptingA10
I'm flying! I'm flying!
Lemesplain
Helicopters don't actually fly. They're just so ugly that the earth repels them
prfesser
Fun fact: the Jesus Nut holds the rotor to the shaft. So named because that's the next-to-last thing you say when it comes off.
binicorn
As a helicopter pilot: Runways are for beauty queens
knifehandUSMCsemperfiOORAHyutKILLmotoboner
Being a helicopter pilot is being called a pessimist by people who don't know what you do: that if nothing has gone wrong yet, it will
AStainlessSteelRat
I heard it as "several hundred thousand moving parts flying in loose formation around an oil leak"
LindsaySiegfried
100% correct
KeytarPlatypus
They don't fly, they fall with style.
holymoley69
helicopters - the most efficient way of turning fuel into noise. source - i fix them!
SlotegeAllDay
A CH-47 APU firing up is one of the most obnoxiously loud things in the world.
haltwenty13
15g here. I like to rivet rivet.
UH60Mechanic
Can confirm. Can definitely confirm.
HypersonicHarpist
as an aerospace engineer, how helicopters fly is black magic
agonarch
Gotta say if I'm going to be in something where a part fails, I'd rather be in the thing where the odds of it being critical is smaller.
thran87
All built by the lowest bidder
TieYourShoePlease
I work for a Helicopter production company. The military's decision on helicopters is not as dependent on price as you would think.
thran87
well it was more a continuation on the joke than an observation on fiscal policy =)
TieYourShoePlease
Otherwise Mattel would have all the contracts.
programagor
Helicopters don't fly. They beat the air into submission.
mikage
Fun fact. Mi-24 actually uses its wings for additional lift and uses runway takeoff in some cases.
RxPro
They run on hopes and dreams (along with gobs of money)
SlotegeAllDay
Incorrect. They vibrate so much that the ground rejects them.
TW6173
Wings are for Fairies.
CoeusDarksoul
But Helicopters have wings... they're designated "Rotary Wing Aircraft."
shadowex3
They're so ugly the earth repels them.
ItsAlwaysTimeToDiddle
Attack Helicopters are the mean ugly though.
MaverickSawyer
*sighs* RIGHT, LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN FROM THE TOP... (1/2)
MaverickSawyer
"Helicopters don't fly: They're so ugly the Earth repels them. And even then, they must beat the air into submission."
gotchasucka
No plan survives first contact with the enemy.
copingcabana
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face." -Mike Tyson
yourenowbreathingmanually
And there's my Gunny to tell you that you didn't plan well enough if your plan doesn't survive!
gotchasucka
Does he also tell you that failure to plan is planning to fail?
yourenowbreathingmanually
Best expressed as " don't be THE FREAKIN ASSHOLE THAT GETS YOUR MEN KILLED" accidental caps sorry
TheOneAndOnlyGradalis
Unless the troops know the commander's intent.
pancreas
No plan survives contact with the players*
planetfinder
Plans are useless but planning is indispensable
ImTheMotherfuckingBatman
As a teacher, we have a saying " No class plan survives first contact with the students".
Spiceman
Its always better to do something, rather than nothing.
kryliss
This is why I laugh at shows on TV when their plans actually work without changes.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
-- John "Hannibal" Smith, in his later years.
tendthekine
I learned this from video games.
anakin1729
Also, from my taekwondo contest participations. :)
RamirezGoDoEverything
"Oh man that's a lot of health packs...and ammo...and a wide room I am about to walk into..."
jdlsharkman
"With lots of waist-high cover... Shit."
Rhix
*game autosaves* *heartbeat increases*
InterruptingA10
"Why do those walls and pillars look collapsible, and why are there so many pitfalls in ground?"