CameronChase420
438186
8135
116
Source; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEaPkbvHIes
scaredshirtless
"What's your ideal guy?" "Someone who is not you."
chineesefreaklovedogs
Moooore! That one with the wife tho
GingerJuice
My claim to fame and embarrasment is that I was actually on one of these. #howigotdumped
NinNin1031
Oh my turn! First date and he showed up with a giant hickey. There was no second date.
thornus67
On a first date with a Chinese national, she brought up her hatred of Japan and how her grandfathers fought in Nanking. There was no second.
cantspellmanslaughterwithoutlaughter
Didn't you see the Imgur thread of Unit 731 a few weeks back?
thornus67
Nope.
NNomas
I was thrown in a hole and told to rub lotion on my skin #AwkwardDate
HairToucher
If only Jerry had a Starbucks to go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Vq5-dRYp-c
TheRedOnesTasteLikeBurning
Mulva?
HairToucher
Gipple?
BooBooKittyFudge
DELOURIS!
Moorglademover
An early date of mine had 'prominent' front teeth. I broke a front tooth kissing her goodnight. I never saw her again.
demegeek
Your front tooth or hers?
NigelDontDie
That is one aggressive ass kiss
turkeydonkey
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hyphen.jpg
santoka
itsametaphorforracism
I would probably still date trombone guy, as long as he could play trombone well.
dangerbrennan
You know starbucks messed up her name!
JustKindOfClever
"My date took me to Starbucks and they got my name wrong and he kept calling me Phtefanie for the rest of the night."
iEMP23
I mean honestly at least that guy still cared about his child enough to want to be there when he/she would be born.
Guspowers
You might want to wait a bit to start a fresh relationship if you are about to have a child. Fucking trashy.
AjaniGoldmane
That was my thought. He's still there for his kid. Plenty of people who date and have kids but he still could have told her ahead of time
aguyuno
All these guys acting like girl having kids wouldn't be a deal breaker for them, let alone "I might need to contact my ex if I go in labour"
flamingflamingo
And that's cool. That's also a whole can of worms I don't want in a dating partner.
JustKindOfClever
Assuming it was his child. If it wasn't...
broloca
Well except you should probably (definitely) just cancel/reschedule the date in that case...
mexicanstig
Once yer past the due date it could be any time, so for perspective, i was 21 days late...
iwearabunnysuitthecleanroomkindnottheplayboykind
I was also 3 weeks late with my first, my second was 2.5 weeks late. We monitored the pregnancies closely but let things go naturally.
broloca
I suppose that is a fair point, but if that's more the case there's obviously a more discreet way of doing it besides just announcing it.
mexicanstig
agreed
3stag
I'm sure it wasn't said in that way... or maybe it was who knows, ppl can be weird.
deranger
It is the most honest way to say it...
TravDrinksBeer
shit dude, I was only a week
mexicanstig
yea, according to my mom, she went into labor, drove herself to the hosp, checked in an popped me out in less than 45 min.
TravDrinksBeer
Efficient
CaptainUnspeakable
It implies he's on good enough terms with his ex that she'd let him be there, which means that he's good at managing delicate relationships.
aguyuno
...It also means he probably has a kid on the way.
CaptainUnspeakable
Lots of people have kids. Running into people with kids already is just part of the 'dating as an adult' game.
geriatricsanatore
Good point. Although I would probably have mentioned that at the planning stage of the date not on the actual date if possible.
TheOfficialGuy
The Starbucks one is GENIUS.
GimcrackGewgaw
I once had a girl say to me mid-coitus, "Do you even know my name?" She had to introduce herself before we could go on. #AwkwardDate
chryste
I'm pretty sure I went on a date with trombone guy once. Gah so weird.
TinySupreme
After the date she texted me and said she wants to get back together with her ex. #SadFirstDate :(
DopeTheRope
thats a pretty sweet tattoo idea
monkeyseamonkeydoo
my buddy http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
Warranty
The trombone one made me die laughing. Wtf?
04195P33P
Good to know that warranty exists in the afterlife!
Equreuil
My dad met my mom via a double date... they were not each others date.
MyHorseAteMyPaycheck
My grandma's biological parents were friends with another couple. After a few years, both couples had divorced and the wives swapped places.
vesiviusramalamadingdong
my parents met at 7-11. wanna trade stories?
LegoBlubber
Just like the better couple in When Harry m et Sally
notablequotableupvotable
My parents met when my mom was an ER nurse and dad brought in a patient. Neither remembers if the patient made it
aselfdefeatingattitude
My mom was introduced to my dad by her then boyfriend. Oops.
Imgonnatipyouwell
There are so many Imgur sob stories that end the way you began lol
SusanGoGetMyPants
My husband was the only male friend my crazy jealous ex would allow me to talk to. Glad I made the switch. :D
RenegadeTQ
You married the ONE guy your ex let you see? Sounds like he had reason to be cautious.
penguins4peace
I first met my fiance while on a date with my ex, and we started dating 2 years later when we switched dates at our junior prom
4thManBearPig
compared to these fuckers, i've got game
DownVoteBecauseISaid
I don't
MarcusLionheart
Been married 10 yrs. Figured I don't have game anymore. Read this. YES! I'VE STILL GOT IT! 10/10 would be a better date than these.
britishdilettantejimmyrustlerbutmostlyokguy
My NYE kiss just talked about her ex the whole time when we had our first date. Then we had sex that night. Then, two days later I'm >>
britishdilettantejimmyrustlerbutmostlyokguy
>> wondering if I want to see her again (she was hot, and this sort of thing doesn't happen to me that often), when I get a text from her.>>
britishdilettantejimmyrustlerbutmostlyokguy
>> "You're the nicest guy I've met for a long time but I don't think we're right for each other". Women are crazy.
4thManBearPig
i feel you bro
britishdilettantejimmyrustlerbutmostlyokguy
*Feels hug*
SlumdogSkillionaire
This almost makes me feel better about myself...except, these bastards are going on dates and I'm drinking at home alone...
CanadianThemedName
I've actually had the first one happen 3 of the 10 last dates I've gone on...
MyHorseAteMyPaycheck
Oh, honey...
CanadianThemedName
I'm incredibly awkward and can't look people in the eye. Makes for bad dates
PhilosophicalGinger
I'm gonna be optimistic and say that for at least some of those people it was their own issues, not you that made them stop dating
CanadianThemedName
One I know for a fact went on to date someone else the day after, aha, but thank you!
TriggeredPrivilege
Favoriting first for the laff and then for the further stories in the comments.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
RaggedCritic
Wait you're telling me the playing the trombone doesn't seal the deal? No wonder I'm alone.
SamanthaGirlScout
It does if you play it in all seven positions...
RaggedCritic
I'd rather just use my F attachment.
SamanthaGirlScout
I almost let that one slide by me. +1 for you.
applemac84
Half of these aren't half bad! So... a quarter of them are bad.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
nightmarerunner
DAMN IT, MOM!
Psyman2
I pity the last guy :/
ilikesaucy0
Mom jokes!
gzig
His mom's timing is on point tho
dangerbrennan
I like his mom thou
AdBombinem
Exactly, she was just helpin' a playa out namsayin?
Mogmai
I don't.
LesbianWieners
I don't even care if that's not true, I laughed out some snot.
SirBraxton
I cringed so hard my penis turned into a vagina.
Confusion567
Wish I could do that. Surgery is expensive.
TheGuyThatIsDesperatelyLongingForANiceConversation
Single??
TastyBrainMeats
Neat trick!
Leoxcr
I grew boobs and shit
mycrazylife5891
Haha, I am totally that mom. Kids are buttheads. It brings me joy to get my kids back!
ohsillyus
I probably shouldn't up-vote you but I will anyways. Spread the misery!
mycrazylife5891
Lol, I'm not mean to them. I just tease.
mmgamoio
I like the "that was me" one. Guy is gonna be in the dog house for a while
therealgiraffe
Only if he was blaming her for the terrible date
MrAskani
I actually did that with my wife too...and she's also done it with me. We just laugh about it. Happens when you're together more than 10 yrs
baronridiculous
I did that, in a less drastic way. Told my college gf a funny story about a terrible date my freshman year.
ForThoseWhoHaveHeart
I'm just curious how one doesn't recognize that they are married to the person they had an awkward date with. Like, that's pretty memorable.
ForThoseWhoHaveHeart
Not to mention it was only "a few years ago".
bhobbit123
no way. it's adorable!
SecondStarToTheRightAndStraightOnTilMorning
I could totally see that last one happening to Gene on Bob's Burgers.
BlitzerRhames
Never not upvote Bob's Burgers. +1
pookieeatworld
People watch that show?
TheyCallMeTheVelourFog
Alriiiiiiigghht!!!
IDidntKnowWhattoMakeMyUsernameSoIMadeThis
Ugh, Linda could you just stop please for a while.
playthatrecordbackwards
Don't judge me, you judgeroo. Go play your judgeridoo.
neergmas
you're really mom'ing it up
ddecew
Aw c'mon Bobbyyy.. First kiss it's cute. Let's take a pictcha.
IDidntKnowWhattoMakeMyUsernameSoIMadeThis
Oh nevermind I see this argument is getting me nowhere... I'll just go back to not paying attention
RedOctoberStandingBy
Aaaaaawwwwwwwww Boooooooob
prattleassassin
Gene is burgersexual; I don't think he'd go for the ladies.
neergmas
and somehow louise has his keyboard and plays the fart noise in triumph?
ashipthatshipsshippingships
"TIIIIIIINNAAA, look at your brotha smoochin, it's his first time! My little Genie growin' up, such a big boy."
anglophilestymie
Oh my god, I can hear it, different tones and inflections and everything.
FailToImpress
That emphasis on "oy" what makes me love Linda haha
ashipthatshipsshippingships
Linda and Tina, by far my favorite characters.
ambular623
UUUUUUUHHHHHHHH
Ummmokay
God I need more of this show in my life. This is perfect
TheThingNoNotThatOne
Linda's voice and most of her personality remind me of my own mom.
Waxsmile
I was surprised to find out Linda is actually voiced by a guy.
TheThingNoNotThatOne
A guy imitating his own mother, if I remember correctly.
IridescentLotus
then Linda would stop the car and get out. "Lemme just take a quick picture! Oh, Momma's sweet little boy grown up! So cute! Okay bye!"
thatzunpossible
That was perfect.
Berrypickerasfuck
I have this woman's voice hard wired into my head... I cannot read these comments without hearing it.
Ganoes57
It's a good thing to have.
IridescentLotus
Ditto!
WhoIsBob
*man
blarghafest
Fallon's story with Nicole Kidman was hilarious.
rocketchick
I had no idea she has an Aussie accent until watching that video last night
podunkpfunk
I have to admit, the Starbucks thing was kinda smart.
helius
With some of the posts i've seen on here, the names starbucks employees write are hardly a reliable source of information..
xxPaulCPxx
Favorited for later!
UDBV
Phteven
SuckItBlue
Dammit, I'm laughing out loud at work.
Thepotatoknight
Phantastic +1
saltyfruit
Had to come back for this
podunkpfunk
Phtephanie
AliceInBrie
Mark with a C........Cark
BoyInBoxers
that Dog though!
Ihaveaneightinchdickisthatnormal
Yeah but don't do it if you only forgot how to spell her name.
NoItsACardiganButThanksForNoticing
Unless you're like me and always say a ridiculous name
Vashman
It was borderline genius!
BeatsBearsBattlestarGallactica
Even if starbucks gets her name wrong they'll probably point out if it is wrong.
NotACreativeName1
That's funny, cuz I never give my real name at Starbucks.
hullabaloo70
Unless she says "would you order me a coffee, I need to use the ladies room"
Jenova26
"I suck with technology, can you save your number in my phone?"
HermanMeunster
I have GOT to remember this one. (It helps that I really DO suck with technology) I have to ask my grand-kids how to work my smartphone.
hejjmobejjmo
I did this once with a one night stand, but luckily he took me out to breakfast and paid with CC. I was able to peek his name off the card
HermanMeunster
I like the way you think.
OlRockTheGoodAg
Obviously not in your instance, but that could backfire. I, for instance, go by a shortened form of my middle name.
hejjmobejjmo
yeah I can see how this could go wrong, but luckily, i did at one point know his name the night before. I just couldn't remember it...
mattvam
Why exactly did it matter if you knew his name after breakfast? lol
hejjmobejjmo
So I could talk to him and not feel like a complete a-hole
GooshGoosh
Kinda?
Ubachef
I live in a country Starbucks free, how it comes you go there if you forget your date's name?
podunkpfunk
You give them your name when you order, then they call out your name when your coffee is ready.
Ubachef
eheheh, that's smart. Thanks
gekohayate
The thing is, they often spell the names wrong, or put a different name that looks close enough. I often think its intentional XD
3x4mpl3
I had that happen with a girl I had been fooling around with. After a certain point it's awkward to ask her name, you know? Well I had 1/2
3x4mpl3
my buddy walk up to her and introduce himself... I forgot again. I didn't figure out her name till she added me on facebook.. after a month
AnUnknownErrorOccurred
Maybe it took her a month to figure out your name.
3x4mpl3
That would make me feel better about the whole thing
Emplinos
You won't get the spelling tho.
whitewust
Yes.
JediKnight
Unless the Barista gets the name wrong.
podunkpfunk
Ooh yep. RIP then.
theauntjemima
you mean when the barista does it on purpose
kgbofficer
Well just listen to them give it to the Barista and not listen to the Barista's version since they get them wrong so often.
peaceloveandgraffiti
My first thought after reading this.
peaceloveandgraffiti
My first thought after reading this.
IamAreyou
Genius yet simple enough for many to use.
MyNameIsJeffGoldblum
"It rhymes with a part of the female anatomy." "(She leaves)"......Dolores!"
gekohayate
I was about to say, Titfany just doesn't quite flow off the tonque.
cinnamonster
Idk, it's a bald strategy, but I'm not sure it would work out.
Rielen
Im from anadarko Oklahoma and I just JUST heard these on the radio. Like a radiohead was talking about THESE tweets.. wdf
poisonousplanet
A lot of Starbucks around me don't even ask my name.
GrungirStoneheart
forget some ones name. ask them for their name. reply oh no i meant your last name. BOOM you know full name and they're not offended.
CATSONTHINGS
My trick when forgetting someone's name is to show my Driver's license to them and say, "Look at my photo, its crazy! May I see yours?"
Morebunnies
If you're taking a girl to Starbucks though, wouldn't you most likely be paying? Therefore you just give the barista your name.
MoreJuicethanZeus
Not if you have her order before you. The barista would ask what her name was for her drink.
batarnak
Either you're smooth or you're not.
misterturdcat
At my store we use stickers. So we don't take names. :)
MarekS
Do you atleast kick ass?
misterturdcat
yes
crgdrummer
I did it once too. Now I'm dating her
Teas
9/10, will use.
AGuyWithAMusicDegree
"Hey, I'm going to go to the restroom. Can you order my drink for me?"
MrsNedRyerson
I don't drink coffee/Starbucks. What now, sucka?!
podunkpfunk
Go to a place for a snack or dessert where they do call names :-P
batarnak
They have hot chocolate, and cold drinks. Don't be difficult if you're in a bind, dude.
podunkpfunk
@owlkat is the nice lady you're buying for ;)
batarnak
*dudette. All apologies to @owlcat.
MrsNedRyerson
:)
GlowstickJedi
"Whats your name again", "Slagathor", "No, I meant your last name". Boom.
whoah
You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
insectlopedia
Always upvote Scrubs. That show was the best!
analjarvisandhisbandofbutlers
And Mrs. Turkleton!
SheWolf04
The TURKLETONS!
Dsharppe
"Also Slagathor." .. #AwkwardDate
GlowstickJedi
"So is it like Slagathor Slagathor, or have yout a Cher thing going on?"
Ilovethosewhohelpdestroyme
I came back for the Scrubs.
Jenova26
I'm in car sales and I meet tons of people. I use this trick all the time.
tiphlos
No, it is turkleton.
anthracithe
and what are you doing if the person answers : "First name or last name"?
GlowstickJedi
"Yes".
paintingwitharend
I use that move a lot. Ask if you can get there number and then tell me I mean last name.
Yeahfuckyeah
Yes. (What??)
creatingusernamesgivesmeanxiety
I just ask for their number and then ask them how they spell their name. Pretty much every name has some variations.
flight815down
I just give people my phone to put the number in. I'm terrible with names and just started college, so it was a sudden influx of new names
AnUnknownErrorOccurred
Mulva..?
adam1124
Not sure if I like comment or username more...
INoLongerCareBoutThisName
I understood that reference!
Pencillin
DELORES!
hiphopbookshop
Delores
hanzolo85
C4anWaffles
I like you
monkeyseamonkeydoo
MY FRIEND HAS THAT TATTOO
[deleted]
[deleted]
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
Courtjester95
Proof
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
Londonbridge
commenting for delivery
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
DangQuesadilla
Gotta see this
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
Kakes
.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
ThatOneChickYouAllForgot
I suddenly need to know.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
KawaiiDaschund
http://replygif.net/i/424.gif
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
VoltronMudkipz
neat
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
i never expected this to happen lol.... people want proof
VoltronMudkipz
haha lol
LotsaCheesePlease
Need to see this!
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
LotsaCheesePlease
Thanks for the delivery! :)
monkeyseamonkeydoo
no problem :) he was flattered! anywhere near cincinnati and beyond is welcome at his shows/ bar parties
LotsaCheesePlease
I'd love to, but i'm also from Canada so it makes it a bit harder. All the best for his career though!
monkeyseamonkeydoo
guys i just sent the text to him, hes gonna be weirded out, but i promise ill get it here
monkeyseamonkeydoo
HERE IT IS EVERYONE LIKE HIS PAGE ON FACEBOOK (grill cheese) http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he is almost off work guys i got this!
jennyluu
Waiting...haha
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
sorry! i just texted him saying that hundreds of people are waiting. he was really surprised someone found his facebook page (grill cheese)
jennyluu
No need to apologize! I knew you were working on it. I was going to come back and check anyway. thanks for sending me the picture! (1/2)
jennyluu
I can't believe it's actually true! Lol (2/2)
TheMightyRiddlebox
THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING BITCH! basically I'm replying hoping you deliver..
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
just texted him for the picture. could be awhile, hes a drunk
WherePoetryComesToDie
Really? No. Noooooooooo. No, he couldn't be a drunk. And he certainly wouldn't be drunk at 3pm. Not with that tattoo. You're kidding, right?
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he also has "grilled cheese" - his rap name, tattoo across his stomach
jahovasfitness
@jmfs just delivered...
WherePoetryComesToDie
You have just turned me into a teenage white girl, because I can't even.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
i should add beforehand in case anyone wonders, that its in respect to the "rock the 40oz" from the band leftover crack
Clairebitchproject
Nice!
emmerslee
Heyyy leftover crack, and the good years too!
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
emmerslee
Haa nice
katwi
i'm gonna need some delivery on this
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
katwi
i'm impressed, thoroughly so!
monkeyseamonkeydoo
you should see him in action! cincinnati made lol i hope he is more famous than imgur and random bar shows someday, hes got talent for sure
katwi
well, i'm all the way up in canada so seeing shows would prove difficult, but if you got a link to his music i'd love to give it a listen
ChefHannibal
mf'er you better show us
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
ChristIHateThisWebsite
Commenting for updates
sereneserene
For delivery.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
jmfs
https://www.facebook.com/155505964538829/photos/pb.155505964538829.-2207520000.1420834055./775193412570078/?type=3&theater
kevind13
The Lazy Ass Destroyers.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
you bet! Lazy D is the man! these guys opened up for D12 once! also one of the openers for Afroman in cincinnati!
ChefHannibal
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
ahahah! I was gonna try to get the picture off his shoulder, thtats where the tattoo of him with a 40oz is, hard to see
turkeydonkey
Well, now, isn't that something.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he is a showman, smashed a beer bottle on his head and thought it would be a good photo opportunity
mcvagina
NoYolo4Jesus
That pretty well sums it up
jmfs
apparently it's the dude being talked about. follow the comment chain...
monkeyseamonkeydoo
indeed thats him... you can see the "grill cheese" tattoo on his stomach like i said and the original "40oz" tattoo on his shoulder hard 2 c
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he smashed a beer bottle on his head, great photo opportunity eh?
HotShower
I feel like I need to hang out with y'all in real life. This is absolutely amazing
szepasszony
I was wondering why you picked this particular picture. Then I saw the only other one that shows tattoos seems to be him on the toilet.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
jmfs
precisely
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he lives in cincinnati, but i can make that trip for this gold. no joke in the tattoo he is posing like captain morgan too!
SundanceKiddo
Hurry now.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
ChefHannibal
classy as fuck
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
hellobbq
Don't do this to us OP http://imgur.com/CTxEtTj
monkeyseamonkeydoo
im not OP, but im the guy with the friend lol, awaiting his response.... sorry!
hellobbq
I believe in you. Have a banana for energy
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
ThatBitchBetterHaveMyHoney
No need for a trip, You can send pictures from one electronic device to another by magic.
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
PlannedPizzahood
Thank you for having the best username ever. Fur sure.
ThatBitchBetterHaveMyHoney
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/H0NUE.gif
monkeyseamonkeydoo
even i disappoint myself sometimes.... this could have turned into a confession bear
gooblegobbleoneofus
Explain how
monkeyseamonkeydoo
http://imgur.com/2WRkznz
ItsFilthyFrankMotherFucker
I live in cincinnati!
burritobabe
Me too...
monkeyseamonkeydoo
you can look up grilled cheese cincinnati rap and one of their videos come up lol w/ sket broc
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he goes to local punk shows and has his own rap shows every now and then, follow him on facebook (grill cheese) - for science
burritobabe
Which local punk shows because I've never seen a dude with that tattoo posted above?
monkeyseamonkeydoo
he lives on the west side, is a white rapper, and goes by grilled cheese lol which he also has tattooed on his stomach
ImFamished
...He has a grilled cheese sandwich tattooed on his stomach?