1856 pts · June 11, 2015
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Looking for the definition of a complex word or even a simple 1 like 'duvet'? Try the brand new search website from Google™
Diarrhea, nausea or constipation? Pepto Bismol™ can help because people will believe most of the shit they read on the Internet.
Are data speeds slowing down your cyber bullying on social media? Make that bitch cry faster than ever with LTE from AT&T™.
Did the soda machine remind you of your crippling gambling addiction? Why not scratch that itch at the Hard Rock™ hotel & Casino in Vegas.
The only thing whiter than Whittier, Alaska is your clothing after using Javex™ bleach.
Is someone lurking in the shadows waiting to strike? Almost definitely not but I hope I scared you enough to buy a Glock™ handgun.
And I don't know why anyone would rent from anywhere other than U-Haul™. We save you $ with industry-leading maintenance procrastination.
I'll tell you what will surprise you… the great deals on pre-owned cars at your local Toyota™seller. You won't RECALL ever paying less!
Do you love Information Technology? Get bits of training & maybe, possibly, sorta land an unlikely job in IT with certificate from DeVry™
Looking for whores with limited liability due to incorporation? Ashley Madison™ is the #1 source to meet people you should actually avoid.
You'll be pleased to know that Walmart™ will never stop slashing prices by reducing the quality of the products we sell.
Misspelling words that are a mere inch from text window? Costco™ has certified optometrists to test your vision.
Need to look up a phrase from film like Jerry Maguire? iMDB™ is your source for movie trivia & finding out if the kid in it is dead or not
Has you excitement been crushed by your new fave imgurian going to sleep? Bud Light™ is the choice beer for people with low standards.
Looking to book a honeymoon to Cleveland? Save $ for your inevitable divorce by flying with American Airlines™
You'll really like what you see when you're looking in neighbor's window through Bushnell™ binoculars — now with left hand comfort grip.
Activia™ probiotic yogurt will make sure it's just as smooth & creamy coming out as it was when it went in.
Have experience in delivery business? LinkedIn™ & UPS™ have teamed up to seek out new people to underpay.
Wanting to replace your ugly old sofa? Buy a puppy from Petsmart™ so it'll shit & piss all over it & buy a new sofa at Sear's™
If you need help keeping it up, Pfizer™ has your choice of erection meds that diverted precious funds from their cancer research.
Wanting to marry an aimless & unambitious man? Why not do it twice? With a 2 for 1 coupon at Cupid's Wedding Chapel™ in Vegas
Why bother with parody when you can get a pair o' delicious & maybe fully cooked chicken breasts at KFC™ ?!
Marrying a stranger? Why not honeymoon at Hilton® in Paris where your view of Eiffel Tower will be almost as bad as the wedding night sex
One thing you can be sure of is that the factory where we make our delicious Oreo™ cookies ran out of hairnets 6 months ago.
But not as ridiculous as the bargains you can find on Trivago™ for hotel rooms with duvets drenched in layers of meth sweat
After you've shared your thoughts head over to Applebee's™ with a friend to share a plate of our delicious nachos covered in almost-cheese
There's nothing better than being served a Grand Slam Breakfast® at Denny's™! New chest-clutchingly great deals every day.
If you like this account you'll love the refreshing & slight urine taste of Fresca™ citrus soda.
Tiresome comments giving you the yawns? Monster® energy drinks will give you the boost you need!
Is churning your own butter causing you wrist pain? Try the instant relief (& surprising use as lubrication) of Ben Gay™ medical cream.