bowlhaircut
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Source: https://howwecametobe.wordpress.com/ + https://www.facebook.com/howwecametobecomic/
Pre-conception
• Like a salad with low fat dressing and no croutons…or anything that makes a salad interesting.
*Edit: Added "no"
First trimester:
• Same.
• By the end of the first trimester, I looked like I ate a large, fully loaded burrito.
Second trimester:
• Back zits.
• Linea nigra.
• Light stretch marks appearing on belly and hips.
• Started to “look pregnant”. So much so that:
– Random parents approach you and talk about their pregnancy stories and give unsolicited advice.
– Free stuff for some reason.
– People let you ahead of them when in line at a public restroom.
Edit: grammar
Third trimester:
• I dunno.
Postpartum
• Belly resembled a deflated balloon.
• Stretch marks were deeper.
• Boobs hurt.
• Everything hurt.
• Blood and clots still gushing out. My sister in law is a nurse, so she supplied me with an assortment of pads.
• Bloat everywhere.
• C-section wound felt like it was going to tear open whenever I moved, so I could barely stand.
9 months after giving birth
• Went in to get my well-woman exam. Body was pretty much as it was before getting pregnant, more or less.
• C-section scar still itchy.
HalTheMisinterpretivePornStar
Bring Solo and the kit kat chunky to me...
SickOfThisCessPool
You have killed my pregnancy fetish.
DrBopBops
As someone getting ready to start the third trimester....thanks for the visual -.-
gelpenfanatic
Oh cool. We turn into Jabba da Hutt in our last stages of pregnancy. I don't even mind that.
ive0been0sporked
I'm in my 3rd trimester right now, & I don't feel that way at all. I feel normal still, besides baby moving around.
Talmorean
At least it was a C-section at not you bajingo going through this:
v
newold
Most women prefer a "bajingo" birth, we can be just as numb (thanks epidural) during the delivery, and get to recover much faster.
Stacyanna
Adopt people let others do the troubles for you
vinpolo
And this is exactly why women give birth instead of men. Men, generally speaking, would not go through all this.
meeewww
i sure as fuck wouldn't. i don't see why any woman would want to either though. i just don't see how kids are worth it..
iseeyoushiverwithantici
I'm never having kids. Jesus Christ.
mingotheflamingo
Yeah, this actually made me extra excited to get pregnant...and that's how I know my biological clock is going off.
bowlhaircut
I was surprised that my body postpartum didn't bother me. And I appreciated my stretch marks (which have faded quite significantly).
AwkwardGirl4691
yea i think i’m gonna stick to a hubby and fur babies xD
ManimalDeification24
Peecha Chaka no cookie?
rowsbywoofsnumberonefan
I'm just out of my first trimester, everyone I've talked says the first is the worst. I'm so tired.
FelixTheAnimator
My youngest is 4.5. C section scar is STILL itchy.
IMakeUpRandomFacts
You forgot the hemorrhoids
Linanz
Yeah 8 months PP and I'm still trying to get used to this body
mdperes4
Because it really wouldn't be that funny
FreyaNicci
Thanks penis for not bleeding every month or shooting living mammals through yourself! You're the best! *high five!*
QuiltyNenniger
... Horrifying! Never having kids...
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
Me neither. I'm okay with being an uncle, though.
AngstAussie
Becoming a hutt looks hard
Vostronicle
No wonder Jabba is such a dick
CheesyPoofsWithSomeFavaBeansAndANiceChianti
basic rule still applies; step 1: be attractive
ThemotherfuckingTeresaofdeathmetal
Yes, things will be different but still; having your own spawn is awesome. I was minutes from dying giving birth to our 2:nd, but no regrets
GrunticusrulerofRelmz
Triple antibiotic on the scar. Every day, it help a lot. +1 for accuracy.
CityYeti
When my SO gave birth, she looked great. She lost her love handles, you could barely see the scar, her boobs looked a little deflated after
CityYeti
the milk stopped producing, but all in all, she made a lot of women jealous.
learntodoneatstuff
Wife went back for well woman...discovered she was pregnant again.
bowlhaircut
Congratulations.
learntodoneatstuff
This was 7 years and another kid ago. She was born 6 weeks early but over 12 pounds. Biggest NICU baby ever.
GodApollo
I remember when my sister was pregnant i called her a whale and when she had a c section i said she got harpooned. It was hilarious, to me.
Howtogrowwood
I swear my wife is gumby cause right after having the kid her stomach sprang back to normal
periwinklepanda
Your wife is the woman every other woman is jealous of. Happy for her but also jealous.
celestialseasoning
As someone who has popped out 2 humans I promise it is not that bad, at all! It’s once they’re this side of the womb shit gets real!
myanacondawillwantsome
Omg thank you for this! I don’t know how some people can come out of pregnancy looking like models.
Lilithet
why does the 9 Month after not have a picture?
bowlhaircut
I just lumped it in with 3rd trimester.
Lilithet
Makes it seem like such a horrible ending though.
bowlhaircut
I actually gave birth almost a month early due to preeclampsia and placenta previa, so that was the finale of my pregnancy.
bowlhaircut
OH, I thought you meant the 9th month of the third trimester. My body was back to normal, for the most part anyway :)
JARKB
And I would still do it again!
ssyoda2
Even as a male, i am jealous that your body bounced back. Maybe cause my kid ruined my SO's body.... sigh. Oh well
Mdalbertson87
Any advice for a guy who is having a hell of a time dealing with his 9 week pregnant gf who is constantly sicker than a dog???? Lol
HotKoolAids
Research all the remedies for morning sickness and offer them to her. Grab her drinks, hold back her hair, rub her back. I'm 39wks preggo
Mdalbertson87
I’ve tried all of that and then some, I do all the chores, shopping and cooking and I’m still a bastard lol just part of the gig?!
HotKoolAids
Man.. There should deff be some appreciation, I wish I had had that support!
Lilithet
yes, yes, this...
Lilithet
but were you all sparkly?
bowlhaircut
Not many sparkles, but my butt grew slightly bigger. Does that count?
Lilithet
To some people that would make you very sparkly...
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
What's a well-woman? Right now I'm imagining the women who go to get water from the town well in biblical stories.
bowlhaircut
I kid. It's a yearly check-up for women's reproductive organs, sexual health, pap smear, and other things.
darkdragonempress
It's basically a check up for a woman's reproductive health. Things like breast exams and Pap smears are given during.
bowlhaircut
Yes. That's correct.
abrakadumbass
so you go to get water and come back with a pap smear?
Thatguythatknowsbetter
I dont understand why people keep having kids... Seems like hell
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Thatguythatknowsbetter
Why would anyone care about that?
Arqueiro1
id prefer to not live my life in the world of children of man when im older (;
TrixieH0bbitses
More and more people are choosing simply not too. It will always be marginal, but the number is growing.
SpikyNutz
Billions of years of biological programming is difficult to overcome for most.
itislikeitis
It's not that simple, having kids will leave you with the highest of highs and lowest of lows, don't bash on something you're clueless about
Thatguythatknowsbetter
I saw a kid throw up in his dad's mouth once. That looked fun.
purveyorofgoodtimes
I am in the 3rd trimester of my second pregnancy and for all the pain and discomfort there is nothing more rewarding and beautiful.
ExaltedFemShep
Each pregnancy is different. I fucking LOVED being pregnant. I've never felt more beautiful and attractive in my life. I felt like a goddess
Homophone
It is, but it's also kind of amazing. My baby moving in my belly made my brother in law scream like a school girl. It was magical.
JustADanishThing
Ikr the survival of our race is so last year!
Thatguythatknowsbetter
Who cares about the survival of our race? Not my problem, don't give a shit about the world after I'm gone.
Diesal
I mean... we ARE above seven billion. Seems like it might be smart to back off a little.
IHateToTurnUpTheVolumeOfMyTvBecauseMyCatIsSnoring
There are more than enough people on the planet already
ThirtyForth
Evolutionarily conserved behaviors are a hell of a drug.
squanchit
Making them is pretty fun.
Un0riginalComment
Pull out!
WaitLetMeGetaBeer
I would argue this logic is why people get pregnant. How about- use reliable birth control methods!
Thatguythatknowsbetter
Literally the only fun bit.
optimusgoose
The greatest people in my life are my family. Being the youngest, I dont want to be the end of that.
Ladygreenwood
Mostly accidents.
slickjim86
Once u get over your first it usually goes alot easier after that. Well it did for me and my ex wife
Nerdygasm
2 kids here. My first was weeks late (ended up having to induce) My skin got so thin my stretch marks bled. Each labor was more than 24 hrs.
josethemailman
It is but actually raising your kid can be pretty fun. People go through a year of semi torture for the result of having a kid
Thatguythatknowsbetter
And this is the lie parents tell people without kids, I imagine people like you laughing sadistically when you're friends have kids.
josethemailman
Depends on the kid and how you raise them. They should be fun and not a chore to interact with.
einahpetslol
I’m pregnant for the first time and I’m miserable. I’m only halfway done but I’m so uncomfortable. I haven’t been sick, so I’ve been lucky
Homophone
If you're having a bad day go to a Wendy's and order a frosty. Ask for a side of mayonnaise. The reactions will be glorious I promise.
TheMightyMoggle
I’m due in about 5 weeks and at this point I’m like ‘get this baby outtttt’
einahpetslol
But I’ll never understand how any woman enjoys pregnancy. I hate it.
mineovermatter
Mother nature deceives you...
HandsomeJackBlack
My mom says don't trust any bitch who says they enjoy pregnancy
classicgrinder
It sucks but once that little thing is in your arms... It's like you never knew what love was until then.
25schmeckles
Hormones are amazing, they make you not want to murder your spawn!
missym2021
I have 5 weeks left... worst. Time. Ever.
darkdragonempress
Pregnancy can vary from person to person. If it's not too problematic and you are fortunate enough to have someone spoiling you, it's 1
darkdragonempress
A kind of nice experience. 2
Ijustreallyreallylikeelephants
I'm on my second (and definitely last) pregnancy, I agree with this so much. I hate everything about pregnancy.
Icreatedthisaccounttoupvoteyourcomment
I kinda enjoyed mine, only when I stopped to think that I’m growing out baby and get to see him soon
KRoxSrsly
Agreed. Currently 27 weeks pregnant and so over it. Definitely one and done for me
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Maggiemypet
Nope. I hated every minute of it. I had instant projectile vomiting on lockdown, even during delivery.
thepriceisrightbitchez
I loved being pregnant. I barely gained weight and my boobs were huge. It was the most confident I have ever been in my entire life (cont.)
thepriceisrightbitchez
When I had my babies (14 months apart) I never felt the rush of hormones that make you so in awe and in love with the baby. (Cont.)
thepriceisrightbitchez
It was kind of like "Well, better take care of this thing". I wouldn't say it was postpartum but definitely not what I expected....
GrabherbythePuss
I have a friend who just had her fifth child, with now a third different guy, she is 25. I do not understand it
HandsomeJackBlack
My dumbass cousin had 4 kids by the time she was 23. I hope she finally got her tubes tied like she said she would after the 2nd
Icreatedthisaccounttoupvoteyourcomment
Oh wow! Maybe she did it on purpose? I’m not sure how it could have been 5 oopsies in a row
GrabherbythePuss
5 kids with three different guys, she went as far as to make the first guy (2 kids) get a vasectomy, got knocked up after. Multiple times/1/
Ehab1991
I heard from the show Scrubs that there is a hormone that makes mother forget about all the horrible shit they went through during pregnancy
josethemailman
I didn't forget. I had one and I'm currently having one for friends and I'm done after that.
Ehab1991
Not sure if accurate or not
gernjer
Scrubs was a documentary. It’s true.
Ehab1991
Knew it
Ijustreallyreallylikeelephants
I definitely did not forget. Wanted two children so putting myself through it a second time. Never again!
darkdragonempress
Oxytocin makes you bond but post birth your brain gets rewired to be unable to actually recall the birth.
thepriceisrightbitchez
I remember the births but not the pain. So cool how your body can do that.
asmileadaykeepsthedoctoraway
Yup it's called oxytocin. It's basically a chemical that is naturally occurring post pregnancy and is essentially the reason you bond
Nerdygasm
Guess my brain doesn't like me, then. Don't get me wrong, I bonded immediately but with my 1st I was in a bad situation and super miserable.
asmileadaykeepsthedoctoraway
That could also be postpartum depression, but obviously that's a shot in the dark since I don't know you. Hope you got better though <3
Nerdygasm
I probably had postpartum. Didn't help that my son's father broke up with me when our son was 1 1/2 months old. On Christmas Eve.
asmileadaykeepsthedoctoraway
To people or whatever. It's also known as the "love drug"
AlmightyDylon
Dogs are capable of making your brain release this as well. Most likely an evolutionary trait. Petting a dog literally makes you happy