DeliciousMeats
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Seriously, out of nowhere she put a claw right through my Levi's and into my freaking urethra like she was inserting a catheter.
I screamed. It was not a nice experience. I'm going to go cry now.
EDIT:
An update on the situation https://imgur.com/gallery/H74my
sneakyloki
This is your dick after.
SarcasticHiker
Twas no mistake.
whoisqaz
That cat knew what he was doing.
kgammaray
This doesn’t help me *trying*to like cats.
SadSausagePlzHold
GodofSnowcones
Was expecting the update to be a dick pic
boofhead60
i know your pain[ 2 cats],crying tears
boofhead60
of laugther
Peachos
This fucking hurt to read..
Peachos
I mean, 'cute cat comment here'
niccky16
Mine clawed me in the boob left a hole and a nice bloody bra.. love cats
Urgalicity
Congratulations, you have met a standard cat
WulfgangKeiser
Thats cats for you
Deathsagaxx
your cat had a concealed knife?
davecorona
stab verb 3rd person present: stabs 1. (of a person) thrust a knife or other pointed weapon into (someone) so as to wound or kill.
IceColdGangsta420
https://youtu.be/l2ASYMc_N3Q?t=73
SashaTheKitty
LOL that was great. Sorry it happened, but I'm LOLing
dreamstamp
Same here!
v
manytentacles
Your username is ESPECIALLY ironic now.
MrWarmMilk
That's sexual harassment, lawyer up and sue the shit out of that cat.
IAProX
Plus for making my wife chuckle at your misfortune...She is a redhead after all.
CherubCow
Yo dawg, you can't just mention a cat and then not show the cat. That's a "no" for me.
onlywisehermit
Cat asserting dominance over what it believes to be the inferior creature. Sorry.
GrosseChung
Holy fucking shit how why and I feel so bad
AngronTheRedAngel
areallycreativeusername
I feel different
BrickShakes
https://imgur.com/U5LGqoa
averyantics
1)At least it didn't bite you there. You should definitely consult your doctor about it and possibly get antibiotics. That's not a place you
averyantics
2)want an infection. I'm a vet tech and have been through the ringer with cat bites and scratches...they're not fun if you ignore them.
GoForPapaPalpatine1
BinaryShutter
Thought you said "Stabs me with it's dick", I need to get outside more. Or stay away from humans.
baronMarbleBreaker
I mean, they do have barbed penises
eetsumkaus
so it's not really a stabbing, more like a raking. In your urethra
BinaryShutter
Myavar
I want too feel bad but the tags made me laugh too hard
themuttonisniceandlean
More holes than a piccolo got me.
Myavar
Yasss!
Sn1chy
Cats are assholes, I don't care what anyone says.
BatmanRidingANarwhal
Adorable, fluffy, funny assholes.
C141Clay
HaHaHa https://imgur.com/hLi3SMl
DeliciousMeats
I firmly believe that if they looked like toads we'd recognize them for the evil little bastards that they are.
EspeciallyWeeRob
+1 for Pratchett
RestingBitchFace1985
Cat-theter
Stopwritingthatdown
Well that's how you know its a cat.
sdtitan89
Dip the tip in some peroxide. Cat claws are covered in bacteria from the litter box.
michonnedisapproves
Oh god this just gets worse
stupidstray
"the burning means it's working!"
Ivegotsomethinginmyfrontpocketforyou
LinaCarolina
A bite is more dangerous, they clean the paws constantly but those fricking fangs are deadly.
sticknsquirt91
Exactly. Cat scratches mostly results in infection with the amount of bacteria and the hooked claw pulling upward from inside
hockeyham
Then soak that log in wood.
JonSnowsFather
SOAK LOGS IN WOOD
FarkasMacTavish
OH NO
ypele
I feel pain just by reading your comment.
zebracakes33
Yea @op, you'd hate to have to explain to your S/O or anyone else that you got your dick infected by a cat.
PhenTsoksar
I interviewed for a job where I would work with primates. They said if you got bit/scratched by one your were immediately assumed to (1/
PhenTsoksar
Herpes Type B and put on a 4-6week regimen of Valtrex. I tanked the interview right there cause the last thing i ever wanted to do on a (2/
PhenTsoksar
date is say 'babe, i need to let you know that I *sigh* got Herpes *long sigh* from a monkey.'
TresusIbor
"Got my dick too close to a bad pussy."
ArthurPhillipDent
Seriously. Cat scratch fever is a real thing
southernsmoke
This is why I’ll never get a cat
ezzmann
...yes
parttimesherpa
I had cat scratch fever before. Swollen glands
ezzmann
shit! my grl got it from her cat....house cat
travelinaddy
yep- my dad had it! That cat was taken to the shelter/pound :(
ShlongaDonga
Salt Water would work, and burn a lot less
sdtitan89
Peroxide doesn't burn like alcohol does.
DeliciousMeats
That'll be a fun conversation with my doctor. I think I'll just lie and say I fucked a prostitute that looked like Willem Dafoe I drag.
EffeminateGuysTurnMeOn
Oh, yes. Tell your doc. ^_^
Soylencer
Coxoplasmosis
lazerbeer
thisnameisntfunny
LurkerOfDarkness
Because he will never believe the cat thing?
LurkerOfDarkness
It's like all the people that "slipped and full on something", somewhere out there, there's a guy, just one, who actually slipped and fell.
ColoradoGirrl
/a/Zrm3r this is why you take a cat scratch seriously. That near my elbow. It got infected and had to be cleaned out with >
BeeDragon
My mom's cat used to attack the back of your knees when you walked by. She had to be on antibiotics twice for wounds from Pato el Gato.
ColoradoGirrl
>peroxide and tweezers. The infection ran so deep the doctor thought I might need stitches if it didn’t start healing properly. Thankfully >
ColoradoGirrl
>it didn’t. But it hurt for ever and took weeks to fully heal.
BlazerBBlaze
ZombieZooZombieZoo
Oddly specific.
youknowthatonepersonwiththeface
We've all imagined it don't lie
idontenglishsorry
yet fantastic
mogwa1
It's from the Boondock Saints
YourWaifuIsTrash
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sc5IQUvpLv4
ZombieZooZombieZoo
Oooooh yeah
vStonie
50% of people that are depressed have been scratched by cats. Coincidentally depressed people own cats so this information is pointless
sdtitan89
Can confirm.