Rent-A-Cop Security Proffessional For a very reasonable fee I will get those pesky kids off your property and mercilessly beat that homeless guy who lives behind your dumpster (off camera of course). Limited time offer! If you request my services within 30 days you will receive: -On time arrival (except for Monday). -Less than 52% time spent sleeping on duty. -Absolutely the highest quality security camera footage of that cute girl that comes in on Wednesdays. All Guards are issued one flashlight and a whistle. Each guard has been trained how to both blow the whistle and wave the flashlight around defensively. We will create a huge scene each and every time an incident occurs. Rest assured, with our services we will never let you, our client, forget that you are paying a considerable amount to have that fat guy whose probably asleep right now at the desk you put in that storage closet you cleared out, vigilantely guarding himself from unemployment. Call now to schedule your security consultation!
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