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108318 pts · September 20, 2011

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I deftly wield the 500 character limit (a.k.a. say stupid shit) on the internet for fun and/or profit, but mostly I’m an (occasionally lovable) asshole. I am not a lawyer (or cop), and I don’t play one on TV (not a cop), this is not financial advice (or entrapment because I’m not a cop). I am a 501(c)(Deez Nutz) organization so, your upvotes are tax deductible. Please keep your receipts and hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Assume all phone lines are tapped, died, and WD-40’d. Because occasionally there is confusion, please take a few of the “/s”s below and tape them to the end of posts that I didn’t think needed them (not sure if they work on other people’s comments). /s /s /s /s /s /s /s /s /s /s If you’re still reading this, you must be really fucking bored (or I said something that pissed you off, probably both) and man, same. How ‘bout them Mets. Gotta get a real slice. Hey I’m walkin’ here! If you get a screenshot of this entire bio to the front page you’ll win an honest to goodness prize! First of all, congrats, hows it feel to be internet famous for a day? I’ll mail you a dildo (of the sex dildo variety) if you’re somewhere Amazon delivers dildos. Alternatively I’ll mail Imgur a dildo instead, your choice of who gets a dildo, but none of the specifics about the dildo (like length, girth, and karate chopping action). If you prefer not to give money to evil companies like Amazon (or just don’t want anyone to get a dildo) I’ll donate approximately $dildo to the EFF, ACLU, or MSF in your username instead, but there will be a message about dildos in there somewhere. These bios sure are a lot roomier than I remember. Trans rights are human rights. Black lives matter. Women aren’t second class citizens. Fascists were made for punching and pissing on. Convert the 1% into fertilizer. If that offends you: 1. Good, fuck you. 2. Maybe take a few minutes to think about why that is and if that’s really OK. I still have over 350 characters to waste here but i’m too lazy to write anything else now so go outside and touch grass, or masturbate, or both. I don’t care, I’m not your mom (or a cop).

I can’t believe I’ve spent 11 years procrastinating here…

Just in case you were looking for permission to stop doom scrolling

No chance of infection here

If Internet Explorer is Brave Enough to ask to be your Default Browser you're Brave Enough to do the thing!

Just some long exposure, details in comments if you're nerdy

Now more than ever: Remember Aitzaz

...

Any Love for Long Exposure?

Can you hear me now?

Repost

Go to sleep

PIZZA'S HERE!

Brothers and Sisters, Join Me in Prayer

Brothers and sisters, join me in prayer.

Proof that Daylight Savings is bad for the environment

It's my 7th Cake Day, so here's some of my favorites.

The Princess of Pluto (Who's cutting onions?)

I'm rubbing more than my floor

All I'm looking for in a relationship

.

50% off Candy? TO THE SUPERMARKET!

MRW Someone Suggests I use an Emulator

Today was a good day

Just Relax

MRW the Zombie Apocalypse is over and Imgur can get back to normal.

Save us from Reposts

But mostly you

I heard you guys like Korean Comics

Help me Imgur, you're my only hope!

I'm going to hell, but this is still funny

All this talk about bards and I'm stuck here in the 1690's like

I need some WD-40 and a Tap and Die

Just be you

So we know imgur likes cat, what about swans?

Something to keep in mind gents

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