Four hours to go
10
7
56
Girlfriend has friends over for cocktails. She just asked what I'll be doing
36
2
135
As someone watching the Super Bowl in the UK
3
2
50
As a Scotsman I can confirm this is what we have for Breakfast.
16
33
59
This saddened me
5
1
38
Waiting for my work to open so I can call in sick
34
19
594
I hear we're uploading shelfies
96
20
2312
I'm a highly functioning psychopath, with your address.
8
5
53
Lifespan of razor blades
12
12
100
Looking for socket to plug in charger, girlfriend suggest unplugging Xbox
66
19
5518
When I realise I've woken up before my alarm has gone off
9
13
109