So I work in security...

Yeah, I know what you're thinking

Security guard! Sits on her ass all day drinking energy drinks and eating chicken wings... or something. Well, it's like that sometimes, but most of the time it's dealing with people that really, really don't want to be dealt with.

I worked as a float officer, moving from account to account where I was needed. I've done everything the industry has to offer; patrol shifts, working as a control officer, bodyguard work, bouncing, 'guarding precious cargo', to working in hospitals and schools. Equipped with hand cuffs, a tazer, baton, and mace.

But I've seen some shit working this job for the last few years. From fights, to injuries... I've even helped save a couple lives in my time. But I keep it to myself and it usually doesn't come up.

My best friend and other good friends know most of my stories, probably because I told them as they happened. But almost every time when we're with new people it gets brought up. My best friend will say, something about the "hockey bag story" (which I am going to tell you now), or the "crack clown" or some other thing that happened.

I've seen some weird ass shit.

And of course people get interested when they hear that...

So I sigh, put on my story-telling face and start.

I thought I might as well share here, maybe then they'll have heard the story before I have to tell it. This is the hockey bag story.

I was covering at a university hospital. The school is a big medical school and has a huge hospital that's all state of the art. There's everything from a kid unit, to a cancer unit, ICU and Urgent Care, detox, and a psych ward. We kept a list in the back room of weirdest shit to come in through the door.

Last I checked this was still top five.

It was third shift, so the staff was at it's lowest. There were five guards on duty; myself, the supervisor in the control room, one guard on break, and two other guards.

One of the guards was a large black man far over six feet tall and made of pure freaking muscle, we'll call him Wells. Of course, once you got to know him was a pretty chill guy. The other guard was a National Guard kid. And then there's me, the only female guard and standing like a freaking midget standing next to Wells.

Our patrols of the different units just finished and we were all chilling at the front desk, just chatting and trying to get time to pass on a quiet night. When a young guy came in wearing a university t-shirt looking like he'd run over a puppy or something.

Totally not freaking out

He made his way over to us, and National Guard was the first to approach him. He asked what was wrong and the guy just started talking a mile a minute. I barely caught the gist of it at first. I understood, though, that his sister had taken a weird ass cocktail of drugs, most likely including a large amount of acid, and was tripping balls. She was hurting herself and anyone that came near. He'd brought her with him, she was in his truck.

I glanced at the red SUV parked in the Fire Lane.

National Guard's says we'll get a wheelchair and bring her to detox. But the guy shakes his head, saying you'll never get her to go. Not like that.

Wells shrugs. Says we'll use a stretcher then. The guy said that might work.

All of us looked at each other and were just like,

Well, here we go.

So we get to the truck and find out that university tee guy hadn't come alone, he'd brought a friend who was sitting in the back. As soon as he saw us coming he jumped out, saying she was, "Back here," and opening the back hatch.

We bring the stretch around, and expect to see her sitting in a corner or something. Instead, we see just a ton of stuff, mostly hockey gear, strewn about. A large hockey bag in the middle.

Before we could even ask, the bag started screaming...

... and moving around.

All the guards just sort of stood there, dumbfounded at the bag that was screaming every profanity in the book at us.

We all looked at the brother at the same time, and he just explains it was the only way he could get her here without her hurting herself or anyone else. That he panicked.

There were restraints on the stretcher. National Guard moved to open the bag... only to find that the zipper just would not budge. We'd have to break the bag open. Wells said the more polite equivalent of "Fuck this," and grabbed one end of the bag. National Guard got the hint and grabbed the other, and they lifted the screaming bag onto the stretcher that I was keeping steady.

After strapping it down we looked at it, still streaming and yelling.

We began the walk to detox, passing the ICU as we did so. All the nurses and workers looking at us like we were crazy.

When we finally got to a room and were able to break open the bag.

All hell broke loose

She jumped out of that shit and tried to bite me. I had one arm and National Guard had the other, while Wells went to get another nurse, because this tiny little chick had scared the crap out of the one that was with us.

We struggled to keep her down, still yelling at us, and like chirping in a strange language. She managed to bite National Guard. He managed to hold on, but now she looked like something out of the discovery channel, blood on her mouth.

Wells comes back with a nurse, and he tells us to get back. We jump off of her and she stands on the bed, ready to jump us. Wells kicks the brake loose on the bed, and when she does, the bed moves the other way, making her crash to the floor.

Night-night time

We dog pile the lady, who seemed to have the strength of two men.

All three of us, plus two nurses are what it took to pin this crazy lady.

Until finally the nurse managed to sedate her with what we warmly call the night-night juice.

I never found out what that cocktail of drugs she had, but I've never seen a reaction like that since. National Guard ended up getting fixed up and had to take a bunch of blood tests to make sure he was disease free after being bitten into like a chicken wing.

And when I finish the story

My audience just sort stands there without words.

All I have to say, "That's just one story about of dozens. I deal with this shit every single day."

If you want me to share any more stories, I will. Just thought I'd throw a bit out there.

Show guards a little respect. It's a crap job, dealing with people who don't want to be dealt with, with terrible hours and low pay. If you see a guard, give them a friendly hello, it'd make their day to at least have one stranger not insult them or completely ignore them. Guards are there to help and protect people and property. Not all of them are jokes. In case of an emergency, they are the first on the scene, not the police, not the fire dept, not EMS. It's security. And they have the training to help save your life if need be. Remember that.

EDIT: I, holy shit, wow. I really wasn't expecting this. Thanks guys. I will for sure put in another story when I can, and from what I understand... with less gifs. Whoops.

And for those who've asked. The girl ended up fine. However, the hockey bag could not be saved.