SadBrontosaurus
495142
14200
585
Sep 7, 2015 11:12 AM
SadBrontosaurus
495142
14200
585
Kaitou
I had this joke about a high wall. It's hilarious. I'm still trying to get over it.
partlysean
Before sex, the porn industry just sucked.
Erkhyan
“I DID NOT SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY, PRIVATE!” “THANK YOU, SERGEANT!”
LacyMeerkat
I see what you did there
BlackCross13
I see what you did there!
beradon
Glue
goodnitemush
You're still stuck on that one?
ninmonkey
I'm stuck to a lot... since the accident.
zackofspades
Will trade upvote for explanation on 'denial' joke...
Malkontent
Denial also means refusal to admit the truth or reality, basically you're refusing to admit the i in denial.
parker52
hm. thats what i thought, its just a bad joke, i guess.
ThatOneGuyWhoUpvotedThatOnePostThatOneTime
Denial: [n] 1. failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth, such as the fact that there is an "i" in denial
Govika
I read my wife these jokes. She said they need to use these in gulag's to get information
JohnnyCarson
The beard one should say "at first I didn't like my beard, but then it grew on me". Doesn't make sense when you say "my girlfriend didn't.."
SadBrontosaurus
She didn't like it, but it doesn't matter, because I'm the one it grew on. And it grew on me. I grew to like it.
SaggyPeanuts
Thank you. Just annoyed my wife, for half an hour.
Iamtheonewholurks
For me, sex in an elevator is wrong on about 1 or 2 levels.
Neptuneflyer
Can someone please explain the new year's joke?
SadBrontosaurus
I'm making my New Years Resolution now, 9 months after New Years. The resolution is to stop waiting so long.
szepasszony
I think it has to do with New Year's Eve being so far away. I don't get the magician/store one.
Neptuneflyer
I think it means he transformed into a store, instead of just walking into one, also a weak joke I guess.
irishfury
That one annoyed the piss out of me because the rest are puns and that one is just stupid.
SadBrontosaurus
Actually, they aren't all puns. There are many puns, many word-plays, many stupid jokes. None of these are supposed to be deep.
irishfury
You're right, of course. Most are puns. That one in particular seemed on a lower level than the rest.
jaygun
Commenting for when I have kids.
Sikea
If you read all of these in the voice of Mitch Hedberg they're way funnier.
Remne
Could you not.
ClownShoeSalesMan
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)
FuckingHellCarl
My exact reaction to any real life puns. Except none of my friends get it and think i'm tryna look kinky.
IAmNotASkeleton
(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง This is our town, SCRUB! (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง
ClownShoeSalesMan
Legit got locked out of my old account (._.)
IAmNotBillClinton
(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง "Yea! Beat it!"
AstralBeast808
Beat it? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
TestTubeButtSet
◥█̆◤ TOTEMIC MIGHT ◥█̆◤
ninjagaidensigma
BLOOD LUST ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻
IAmNotASkeleton
❅FROST❅SHOCK❅
suitupswarley
Ate the A*Teens having a foursome??
ninmonkey
A* (pronounced A-Star) is a well known pathfinding algorithm.
meowrissa24
Totally came to the comments just to see if anyone commented about the A*Teens
meowrissa24
Totally came to the comments just to see if anyone commented about the A*Teens
tacoprincess
I scrolled down to the comments just to see if anyone else noticed it was the A*Teens.
suitupswarley
I used to love them. I had so many posters all over my room.
goonitednations
same!! i was such a huge fan when i was little
suitupswarley
I was too!
aimzey4
I dont understand the no I in denial one!!
MotherFracker
He's in denial about the existence of the "i"... Oh, the hilarity. 0_O
miltyburger
Thanks! My 'friend' didn't understand that one either.
obarium
Favourited for use on Tinder... cause even my corny joke game is weak AF
WeAllLiveInAUserSubmarine
Remember kids, when chatting up a girl on Tinder, ask yourself, "is dis easy?" because if so, is diseasy.
OneOfTheseDaysImGoingToComeUpWithSomethingCleverButTodayIsNotIt
You're just not ready to procreate
sweatshopkids
Saying AF isn't going to get you anywhere
ninmonkey
At least it won't get them in my pants. Only ants get in my pants.
wombescapee
This virtual dad experience really captures the reality of having a dad.
jwan
Growing up, I honestly thought only MY dad cracked what I now know as dad jokes.Don't know if I'm thrilled or horrified to learn otherwise.
Naseth
I asked my waiter for a "neutered" sundae. As in "with no nuts". I nudged my wife and winked at her saying, "That was ballsy!"
mymomsaregay
Tell me about it.
halshing
Right in the Bruce Wayne... :*(
Leucienweaver
Right in the 'TYPICAL SUPERHERO TROPE' you mean.
ninmonkey
I read that as Bruce Willis.
McBook
Bullets...right in his parents
pingue
TOO SOON
McBook
HOW OLD IS THE FIRST MOVIE?
ninmonkey
The problem was the bullets were not too soon, but just right. If they were too soon we wouldn't have this dead problem.
pingue
Thanks, Cpt Obvious :D
LeCacty
How would you know?
SirCatstache
Jerome?
entorix
That's awesome! That means I can experience the fun of a dad even though mine left when I was 8! Hahahaha... ha.... haha.... ;n;
Lainncli
Come on, come here you bastard, gimme a hug... If you don't need it, I do because you've given me the fucking feels
whatispants
Mine died a couple of months before I was born. At least I didn't know him /:
entorix
I'm so sorry to hear that..
Dumbstatz
*hugs* :c
entorix
I'm not crying, you're crying!
swagmastayoloslaya
"Vaginal jokes aren't funny, period" because women tend to ovary-act.
MOTHERFUCKINGGODOFIMGUR
Stealing joke
Buckbeak1486
Take my +1, Sir!
swagmastayoloslaya
Fanks http://imgur.com/nHL9zZj
Buckbeak1486
Little kid is adorable! What movie was that?
swagmastayoloslaya
The Mask of Zorro with Antonio Banderas
Buckbeak1486
It's been forever since I've seen that! Lol
SoOddICantEven
I always heard #10 's punchline as you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
SadBrontosaurus
2/2 This way, your brain doesn't associate the joke with being over, so you're more likely to realize that glue was mentioned.
ninmonkey
Glue is sticky
SadBrontosaurus
Think about it this way: most people have heard that version. So when you hear "can't tuna fish" your mind says "Okay, that's over." 1/2
obizues
If you don't have a dad- you can read this and pretend you have one for a bit.
turbofang
I didn't have a dad, but I'm in training to be there for my kid, via these jokes.
ChubbyStyles
Good luck man
eggmuffin
"Oying"? I don't get it.
parker52
the problem is youre looking for something funny, and its not there.
eggmuffin
I get the joke now. I didn't at first, though, because I have good elocution.
applesapplesapples
Annoying
Cooverdam
And the Glue?
Splodgey
I knew you'd get stuck on that one.
ThatOneGuyWhoUpvotedThatOnePostThatOneTime
Just noticed that the hands in the background of the sign language one spell out "Fuck Me"
slagath0r
Let's teach it to people and say it's good morning or happy birthday
Therearetoomanyusernames
So evil. I like it! Lol
WarJesus420
You gotta flip em off, I told them it means peace among worlds. How hilarious is that?
snibblify
WarJesus420
Without context that would be the best "fuck you gif" ever. One guy excitedly flipping you off and the other like"DGAF Fuck you"
WarJesus420
However if you don't know the context you're missing out on something much better than that gif without context. R&M forever a hundred years
dissentery
Damnit beat me to it.
Therearetoomanyusernames
Dammit, I was gonna comment that. +1
ImCassandra
My sign language class finally came in "handy"
shakeyourbuddha
There's an H in the middle of nowhere.
ChubbyStyles
Thanks I giggled uncontrollably +1
supercalifrajelisticexpealidocious
came for the boobs. stayed for the dad jokes. +1
TheUpdootist
I for one think boobs would still be fun without nipples.
BrokeMyFunnyBone
Chest butt
WarJesus420
.....Yea they would. But without nipples they wouldn't have a "POINT" to them. As in they would just be round, without a "POINT" at the tip.
AsAnEverythingCanConfirm
That home flew waaay over your head
BrokeMyFunnyBone
That home
AsAnEverythingCanConfirm
I swear I was on mobile
PlayListless
MRW "Tap for 10 more" https://media3.giphy.com/media/PzgaO8pmTzq36/giphy.gif
liekifucrievytim
Too true, this site requires enough effort as it is!
thevoiceofdolphins
"Hi gur, I'm Dad!" - Dads, probably.
ridetheshoopuf
It is pronounced Image-er. (wait, I need to bring popcorn)
nrkst
People are going to steal this from you and repost it every chance they get.... but I will remember you.
jop1
gur is that you?
shitinacamaro
As a Dad I can confirm.You are correct sir.
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
He is correct? He should meet my son, disappointment.
Gnomleif76
Do I really have to take dis appointment? I'm busy.