Apocal43
309723
6835
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Anon jerks off in Afghanistan
an0malousSpacefucker
someone fucking NEEDS to draw a picture of the last one!
hoedoor
That fat guy one
MrBananaBeak
Oh god Melissa lol
maltbrew
'Drue' is the Danish word for 'grape' I like to think a grape watches anime and dates humans..
SugarSmack
Melissa has been holding that story in for a while! The details! My fav part is the story of the cucumbers last days on the earth.
SupereasyBoss
To quote sarge 'I've got a boner for war'
FroggyFae
Though it may seem dumb, the WoW story was during a time when getting 5,000 gold took MONTHS. It took her an hour and some sex. She's smart.
SockUnderARock
Bike guy is a true hero
eidam655
last one is priceless :D
AreYouMyMummy
I upvoted just for that last one!
ISeeWhatIDidThere
The Taliban sniper would have seen what he was doing through the scope. Sent a round anyway. Dayum.
Pawprintjj
I'm pretty sure pounding the pud is not allowed in (conservative) Islam.
EnigmaticSponge
Do they have no pride? Car bombs and IED's are one thing, but shooting at a man during his "personal time?" That's just sick.
pube
I would take the 450lb kid out back and spray him with a water hose and wash him with a sponge on a stick. Am I an asshole or a good friend?
eloquince
I admire the WoW girl. She doesn't sound the brightest (who can't get their own damn gold) but at least she knows what she wants and gets it
carbolicious
I always love the warcraft one because my husband's character is actually the one pictured. :P
2Grenades1Strax
TheWoodchuck
The last one, THAT is how I want enemies of the US to remember our troops! Psychos running into battle nude with RAGING hard-ons! Fear us...
scody15
"From now on, you're buying your own vegetables." Lost it.
JCrashB
Lost it at "and their dog ate it".
naughtydismutase
Ok daddy.
dittu
"..I apologized and took the cucumber out...", why not first take it out and then apologize? I imagine her apologizing with cucumber inside.
anybodywantapeanut2
Vagina goo. Jesus.
Khaaaaaaaaaaan
What did you lose exactly?
ATuningFork
That last one is literally incredible. Dude is a legend.
UH60Mechanic
There are people like that in my unit now, lolol
Venerus
I mean, if I was in his unit (heh unit) I'd assume he was jacking it to the fight... So hardcore/insane.
MaliciousCuntWithoutAReason
He's almost half as epic as Skippy.
SpaztasticTheDiabolical
"A gimp suit is not proper field attire, Skippy."
MaliciousCuntWithoutAReason
I would love to see a drama written about his posting, but with a fair few, to most of these added in.
8gigsofshark
And not the good kind!
CardinalXim
That last one is exactly how I'd want to be involved in a firefight, in the unlikely event of that ever occurring.
aleasincognito
fucking hell, some of the most cringe worthy stories I have read!
shanabanana
Melissa. Never forget.
notcheideile
Whydopeoplekeepcallingmethat
This needs more upvotes; alas I have but one to give, +1.
xxOmegaWolfxx
Also not adverse to the idea of groups\anal.
PepeSilviaPepeSilvia
it was so subtle until that point
GodLikeButHumble
BRB, reactivating account...
Chronomechanist
>> adverse ಠ_ಠ
Procrastin8her
If I had a stanky-ass 400+ lb friend, I'd buy him a loofah on a stick or some shit to help him not be stinky
vxjedi
I knew a kid that was that large. He had an extra large bathtub that he would take mineral baths in.
Granolaclusters
If I were that boys friend I would offer to help him get into a physical condition where he can clean himself and be healthy.
Procrastin8her
Well that too, but in the short term you could help them be less stinky. Hygiene is a little easier than physical health.
Granolaclusters
In the short term I'd probably give him a good hosing down in the back yard. Not that the shower wouldn't work, but hoses have more pressure
ImChrisHansen
You'd think if he was shitting and puking he'd be losing a lot of weight
Pawprintjj
A bidet attachment for the toilet and/or a shower head with a hose.
Slotherin
as someone who isn't over 400 but over 300... I really don't understand how he can't clean his ass?
Procrastin8her
Depends on how the fat is distributed, I guess. I'm in the 200s and mostly gut, so e.g. I can't touch my toes.
Slotherin
I'm mostly gut too and I can touch mine... that's flexibility though
GuessIdo
He should wash himself with a rag on a stick.
shadowex3
400+lbs dude needs a goddamn oak tree not a stick.
chastityhertz
Rag. Loofah is really scratchy though one of those would help too. Also have him clean the belly button daily and hose it out.
quatrekins
I feel like if that story were true, his friends would be too offended by the smell to play games beside him.
ihateyourhappiness
Knew a friend like that. You'd be amazed at the level of stank your brain can ignore.
AHornyRhino
"that's not what we buy those cucumbers for" i'm fucking dying
UnfinishedUserna
Can you even ?
jellybeansRAWOFCOURSE
there have only been two things on my near year spent on this site that have almost made me vomit. the dog eating the cucumber...shudder.
thirdcountrynational
That, my friends, is what you call a FREEDOM BONER!
NoYolo4Jesus
And the LT got some true-blue American liberty sauce!
EnigmaticSponge
If it was blue I think he might have another problem to worry about...
NoYolo4Jesus
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/true-blue
EnigmaticSponge
Goddamn it I was trying to be funny.
NoYolo4Jesus
Well I've done screwed that up for you. Take a +1
NormalNorman
USA! USA! USA!
nation543
FREEEEEEDOMMMMMMM
MForMancy
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/america-boner.gif
kungfuman
This needed to be in this thread.
JaceA
Why does someone know of a gif like that?
MForMancy
Many times have I seen it on here before. Not ashamed one bit.
IMadeAnAccountJustToWriteThis
Actually getting an erection during combat isn't unheard of. The adrenaline + the (non-sexual) arousal/excitement can fuck with your body.
Banalinguist
White from the jizz, red from the throbbing erection and blue balls?
happyflavours
that last story is pure gold
kJerAFK
http://youtu.be/tx1mryKqvT8?t=1m5s
WebDesignersPoop
War.. War never changes.
ExplodoJones
gotta love Field Artillery
TKBarbus
*4chan is pure gold
SpicedNipples
freedom makes you hard
malexmatt
I laughed so hard I gave myself a splitting headache.
funhelicopterfacts
As a 1LT deploying next week: D:
AnExpertInThisField
As an expert in this field, whip it out, cum on your CO while downing terrorists with your gun and raging boner. Congrats, general.
funhelicopterfacts
I was going to doubt your advice until I saw that you were, in fact, an expert in this field.
dropkicknanna
I would be proud to be the one telling that story
shadowex3
Out of all of these it's the most believable, I'd bet he's a marine too. I know a lot and every single one of them is a crazy motherfucker.
Reg06
Do Marines have batteries? Army artillery units are often called batteries.
Anrack
Marine artillery is essentially organized the same.
DrYoloMcSwagmasterIIIEsq
If they're arty then yeah, of course...
tytiger10
Yep! My raciest dad, my raciest granddad... That's pretty much, but they be crazy!
Peas63
they can't both be raciest. one is just racier.
faintpremonition
I bet you hear some lewd stories! Does your raciest granddad know your less racy granddad?
tytiger10
Yes to second part. To first part, my granddad has PTSD and avoids talk about Nam. My dad loves telling the story of him pissing into a cup.
faintpremonition
I'm concerned you don't know what raciest means.
Kidiri
"Guys... Does that American over there have a boner? Fuck this, man, I'm out, Americans are weird..."
omnipotentmonkey
"THEY ARE LITERALLY AROUSED BY BATTLE!! WE CANNOT WIN!!"
AeroWalrus
A true freedom boner.
apotatochip
We love combat so much it makes us hard
hadoeken
God has a hard-on for Marines
apotatochip
ahh FMJ. Very nice!
Konoton
Similar:
thegr8rambino
lol el jefe
EyeInTheDark
This man... I like him!
scabab
fantastic chuckle
AnarchistAbe
emperorcain
The sound effects and my imagination are making me giggle a lot.
Konoton
Lol, Nice one. The big one is actually a model used for training a whole classroom full of soldiers how to dissemble and clean an M1 Garand.
Mergul
He has a Mosin-Nagant and a bayonet. Glo-ri-ous.
chansuke
Never buy one without the bayonet. Just not worth it. I put mine on for giggles sometimes.
Mergul
As a Russian, I have a +2 class proficency with this weapon, and may use Flurry of Blows with my highest Base Attack Bonus with it.
GameKrazed
I got a boner for murder.
mastershake28
looked up Drue on facebook, all his cover photos are anime/manga girls. Drue doesn't give a fuck
domesticgodesssss
new gf looks like a cartoon https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202303829411348&set=a.1448645770364.2061742.1059799172&type=1&theater
MajorLeagueFister
Drue like what he like, ain't no bitch gonna hold him back.
mastershake28
Drue is a strong, independent black woman and he don't need no man
laroja
Quite true:
Ollygasm
*quite drue
MomijiInada
At first I'm all like: "He broke up with his GF over 2D chicks?!" Then I realized from the talk it looks like she threatened him and he...
MomijiInada
called her on risking a 3yr relationship over something so trivial. Dunno what to think about Drue.
Wolffkran
That he stuck to his guns and that's a good mentality to stick to.
LifeGivingPickles
I wonder why she made that threat in the first place. Even if it was a newly developed interest, so what?
GuyFrom2070
well if he would rather dump his girlfriend than delete some hentai i'm guessing it wasn't the best of relationships anyway.
ClinchClonch
It's probably more a point of his that she's possessive. I REALLY don't care if my long-term gf looks at naked cartoons.
StrongNuclearHorse
Stephanie and Drue got in a fight because of some bikini anime pictures? how could this relationship hold for 3 years?
LessThanHumbleScott
I don't understand Drue's preferences on that sort of thing, but I do like the way he responds.
22ndCenturyTransient
Eeyup. That seems like very possessive/jealous behavior on her part. I was cracking up from his response XD
SlightlyNormal
I can kinda understand it, if she makes a fuzz over such a thing.. But then again, for it to last 3 years..
Wadup
maybe it was the last straw
ladyleens
in other news... WHY is his name spelled "Drue"
kriositivity
I enjoy bikini anime girls as much as the next guy If my boyfriend was preoccupied with it I'd be like "why the fuck am I here? fleshlight?"
Wolffkran
anime = fleshlight apparently.
Apocal43
Obviously they weren't spent watching Chinese cartoons together.
JaXm
iunderstoodthatreference.gif
Renarde
PitchforkSalesperson
You did that on purpose didn't you.
JinxMagiga
[deleted]
[deleted]
StrongNuclearHorse
you have obviously never been in a good one.
[deleted]
[deleted]
StrongNuclearHorse
and you would make a scene because of some anime girls in bikinis on his pc?
[deleted]
[deleted]
HardlyHacking
and I'm still fucking single...
Dumbstatz
My boyfriends ex used to beat him when she found his hentai. For a long time in our relationship he was too scared to tell me :/
Wolffkran
Cuddle the shit out of him.
Dumbstatz
I try my best :3
SavageHonesty
I found Drue: https://www.facebook.com/Torxey/photos
captainfoxbutt
I don't see it. It must've been taken down.
PaigeTrail
Lulz...we all need to send him links for anime porn.
SavageHonesty
I like the way you operate.
CleverClara
He's in a new relationship. Hopefully she understands his anime girls
Messina
"New" since 2012.
chloramphenicolderivative
damn even the anime profile banners :P
RyantheBard
Am I the only one on Drue's side?
IPutAHexOnYou4c6f7665206d65
nope, even if it's straight up (legal) porn, Like,if he told me to discard my red lipstick cause 'inappropriate' i'd break up with him too.
ShadowXII
Nah, I'm with you - I'm envisioning this girl making a huge deal out of those pics, among other things, and Drue just being done with it.
twosummers
Dunno. She could be a harpy making a fuss, but he did dump a real person over fictional girls in bikinis. Feels like a shit relationship
ashketchumsleftnipple
humans are temporary, art is forever
Rev0lver0celot
Hell no, if your man/woman can get that mad about looking at skimpily clothed anime people, they're going to crack down on other shit too
spacedazee
I don't know the whole situation, but from what I do know, I'm on Drue's side.
XvPandavX
I'm on his side.My friend had a relationship start like this...It ended after he had told all of his nerdy collectibles.
XvPandavX
Sold** rawr
Pawprintjj
Told them what?
XvPandavX
Oh biscuits...
chloramphenicolderivative
Drue is danish for grapes.
stephron
I was fine with my bf having a poster of an actual woman in a bikini in his room and with his sister getting him another one for Christmas.
AnwenLiraen
Lollll they seem like a couple I know, and I often wonder the same thing.
TheThingNoNotThatOne
Rarely is the thing that actually causes a couple to break up the actual thing that caused the break up
ConfusedFlareon
Great wisdom, friend.