Interesting Story

No TL:DR ...

Not me but my best friend in high school, for some reason or another thought that if he didn't poop eventually his body would just absorb/digest 100% of the turd matter and make it into energy. Admittedly for about the first 3-5 days it was a painful battle but he was able to keep it all in him, after that the pains he was feeling sort of went away. Fast forward maybe a week or two, we go to Costco for lunch ( buck fiddy hot dogs), and while were at a table eating I see a look of agonizing pain go across his face.

He said he has to go the bathroom and that he'll meet me outside... Now this is when shit gets real. He knew that at that moment his experiment had failed and that the time to release the poop was now. He got to a stall and started to push, except, it wasn't all coming out. It had started normal enough, but very quickly his coil grew in diameter and he couldn't push it past his rim anymore. He found out later that what had happened was that his poop had essentially dried up and hardened inside him coning out and forming a "reverse buttplug situation". Knowing that this wasn't going to come out on its own he somehow managed to crab walk from the toilet to the sink, take the mirror off the wall, place it in the floor, squat over it, and for sanitary concerns, wrapped his hands to his elbows in toilet paper. At this point he assumed the position, grabbed on with both hands and with a violent push/pull technique, released the plug of pressure and everything else that was built up behind it and instantly passes out. This is where I re-enter the story. After almost an hour of waiting in a Costco parking lot I go to the customer service desk, inform them that my friend has been in the bathroom for a long time, And that maybe someone should check on him. I was greeted with a very odd look from an old lady at the counter who then followed me the the restroom with a set of keys. I then open the door to see my best friend face down on a mirror, pant around his ankles, blood and shit EVERYWHERE, with half of his arms wrapped up like a bad mummy costume on Halloween.

Needless to say paramedics were called, he had a concussion from hitting the floor,and needed multiple stitches in the asshole. Then he had to explain to his parents/doctors/Costco managers what happened, And why he thought not pooping was a good idea. But because I was a good friend when everyone asked why he wasn't at school for a week, I said we got drunk off of a shot of every bottle in my parents liquor cabinet (so nothing looked empty) climbed a tree in my back yard, and that he fell and landed on the fence. This is the first time I've ever told anyone this story.