...this isn't QUITE what I had in mind...

Edit: Just wanted to say thank you for the responses so far! Seeing this thing sitting on over 9000 views is a rather unusual place to be for me. Been very interesting to see how many other people have had to deal with something like this, though boy it doesn't inspire much confidence in existing background check systems! At any rate, been going through the comments and upvoting everyone in return. Thanks again!

Edit #2: Holy shit. Hi mom, I'm on the front page. o_o

Edit #3: Jesus...3.3k upvoted and almost 120k views in six hours. That just blows me away, not at all what I expected. Thanks very much for the comments as well, there's been a lot of good advice and I'll be keeping on this once the sun comes back up. Still going through trying to upvote everyone in return!

Edit #4: This morning the background check company called me back, and are working on fixing the issue. To be safe, and on advice in the comments below, I've also run a credit check on myself and there's no signs of fraud or foul play, no cards opened in my name etc (I don't use credit cards period), and the score is good; also following advice, I'm contacting the FBI Criminal Justice Information Service - while that may seem like a bit of a leap, they do provide advice on exactly this sort of thing and how to prevent it from happening again in the future. Again, thanks to the *checks* 170,000 people who have viewed this and the 4.4k who upvoted it. Greatly appreciate the assistance, and glad that others have been able to share their stories - it's shocking how many people this sort of thing seems to affect, and how much of it could be avoided if background check companies simply used all the information provided, rather than just first and last names and month/day of birth.