ShitpostsAndLotsOfThem
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Yep
Sep 23, 2020 12:34 PM
ShitpostsAndLotsOfThem
119874
5394
358
Msl35Monster
All can agree he had FABULOUS hair.
CrownedHeadJohn
"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." Jesus
Ilovestormswolvesbees
Jesus wasn’t poor tho. They had money. He was a master carpenter.
pyr666
he wasn't poor, homeless, or a refugee. joseph was a carpenter, a skilled laborer and valuable asset in his day.
Corin
That's probably a mistranslation. http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/06/jesus-wasnt-really-a-carpenter/
Northernwest
I wonder how much those living in Palestine today even resemble biblical Palestine. Lots of forced changes in the last 2000 yrs.
Northernwest
Roman wars, muslim conquest, crusades, Mongols, so many more. So many more conflicts.
The2020ElectionWasStolen
so much diversity
KennethChalupa
Do you see how your post is racist in itself?
uptaco
Obligatory: https://youtu.be/SZ2L-R8NgrA
KamonDS
walkerb82
ackchyually....
Hashbrown123
Looks too old. That guy looks late 40s.
walkerb82
Hey, being the messiah was a stressful job, bro
SatansLeftNipple
What’s wrong with his eyes?
walkerb82
He's half Jewish and half Roman. The different genetics caused a loss in symmetry when he formed in the womb.
SatansLeftNipple
He looks like he got a nystagmus going
walkerb82
facial asymmetry goes up when there's cross-breeding between historically distinct gene pools.
HauxSkrilla
guy on the left just looks like a black guy with straight hair when he really looked like samaritans (relatives of jews) or mizrahi jews
Jackboot77
He was not homeless or poor or a refugee. Does anyone read the Bible or at least Google?
SidneyHarbor
Facts do not matter in the modern world, especially in an election year.
KingRememberedInTime1
I love how all around people pick and choose what they want to believe
10middlefingers
lol! well yeah, that's all religion is.
Saikorjerrylied
I believe I will Choose to have a beer. I will also Pick a nice one.
KingRememberedInTime1
kaneda26
I find it interesting philosophically, the concept of choosing what you want to believe versus not.
abacab87
It's been a personal fascination of mine, ultimately led to me dropping Christianity.
chickenoodlesoup
The2020ElectionWasStolen
It's a wonder the Left aren't flocking to him with credentials like that.
The2020ElectionWasStolen
It's a wonder the Left aren't flocking to him with credentials like that.
shareyourlight
Jesus was the epitome of a Christian. A Christian is someone who follows the doctrine of CHRIST
Lightshadow688
"I do what I say I do". That's all that is. Not that that's a bad quality, but it's nonsensical to say "Jesus Christ was a Christian"
alwaysL8
It's also nonsensical to say "Jesus wasn't a Christian". It's like saying Buddha wasn't a Buddhist.
Lightshadow688
Technically he would've been Jewish if real. "I am king of the jews" 'member?
WobbleWalrus
Jewish isnt just a religion. He couldnt have been Jewish (religion) because then he wouldn't have believed himself to be the Messiah
MantisTobagganMD
Well...he had to follow the doctrine of christ. He was christ. So...he followed hos own personal doctrine.
thelightthatisreflected
If your pastor tells you who to hate, maybe you should consider who they are really working for.
PineappleIsDeliciousOnPizzaFightMe
To be fair, he didn't *have* to be homeless. He had a viable trade. He chose to be itinerate.
MantisTobagganMD
Jesus:
v
Toonces311
Also I like to think the wise men from the east brought a little more that a little bit of gold, frankincense and myrrh.
HiveFleetDohrnii
Wait, ain’t he like the actual first Christian? Wasn’t that the whole point of him preaching? Creating Christianity? Not a religious person
Keairan
Eh, he was an apocalyptic preacher who inspired an apocalyptic faith using Judaism as a starting point.
georgejimmydoodle
He was never anything but Jewish.
Joelistan
Yeah? He was jewish before that though.
HiveFleetDohrnii
I get that part, but wasn’t he then both? Or do I not understand how faith works
Joelistan
He was jewish, realistically christianity didn't become a thing untill after he died.
SidneyHarbor
Honestly, reading the gospels for yourself is what's best. He was killed by the Jews because they hated him - did not consider him a Jew.
psycho3d
ThatWeirdClownfishGuy
Actually he many times called those who were able to multiply capital good.
ShaveSteedlesmack
Ackshally
ohnogeez
It's spelled actually.
ShaveSteedlesmack
ohnogeez
Yeah it was a really stupid joke
tReasonoustRump
How do we know we didn’t work on wall street?
cardboardwhales
How can any of us know if we worked on wall st?
iputmymouthonit
Oh my God... Am I Wall Street?
cardboardwhales
Yes my child. Now rise. Rise with the stocks!
PresentTenseActionVerb
The fuck am I looking at here
tr0lleyjack
It's hip hop, Hilary. You wouldn't get it.
sloanPHILLIPS
Ok
Zreen
Pokemon GO.... TO THE POLLS
Hobbes777
Joel ostenstein( er some last name that starts with O) , a mega church guy. Kanye West... uhh is Kanye West. I dunno whos on the left
PresentTenseActionVerb
That makes more sense, I thought it was Neil Breen
CENTURIATOR
Let's see: Jesus was not a "refugee" and he was not "poor" nor was he "homeless" but otherwise, ok.
Pheehelm
I think the child refugee thing refers to the flight to Egypt. Matthew 2.
The2020ElectionWasStolen
which was just another Roman province at the time
HauxSkrilla
Jesus looked nothing like the guy on the left though.Thats just a black dude w straight hair. He looked closer to Samaritans or Mizrahi Jews
stilltryingtofocus
I'm thinking of making a "What did Jesus actually look like?" post with historic data.
AnticlockwiseMetamorphosis
I'll be your first updoot. I'm so tired of the "white vs black jesus" thing. Do people just forget that he was a native to the Levant?
stilltryingtofocus
Ok, I'll make it now. And yep, he's technically neither.
stilltryingtofocus
Ok I just finished the post @Coleslawrat and @HauxSkrilla : ).
Muunk
The only thing wrong on this list is 'Jesus wasn't a Christian'. He often said to people to 'follow me' which is what a Christian is.
PedanticGonkDroid
It's not technically wrong, but it's a meaningless statement. He can't be a Christian by definition because that would be circular.
BryantTaylor
Except Christianity was formally established after his death and directly based on his teachings, hence the name. He was Hebrew.
Muunk
No he said he founded it. Look up the phrase "upon this rock I will build my church"
IamTOOOLDforThisShite
Turns out he was just wanting to start a conga line.
SatansLeftNipple
The longest conga line in history!
CaptainTycho
He is literally referred to as king of the Jews of course he's Jewish, and Christianity wasn't founded until way after his death
WobbleWalrus
Not the religion. If he were of the Jewish religion, he wouldn't believe he is the Messiah
Muunk
Jesus founded it when he said "upon this rock I will build my church" but you're right that all of the early Christians were Jewish
kaneda26
My mother said, you can't be Christian unless you have consumed the blood and flesh of Christ. I asked her if Jesus had, and she said...yes.
Muunk
That's a metaphor for eating the bread and drinking the wine. But Catholics believe that it literally changes to Jesus' actual body parts :/
kaneda26
Yup. It's called "transubstantiation" and denominations have split in disagreement of the concept. A very Roman Catholic concept.
FEMAcampsarereal
So he followed himself?
Muunk
No, he said that people needed to follow him to go to heaven
FEMAcampsarereal
Exactly. Christians follow Christ. Christ can't follow Christ, therefore Christ wasn't a Christian.
Muunk
Christ said he started Christianity. Maybe that's a better way to look at it.
FEMAcampsarereal
He called it Christianity? That's a bit arrogant.
Mack1986
People from the Levant are not that dark. Misconceptions because Hollywood hires Pakistanis to portray Arabs because racist dark stereotypes
stoffo
They're not white neither, more of "olive skinned", e.g. looking like south europeans rather than north ones.
Neorago
But that's white. Tbh we have to stop thinking white = Caucasian. Us melanin-poor people also come in many shades of pale...
stoffo
Culturally southern europeans and northern are pretty disparate. Also they look different. So why group them together?
stoffo
Not just culturally, but also historically - Slavs and Germans came to Europe much later and mostly after ancient world has collapsed
stoffo
The only reason is so that northern (white) supremacists can claim ancient greek/roman cultural heritage.
Neorago
I don't disagree with you, but if we're going to do this we have to do it across the board for so many different ethnic groups -
catsandcoke
That left dude looks neither Jewish nor Middle Eastern.
themuttonisniceandlean
Am I wrong to consider Lebanese/Israel/Jordanian area people essentially white?
rigello
In US Census terms - no. In 'public perception' terms - yes. They consider Spaniards 'latinos', Greeks - 'brown people' (don't ask)→
rigello
→It's basically a toddler-level understanding. I didn't know that too, was shocked.
stevie1derbread
Acurate im Lebanese and grew up un a small town to them i was a terrorist, when the killed osama they said he was my father. Stupid
FlyingGiantElk
He wasn’t a refugee though. His parents had to go home for the census and failed to find a place to stay.
catsandcoke
People would stay with their families when they went home. There was no such thing as an inn. The house was probably full. They got put in
catsandcoke
the downstairs part of the house where the animals would be kept in the winter. They were able to stay there because the animals were in
catsandcoke
the fields with the shepherds. The Bible says they were in the fields watching their flocks. This means Jesus was born in the Spring.
MantisTobagganMD
To be fair, that while census nonsense is false. A story created to align with messianic prophecy.
AmbroseGudmaker
"We're taking a census, a tool to help govern based on how many live in each area. Please leave the area you live so the data is useless."
bonoboforscale
Exactly, the whole story is nonsensical and clearly just an invention to get Jesus born at the “right” place
thatguyyoudontknow1
Might be talking about the flight to Egypt to escape Herod's slaughter of the Holy Innocents.
georgescholz568
The Holy Family were refugees on their escape to Egypt.
abacab87
That didn't happen though, it was added later to align with prophecy.
Pheehelm
I think it's talking about after that, with the flight to Egypt. Matthew 2.
AmbroseGudmaker
The other accounts don't have that bit. I'm pretty certain it's meant to be symbolic.
alwaysL8
Which still isn't a refugee situation, because it's movement within the same country.
AmbroseGudmaker
It wasn't the same country.
Pheehelm
Well actually, Egypt was annexed by the Roman Empire in 30 BC, and Jerusalem was conquered in 63 BC, so they were a little the same country.
AmbroseGudmaker
A little I guess, but it was Julius Caesar who made made it official.
Xenarion
I recall a pope said "He was born a jew, lived a jew, and died a jew."
ExcusesAndPromises
Yet He is the Head of the Church. I think we’re forgetting the influence of Judaism in the Church. We were first called “Christians” 1/2
ExcusesAndPromises
after the Church had already begun. “Messiah” was the completion of Judaism. Not the start of a new religion.
bolobass
Poor? His 'Dad' ran woodworking imperium 'Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets' !
Kitax
the whole homophobic aspect of christianity is just to sell more closets...
Callito
So more people could stay inside them?
FishMlemClicker
Nerfgunner
Surrogate
nb4free
Closet conversions
DrZev
Actually, they made yokes for oxen -- something very necessary to produce FOOD.
DanceWithJakOTheShadows
He wasn't a refugee either. They were traveling for census purposes when he was born and just couldn't get a room.
kuriosly
He was a refugee after when they fled to Egypt because King Herod demanded all newborns to be slaughtered.
DanceWithJakOTheShadows
Ah, you're right forgot about that.
kuriosly
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5a/Kerald_%28Meister_des_Codex_Egberti%29_001.jpg back in the old days babies looked funny
butterflybuttler221
Which is why he wasn't homophobic, most of his dad's clients were gay
myproudburner
Al Harrington?
plainoldfool
Legit question though, after all I am Catholic and therefore never actually read the Bible... Was it ever implied he was poor?
opi098514
He actually wasn’t poor and his ministry did very well with donations.
Muunk
Once he started teaching he said he "had no place to lay his head". Before that he had a skilled trade as a carpenter, so he probably did OK
AndrewCase
It isn’t specifically mentioned, but he did set out on his ministry with just the clothes on his back.
opi098514
That was about reliance and not about wealth.
ActionJohnnie
The wealth are always born in mangers.
plainoldfool
First, only the Gospel of Luke mentions the manger. IIRC, the Gospel of Matthew does not mention the manger at all. Second, Luke noted (1)
plainoldfool
Jesus was born in the manger because all available rooms were already taken, not because they couldn't afford a room. I once slept in my (2)
plainoldfool
car in Atlantic City. I had money for a hotel room but none of the hotels had vacancies. Don't make me poor.
matthiasfactor
So his parents offered up turtledoves for their sacrifice, which according to Jewish law, was an appropriate substitute for a family 1/2
matthiasfactor
That could not afford a lamb sacrifice. Jesus’ family was most likely lower financial class, and the fact he had to buried in a borrowed 2/3
matthiasfactor
Tomb also speaks to his family’s financial state.
TheLoyalVike
Amen.
RagingNorseman
He just airbnb'd it for three days
LoPhatJoe
Real fake doors!
NinjasStoleMyMama
Dad?
nosoupforoldmen
According to the Cinema Snob review Jesus invented the chair but the high priests were jealous and claimed that they invented the chair
opi098514
Fun fact he wasn’t a carpenter but instead worked with stone.
ActionJohnnie
TIL Jesus was a stoner.
catsandcoke
In a region with very little wood
NapoleonDynOmite
His dad is god not Joseph
DrZev
If that's the case, then he was NOT a male-line descendant of King David, & therefore could not be the Messiah.
NapoleonDynOmite
Most of it's fairy tales anyway
IsTheTitleOfMySexTape
Stepdad
kenkenobi9
Cuckdad
SandwichMastery
“Jesus, help me, I’m stuck in the closet”
snooch2thegouch
YunoFGasai
Tru, his dad is god so I would guess he got whatever he wanted
twistymystery
Nah I don’t think so. Seems to me his dad went to get a pack of cigarettes and never looked back. Maybe a card every so often.
YunoFGasai
My man jesus literally found a dupe bug for bread and fish, he could have wrecked the economy with inflation
Bioman998
But he didn't, becoming a humble God. Think that was part of the point.
lbargomancer
"He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy." - Joseph to Jesus, rightfully
ActionJohnnie
*stepdad
filben7
Funfact: he was probably a stone mason named Joshua and was tied to a post or tree(not nailed).
XoiZee
*yosiah- j wasn’t a letter yet. Just a fun fact!
Ninjainslippers
Yeah Joshua definitely wasn't a name in Hebrew.
filben7
Also probably wasnt real and all religions are 100% fake.
mouseasw
This argument won't convince anyone. What makes more sense to me than x religion is that we humans make up stories to avoid painful truths
mouseasw
Which sounds less existentially horrifying? That we'll continue existing in another form after we die, or that at death we cease to exist?
mouseasw
We don't like option 2, so we choose to believe option 1 and use anything which supports that idea to build it up in our minds.
opi098514
Well most likely nailed as we know that’s how romans did crucifiction. But yah there are like no trees in Israel. So he worked with stone
filben7
I just read way too much about it, you are right, feet nailed to the sides of the main shaft, arms tied over the top.
opi098514
One thing people don’t know also is that the nails went through the wrist not the hands because the people being crucified would tear 1/
opi098514
Off the cross because the bones in the hands are too weak and would brake.
RogerTheCactus
Did he also steal someones roller dex full of top notch celebrities
Ubik360
But what about Brian?
walkerb82
He was just a fake Irish pretender to the throne.
MantisTobagganMD
He's a very naughty boy
goflyblind
he has given us a sign! he has given us... his shoe!
MantisTobagganMD
Cast off the shoe; FOLLOW THE GOURD!!!
twfx
“We-wese Bwian!”
michaelpaice2
Release him
VastMajorityRule
He's the messiah!
youcantgiveAbabybooze
He's not the messiah! He's a very naughty boy
rrlyrae
only the true messiah would deny his divinity.
glovelyday
He didn't drive a truck with giant Trump flags either. Nor would he.
Virophile
You cannot prove that, and I would refuse to believe it if you could.
glovelyday
Clearly not a Trumpster. They'll believe ANYTHING...
Inkninja
I read his Donkey was pretty ripped tho.
easytigger
He'd use heelies.
StarscreamAndHutch
Cause his dick was big.
NottSure0
Jesus was definitely hangin dong. He had that end of days dick. That holy hammer.
DarkHourse
Big Jesus energy
OhhHaiMark
I believe he had truck nuts on his manger
Knovar
Well it doesn't mention in the bible what Jesus drove, so I think it's possible. /s
glovelyday
Yes it does. In John 12:49 he mentions his father's Accord.
mikeatike
Yeah, Jesus drove a Honda Accord, but he did not speak of it. John 12:49
BESTtaylorINAUSTRALIA
He would be driving the car 1 of the poorest ppl in the community are willing to lend he'd drive that into the middle of Beverley Hills
Pheehelm
The Apostles inherited it after his ascension. "And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one Accord in one place."
NottSure0
1 My friends were buying beer when we were younger and they said they seen jesus sitting in traffic driving a Ford focus..
NottSure0
2 He then waved his hand and the cars parted and let him through. They seemed pretty serious. They were also skipping school and high..
NottSure0
3 but I believe them. This did not change the course of their lives in the slightest. One of those friends is a severe alcoholic now.
NurgleErik
Asum story!
UnhelpfulMoth
Maybe they meant Jesús?
RagingNorseman
Seems legit! I once saw Saddam Hussein driving a Ford Fiesta on my way to school, so I guess anything is possible.
glovelyday
New International Bible version
For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it.
mikeatike
Yeah, it was his dad's car.
RagingNorseman
And he was driving Uber.
MassStorageDeviceCanNowBeSafelyRemoved
that's a mistranslation, he had a prius
glovelyday
Heretic!
beauzerk79
He didn't usually drive in general, but sometimes, he would take the wheel.
carneasadatacos1
This is pure gold??!!
TheRealAlpharius
Just wait until they read Matthew 19:21-24 where Jesus goes full Marx and says private property is sinful.
BrewmasterDan
hofmaninthehouse
That was specifically aimed at the “rich young ruler” because his sin was loving his stuff more than God. That wasn’t for everyone.
marsgoose
Oh the part where he tells the young man to organize a revolutionary militia and start pillaging other people's property right?
AmorHudd
"read"
CallsignFatNinja
Audio book?
Mctestecles
Ted Nugent's voice, with sound effects by Michael Bay, maybe.
TheRealAlpharius
iputthefiresout
That's not what that passage means. A rich man wanted to know how to get to heaven and asked Jesus what he must do. Part of Jesus' whole 1/
iputthefiresout
ministry was that it's not what you do, but what's in your heart. So, Jesus told him to let go of the earthly things he loved. The rich 2/
iputthefiresout
decided he loved his riches more than the promise of heaven. That's why Jesus continues with vs 23-24. 3/3
SwiftFoot7000
Thank you for explaining this. ?
aeronaut005
Misrepresenting bible verses is a regular thing around here.
SixFeetShort
The internet is a terrible place to learn about religion or religious philosophy... I don’t know why that isn’t obvious.
TheRealAlpharius
Physically caring for the poor and sick was literally the majority of his teaching. You cannot retain wealth and have love for man.
Vhyson
You cannot love wealth and have love for man. In biblical tradition, it was possible that God still would have blessed you with wealth, but
apcamanda
Taking those words as a math/logic problem: “wealth” = ANYTHING above need; ideal love of each other = wealth distributed until all equal.
shyasen
This explains why God tortured Job to prove a point to His envious son. The wealthy pillar of the community, Job, such a selfish asshole!
MaxZimuss
Thats incredibly wrong. Wealthy people can't care for other humans? How did you become so cynical? I guarantee, rich people do a lot...
activeracer28
Sure you can. There's rich people who love. Ahem, Keanu reeves for example.
Rebonack
Hey go read Luke 19:1-10. It isn't about money. It's about the LOVE of money; greed and avarice.
TheRealAlpharius
Mark 10:28-31 would strongly disagree.
cbale2000
Now go back and read Matthew 20:1–16 and think about that statement again...
evawin
One is a directive on what to do with wealth, the other is a parable about being last in line for heaven?
TheRealAlpharius
Mark 10:28-31 while you're reading, give this one a try.
ThatWeirdClownfishGuy
Just wait until you read Matthew 25:14-30 where Jesus says it’s good to invest and maximize profits.
TheRealAlpharius
Just wait until you read Mark 10:28-31 and learn the only way to follow Jesus into heaven.
LDF607
James is my jam. “faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
TeleportingDonkeys
Jesus preached voluntary socialism essentially, he didnt advocate socialism to be forced by anyone on others
TheRealAlpharius
Why is it okay for capitalism to be forced on others, but not socialism?
gremlinrage
TLDR: police don't let u steal=capitalism. police steal from you=socialism.
TheRealAlpharius
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/11/23/cops-took-more-stuff-from-people-than-burglars-did-last-year/ that's dumb af
gremlinrage
socialism is the government controlling the means of production and wealth distribution. capitalism is the absence of this. 1/n...
gremlinrage
3 people r on an island. each works & trades: captialism. if 1 person declares himself king & determines who gets what: socialism 2/n
gremlinrage
so the capitalism isn't forced... it is the absence of force based on the idea that property rights are sacred. 3/n
TheRealAlpharius
You're already wrong, in no definition of socialism is the government supposed to own the means of production.
gremlinrage
"Socialism is a populist economic and political system based on public [gvt] ownership of the means of production." sauce in reply
gremlinrage
https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/socialism.asp
cbale2000
It's always amusing to me when people quote the bible out of context with zero understanding of the meaning of a given passage.
KingKelloggTheWaffleHaggler
Every time imgur quotes it..
TheLaughingMagician
Christians do that half the fucking time.
Ozzcer
It easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man enter the kingdom of God
ButteredNoodleDriver
Hence industrial blenders
SephiRothIRA
There is no God hence there is no kingdom therefore the rich man has no consequences bc religion always has been an organization to control.
dnebdal
Well, "no consequences" until you push the populace into full on rebellion and the extrajudicial executions start. Which is admittedly rare.
E4r3nd1l
That's actually a mistranslation, the word used was κάμηλος which is a very thick rope, καμήλα is a camel. They're even pronounced similarly
Varimothras
That's interesting, but still essentially "impossible." When the apostles say as much, Jesus said anything is possible for God. But then 1/2
Varimothras
Immediately after this scene in Luke, Jesus saves a wealthy tax collector, Zaccheus. He gives half his wealth away and repays his extortions
RunningDroid
[Citation Needed]
macrology
It's disputed, but yeah. The Wikipedia article touches on it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_of_a_needle.
macrology
Although if true, it's more likely a case of scribes miscopying manuscripts than a mistranslation.
2fligh2high
A lot of Christians should be glad he hasn't returned yet cause he would kick their ass
v
MassStorageDeviceCanNowBeSafelyRemoved
where's south park jesus when you need him
wooliebooger
Muunk
Was that a swordfish?
zerozolo
Yes. Don't you know Jesus is famous for fish and coming back from the dead. AKA swordfish and zombies.
jennym123
That scene could only have been funnier if the fish turned into two when it struct the guy.
OptionThirty
Please tell me what this is from.
Oteneo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY&feature=emb_logo
fashenkna
This one is good too https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clF1xeXssIo
ExoCyberBit
COWBOY ZOMBIES!
HiiroRin
I wonder if we'll get an Assassin's Creed version in which He plays the role of an assassin.
Cranbananarama
Played the game that went with the film. It was...okay.
Forgotmyoldaccountbutohwell
He should really get on that.
VastMajorityRule
Forgot about this!
brian0868
Yasssss! The Fist of Jesus is insanely glorious!
Imissmycats
Jesus is facing an army, alone, in his right hand a fish, in his left hand a loaf of bread. Suddenly, as he's flanked by the enchroaching -
Imissmycats
horde, he throws the fish and the loaf of bread mid-air, both spinning vigorously, as they are about to reach the full height of the arc-
Imissmycats
they multiply. Tens of times, they split, a rain of rotating rations falls on the mongrels, battering them and knocking them down.-
Imissmycats
"Feast", said Jesus, a solemn look in his face betrayed by the rage in his voice.
dschuma
*fake * Christians
Gamerdragon
Literally. He's coming tatted up, with flaming eyes, and a sword for a tongue. He's not fuckin around this time
clevermotherfucker
If he does come back he'd be in a looney bin.
SunnyKontucchi
He returned in russia.
Mediathug
Great movie idea: “The Second Coming... Jesus is back. This time he’s pissed.
soulsick
You can say the American version is the anti-christ
VaultGirl69
And thus, he sat for hours on and making a whip, went into a church, and started beating motherfuckers.
kikisdeliveryservice
Is there more of this?
kikisdeliveryservice
Asking for a friend...
fashenkna
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clF1xeXssIo
LordofSandvich
"He ain't cruci-fucking around"
BYERE
And he’d use his Jew-Jitsu to do it!
ShreddyVeder
What is this from!? I want to see
Oteneo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY&feature=emb_logo
ConfettiPanda
What is that clip from? I want to see more angry Jesus.
Oteneo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY&feature=emb_logo
ConfettiPanda
Thanks!
fashenkna
This one is also good, slow at first but is good. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clF1xeXssIo
ConfettiPanda
Thanks, I’ll check it out.
pussyface
What's this from? I need to watch it
Oteneo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY&feature=emb_logo
pussyface
Thanks for the laugh, kind stranger
solmazer
"WWJD?" Whipping people and flipping tables is on the agenda. Square yourself before The Lord does.
SomeCommenter
Oh the best part of that story is how he spent like 2 days bending reeds and MAKING that whip
ovastanda
ashesnghost
Amazing
FieryFarts
He be throwing mad hands
ydwyrd
"And thus spoke Christ: "Catch these hands"" --Matthew 4:20
Targe0
Dude was a carpenter, that means he has an array of sharp knives and saws and he'll be in good shape. Jesus could definitely throw down.
Belthuzar0
Dude was a carpenter before modern machinery. He was probably jacked enough to not need a knife.
Targe0
Also his main mode of transport was walking so his stamina levels would have been insane.
FieryFarts
Pure unadulterated power
JakSandrow
Specifically, getting hawkers and profiteers out of churches. Joel Osteen? he's first on the list.
celestedrake
After making the whip himself...That probably took at least an hour...
Soufange
Imagine pissing off someone so much they make a whip especially for your ass
GeneralWho
"Temple's infested."
solmazer
"Moon's haunted."
GeneralWho
getotterhere
Is that Keanu?
mikeatike
BryantTaylor
LochNessMister
Keanue jesus
EuclidianCoitus
ThisPleasesZulthar
Vuttdeephuck
What film is this from?! That's fucking wild
Oteneo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY&feature=emb_logo
fashenkna
Watch this one is slow at first, but it’s good. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clF1xeXssIo
Solblazer86
Sauce? cuz I googled "Jesus beating people's asses" and find anything :(
Oteneo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY&feature=emb_logo
fashenkna
Watch this one too is slow at first, but is good. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=clF1xeXssIo
Rabidbacon
If Jesus came back, the Christians would kill him real quick.
Paulier73
Sounds like a The The lyric.
tay1188
Pretty sure the religious majority killed him the first time too
ReginaKasteen
Wasn't that the whole point of the operation though?
kikisdeliveryservice
The main reason I cant be religious is because of all the hypocrites that are. (I dont think you have to believe in cloud God heaven 2 join)
Yacobs21
Attempt to anyway. Pretty sure christ's return is supposed to mean the end times. So maybe hell be back as soon as November...
memorminey
Who is to say they haven’t already
swellguy18
Of course they would. He'd have dirty socialist ideas and that's basically communism to those ignorant dumbasses.
nullbr
Again you mean, right?
DangerousNoodle
What is that from?
PapaSammich
Watch it, you won't be sorry.
DangerousNoodle
Oh I was not.
MarcoPoloOnPollo
The Fist of Jesus. https://youtu.be/GuKV2Z3eYTY
nsaladbar
.
ShaveSteedlesmack
TIL I learned that Jesus was white and spoke...Spanish...?
Fengor
And also fought zombies.
NotGoodConfessionBear
so what, Spiderman is Italian.
MarcoPoloOnPollo