LennyFace
376189
9077
358
Jul 17, 2015 3:52 PM
LennyFace
376189
9077
358
MakeTabbouleNotWar
Luckily mine never shit a river.
SugarSmack
littlecatdog
I love babies and cuddling them and seeing them giggle but like 5 to 10 minutes later, I'm done.
ChunLisThighs
I wish I could upvote this more. I'm 26 and I just...I don't want kids but I keep getting told "oh you'll want them soon!"
LabyrinthCharm
At 29 I'm being told I can't have my tubes tied b/c I want change my mind. Yeah nearly killing myself while pregnant kinda makes me think no
Hilduurr
ugh, my fucking sister. she's gotr 4. complains 24/7 until its to remind me I dont matter cause im childless.
mokelembembe
This seems like an exaggeration but then I remembered this amazing picture:
curiousfoxes
This is my mom. I don't wanna pass on my shitty genetics and health problems to a kid. All the time she brings up kids.
McSmug
This sounds like a valid reason for not breeding.
curiousfoxes
She has terrible health herself! Damn it mom just feed me and love my barren womb
theresakittyoverthere
Even my therapist was shocked when I told her I hate kids. I'm like hey! This is supposed to be a judge free zone!
RYdia
Being in a gay relationship I never get people harassing me or my wife to have kids. It's almost like people think gays shouldn't be parents
Drewcifer25
You want the harassment? I don't think that's what you really want. In any case, I think if you two decide to have one it'd be wonderful.
RYdia
No, I don't. It could be worse, certainly.
fairybug
I've been married 5 years, and my family has bugged me for kids every one of them. I just want a chance to live my life first, but nooooooo.
azazyel
I have 9 nieces and nephews...I'm fine without having my own.
riddmkidd
From one set of parents?
azazyel
Nope, 2 brother, 1 sister and my wife's sister
spamfolder7777
I never wanted kids but I always liked the Uncle job. It was the perfect amount of off adultness. Take em out and do cool shit, give em back
Idownvotegunnuts
Last Xmas I bought my 4 year old nephew a small drum set, then I left for Cabo. I am all that personifies uncle.
Mithi
Uncle/Aunt is the way to go! Hype them up and hand them back!
FlareonTheFalseProphet
That's exactly what I do with my niece, she's extremely attached to me, nearly as much as her parents (until Monopoly starts anyway xD)
InboxMeYourOwls
Same. My mom wants more grandkids, I say she has enough.
TheGingersaurus
My dad asked the other day when I was going to give him grandchildren. He's only 50, I'm only 24.
Katheebs
I've told my son that I would be just fine if he didn't make me a grandma.
EroticZombiePants
They still have hope. I'm fairly sure my parents lost all hope of having grandchildren by now.
TheGingersaurus
I'm sure he'll never lose hope. But I have grad school and other shit to do.
SheeshWellThatWasFun
I had sworn off having kids. Career minded. Then at 35 pregnant while on birth control BEST change ever. Rewards out weigh bads.
anxiously
Yeah, I'm a 31 year old female and this shit is getting real old. I actually avoid family parties now. Just too much hassle.
upvotetuxedocats
Best reply to child inquiries: are you willing to bet someone's life that I'll like them when they're mine?
LabyrinthCharm
Oh I'm totally stealing this from you. Thank you.
upvotetuxedocats
It works for any occasion! Enjoy!
Automatvapen
Both me and my SO lost our shit the last time our families brought it up. Now they keep quiet about it.
TastyPoptarts
Looks like Paula's gonna be breathing through a tube after all. http://imgur.com/5we4U5Y
CheesusChrisp
The world has enough people..too much people actually. I'm content on not adding to the horde.
CheesusChrisp
Before people start thinking I'm an asshole, I don't think people are horrible if they have kids, so don't get all offended pls
MadScientistInTraining
This.there are millions of us.MILLIONS. we dont need any more.
CheesusChrisp
Fuck man there are Billions of us. That's way too many
MadScientistInTraining
You get a human,you get a human,everybody gets a human.seriously.
catsonmeth
In the comments section: People explaining why they're better for not having kids
LittleJotun
The one thing I truly love about my body is that I'm not fertile. Infertility couldn't have happened to a more suitable person.
alittlebronco
Man....the luck is strong with this one.
ObviBro
The positive side of things :D
manofchemistry
My wife was officially diagnosed as infertile about a year ago. One of the biggest reliefs we've ever felt as a married couple.
egshef
I have endometriosis and am fertile. If I could I would trade situations with an infertile endo sufferer who wanted kids.
txronin55
I am infertile with endometriosis. Would have gladly traded years ago. Now, not so sure.
shredder134
my mother in law has held up a baby to my wife and said "give me one of these." christ it's annoying
RoseTylerKillsDaleks
My Grandma has Alzheimer's, she forgets she already told me to have babies...12 times that day...
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
Your wife should have taken the baby from her mother than handed it back and said "here."
shredder134
hindsight is 20/20
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
There's always the next gathering.
shredder134
this is true. though we mostly just hold still and hope no one notices us.
LabyrinthCharm
Ah yes the T-Rex treatment. I prefer this method myself as well.
deodorantinmybutt
Ugh I hate that it's so rude and annoying I will never do that to my kid. If he doesn't want kids, more power to him if he does that's cool2
Magpiebones
"Because I want to hold a baby now and then, you should be impregnated. YOUR UTERUS IS MINE!!!" <- how it sounds
amagiciannamedgob
I'd never talk to her again.
PenguinHouse
Such a selfish reason to have a kid. "I want to play with it and relive motherhood through my children."
buttermyarse
My Gma recently lectured me about not getting an younger and was uni really necessary, I should have a family. I'm 24 and yes, it is.
PenguinHouse
I'm 24 as well. Just because they're family, doesn't mean they get to decide how you live your life. Go to uni and have the future u want!
LeftCollectionBlueBird
Yep. I was raped as a teen and my mother demanded if I were pregnant, I'd be forced to have the baby because she wanted it.
PenguinHouse
Sorry, but your mother sounds like a selfish twat. Her empty nest syndrome doesn't give her the right to dictate your future.
EdgarAllenPoo
Jesus fucking christ...
shredder134
you have hit the nail on the head good sir/madam/hammer
PenguinHouse
And then when it shits on the floor, they give it back to you "you're the parent, you clean it!" ugh. no babies.
shredder134
yep! the rest of that side breeds like rabbits and they all look at us like "well, we're waiting!"
PenguinHouse
I'm an only child, mother loves kids, so she's sad. But, I hope she understands my literal happiness is more important than imaginary kids.
MargeauxPotter
If my mother in law did that to me I would lose my shit. That is so messed up.
shredder134
yeah, we just smile, nod, and attend as few family gatherings on that side as we can manage.
LeftCollectionBlueBird
I think I've got you beat. My entire life I expressed I never wanted children, but my mother had a handful of hers taken away until we 1/
RoseTylerKillsDaleks
I hope you escaped...and life got better...holy fuck.
LeftCollectionBlueBird
were teens. So she never got the childhood experience part. At thirteen I was raped, and she demanded that since I was under eighteen, 2/
LeftCollectionBlueBird
I had to do as she said, and I was in no way allowed to have an abortion if I were pregnant. Wasn't pregnant, thank God.
LabyrinthCharm
Your mother sounds like an asshole just for the rape bit much less the rest. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
LeftCollectionBlueBird
It's okiedoke. I'm used to her crazy now.
kentk94
I get it, and I'll never hold it against anyone. Some people love kids, others just don't want the responsibility. I'll never judge.
Incomprehensiblebearmansion
It's not about the responsibility. It's that all the things people describe as the joys of parenthood just don't really appeal to me.
kentk94
I realize there are other reasons, I just didn't want to drag it out for 2 or 3 text boxes with the text limit.
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
This. I don't want children because I don't want to change my lifestyle. That's not selfish. Having children and then refusing to (1/2)
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
change your lifestyle is selfish. (2/2)
Hippoplatymoose
It wasn't about responsibility with us. We both had effed up upbringings and didn't want to pass that on to another generation.
kentk94
I get that, I didn't mean "responsibility" was the only reason. I didn't want to drag this out over 2 or 3 text boxes. (I hate the limit)
javaMakesMeAnxious
Eh, that comment sound a bit judgemental and condescending to be honest.
kentk94
Apparently everything I type offends someone on this site...
javaMakesMeAnxious
I'm not offended by your comment, don't worry. And sorry if my reaction offended you.
kentk94
Nah, it's all good. I've just heard that before, maybe I just need to work on my phrases.
Automatvapen
What? How did you interpret that post?
javaMakesMeAnxious
It sound a bit like 'I wish I was selfish enough to reject the grand responsibility of having kids.' But I guess it wasn't the intention.
IPutAHexOnYou4c6f7665206d65
and some simply can't have kids. Mentioning the absence of kids should be a no-no.
GlitchModulator
People without kids who try to make my life sound like a vomit filled, poop smeared prison are just as annoying.
McSmug
A little bit but mostly I laugh because they are opting out of passing on their DNA which is kind of the point of life. Can't be mad, lol.
flapperfemmefatale
Why should that be important to me?
McSmug
I'm not saying it has to be. If you don't think your traits/ideas are worth passing on then it is your call. Not trying to change minds.
McSmug
Lol! I love how pointing out the actual consequence of not having babies always accrues downvotes. Be happy child free people. You can FUN!
Magpiebones
I think the downvotes come from that the meaning of life was to pass your DNA. That is just a simple animal instinct. :)
McSmug
I did not say it was the meaning of life merely that is was the whole point. If you don't then you are just passing time with waiting.
Magpiebones
Whole point kind of sound like meaning of life, said differently. I'd claim that wellbeing of species and general continuity of it 1/2
McSmug
Instinct is there for a reason I think. It is meant to make sure you perpetuate yourself. You are the culmination of tons of effort. *shrug*
Magpiebones
We are more than spinal reflexes and instincts tho. Nothing says continuing your species is of any importance, if you think rationally.
IlikedogsANDcats
I think the Oatmeal has some kids issues.
geekily
The internet has kid issues, to the point where I've gotten harssed for having had a kid.
KeezieWeezie
It is absolutely depressing to me how much the internet straight up hates children
TiannaTV
That's stupid. Why can't us-non-wanting-kids and you-having-kids people just get along? I'm sorry someone did that to you.
slag
I concur.
trustmeimalinguist
Fun fact: before he got famous, we were facebook friends and we talked once. I was basically famous too...
McSmug
Meh, it's just super trendy to hate kids and not want any. As people just become really big kids it is just as well to be honest.
RpblcCmmndo38
The oatmeal isn't the most reasonable detached person out there.
SmellingThePsychosphere
To be fair, half the people who upvote this (and likely the cartoonist) is going to have a kid someday and be all "...okay, they're great.)
dunecat1337
The point is more about other people telling you what your life needs.
creatingusernamesgivesmeanxiety
Exactly. I get as annoyed by people telling me having kids ruins your life as I do by people telling me having kids completes it.
SmellingThePsychosphere
Which is not necessarily a bad thing, particularly when it turns out to be true.
dunecat1337
Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. Great example.
Winterfox
rekt
Wrongleveeeeeeer
Vasectomy for the win!
CanOpenersOnTheirFaces
Always get that checked out. Stupid body fixes itself sometimes.
Wrongleveeeeeeer
Oh I'm aware. Stupid bodies...some vasectomies reverse themselves, and sometimes intentional reversals don't take. I should check on mine...
CanOpenersOnTheirFaces
It's recently became super real when a friend became pregnant after that happened.
BugJuiceComesFromWhoYouAre
I'm a nanny and I don't want kids of my own. Love them. Love going home by myself at the end of the day more.
brumski
I'm not stay your stance is wrong but It's a lot different when they're your kids though.
razetherunner
As an uncle, i support this viewpoint vehemently.
KindNepenthe
Work in Pediatrics, same here!
Ifindbutterfliesabsolutelyterrifying
Same here!
sweetascandy018
I'm an early childhood educator and I'm the same way. Love children, but I don't want any.
reters
Same. Monday - Friday are my children hours.
BitchMakeMeASteak
Also a nanny and I feel ya on that!
magpie88
you like returnable children
BugJuiceComesFromWhoYouAre
The best kind!
bearred
Those are my favorite too. I hold a newborn, it's nice and sweet. Then it cries, and I can just hand it off to those responsible.
magpie88
Now, this comment comes from a woman whose over her due date. It's hire my friends have responded to the little one in my tummy
NotFatJustCultivatingMass
That's why I like being an aunt!
Telkesh
Its why I love being an uncle!
HannahAbbott
Like a library
pancreas
giggity
ElonMustToke
Check them out from the adult section. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Waidonut
That's why I'm excited my sister is pregant. I'll get all the pirks by being an auntie instead!
Ashylingywoo
My family think it's weird I don't want kids. I don't see the problem. I'm not the nurturing type nor do I have many maternal instincts.
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
My mother used to be disappointed that I decided against having children. Then she babysat for my cousin and decided that she wasn't (1/2)
AccountCreatedToUpdogVotes
cut out for that shit anymore. (2/2)
flapperfemmefatale
same with my mom. she wants kids even less than i do. i think if i told her i was pregnant, she'd be super disappointed in me
fattyontheinside93
Good! Then don't. Too many people (more so the morons) have kids when they shouldn't or just don't need to
fattyontheinside93
Want to*
Ashylingywoo
Also can't afford to! Don't forget about that!
PenguinHouse
My mother was upset when I told her I didn't want kids, but she'll get over it. Ultimately it's your happiness that matters, not theirs.
Ashylingywoo
That's true :) who knows, in 10 years I might change my mind, but it will be on my terms.
PenguinHouse
Exactly. No one should pressure you to do anything that you don't want. Having kids is great, as long as it's your willing decision.
IcedVenom
I talked about not wanting kids, to my sister who just had triplets & my mum. My sister didn't really understand the feeling but didn't 1/2
IcedVenom
really care, since it's my life. My mum said that she doesn't regret having kids, but wouldn't regret not having had them either. 2/2
IcedVenom
Also, that sister has 3 other kids, and the other sister has 1. So I already have 7 niblings (collective term) that I can dote on.
RuledByMyPets
I love the "but who will take care of you when your old"? Argument....hilarious. Well I guess we can just close all the nursing homes then
dunecat1337
The best reason to create people is to impose on them.
ReallyChadical
Ever run the numbers on a nursing home?
gamblingpoet
Am I the only who doesn't like his art style? I like his work, I just don't like his art style.
Skorpychan
This is why I refuse to go to family parties. That, and I feel like a failure because I'm not a goddamn scientist.
adobesubmarine
Usually being a scientist just means people want to explain to you how chemicals are bad and your work is giving them cancer.
TheManWithNoNameZappBrannigan
How do you think the third fucking Manning brother feels.
complimentpin
Oh god as a half iranian guy, this!!
larueezze
Your family doesn't seem very respectful...
GoingToGeorgia
Wait, are you me? When did I become not me?
scarierspice
My mom's siblings are all geniuses, some MENSA, others get degrees to have them, others hated school and just farm. Convos are tons of fun.
crashcap
Unlike your cousin Mike, a scientist, cured câncer, ran marathons, did voluntary work and saved puppies. Also has the perfect job.
DrKriegersClone
My extended family treats me like a failure because I am a scientist. Grad school = "still not working yet?"
automall99
I go to pick up chicks.
srsbizness
Arracor
....and now I kinda wanna see him in Doctor Who.
Mechlai
I'm the second oldest of 7 cousins at family parties... The oldest became a successful engineer, has a house + Wife already (he's 28) FML
Skorpychan
The males on my mother's side of the family don't tend to amount to much. I'm no exception there. The girls tend to do great, though.
zeaga
For some reason on both sides of my family, one in each couple goes into medicine. It's split 50/50 in gender. Usually nursing, too.
geriatricsanatore
Are you of the Simpsons?
MaddingtonFair
Pesky Simpson gene
notcoffeetable
I married into a family where the matriarchal side is old money. The ladies all marry normal guys who worked hard to be successful.
Strandforce
How does that work for more than one generation, wouldn't their sons be old money? Do they only ever have daughters?
notcoffeetable
Actually yeah, lots of daughters, and they don't take husbands names.
AnonOmis1000
Asian? Asian.
PhDandstillnoonelistens
^----goddamn scientist. Didn't matter. Good thing I did it for me. (And because I'm to socially awkward to be in medicine...)
ArcaneM37
I'm the only scientist in my family, and they don't understand me. Can we trade?
Dumbstatz
Who you are right now is amazing. No matter what they say, you are doing just fine
Skorpychan
My finances, my back, and my growing frustration with my job says otherwise.
TrustTheGeneGenie
Are you me? You sound like me.
iftheshoefitz
I'm a scientist, still a failure. Avoid this line of work!
moosemoosemoosemoose
Same here
booooooooooop
What kind of scientist and why avoid it?
iftheshoefitz
QC Chemist, money is just not a good return for the work done. Try accountancy, better money and far less boring and tedious. I'm serious.
hyp4tia
Dude, go into process development, it's much more fun. Put your chem background to use fixing problems.
iftheshoefitz
I will, that or HPLC sales.
[deleted]
[deleted]
arw2011
I hear ya. I am a one man PC Repair business owner. I live with my folks and run the business from the office in the living room.
pinkfuzzybunny
I'm a scientist AND a failure!
Iwantedthenamezerocoolbutsomeoneelsetookit
Well, if you'd just stop trying to take over the world...
moosemoosemoosemoose
me too
AKittenRidingABurritoThroughSpace
I'm a biologist working retail... the disappointment from relatives is palpable.
Dominian
I study philosophy, but I ask and explain science shit all the time with my scientist family members. We all learn a lot in the process.
Sifika
You doctor yet?
Frassasass
Then go become a scientist.
rshackleford
i'm a lawyer but i didn't goto ivy league and i'm an underachieving drug addict. visiting family always makes me feel bad about myself :<
undernourishedandovercaffeinated
Opposite for me; I pursued a PhD instead of having kids and I'm a failure
RageBaneblade
Just make up some complex title and when people ask just respond:
Ifellthroughthefourthwall
My family reunion is literally doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor, bank executive, lunatic, and finally me.
unlikelysuperhero
At least you are not the family lunatic! Which is nice :)
moosemoosemoosemoose
I'm a scientist and I earn less than 1/3 what my brother earns with a bachelor's in math from a small liberal arts school. Ecology :(
PhDandstillnoonelistens
I am at the cutting edge of microbial ecology research, where ALL the funding agencies want to be....still can't get a job. Ecology :(
moosemoosemoosemoose
4/4 (incl. in the dreaded humanities) they have all been more successful in both finding jobs and earning enough $ to support themselves
moosemoosemoosemoose
3/4 (because I didn't plan well) and the amount of time I've been unemployed is intense. Most of my high school friends just have bachelors
moosemoosemoosemoose
1/2 Nice username. But yeah, I feel that. I do disease ecology and just helped out on some work on predicting ebola outbreaks using machine
PhDandstillnoonelistens
Relevant user name!
moosemoosemoosemoose
2/2 learning and my other work is all about land use change and disease risk for humans and livestock and still no one wants to fund us
iamireland
I still believe in you, Robin.
MukieK
you should go to those parties and just smile at them all, then leave early because you have a better party you have to go to
Skorpychan
I can't get away with that. I have to take my mother there, because otherwise she'll drive herself and her car is uncomfortable.
Skorpychan
I mean, it's the same model and age as mine, but mine's higher trim and hers is automatic. I HATE automatics. They dither.
MukieK
damn, well you and your Mom leave early and got out for something yummy.
Hippoplatymoose
You're on imgur. We're ALL scientists here.
PhaserRave
rasmis
You're thinking of going on Oprah. “You get a doctorate! You get a certificate! You get a degree!”
yakityyak
Despondent, broke scientists
MasterNateT
Username checks out.
MotherAskani
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
buttinvader
I'm a college drop out. But I work IT, so I've got that going for me which is nice.
PartTimeLlama
That's when you marry a scientist.
chikachikabuumbuum
Wait a second what kind of scientists are we talking about here?
Diaminomaleonitrile
It's the same as a scientist - only change is that the questions "Can you cook meth?" and "How can I dissolve a body?" become more frequent.
LadyBabalon156
Lol
hyp4tia
Seriously though. When I say I make drugs (pharma) the response is always "like in Breaking Bad?". I just go with it now.
catmoles
I'm going into pharmacy and everyone's response is, "can you get me some good shit?" no, I will not steal narcs for you.
hyp4tia
HAHA. Amen. I was pharmacy for a bit and the response was the same.
TheGingersaurus
I am a goddamned scientist. It doesn't make a difference.
[deleted]
[deleted]
wawaweewee
Yup, fish immunologist. You?
GnrGruntfuttock
Comparative physiologist
wawaweewee
Ah cool, what model do you work with?
sheblindedmewithscience
I'm in neuro!
PhDandstillnoonelistens
Fourth!
sheblindedmewithscience
Me too! What kind are you?
TheGingersaurus
Neuro. You?
sheblindedmewithscience
No way! Me too! Are you in school still, or done?
TheGingersaurus
I'm about to enter grad school, but for psych, specializing in trauma/ptsd. My undergrad was in neuro, and I worked in a lab.
ICantDoThatDave
Second!
valkyrie117
Fifth
Skorpychan
Does in my family. My sister operates electron microscopes for a living. My aunt designs guidance systems for rockets.
Skorpychan
You know the Ariane V, the one that blew up on it's first launch? She designed that guidance system, and they didn't fire her for it.
TheGingersaurus
And that saves them from the "when will you have babies?" questions?
Skorpychan
It saves them from feeling outdone by people who achieved something. Even the latest uncle is a fireman.
TheGingersaurus
Not sure what you're trying to get at.
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
So glad my kid never barfed or sprayed poop.... I got lucky I guess. I've read stories.
chinablue
Was in line at Kmart and a toddler that was screaming at the top of his lungs let go a massive pouring stream from all three holes at once.
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Poor thing :/ I can only imagine what hes gone through to have that high of stress levels.
Magpiebones
My parents had to change the tapestry of the bedroom 5-6 times because of my vomit. :I
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Artistic at such a young age!
iwishjtmoneywasstillavailableitsmyoldvideogamemoniker
Word, my son has produced neither.
FancyYogaPants
3am. Son is 5 days old. Changing poop diaper. PROJECTILE SHIT ALL OVER ME. Wake up husband calmly. Frantically take a shower. Fun times...
deodorantinmybutt
That happen to me too! Around same age as well. And the holding baby over you just to get spit up on your face. Never did that again.
eggmuffin
If I pooped while sitting down, I'd get poop in my hair. It would exit my diaper at high velocity and shoot up the back of my onesie.
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Good gravy. My son only does seam bursters. When he was breastfed only it sorta went up his back a little...
TheFirehawk
I've only been peed on but that's because my niece's diaper was put on wrong...
YourAverageAssassin
I met my friend's new baby last week. Baby threw up on me within five minutes. Like... You couldn't let me like you first?
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Is it formula fed? Curious.
YourAverageAssassin
No
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
Thats awesome :) I had to have such a restricted diet when I was breastfeeding because it gave him gas. Delicate little tummies.
Ashtacular
My friend gave her baby prune juice, full 8oz, not realizing it needed to be 1 part juice seven parts water. Results in comic above.
TerriMessy
My son had prunes & cranberry juice in the same day. His pants didn't survive. Luckily he's almost dry so the gallon of wee wasn't missed.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
5lbs of watermelon in a 4 year old kid will do the trick as well. Comes out STILL WATERMELON.
Ashtacular
*slowly places pieces of watermelon I was about to eat back in the container...*
WhereLBJsNutsHang
Gotta eat the whole melon.
deodorantinmybutt
I'm sorry but Wtf she should know better. Common sense.
RedroverRedrover
Poor baby :(
neonoptic
Are you actually claiming your baby never once threw up? Who are you trying to fool?
MyCatLikesToFruitcake
He really didn't. Not even spit up. He's 2 years old now and the most that he "barfed" was a half an orange slice. He ate too many.
m0wgli
5th as new a dad I microwaved the breast milk. 10 minutes after feeding, the baby projectile vomits all over me.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
Oh nooooo.
PureEden
So many bingos in one place.
Mycologics
Same here. There were a few instances that were iffy but no major chemical spills
blitherypoop
A friend had to miss her first kid's first doctor appt bc the baby sprayed shit all over the nursery and the dad.
MiasmaCorrigan
First time I held my nephew he had an explosive poop on my arm. Thank god for diapers.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
My niece did it to me but I've had a few and wasn't phased. 18 year old me would have lobbed it back at her and hope she caught her
NiceLegsDaisyDukesMakesAMAAANOUTOFYOOOUUUU
I was the one with the Exorcist projectile vomit as a baby. My mom told me horror stories. XD
DemonicKat33
SAME! I kid you not I nailed my mom in the face from across the room, she was pretty sure I was possessed and nearly called a priest.
shackman
Me too!!!! So glad my parents didn't drown me XD
geriatricsanatore
Try being a nurse with an obese patient (400lb/180kg/28 stone) with c.diff and the flu. My week has been eventful.
FluffySlothsEverywhere
Nice. I'm going to bed now. Nightynight. ... and thanks for that mental picture. Really, thank you.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
How are you not suicidal?! I don't have the nose for it. I can barely stand our regular smelly elderly at work
prettierandyoungerbutnotanybetteroff
This is exactly why I chose an orthopedics floor when I graduated (vs. medical floor). Saw way too much of this shit in medsurg clinicals..
geriatricsanatore
I'm trying to get a full time ER position. I'm going to EMT classes in the fall then paramedic, dream is to get flight status one day.
CHOOCHOOMOTHAFUCKER
I'm a lab tech. Stop sending us poop.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
Lololololololololo no
CHOOCHOOMOTHAFUCKER
We can reject your specimens!
WhereLBJsNutsHang
I rarely send anything but nail clippings.
RogueMachinae
But it all comes down to poo. (Scrubs reference. Song had been stuck in my head all week)
AsSeenByMacaroni
I just debrided a stage 3 pressure ulcer... It sprayed me in the face
ian9outof10
This is why nurses are precious people.
CHOOCHOOMOTHAFUCKER
I'm so happy I changed my mind and didn't go into nursing.
WhereLBJsNutsHang
Oh yeahhhhh. Guy peeled off his foot skin the other with his socks. I was not prepared. It was black.
AdequatePipe
Ug, I don't want to upvote this but man you deserve the points
geriatricsanatore
Oh man... That's a smell you won't forget. Lol
AsSeenByMacaroni
Literally dream about it. A unique sensory experience
diregamer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NzhczpIiTI wow fuck that...
diregamer
Eww eww eww. +1 for being considerable less squemish then me
RageCuddles
Thank you for doing your job. I'm so squeamish that I pass out seeing blood. So I'm glad there are people that can do these things!
AsSeenByMacaroni
A stage 3 pressure ulcer, before it's debrided, isn't bloody. It's necrotic. You'd probably still pass out
Hippoplatymoose
When my friends and family bring up the fact that my wife and I are in our 40s and don't have kids: We're not childless. We're child-FREE!
razetherunner
life goals, right there.
Waidonut
I'm 28 and for years my parents have been telling me it'll come, not to wait too long or I'llbd too old, ect.
JalapenoBaguette
ib4 "there are couples who would give everything for a chance to have kids"
LegendaryMoonlightSculptor
Are you DINKs?
kentk94
lol I love this phrase.
Hippoplatymoose
Yes! We plan on being permanently retired at 57.
MichaelBay
Network Marketing?
abcdude321
That's the life. I'm looking forward to my DINK years
ReallyNotAVampire
I thought you meant Doug's neighbors at first. Then what it actually means came to me.
supremacysun
Very expensive.
Zephronias
I thought this too. Now the theme is in my head. Doo doo doo, dododo doo, do do, doo doo. . .
TheRedOnesTasteLikeBurning
You must have saved a lot of money over the years. Wanna buy a teenager? I have a spare...
Hippoplatymoose
While the thought of slave labor is tempting, having a teen under the roof ruins it. :)
Lanka
Can't you just put it in the cellar? Out of way, quiet.. S/he probably likes the dark anyways, so it'd be win-something.
Ringshadow
*runs by in the background with no kids and an armload of comic books*
takeruinacreameddiaper
you mean childless, but at the end of the day you heartless bastards wouldn't make good parents anyway so, it's probably better that 1/2
JalapenoBaguette
ib4 "there are couples who would give everything for a chance to have kids"
Hippoplatymoose
I feel for them. I'm definitely not one of them, though.
TheseGoToEleven
Can I use this perfect response? I hate when people pull that out like it's a mind-changer.
TheseGoToEleven
Also for the sake of sharing, SO & I don't have a damn clue if/when we want kids but it still comes up w/ family all the time :(
Lanka
Why people insist on making their kids, instead of adopting? I think that's just selfish thinking of "I want MY genes to go on". :|
RedroverRedrover
Because not everyone can afford extra tens of thousands if dollars per kid? And not everyone will qualify, either.
Lanka
Well, that's a problem in the adoption system then. Fairly sure there's alot of children to take care of - instead of spawning new ones.
RedroverRedrover
There are basically no unadopted white babies. Just the ones with developmental problems or addictions. That's the thing; people don't 1/2
RedroverRedrover
their own bio kids. It's just how it is. 3/3
RedroverRedrover
want the ones that are still in the system. Sad but true. Most people won't adipt a 3 year old of another race if they're able to have 2/3
jennsaysrawr
Childfree here, too. Family and friends think we're crazy but we know what we want.
catsandcoke
You never know how those things are going to turn out either. They could be monsters. All that investment for nothing.
KateSweatman
THANK GOD MEN LIKE YOU EXIST omg I thought I would never find a man who would want to marry me and live a childless life with me...
Hippoplatymoose
They're out there. It definitely needs to be an early-in-the-dating discussion, though. You don't want to get too in love and find out. .
Shamorza
As a father of two: Fuck you and fuck your wife and fuck your happiness.
Chubbiness
Wife-fucking is what causes that problem.
fatbottomgirlsmaketheworldgoround
Don't forget all that money u save by being child free
Waidonut
To be fair I just spend it on other, cooler things.
Hippoplatymoose
Let me pour a beer from the keg and salute your misery! j/k Parenting is hard. I'm glad someone does it. I'm more glad it isn't me, though.
RedroverRedrover
:( You don't like your kids?
IamDad
No.
MoonieDutchie
Child free couple too, no one in our family brings it up. They just nod with understanding.
takeruinacreameddiaper
2/2 you don't pollute the gene pool for another generation.
Hippoplatymoose
Actually, fuck the high road. I organized a charity ride that bought all of the Christmas presents for the local orphanage. 1/2
Hippoplatymoose
That's pretty harsh. I have good genes. I just choose to not spread them. And no, I'm not childless. We did not *want* children.
Thaily
Ironic, isn't that a racist picture in your user submitted? But Hippoplatymoose is supposedly a heartless bastard. You're a joke.
takeruinacreameddiaper
haha "racist" have you even read the holy book of war aka quran ? invasive immigration is a part of jihad.
Thaily
Found the racist!
takeruinacreameddiaper
tell me, what "race" is islam ?
Hippoplatymoose
I also volunteered at a haunted house for 12 straight days to help raise $12k for the local kids sports leagues. Fuck you and your ignorance
takeruinacreameddiaper
I donated 40k to the yogscast jingle jam, so we are on kind of equal ground there.
Thaily
Ignore this douche, he's apparently a racist. Probably assumes you're white and is worried the non-whites are outbreeding us.
Dipityseren
Jesus fuck, who shit in your cornflakes?
CanOpenersOnTheirFaces
Their kids.
Hippoplatymoose
That's some funny shit right there. Plus infinity!
Dipityseren
hehehehehe - oh god - you made me laugh like a loon. Heh!
PenguinHouse
You do realize that children are 100% optional right? Would you force children on people who don't want them?
takeruinacreameddiaper
2/2 or this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W33HRc1A6c
PenguinHouse
How's this meaning for life: live your life to make you happy and content, whether that includes children or not.
takeruinacreameddiaper
1. No, they would make shitty parents anyway. But secondly there are two possible meanings of life: propagation of the own species. 1/2
endeavour1a
I believe at 7b we've propagated ourselves enough.
flapperfemmefatale
I sincerely hope you're sterile.
takeruinacreameddiaper
I'm glad to disappoint you, as i have 4 wonderful boys at home, not counting my husband.
flapperfemmefatale
Wonderful is probably relative here, if your kids are anything like you.
flapperfemmefatale
Hopefully your husband isn't as big of a cunt, and they take more after him.
takeruinacreameddiaper
he is an utter cunt. But seeing as we are from Tassie i'd say this is a good thing. So i wouldn't call you a cunt.
peridotite
Did some community service and met an older couple that didn't have kids. They were a little sad by it since it was something they never1/2
peridotite
Experienced together, but they also had a ton of cool pictures and stories about traveling the world together. I think the only reason they
peridotite
Were sad was because they were adventurous and having a kid was an adventure they never had
DerikZain
I agree. I have a 4 year old and 3month and I've loved every moment. The adventures don't stop they just change. It's awesome I think =/.
dedradawn
And unless you're wealthy, it's difficult to have it both ways.
RedroverRedrover
That's kinda why we had a kid. We had good careers, nice home, lots of travel, etc. But it honestly got kinda dull.