PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
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First of all: Why should you care about pearls?
Because they’re classy as fuck! You’d want to buy that special lady in your life some pearls. Or you can buy them for yourself of course. Either how, this is how I promise you’ll feel and look when wearing pearls.
Now, let’s get started!
Pearls are the only gemstone made by living animals. Pretty neat, huh?
All pearls come from mollusks and all pearls are cultivated in what they call Pericultures.
Harvesting "natural" pearls was compromised by water pollution, tsunamis, and other phenomena that made it difficult to leave the oysters safely in the water long enough to grow sizeable pearls.
Harvesting pearls from mollusks in the Pericultures does not kill the animals, as they can be re-implanted and used to make more pearls.
The presence of a foreign object, like a grain of sand or a piece of shell causes an irritation inside of an oyster/mollusk. The irritation causes the secretion of nacre, which forms around the irritant, and thus, creates a pearl.
Saltwater pearls come from oysters, while freshwater pearls usually come from mussels, although all mollusks can make pearls. (Though not as valuable because of their undesired size and shape, like these penis-shaped ones)
Just like the shell of a clam, a pearl is made up of calcium carbonate in minute crystalline form, which has been deposited in concentric layers. This makes the pearl dissolve in vinegar, wine or other slightly acidic solutions.
Pearls take their color from the inside of the shell in which they are growing. They range from white to gold, and from purple to almost black. Tahitian pearls are the darkest, as shown in the picture.
So, how can you tell imitation pearls from genuine pearls?
Imitation pearls are smooth. Pearls that occur in a natural environment are gritty, and create a sense of friction as you move your fingers over them. Alternatively, you can gently move the pearls against each other and look for a powdery residue. If they feel completely smooth and you can’t see any residue, they’re probably fake.
Ever heard that a real pearl will not scratch against your teeth? Well, that statement is not entirely true. A freshwater pearl will scratch against the teeth. Saltwater pearls, on the other hand, will not. This is because the nacre of the saltwater pearl is much more compact.
Now I hope you all learned something today. Here is a Patrick for your time!
Sources: http://www.pearlllc.com/ http://www.dolmapearl.com/ and of course Wikipedia.
OhDearHeavens
Looks like those fish are carrying those ropes around the ocean...
freegiant
Only gemstone made from live animals? What about when your mom sits on a piece of coal and turns it into a diamond.
Nolongerjustlurkin
Please DO NOT bite into a pearl that is not yours! People be cray!!
LeTonzy
Ew, you're touching them!- Zoidburg
BreakingSad
No one ever pays me in pearl nacklaces
Hetouchedthebutt
This can change
acunninglinguist
WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T WANT DICK-SHAPED PEARLS?
RachelJoy0811
My son opened an oyster in FL this past month. Two in one oyster. I got one in a necklace :)
bassmongo
Actually, the "penis-shaped" pearls look pretty neat. I'd much rather have a necklace made with those than the round ones.
idrinkfromacup
It looks like fossilized jizz.
Lyrabelle
I like the elongated pearls as well. They're not easy to find in my small town, but Fire Mountain Gems has a great selection.
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
Wow, this is my first viral post! I feel so privileged.. thanks guys and girls :) upvotes for all of you!
pyroholicrage
Those penis shaped ones look awesome!
inyourfacespacecoyote
Interesting stuff, great ending. I will also stop keeping my pearls in the wineglass on my nightstand when I stumble home after a bender.
InsomniaKitten
Funfact: I wore some real and fake pearls to a dance recently. The fake pearls glowed in a blacklight while the real ones didn't.
DefinitelyNotAShark
I'm suspecting that might not be a general rule though? It could depend on the material of the fake ones.. but idk. Pretty cool though :D
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
This is cool info actually!
Hovenbeet
Can we talk about this guy, he looks like a vampire
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
I totally didn't notice that guy! Wow, a black vampire... he looks so cunning.
CoconutCyclone
House slave. He's beaten until he learns not to be noticed.
zeroJive
Or that dog?!?!
EmeraldElement
I like to think of them as oyster hairballs
geophysicist
They're not "gemstones."
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
True! Sorry Mr./Mrs. Geophysicist.
Somnophobe
As for them being the only jewels produced organically.. well.. http://youwantapieceofme.wordpress.com/category/gallstone-jewelry/
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
Oh my god...... that is the most disgusting thing I've seen all day.
Somnophobe
What gall!
kettleblack
This makes me want a pearl necklace.
therastarina
I didn't think pearls are that special until I received some. I feel like a princess wearing them.
Hetouchedthebutt
A pearl necklace will make you feel even more special.
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
Exactly! It's such a magical feeling!
tentsie
It feels so classy wearing them!
TherealNickyboy
"Periculture does not kill the animals"....followed by a photo of a clam splayed wide open. I don't believe that won't kill them. Nope.
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
It doesn't kill them as long as you don't crack them open like that. You can open a mussel/oyster without doing that.
TherealNickyboy
Oh, well that's entirely different then! Glad they can be reused instead of killed each time!
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
They "reimplant" some sand to cause more nacre. Though I understand my choice of picture was misleading!
crashhead
i just flushed down some pearls :)
Hamartia76
I... Don't actually like pearls. However, I did read the whole thing +1
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
Do you like diamonds better? (just curious)
Hamartia76
I actually prefer colored stones- Amethyst, Black Sapphire, Aquamarine. And white gold or silver. :P
sillytofu
STOP SLAVERY OF OYSTER/MOLLUSK! BLOOD PEARLS!
ihavetedstickles
Expected something sexual at the end... I'm regaining faith! Thanks OP!
ishouldbedoinghw
Very informative and enjoyable post OP, but, on a side note, what is up with that lady's teeth?
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
I KNOW RIGHT? I tried to find another picture because her teeth put me off :/ but all the other ones were total potatofucked..
ishouldbedoinghw
It's like she crunches on the pearls or something...Anyway, cool post, that was not how I envisioned the pearls inside the shells!
WilliamSherlockScottHolmes
TIL I am a classy mother fucker!
WhatUpMyNinjas
I think your username was indicative of your classiness prior to your statement.
TheRaginCajun
Thanks for the pearls of wisdom.
nickrad
aha... this guy.
ChuckKarma
*wisdom of pearls
holyglamgrenade
ULL?
TheRaginCajun
The one and only.
Itsallshitsandgigglesuntilsomeonegigglesandshits
Ba-dum tsssssss
karlthatkillspeople
I just realized that posts like these are just like powerpoints from high school
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
Maybe that's why I have a natural flair? Dear god, what has my life come to...
karlthatkillspeople
I just looked at that painting and thought "I bet they went to Google and typed in 'pearl art' omg thats how I do everything for school"
TehJew93
Read through for info on pearls, upvoted for Patrick +1
misterturdcat
Indeed
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
A lot of people downvote because of Patrick, I'm glad someone liked it!
temujin9
TehJew93
Bahahaha, that's fanastic
notjustsomecat
Pearls are the tonsil stones of the sea
HighlySmileyJade
I thought the exact same thing!
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
That was beautiful!
Erotes
I'd never heard of tonsil stones before imgur. I'm assuming not everyone gets these, much like kidney stones?
yellowmonster
MORE PEOPLE GET THESE THAN I THOUGHT! This makes me feel much better about my stinky tonsil stones...
lIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlI
i was just about to say where have i seen this before!?
ThorMaelstrom
ugh... i feel sick now. have an upvote
Cravenmobile
I hope they smell better
DrivingTheBus
Advice: drink more water, kids.
tyeehunter
bahahaha omyfuck.
chelsieus
Dude that's what I was thinking! They probably don't smell as bad though.
Homstadshomesteads
wait....tonsil stones smell bad?
Nurple
Like chicken-fried death with a side of plague.
Homstadshomesteads
that is maybe the most horrifying thing I've ever heard... Thank god I don't have tonsils!
iLynux
I think you can probably still get tonsil stones without tonsils. It's just a buildup of plaque in your throat.
thanksforcaring
Pull one out, squeeze it, and take a sniff. It's a cause of halitosis.
FlyingScot
If you want a real treat, bite down on one
fixxychild
DO NOT DO THIS EITHER!
AnExpert
how do you get them?...
fixxychild
DO NOT DO THIS
fauxsquirrelcoats
THANK YOU
NotACanadian
But can you give them to a crack dealer and have them try to smoke it?
NotACanadian
crackhead*
hurlymurly
bravo for the now vintage reference.
[deleted]
[deleted]
NotACanadian
I am sending this tweet from the back of a police car.
MatchesTMalone
the wat?
notjustsomecat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonsillolith
MatchesTMalone
damn...is this common? or am I missing something here? this being top comment makes me feel like everyone else knows about this but me.
notjustsomecat
It varies from person to person, but it's really not something to freak out about.
MatchesTMalone
not freaking out. just an odd thing i've never heard about that is apparently well known.
hayduke
Both dissolve in vinegar, both involve calcification of an irritant by an organism, the science seems pretty sound to me.
Nandabun
Are ours worth anything though, haha. Ew.
hayduke
If you find the right people on the internet...
droomph
Ah, fetishes.
Daddy3Leggs
Ew ewww eww ew ewwwww!!!!!!
WeAreMadeOfStarDust
something something giving a pearl necklace.
LargePoutine
ZZ Top.
PigsFlyAtMayhemConcerts
Oh you!
iRuinFoos
Cmon', you can be more creative than that. You are made of stardust.
zzazzdsa
I came here to make that exact same comment. Oh well, +1.
temujin9
Jalase
Source on that video?
m00tmike
For science...
SerialKitten666
That's just bad for your throat o.0 live fast, die young right thurr
nomchompchomp
Valentine's Day is coming! Cock shaped pearls for everyone!
ThatOnePearlGirl
Yes please.
DeannaZone
Exactly what I was thinking.
beyondomega
i'm sure there's a joke here about them being made from an irritant..
SerialKitten666
Lesbians feel left out
SuomiOnHyva
*resists urge to make clam joke*
nomchompchomp
Pearls then-little tiny, nippleless tits-which pretty much ruins them. Now I keep imagining myself with no nips. What have you done?!
SerialKitten666
Reduced breasts to what they really are, my friend, useless sacks of fat. I'm sorry the truth hurts brokenheart.jpg
nomchompchomp
Lies! My boobs are magnificent comrades. They are always warm, squishy, fun sacks of fat. Oh! And they can feed babies.
SerialKitten666
Mine make clothes not fit and bump into/knock over shit a lot but they ARE a FANTASTIC fucking shelf for plates/bowls of food..and cats..
temujin9
yessssir
Patrick has seen some SHIT
nomchompchomp
Whoa dude...
betamale
Holly Michaels, for those interested in her talents.
Blunderhorse
I would totally give my girlfriend dick-shaped pearls... If I had one!... This is probably why I don't have one
Seanalanmorris
Guess she'll have to settle for a regular pearl necklace, IF you know what I mean.
Blunderhorse
Now be reasonable, you don't make necklaces out of dick-shaped pearls, you put them in a box and give it to her
Kazzack
A girlfriend or a dick-shaped pearl?
nomchompchomp
We ladies are missing ouuuut!
Blunderhorse
definitely missing out:
nomchompchomp
For me? *swoon*